Tag Archives: secession

  slaverygasm

The Year In Secession

Your Jack Stuef has now been an (often “the”) editor for over half of this year, so your affection for all previous editors should now be extinct, and he should be allowed to do year-in-review type things with the consent of the blog-governed. It has been a crazy year in politics (a.k.a. “a year”), so that has been nice for us, as usual, even if that’s not great for, say, mental health. Remember when Barack Obama stoled health care for all the youngs under age 26, for example? And then he became a Republican? And then he came back and passed a gay draft into our military for our gay wars, against the wishes of prominent assumed gays such as Lindsey Graham? Anyway, let us count down some of the important themes of this Great American Novel that was the 2010 shitshow. First up: secession and a return to the Confederacy! Never forget. Read more on The Year In Secession…
  make-your-own federalism

Cocky Virginia Now Disobeying Congressional Repeal of DADT

Virginia, fresh off the thrilling conservative victory of getting a Republican judge to rule part of Obamacare unconstitutional, is now looking to ban gays from the National Guard in its state, because playing around with secessionary tactics is the second greatest passion in the South. (#1 passion: the South.) Republican state Del. Bob Marshall is leading the charge on this legislation and very coincidentally is said to be interested in a run for U.S. Senate. “This policy will weaken military recruitment and retention, and will increase pressure for a military draft,” he said, images of sweaty gay penises dancing in his head. Hope your muskets are cleaned and ready to go, straight Virginia, because the federal government’s camouflaged agents may try to take back that bit of its military you just tried to cut loose. Read more on Cocky Virginia Now Disobeying Congressional Repeal of DADT…
  legislature of dunces

Secessionist Arkansas State Rep: Confed. Flag ‘Symbol of Jesus Christ’

Hey, you know what’s happening in the year 2010? A guy recently elected to the state legislature in Arkansas is the local chairman of a secessionist organization and says the flag of the Confederacy is “a symbol of Jesus Christ,” which is interesting, because other people would say that thing is a symbol that there’s not a Jesus Christ. Oh, but Republican Loy Mauch and his fellow cracker dweebs in The League of the South aren’t just waiting around until the Confederacy inevitably returns. They also seek to “personally secede from the corrupt and corrupting influence of post-Christian culture in America” by home-schooling their kids and starting “parallel institutions to which people can attach their loyalties.” Sounds like the kind of people you want running your state government. Read more on Secessionist Arkansas State Rep: Confed. Flag ‘Symbol of Jesus Christ’…
  is his name 'evil trig'?

Democrat Guy Doesn’t Know Name of Democrat Running For Alaska Senate Seat

So here is DNC communications director Brad Woodhouse on ABC’s Web show “Top Line,” not knowing the name of whatever lame dude the Democrats managed to scrape together to run against Teabag Arctic Fox Joe Miller, and so the NRSC is spreading this around to show how much cooler they are. “Democrats are the real extremists,” they say in the YouTube description. What? Democrats are basically MUSLIN TERRORISTS because they don’t know the name of their Alaska Senate nominee? But this may all be moot, and the generic Democrat may win, because Lisa Murkowski’s campaign is looking into an independent run to keep her seat, and thus VOTES MAY BE SPLIT. Read more on Democrat Guy Doesn’t Know Name of Democrat Running For Alaska Senate Seat…
  wamp wamp

One of Basil Marceaux’s Leading Opponents, Zach Wamp, Would Like To Secede Maybe

Congressman Zach Wamp is locked in a three-way battle for the Republican nomination for Tennessee governor (though it will ultimately go to a fourth candidate, Basil Marceaux), and so to give himself an edge he has resorted to the best talking point ever (after traffic-stop slavery emancipation), hinting that he maybe would like to secede from the Union. “I hope that the American people will go to the ballot box in 2010 and 2012 so that states are not forced to consider separation from this government,” he said. It would be such a pain in the neck to go through that whole secession thing again! ANNOYYYYYYYYYYING. Just vote, you lazy bums. Read more on One of Basil Marceaux’s Leading Opponents, Zach Wamp, Would Like To Secede Maybe…
  signs you may have gone too far

Even Rick Perry Freaked Out By Arizona Immigration Law

You know that your latest exercise in legislation is a little wacky when arch-nut Rick Perry refuses to endorse it. You might think that Perry would be totally down with the new Arizona effort to find and deport the swarthy folk, but it turns out that he refuses to take follow the lead of his fellow desert-dwellers! He has “concerns with portion of the law” and feels that it is “not the right direction for Texas”! What could be behind this liberal traitor talk? Read more on Even Rick Perry Freaked Out By Arizona Immigration Law…
  tuesday fun video

