Tag Archives: secession

  worst galt ever

Go Galt In Detroit’s Centrally Planned Puerto Rico For Rich Jerks

Sitting in the middle of the Detroit River is Belle Isle, one of the nation’s finest urban public parks. It was designed by Frederick Law Olmsted of Central Park fame. Unfortunately, Belle Isle isn’t in the best condition right now because Detroit is super poor. There exists a perfectly reasonable plan to make Belle Isle a state park so Michigan taxpayers can fund maintenance of this beloved landmark in the state’s largest city, as they do for comparable parks across the state. Naturally, this will never happen because Detroit doesn’t end up like Detroit by accident. It takes a lot of incompetence and inaction. Read more on Go Galt In Detroit’s Centrally Planned Puerto Rico For Rich Jerks…
  jefferson grew hemp etc

Ron Paul Jabbers At Nation One Last Time: Let’s Break Up America, For Weed

Does Dr. Professor Congressman Ron Paul count as one of our “pantheon of fallen heroes”? No, because he has chosen to leave Congress voluntarily, which means that he is Undefeated, forever. The fact that he is using his God/Constitution-granted Liberty to walk away from Congress has probably gotten him thinking, though, thinking about how Liberty means you should be able to walk away from anything. You should even be able to walk away from America, if you are a state that hates Barack Obama … or one that loves weed. Oh, did we just blow your mind with that last one? Read more on Ron Paul Jabbers At Nation One Last Time: Let’s Break Up America, For Weed…
  love it or leave it

Alabama Fella Pretty Much Started Petition ‘Cause Fascist Gubmint Shut Down His Nudie Carwash

Lots of red-blooded US Merkins love America so much they want to LEAVE IT (because Kenyan Mooslim Sharia Oppression and such). But one such patriot is a little more interesting! Sup, guy who started Alabama’s secession petition Derrick Belcher, 45, of “Chuncula”? “Blah blah libertarianism, RON PAUL!!!1!, freedom, not-racist, hard-working, etc.” Oh yes, here it is: “It’s economics -– just that simple,” he said. “I’m working poor. And I work -– I’ve never taken a dime from the government. I’ll starve before I take a handout. That’s what being a true American is all about.” Belcher blamed the government for shutting down his former business. Belcher said his Euro Details car wash, which featured topless women, was successful for a decade on Halls Mill Road in Mobile. But he said he was arrested and charged with obscenity by city officials in 2001. “The government ripped my business away, and now they’re choking America to death with rules and regulations,” he said. Read more on Alabama Fella Pretty Much Started Petition ‘Cause Fascist Gubmint Shut Down His Nudie Carwash…
  click the thingie for freedom

American Patriots Send Mean E-Petitions Threatening Secession, Just Like Their Confederate Heroes Did

True Americans everywhere are finally wising up to the fact that they will live another four years under the rule of the Nobamanation, and that basically all hope for freedom is now lost. We remember long ago in this nation when a skinny liberal weirdo from Illinois got elected, and threatened to redistribute Real Americans’ wealth, by acknowledging that some of that wealth was actually human beings. And those Real Americans responded in the honorable fashion: by founding an entire republic based on the defense of slavery, and waging an insanely bloody war for four years in an attempt to defend it. And so in the year of our Lord 2012, similarly brave souls pledge their lives and sacred honors to fight against tighter regulation of the health insurance industry and moderate increases to marginal tax rates, by using the 2012 equivalent of charging headlong into a wave of Union bullets: adding their names a strongly worded petition on the White House’s website. Read more on American Patriots Send Mean E-Petitions Threatening Secession, Just Like Their Confederate Heroes Did…
  go ahead

Illinois Republicans Bravely Propose To Secede From Chicago

Two brave Illinois GOP state legislators are so sick of Chicago’s gays and liberals and their gay liberal mayor and its gay $532 billion economy and its gay St. Patrick’s Day Parade that they have finally just proposed the obvious: wall the damn place off, and let everyone else in Illinois form their own state. Chicago will get to keep everything that is currently located there, and the freedom-loving hillbillies will get to keep the other 16% of the state’s $630 billion economy and the state prisons. (PSSST, TAKE THE DEAL, CHICAGO.) Because, why not? Illinois is America’s “microcosm,” so what better place to finally give up on “America” as a place where competing viewpoints work to coexist and just hold this experiment already? Read more on Illinois Republicans Bravely Propose To Secede From Chicago…
  just build a wall around los angeles and be done with it

Southern California County Supervisor Decides It’s Time to Secede

“Divided we win” or whatever: Riverside County Supervisor Jeff Stone is tired of all of California’s terrible unsolvable debt problems, welfare queens, crappy public schools and those annoying “greenhouse gas regulations” keeping everyone in Los Angeles alive. So he proposes to partition California into Northern and Southern, with LA officially joining Northern California because of all its libruls and poors. Stone wants Riverside, San Diego and Orange County to break off and form their own SoCal state of angry white olds: Read more on Southern California County Supervisor Decides It’s Time to Secede…
  slaverygasm

