Tag Archives: sec

  mistakes were made

Jamie Dimon Crying Platinum Tears That Banks Have To Pay Money For Breaking Laws

Jamie Dimon, protector and defender of our financial system
Between 2013 and 2014, JPMorgan Chase, a shadowy banking cabal, paid some $14 billion with a b in legal costs stemming from various criminal enterprises the company willfully engaged in to make money. So of course the bank’s CEO, Jamie Dimon, took his lumps and was very humble and chastened, right? Wrong! Read more on Jamie Dimon Crying Platinum Tears That Banks Have To Pay Money For Breaking Laws…
  mo money mo problems

Wonksplainer! Congress Unveils Spending Bill That Will Probably Screw You Over Somehow

Hold on to your hats, gentlemen, and clutch your pearls, ladies, because House and Senate negotiators have come up with a … wait for it… COMPROMISE! After you pick you jaws up from the floor, we shall dig through all the nooks and crannies of this funding agreement, forged deep in the depths of Mt. Doom the Capitol Basement. There are tons of goodies in there, including a massive increase to embassy security spending because BENGHAZI BENGHAZI BENGHAZI. It was an increase of… let’s see… carry the 4… multiply by the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow… NEGATIVE $224 MILLION. Yep, sure am glad that 8,634 Congressional hearings into embassy security resulted in LESS funding for embassy security. Let’s wonksplore other nuggets found in the bill.  Read more on Wonksplainer! Congress Unveils Spending Bill That Will Probably Screw You Over Somehow…
  revisionist history is the best history

Rush Limbaugh: Obama Reached Back In Time To Create Bad Economy Before He Even Took Office

So what is up with giant bloviating bag of gas Rush Limbaugh lately? Oh, just some painfully easy-to-mock made-up economic history wherein Clinton did bad things, Bamz caused bad things to happen BACKWARDS IN TIME just by being black, and George W. Bush was a white knight that tried to fix it all with regulators, who are apparently cool under Republican regimes but not under Democratic ones. You know, same old. Read more on Rush Limbaugh: Obama Reached Back In Time To Create Bad Economy Before He Even Took Office…
  justice is blindsided

Here, Let Liz Warren Help You Enjoy The Rest of Your Day!

We wish that we could have a video like this one EVERY MORNING, that is how much it pleases us to watch Elizabeth Warren embarrass bank regulators in front of a live audience. She should take this show on the road because we are INTO IT! Of course, we use the term “regulators” figuratively, given that they can’t seem to regulate their asses with both hands, but Elizabeth Warren makes this point far better than we ever could which is why BIDEN/WARREN 2016! Or SANDERS/WARREN 2016! Or we could even be persuaded to back CLINTON/WARREN 2016! Or WARREN/BOOKER 2016! We’ll unreservedly and enthusiastically consider any of those options. Anyway, the video: Read more on Here, Let Liz Warren Help You Enjoy The Rest of Your Day!…
  blowvember

A Children’s Treasury Of Things In New SEC Lawsuit That Are More Hilarious Than Its Sex Triangle

Oh goody, another day, another set of government officials involved in a sex scandal. Rolling Stone brings us the ewww tale of SEC Inspector General David Kotz (ALLEGEDLY) boning every lawyer (like this pretty lady) with business before the agency, as well as his successor, Noelle Maloney, who then refused to meet with said lawyers because “DAVID WAS FUCKING THAT LADY!” Until we see pix, it’s no Broadwell-Kelley Tampa Tap-Out. So what else is in this 77 page whistleblower complaint, you might be wondering? Is it all seks and lies and intrigue? Well, sure there is some! But more hilarious are the accusations of gross malfeasance and incompetence, the likes of which (if true) may be egregious enough to compromise the functioning of Stock Exchange itself (to the degree that it functions right now, of course). No big deal though! Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Things In New SEC Lawsuit That Are More Hilarious Than Its Sex Triangle…
  arch emperor for life of all bains

By ‘Left Bain’ Mitt Romney Actually Meant ‘Continued To Run/Own 100% Of/Chair Bain For Years’

The Boston Globe has a fantastic story today about Mitt Romney, the local candidate. Romney has long claimed that he left Bain Capital in 1999, shortly before the firm unleashed a particularly sharp, blood-soaked assault on American jobs, to take up his new job as an Olympics Saver. And yet documents that Bain later filed with the SEC — and savvy cats know that you can tell those dopes anything — say that “he remained the firm’s ‘sole stockholder, chairman of the board, chief executive officer, and president'” for, oh, another three years. Were you aware of this, stockholders? Did you know about all of this papery play-governance going on behind your backs? No, you didn’t, because you didn’t exist, since Romney “still owned 100 percent of Bain Capital in 2002.” Read more on By ‘Left Bain’ Mitt Romney Actually Meant ‘Continued To Run/Own 100% Of/Chair Bain For Years’…
  it's morning in america

Goldman Sachs, The Bank, Will Be Put In Bank Jail

Were you all bummed out because the Goldman Sachs investigation was just this wimpy little civil suit from a bunch of bureaucrat nobodies at the SEC, whose only enforcement power is imposing tiny fines on impossibly rich people? Fear not! Now federal prosecutors are sniffing around this slimy cadre of villains. Soon there will be mass arrests, savage prosecutions, entire wings of federal penitentiaries given over to dozens of bankers, etc. Or not? Read more on Goldman Sachs, The Bank, Will Be Put In Bank Jail… Read more on Goldman Sachs, The Bank, Will Be Put In Bank Jail…
  porn derivatives

Financial Collapse Transvestite-Porn Scandal Finally the Biggest Story In America

The funniest scandal of the Great Depression 2008-201? was this SEC guy fapping furiously to a transvestite porn site at work while the Wall Street/America/Earth money scam was collapsing, in August 2008. In one three-week stretch, this unnamed Securities and Exchange Commission guy employed to police the nation’s financial system went to porno sites 1,880 times. Too much? Don’t judge! And now another 30 SEC employees — including senior officials earning up to $222,000 a year — have been investigated in this federal tranny-porn inquiry. How is this Chuck Grassley’s fault? Read more on Financial Collapse Transvestite-Porn Scandal Finally the Biggest Story In America…
  leave wall street alone!