Middle-Aged Secessionist Lady From Texas Will Launch Bloody War For Her Freedom

The secessionist losers in Texas held a major rally (like 2 people) in front of the state Capitol this past weekend, but whither be leader Rick Perry and his 70 pretend-secessionist allies from the state legislature? Apparently they were all busy doing… let’s see… anything else. But the Texas Observer was there to cover the madness and met some interesting “Real Americans,” who at one point very patriotically shouted, “we hate the United States.” Read more on Middle-Aged Secessionist Lady From Texas Will Launch Bloody War For Her Freedom…
  we'll burn the new one too

Fiscally Disciplined Country Texas To Spend $11 Million In Obama Money Rebuilding Rick Perry’s House

The best thing to happen in all of Texas last year was when a few Democratic anarcho-syndicalists burned down Rick Perry’s governor’s mansion with a flaming bag of Barney Bush’s poop, maybe. But because the remaining outer shell of this hell castle is a Historical Texas outer shell — and Texas never cheaps out when it comes to honoring its proud history of slavery, violence, oil, and self-importance — the difficult, tedious renovation will cost TWENTY MILLION dollars. CONSIDERING THE COST, the Texas state legislature is now telling Perry that if he wants his dumb house, then $11 million of that sum will have to come out of the Obama Stimulus Package — the thing Perry pretended to hate so much that he vowed to secede over it in ~FY2011. Read more on Fiscally Disciplined Country Texas To Spend $11 Million In Obama Money Rebuilding Rick Perry’s House…
  no one cares

ANOTHER RECENT MAINSTREAM GOP FAD THAT ONLY EIGHT MONTHS AGO WAS CONSIDERED EXTREME FOR PAULTARDS: The Oklahoma legislature has followed in the footsteps of Texas and passed an important resolution declaring state sovereignty. Lovely. Go on now, don’t stop there, secede! Goodbye! See you in a few days, when the “American military” firebombs your capital! [Oklahoman] Read more on …
  real america

Secessionist Mule-Raping Georgia Governor Candidate Would Also Kill Own Son, For Liberty

Georgia gubernatorial candidate Neal Horsley, a.k.a. “The One,” wants to secede from America because of the liberals. This charming fellow made headlines a few years ago when he got into an argument with Alan Colmes, who simply couldn’t understand why Horsley would fuck the shit out of mules. (“Welcome to domestic life on the farm… If it’s warm and it’s damp and it vibrates, you might in fact have sex with it.”) And now, in an interview with Raw Story Dylan Otto Krider, Horsley says he would kill his son in a secessionist rebellion, because hey, WAR IS HELL (and also he almost killed him once before in a dumb argument, ha). Read more on Secessionist Mule-Raping Georgia Governor Candidate Would Also Kill Own Son, For Liberty…
  nation-state of idiots

Texas Probably Won’t Secede Any Time Soon

Despite Governor Rick Perry’s tuff talk, it appears that most Texans are inclined to remain United States citizens. Boo! A Rasmussen survey shows that a mere 18 percent of residents are willing to throw off the shackles of federal tax slavery and go it alone as a moderately sized First World nation sandwiched between the prosperous US and the feudal anarchist drug-state of Mexico. Oh well. [Rasmussen Reports] Read more on Texas Probably Won’t Secede Any Time Soon…
  a complete waste of time

Rick Perry Voices Support For Stupidest Thing Ever

Texas Gov. Rick Perry is such a badass, right, and he doesn’t like it when those incompetent fucktards in Washington start fucking around with his Texas fucking budget. Ever heard of the 10th Amendment, about how states are responsible for powers not granted to the federal government? Well go suck a dick, Obama, cause Rick Perry went out of his way today to support a non-binding House resolution that fucking says right there, right there on the first page, that the 10th Amendment is… just a really good Amendment, motherfuckers. He supports it. Rick Perry supports that fucking shit. Read more on Rick Perry Voices Support For Stupidest Thing Ever…
  important chain letters

Texans Want To Secede From Union, Name George W. Bush Their Texas President

Mysterious Wonkette Texas operative “The Doctor” (RP?) has forwarded us a delightful e-mail (s)he received this morning, probably from a great aunt or uncle, that thoroughly explains how Texas has the resources it needs to secede from the Union, which it should do immediately, “since B. Hussein Obama won the election.” Silly sheeple, only now they get it; the Paultards have been lobbying for this since January or August or whenever it was that Ron Paul stopped running. *FACEPALM* Read more on Texans Want To Secede From Union, Name George W. Bush Their Texas President…
 

Dire Paultards Consider ‘Sessession’ Options

In order to preserve the Constitution, Paultards this weekend considered the most Constitutional move available: seceding from the United States. It was Constitutional once, it will be Constitutional again. On Ron Paul War Room (the sleeker Ron Paul Forums), one hobbit explains the scenario as such: “I’m not saying we don’t continue to fight the bastards, but if their plan goes through, we need a place to go to fight them as one force.” Where will Paultardia form? Read more on Dire Paultards Consider ‘Sessession’ Options…