The Year In Secession

Your Jack Stuef has now been an (often “the”) editor for over half of this year, so your affection for all previous editors should now be extinct, and he should be allowed to do year-in-review type things with the consent of the blog-governed. It has been a crazy year in politics (a.k.a. “a year”), so that has been nice for us, as usual, even if that’s not great for, say, mental health. Remember when Barack Obama stoled health care for all the youngs under age 26, for example? And then he became a Republican? And then he came back and passed a gay draft into our military for our gay wars, against the wishes of prominent assumed gays such as Lindsey Graham? Anyway, let us count down some of the important themes of this Great American Novel that was the 2010 shitshow. First up: secession and a return to the Confederacy! Never forget. Read more on The Year In Secession…
  make-your-own federalism

Cocky Virginia Now Disobeying Congressional Repeal of DADT

Virginia, fresh off the thrilling conservative victory of getting a Republican judge to rule part of Obamacare unconstitutional, is now looking to ban gays from the National Guard in its state, because playing around with secessionary tactics is the second greatest passion in the South. (#1 passion: the South.) Republican state Del. Bob Marshall is leading the charge on this legislation and very coincidentally is said to be interested in a run for U.S. Senate. “This policy will weaken military recruitment and retention, and will increase pressure for a military draft,” he said, images of sweaty gay penises dancing in his head. Hope your muskets are cleaned and ready to go, straight Virginia, because the federal government’s camouflaged agents may try to take back that bit of its military you just tried to cut loose. Read more on Cocky Virginia Now Disobeying Congressional Repeal of DADT…
  legislature of dunces

Secessionist Arkansas State Rep: Confed. Flag ‘Symbol of Jesus Christ’

Hey, you know what’s happening in the year 2010? A guy recently elected to the state legislature in Arkansas is the local chairman of a secessionist organization and says the flag of the Confederacy is “a symbol of Jesus Christ,” which is interesting, because other people would say that thing is a symbol that there’s not a Jesus Christ. Oh, but Republican Loy Mauch and his fellow cracker dweebs in The League of the South aren’t just waiting around until the Confederacy inevitably returns. They also seek to “personally secede from the corrupt and corrupting influence of post-Christian culture in America” by home-schooling their kids and starting “parallel institutions to which people can attach their loyalties.” Sounds like the kind of people you want running your state government. Read more on Secessionist Arkansas State Rep: Confed. Flag ‘Symbol of Jesus Christ’…
  is his name 'evil trig'?

Democrat Guy Doesn’t Know Name of Democrat Running For Alaska Senate Seat

So here is DNC communications director Brad Woodhouse on ABC’s Web show “Top Line,” not knowing the name of whatever lame dude the Democrats managed to scrape together to run against Teabag Arctic Fox Joe Miller, and so the NRSC is spreading this around to show how much cooler they are. “Democrats are the real extremists,” they say in the YouTube description. What? Democrats are basically MUSLIN TERRORISTS because they don’t know the name of their Alaska Senate nominee? But this may all be moot, and the generic Democrat may win, because Lisa Murkowski’s campaign is looking into an independent run to keep her seat, and thus VOTES MAY BE SPLIT. Read more on Democrat Guy Doesn’t Know Name of Democrat Running For Alaska Senate Seat…
  wamp wamp

One of Basil Marceaux’s Leading Opponents, Zach Wamp, Would Like To Secede Maybe

Congressman Zach Wamp is locked in a three-way battle for the Republican nomination for Tennessee governor (though it will ultimately go to a fourth candidate, Basil Marceaux), and so to give himself an edge he has resorted to the best talking point ever (after traffic-stop slavery emancipation), hinting that he maybe would like to secede from the Union. “I hope that the American people will go to the ballot box in 2010 and 2012 so that states are not forced to consider separation from this government,” he said. It would be such a pain in the neck to go through that whole secession thing again! ANNOYYYYYYYYYYING. Just vote, you lazy bums. Read more on One of Basil Marceaux’s Leading Opponents, Zach Wamp, Would Like To Secede Maybe…
  signs you may have gone too far

Even Rick Perry Freaked Out By Arizona Immigration Law

You know that your latest exercise in legislation is a little wacky when arch-nut Rick Perry refuses to endorse it. You might think that Perry would be totally down with the new Arizona effort to find and deport the swarthy folk, but it turns out that he refuses to take follow the lead of his fellow desert-dwellers! He has “concerns with portion of the law” and feels that it is “not the right direction for Texas”! What could be behind this liberal traitor talk? Read more on Even Rick Perry Freaked Out By Arizona Immigration Law…
  tuesday fun video

