Tag Archives: secession

  the secret of my secession

Mississippi Senate Candidate Just Can’t Quit All These Neo-Confederates

Chris McDaniel is just a good ol’ Constitutional Conservative who has addressed a conference held by a neo-Confederate group that thinks secession would be a nifty idea. McDaniel, a state senator who’s pursuing a primary challenge to incumbent Sen. Thad Cochran, was prominently featured in last weekend’s New York Times story on the “GOP Civil War,” which didn’t mention his palling around with people who think the wrong side lost the actual Civil War. Cochran is now apparently some kind of liberal because he voted to keep the government running; McDaniel is looking forward to making that vote a central talking point against Cochran. True patriots don’t want a functioning federal government, after all. Read more on Mississippi Senate Candidate Just Can’t Quit All These Neo-Confederates…
  The Purple Prose of Texas

Texas Lt Gov Candidate Rejects Secession. Instead, Let’s Kick Out All The Liberal States.

You have to admire the creative thinking of Texas candidate for Lieutenant Governor Jerry Patterson. He doesn’t want Texas to secede from the United States; that’d be dumb. He loves Real America. Instead, how about we get rid of the states what Hate America? “I get lots of questions all the time, ‘Well, we should secede.’ I say, ‘No, I’ve got a better idea. Instead of secession, I’m a proponent of expulsion,’” he told the AP. “I want to kick about four states out of this union.” Specifically, that would be California, New York, Massachusetts and Connecticut, because who needs their liberalism and whatever piddling contribution to the GDP they represent? Also, we were not aware that this is the sort of thing that the Texas lieutenant governor has a say in, but apparently the way you become Texas’s Second Lady is to tell people about how you’d tackle stuff that the job has nothing to do with, like impeaching the Preznit. Read more on Texas Lt Gov Candidate Rejects Secession. Instead, Let’s Kick Out All The Liberal States….
  how to secede without really trying

League Of The South President Not Worried That Blacks Might Oppose Secession, Since They Won’t Be Allowed To Vote Anyway

Well it seems that our old frenemies in the neo-Confederate League of the South had their big protest to save Southern womanhood from immigrant blackamoors or whatever a week or so back — not surprisingly, it drew more counter-protesters than participants.* But they’re still looking forward to the inevitable success of their Lost Cause, because, you see, the Federal Gummint is proving that so-called constitutional democracy just plain doesn’t work. Heck, as League president Michael Hill tweeted just as the Great Big Government Shutdown was coming to an end, “If the Constitution could ‘save America,’ it would have done so long ago. Get real.” Excellent call, Mr. Hill! And he knows just the right approach to fix things: Southern secession, and going “back to the Articles of Confederation.” You know it’s a great way to run a government, because just look at the name, it has “Confederate” right in it! And now that America is clearly falling apart, it’s a terrific time to be a secessionist. Read more on League Of The South President Not Worried That Blacks Might Oppose Secession, Since They Won’t Be Allowed To Vote Anyway…
  the south's gonna write again

Sundays With The Christianists: Letters To Yr Humble Editor, Confederate Flag Envelope Edition

This week, a Very Special Episode of Sundays With the Christianists, with some special comments from admirers of this feature. Actually, we’re somewhat surprised that, in the year and some weeks we’ve been at this, we haven’t gotten more negative feedback — we appear not to have attracted the attention of the Jesusphere so far, which is occasionally a little disappointing. We’ll just have to try harder/more blasphemous-er. On the other hand, our recent posts on how Christian textbooks cover the Civil War have generated a couple of unhappy comments, which we’re delighted to share with you today. Our first comment comes from “Rebelbill,” who went to the trouble of including a confederate flag avatar on his account, just so we’d have no doubts about where he stands. In reply to our September 1 post, Rebelbill writes: I’ve never heard such a brainwashed crew of cultural marxists. Southern states had the Constitutional right to secede. Lincoln promised the South that he would enshrine slavery forever. No deal. Oh, this should be fun. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: Letters To Yr Humble Editor, Confederate Flag Envelope Edition…
  don't help because he's not acually being oppressed

Secession Is The New Orange, Which Is The New Black: Maryland Edition

Man, what is it with Republicans whining about not getting everything they want, up to and including a pony for their birthday and a tiara? It’s like the party has been taken over by a bunch of 4-year-olds who insist their tantrums be taken as serious arguments. Who are the latest group of pouty monkey-howlers? Take it away, Washington Post: [A] 49-year-old information technology consultant wants to apply the knife to Maryland’s five western counties. “The people are the sovereign,” says Scott Strzelczyk, leader of the fledgling Western Maryland Initiative, and the western sovereigns are fed up with Annapolis’s liberal majority, elected by the state’s other sovereigns. First off, props to the Post for the nice “state’s other sovereigns.” That was a nice bit of snark. Anyway, yet another group of rural Republicans are sick and tired of their liberty being infringed upon by… well, fellow citizens who vote in democratic elections for folks who then pass laws through an open and transparent process. Clearly, this is the height of TYRANNY!  Read more on Secession Is The New Orange, Which Is The New Black: Maryland Edition…
  sisks to be you

