Tag: sec

Trump To Africa: Give Us Your Blood Diamonds!

How are we screwing African children today?

Obamacare Only *Mostly* Dead! Wonkagenda For Fri., Feb. 3, 2017

Melon Trump's libel suit laughed out of court, Ivanka's pricy togs aren't selling, and Obamacare might not be dead, only *mostly* dead. Your morning news brief!

Russian Propaganda Saps, Impurifies Our Precious C-Span

C-SPAN's riveting and AMERICAN congressional coverage is compromised by Russian propaganda! Hold on to your tinfoil hats!

Paul Ryan Uses Doublespeak To Explain Obamacare Repeal. Wonkagenda for Friday, January 13, 2017

Paul Ryan thinks immigrants are double-plus good, Jason Chaffetz HATES the ethics, and the Women's March will be YUGE! Your morning news brief!
don't you dare make me come down there

Elizabeth Warren Will Rip Off SEC Chair’s Head, Sh*t Down Her Neck

Elizabeth Warren has had it with government agencies cozying up to the corporations they're support to regulate.
He seems the polar opposite of nice

Pharma Douchestick CEO Martin Shkreli Arrested For Being Giant Douche, Also Fraud

Martin Shkreli, the price-gouging douchebro CEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals whose name is so world-wide synonymous with "pharma douchebro" that everyone knows exactly who we're talking about, is in a spot of trouble with The Law. Oh no, how ever will we...
Maybe the demon sheep did it

Carly Fiorina Did GREAT Job With Hewlett-Packard. Too Bad It Was In Iran.

So here's a thing: You know how, on her first day in office, Carly Fiorina would call the Supreme Leader of Iran and tell him the nuke deal is off? If that happens (it won't), chances are good the...
Jamie Dimon, protector and defender of our financial system

Jamie Dimon Crying Platinum Tears That Banks Have To Pay Money For Breaking Laws

Between 2013 and 2014, JPMorgan Chase, a shadowy banking cabal, paid some $14 billion with a b in legal costs stemming from various criminal enterprises the company willfully engaged in to make money. So of course the bank's CEO,...

Wonksplainer! Congress Unveils Spending Bill That Will Probably Screw You Over Somehow

Hold on to your hats, gentlemen, and clutch your pearls, ladies, because House and Senate negotiators have come up with a … wait for it… COMPROMISE! After you pick you jaws up from the floor, we shall dig through...

Rush Limbaugh: Obama Reached Back In Time To Create Bad Economy Before He Even Took Office

So what is up with giant bloviating bag of gas Rush Limbaugh lately? Oh, just some painfully easy-to-mock made-up economic history wherein Clinton did bad things, Bamz caused bad things to happen BACKWARDS IN TIME just by being black,...

Here, Let Liz Warren Help You Enjoy The Rest of Your Day!

We wish that we could have a video like this one EVERY MORNING, that is how much it pleases us to watch Elizabeth Warren embarrass bank regulators in front of a live audience. She should take this show on...

A Children’s Treasury Of Things In New SEC Lawsuit That Are More Hilarious Than Its Sex Triangle

Oh goody, another day, another set of government officials involved in a sex scandal. Rolling Stone brings us the ewww tale of SEC Inspector General David Kotz (ALLEGEDLY) boning every lawyer (like this pretty lady) with business before the agency,...

By ‘Left Bain’ Mitt Romney Actually Meant ‘Continued To Run/Own 100% Of/Chair Bain For Years’

The Boston Globe has a fantastic story today about Mitt Romney, the local candidate. Romney has long claimed that he left Bain Capital in 1999, shortly before the firm unleashed a particularly sharp, blood-soaked assault on American jobs, to...

Goldman Sachs, The Bank, Will Be Put In Bank Jail

Were you all bummed out because the Goldman Sachs investigation was just this wimpy little civil suit from a bunch of bureaucrat nobodies at the SEC, whose only enforcement power is imposing tiny fines on impossibly rich people? Fear...

Financial Collapse Transvestite-Porn Scandal Finally the Biggest Story In America

The funniest scandal of the Great Depression 2008-201? was this SEC guy fapping furiously to a transvestite porn site at work while the Wall Street/America/Earth money scam was collapsing, in August 2008. In one three-week stretch, this unnamed Securities...

Orrin Hatch Suspicious Of This Socialist Lawsuit Against America’s Company, Goldman Sachs

Orrin Hatch, much like the single richest member of Congress, Rep. Darrell Issa, is concerned about this so-called "legal law suit of law" against the great company Goldman Sachs. Isn't it HMM SUSPICIOUS that the SEC filed this suit...