Middle-Aged Secessionist Lady From Texas Will Launch Bloody War For Her Freedom

The secessionist losers in Texas held a major rally (like 2 people) in front of the state Capitol this past weekend, but whither be leader Rick Perry and his 70 pretend-secessionist allies from the state legislature? Apparently they were all busy doing… let’s see… anything else. But the Texas Observer was there to cover the madness and met some interesting “Real Americans,” who at one point very patriotically shouted, “we hate the United States.” Read more on Middle-Aged Secessionist Lady From Texas Will Launch Bloody War For Her Freedom…
  we'll burn the new one too

Fiscally Disciplined Country Texas To Spend $11 Million In Obama Money Rebuilding Rick Perry’s House

The best thing to happen in all of Texas last year was when a few Democratic anarcho-syndicalists burned down Rick Perry’s governor’s mansion with a flaming bag of Barney Bush’s poop, maybe. But because the remaining outer shell of this hell castle is a Historical Texas outer shell — and Texas never cheaps out when it comes to honoring its proud history of slavery, violence, oil, and self-importance — the difficult, tedious renovation will cost TWENTY MILLION dollars. CONSIDERING THE COST, the Texas state legislature is now telling Perry that if he wants his dumb house, then $11 million of that sum will have to come out of the Obama Stimulus Package — the thing Perry pretended to hate so much that he vowed to secede over it in ~FY2011. Read more on Fiscally Disciplined Country Texas To Spend $11 Million In Obama Money Rebuilding Rick Perry’s House…
  no one cares

ANOTHER RECENT MAINSTREAM GOP FAD THAT ONLY EIGHT MONTHS AGO WAS CONSIDERED EXTREME FOR PAULTARDS: The Oklahoma legislature has followed in the footsteps of Texas and passed an important resolution declaring state sovereignty. Lovely. Go on now, don’t stop there, secede! Goodbye! See you in a few days, when the “American military” firebombs your capital! [Oklahoman] Read more on …
  real america

Secessionist Mule-Raping Georgia Governor Candidate Would Also Kill Own Son, For Liberty

Georgia gubernatorial candidate Neal Horsley, a.k.a. “The One,” wants to secede from America because of the liberals. This charming fellow made headlines a few years ago when he got into an argument with Alan Colmes, who simply couldn’t understand why Horsley would fuck the shit out of mules. (“Welcome to domestic life on the farm… If it’s warm and it’s damp and it vibrates, you might in fact have sex with it.”) And now, in an interview with Raw Story Dylan Otto Krider, Horsley says he would kill his son in a secessionist rebellion, because hey, WAR IS HELL (and also he almost killed him once before in a dumb argument, ha). Read more on Secessionist Mule-Raping Georgia Governor Candidate Would Also Kill Own Son, For Liberty…
  nation-state of idiots

Texas Probably Won’t Secede Any Time Soon

Despite Governor Rick Perry’s tuff talk, it appears that most Texans are inclined to remain United States citizens. Boo! A Rasmussen survey shows that a mere 18 percent of residents are willing to throw off the shackles of federal tax slavery and go it alone as a moderately sized First World nation sandwiched between the prosperous US and the feudal anarchist drug-state of Mexico. Oh well. [Rasmussen Reports] Read more on Texas Probably Won’t Secede Any Time Soon…
  a complete waste of time

Rick Perry Voices Support For Stupidest Thing Ever

Texas Gov. Rick Perry is such a badass, right, and he doesn’t like it when those incompetent fucktards in Washington start fucking around with his Texas fucking budget. Ever heard of the 10th Amendment, about how states are responsible for powers not granted to the federal government? Well go suck a dick, Obama, cause Rick Perry went out of his way today to support a non-binding House resolution that fucking says right there, right there on the first page, that the 10th Amendment is… just a really good Amendment, motherfuckers. He supports it. Rick Perry supports that fucking shit. Read more on Rick Perry Voices Support For Stupidest Thing Ever…
  important chain letters

Texans Want To Secede From Union, Name George W. Bush Their Texas President

Mysterious Wonkette Texas operative “The Doctor” (RP?) has forwarded us a delightful e-mail (s)he received this morning, probably from a great aunt or uncle, that thoroughly explains how Texas has the resources it needs to secede from the Union, which it should do immediately, “since B. Hussein Obama won the election.” Silly sheeple, only now they get it; the Paultards have been lobbying for this since January or August or whenever it was that Ron Paul stopped running. *FACEPALM* Read more on Texans Want To Secede From Union, Name George W. Bush Their Texas President…
 

Dire Paultards Consider ‘Sessession’ Options

In order to preserve the Constitution, Paultards this weekend considered the most Constitutional move available: seceding from the United States. It was Constitutional once, it will be Constitutional again. On Ron Paul War Room (the sleeker Ron Paul Forums), one hobbit explains the scenario as such: “I’m not saying we don’t continue to fight the bastards, but if their plan goes through, we need a place to go to fight them as one force.” Where will Paultardia form? Read more on Dire Paultards Consider ‘Sessession’ Options…