Sure, Might As Well Give Two U.S. Senators To Northern California County Too

The Siskiyou County Board of Supervisors voted 4-1 Tuesday to secede from California and to form a new state that would be called “Jefferson.” This is totally a thing that is going to happen, just like “Northern Colorado,” because Freedom and also tyrannical liberal elites in Sacramento and SoCal, and once they get some other counties in NorCal and Oregon to join them, there will be a Liberty Jubilee and maybe a hoedown, too. The Eureka Times-Standard reports, More than 100 people packed the supervisors’ chambers Tuesday for the discussion on whether the county should issue a declaration that it wants to secede from the state. Nearly all those in attendance appeared to be for the move and about a dozen spoke in support of it. “Many proposed laws are unconstitutional and deny us our God-given rights,” said Gabe Garrison of Happy Camp. “We need our own state so we can make laws that fit our way of life.” We would suggest that the first item on the agenda be a name change for that town, amirite? Read more on Sure, Might As Well Give Two U.S. Senators To Northern California County Too…
  fiddling while ken burns

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Homeschoolers In A House Divided

Break out the daguerreotypes and crank up the “Ashokan Farewell” (yes, we know it’s from 1982), because it’s time for some more Civil War in our Christian homeschooling textbooks. First off, a correction: Last week, we said that our 8th-grade text from A Beka, America: Land I Love, didn’t say anything about the causes of the Civil War. This is inaccurate! We simply missed the entire third of a page it devotes to the topic, because it comes at the end of the section, just before it jumps into Reconstruction. And where our other textbook, the 11th/12-grade United States History for Christian Schools (Bob Jones University Press), identified the central issue of the war as the question of whether “states that voluntarily joined the Union by ratifying the Constitution [could] voluntarily leave the Union,” Land I Love takes a broader view: While Southerners were outraged by what they considered an abuse of their states’ rights, many Northerners were grieved and angered by the practice of human bondage in their land. Thus both sides fought for values they held dear — the North for national unity and freedom for all men, and the South for states’ rights and the defense of their homes and families. And that’s about all the analysis the authors figure an eighth-grader can handle. On the other hand, they provide a full page on “Robert E. Lee: Great Christian General.” For this age group, you really have to emphasize the important factual stuff. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Homeschoolers In A House Divided…
  the south will writhe again

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Confederate Homeschoolers

Before we get started, a note on a personal milestone: Last week marked the one-year anniversary of this feature, which began with a look at an American Literature book for Christian students, where we learned that Mark Twain rebelled against God’s authority. Based on the amount of derp being thrown at the homeschooling market, we don’t expect to run out of material anytime soon. This week, the Civil War. And both of our textbooks actually do call it that, which is something of a relief (although our 11th/12th-grade text from Bob Jones University Press, United States History for Christian Schools (2001), uses the chapter heading “War Between the States.”) And neither textbook explicitly plays the “It wasn’t really about slavery at all” card, although they leave plenty of room for instructors to do so. Somewhat surprisingly, our 8th-grade America: Land I Love (A Beka Book, 1994), which usually does the most editorializing, is fairly quiet on the “why” of the Civil War, instead presenting a chronology of the events and debates leading up to the war, but leaving analysis up to the teachers or parents using the book. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Confederate Homeschoolers…
  worst galt ever

Go Galt In Detroit’s Centrally Planned Puerto Rico For Rich Jerks

Sitting in the middle of the Detroit River is Belle Isle, one of the nation’s finest urban public parks. It was designed by Frederick Law Olmsted of Central Park fame. Unfortunately, Belle Isle isn’t in the best condition right now because Detroit is super poor. There exists a perfectly reasonable plan to make Belle Isle a state park so Michigan taxpayers can fund maintenance of this beloved landmark in the state’s largest city, as they do for comparable parks across the state. Naturally, this will never happen because Detroit doesn’t end up like Detroit by accident. It takes a lot of incompetence and inaction. Read more on Go Galt In Detroit’s Centrally Planned Puerto Rico For Rich Jerks…
  jefferson grew hemp etc

Ron Paul Jabbers At Nation One Last Time: Let’s Break Up America, For Weed

Does Dr. Professor Congressman Ron Paul count as one of our “pantheon of fallen heroes”? No, because he has chosen to leave Congress voluntarily, which means that he is Undefeated, forever. The fact that he is using his God/Constitution-granted Liberty to walk away from Congress has probably gotten him thinking, though, thinking about how Liberty means you should be able to walk away from anything. You should even be able to walk away from America, if you are a state that hates Barack Obama … or one that loves weed. Oh, did we just blow your mind with that last one? Read more on Ron Paul Jabbers At Nation One Last Time: Let’s Break Up America, For Weed…
  love it or leave it

Alabama Fella Pretty Much Started Petition ‘Cause Fascist Gubmint Shut Down His Nudie Carwash