Orrin Hatch Suspicious Of This Socialist Lawsuit Against America’s Company, Goldman Sachs

Orrin Hatch, much like the single richest member of Congress, Rep. Darrell Issa, is concerned about this so-called “legal law suit of law” against the great company Goldman Sachs. Isn’t it HMM SUSPICIOUS that the SEC filed this suit against a financial company’s terrible business practices just as the Senate is considering major legislation about financial companies’ terrible business practices? Is it quite possibly a junk lawsuit that’s release was cleverly timed, as part of the Democrats’ latest eccentric idea to extend a very modest sprinkling of the law to the sector that destroyed the entire global economic system semi-permanently a whole two years ago? Read more on Orrin Hatch Suspicious Of This Socialist Lawsuit Against America’s Company, Goldman Sachs…
  our flourishing economy

MASSIVE COMMUNISM: “Goldman Sachs, which emerged relatively unscathed from the financial crisis, was accused of securities fraud in a civil suit filed Friday by the Securities and Exchange Commission, which claims the bank created and sold a mortgage investment that was secretly devised to fail.” Silly SEC, you’re not allowed to do that. You all do want jobs at Goldman Sachs eventually, right? [NYT] Read more on …
  fap fap... no that's just nasty

In Rational News, SEC Employee May Have Masturbated 24/7 During Downfall Of Capitalism

Let’s scroll down the Google Reader for more post ideas… Alec Baldwin HuffPo thing… 100 more HuffPo things… government official/tranny porn something something… that real estate economics blog we never ended up reading… WAIT SCROLL BACK UP, the government/tranny thing, let’s post that! (Yes, your editor does indeed read his running monologue aloud while looking for stories.) Read more on In Rational News, SEC Employee May Have Masturbated 24/7 During Downfall Of Capitalism…
  daily briefing

Obama Is Meeting With So Many Foreigns, In America!

The teevee shows Mad Men and 30 Rock LITERALLY WON the Emmy Awards last night. [New York Times] President Obama will visit the UN for the first time next week, as will, presumably, some very excited sixth graders from North Jersey. Both will be avoiding Ahmadinejad and Gaddafi. [Times Online] Read more on Obama Is Meeting With So Many Foreigns, In America!…
  oh walnuts!

McCain’s Maverick Pick For SEC Boss Actually Caused Entire Financial Crisis

John McCain pissed off about a million Republican businessmen (and especially George Will) when he angrily pretended to fire Securities & Exchange Commission chairman Christopher Cox. Then the maverick idiot announced he wanted New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo — a famous Democrat who was even married to a Kennedy, once — to take over the SEC. Obviously, Cuomo directly caused the entire American economic collapse: “Andrew Cuomo, the youngest Housing and Urban Development secretary in history, made a series of decisions between 1997 and 2001 that gave birth to the country’s current crisis.” [Village Voice] Read more on McCain’s Maverick Pick For SEC Boss Actually Caused Entire Financial Crisis…
 

Daily Briefing: Let’s Go to the Tape

* Video shows Bush was warned about the potential for a levee breach, despite denials after the fact: “Was the president misinformed, misspoken or misleading?” [WP, USAT] * Louisiana Gov. Kathleen Blanco hesitantly told Bush that the levees were safe on the morning of Aug. 29th. [AP] * U.S. and India announce deal for nuclear cooperation, for energy and weapons; “new plan would allow India enough fissile material for as many as 50 weapons a year.” [WP, NYT, W$J] * Senate passes renewal of the Patriot Act by vote of 89 to 10. [NYT] * 54% disapprove of Bush‘s handling of the war on terrorism and 64% say the country is on the wrong track, according to LAT-Bloomberg poll; findings echo new Gallup poll. [LAT, Bloomberg, USAT] * Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-Calif.), chairman of the House Armed Services Committee,vows to stop Dubai port deal. [WP, W$J] Read more on Daily Briefing: Let’s Go to the Tape…
 

Daily Briefing: What Makes Miers Blush

• Judith Miller recalls June 23, 2003 conversation with “Scooter” Libby about Joseph Wilson during her last day of testimony in the leak investigation; contempt-of-court threat is lifted. Attorneys believe Patrick Fitzgerald “is looking into a broad conspiracy charge against a group of administration officials or into charging one or more officials with easier-to-prove crimes such as disclosing classified material, making false statements or perjury.” [WP, WSJ, NYT] • NBC/WSJ poll: 27% support Miers while 51% don’t know enough to venture an opinion; approval of Bush rests at 39% and only 28% of Americans believe the country is heading in the right direction — a ten year low. [WSJ] • SEC subpoenas Frist for personal documents related to sale of health care stock; he is expected to testify under oath. [WP, NYT, WSJ] • Bush defends use of religion to sell Miers: “[P]art of Harriet Miers‘s life is her religion.” Alberto Gonzales: “I believe that she is pro-life.” [WP, NYT, WT, USAT] • Democrats are hopeful about their political opportunities in 2006. Charlie Cook: “Right now, if I had to bet would the Democrats take the House and Senate back, I’d say no. But are the odds a heck of a lot better than they were three months ago or six months ago? Heck, yes.” [NYT] Read more on Daily Briefing: What Makes Miers Blush…