Lots of red-blooded US Merkins love America so much they want to LEAVE IT (because Kenyan Mooslim Sharia Oppression and such). But one such patriot is a little more interesting! Sup, guy who started Alabama’s secession petition Derrick Belcher, 45, of “Chuncula”? “Blah blah libertarianism, RON PAUL!!!1!, freedom, not-racist, hard-working, etc.” Oh yes, here it is: “It’s economics -– just that simple,” he said. “I’m working poor. And I work -– I’ve never taken a dime from the government. I’ll starve before I take a handout. That’s what being a true American is all about.” Belcher blamed the government for shutting down his former business. Belcher said his Euro Details car wash, which featured topless women, was successful for a decade on Halls Mill Road in Mobile. But he said he was arrested and charged with obscenity by city officials in 2001. “The government ripped my business away, and now they’re choking America to death with rules and regulations,” he said. Read more on Alabama Fella Pretty Much Started Petition ‘Cause Fascist Gubmint Shut Down His Nudie Carwash…
  click the thingie for freedom

American Patriots Send Mean E-Petitions Threatening Secession, Just Like Their Confederate Heroes Did

True Americans everywhere are finally wising up to the fact that they will live another four years under the rule of the Nobamanation, and that basically all hope for freedom is now lost. We remember long ago in this nation when a skinny liberal weirdo from Illinois got elected, and threatened to redistribute Real Americans’ wealth, by acknowledging that some of that wealth was actually human beings. And those Real Americans responded in the honorable fashion: by founding an entire republic based on the defense of slavery, and waging an insanely bloody war for four years in an attempt to defend it. And so in the year of our Lord 2012, similarly brave souls pledge their lives and sacred honors to fight against tighter regulation of the health insurance industry and moderate increases to marginal tax rates, by using the 2012 equivalent of charging headlong into a wave of Union bullets: adding their names a strongly worded petition on the White House’s website. Read more on American Patriots Send Mean E-Petitions Threatening Secession, Just Like Their Confederate Heroes Did…
  go ahead

Illinois Republicans Bravely Propose To Secede From Chicago

Two brave Illinois GOP state legislators are so sick of Chicago’s gays and liberals and their gay liberal mayor and its gay $532 billion economy and its gay St. Patrick’s Day Parade that they have finally just proposed the obvious: wall the damn place off, and let everyone else in Illinois form their own state. Chicago will get to keep everything that is currently located there, and the freedom-loving hillbillies will get to keep the other 16% of the state’s $630 billion economy and the state prisons. (PSSST, TAKE THE DEAL, CHICAGO.) Because, why not? Illinois is America’s “microcosm,” so what better place to finally give up on “America” as a place where competing viewpoints work to coexist and just hold this experiment already? Read more on Illinois Republicans Bravely Propose To Secede From Chicago…
  just build a wall around los angeles and be done with it

Southern California County Supervisor Decides It’s Time to Secede

“Divided we win” or whatever: Riverside County Supervisor Jeff Stone is tired of all of California’s terrible unsolvable debt problems, welfare queens, crappy public schools and those annoying “greenhouse gas regulations” keeping everyone in Los Angeles alive. So he proposes to partition California into Northern and Southern, with LA officially joining Northern California because of all its libruls and poors. Stone wants Riverside, San Diego and Orange County to break off and form their own SoCal state of angry white olds: Read more on Southern California County Supervisor Decides It’s Time to Secede…
  slaverygasm

The Year In Secession

Your Jack Stuef has now been an (often “the”) editor for over half of this year, so your affection for all previous editors should now be extinct, and he should be allowed to do year-in-review type things with the consent of the blog-governed. It has been a crazy year in politics (a.k.a. “a year”), so that has been nice for us, as usual, even if that’s not great for, say, mental health. Remember when Barack Obama stoled health care for all the youngs under age 26, for example? And then he became a Republican? And then he came back and passed a gay draft into our military for our gay wars, against the wishes of prominent assumed gays such as Lindsey Graham? Anyway, let us count down some of the important themes of this Great American Novel that was the 2010 shitshow. First up: secession and a return to the Confederacy! Never forget. Read more on The Year In Secession…
  make-your-own federalism

Cocky Virginia Now Disobeying Congressional Repeal of DADT

Virginia, fresh off the thrilling conservative victory of getting a Republican judge to rule part of Obamacare unconstitutional, is now looking to ban gays from the National Guard in its state, because playing around with secessionary tactics is the second greatest passion in the South. (#1 passion: the South.) Republican state Del. Bob Marshall is leading the charge on this legislation and very coincidentally is said to be interested in a run for U.S. Senate. “This policy will weaken military recruitment and retention, and will increase pressure for a military draft,” he said, images of sweaty gay penises dancing in his head. Hope your muskets are cleaned and ready to go, straight Virginia, because the federal government’s camouflaged agents may try to take back that bit of its military you just tried to cut loose. Read more on Cocky Virginia Now Disobeying Congressional Repeal of DADT…