Tag Archives: sean hannity

  the smell of captions in the morning

Sean Hannity Prayed For A Mission, And For His Sins, They Gave Him One

Here’s Sean Hannity posing next to a machine gun on a Border Patrol boat on the Big River Rio Grande in Texas, or May-hee-co, or perhaps hundreds of miles up a river that snakes through the immigration war like a main circuit cable. But here he is, on the boat. “Never get out of the boat.” Absolutely goddamn right! Unless you were goin’ all the way… Rick Perry got off the boat. He split from the whole fuckin’ program. Read more on Sean Hannity Prayed For A Mission, And For His Sins, They Gave Him One…
  so much more polite than 'gash'

Sean Hannity & Mark Levin Share A Good Laugh About Genitalia-Americans — You know, ‘Women’

Sometimes people claim that conservatives don’t know what’s funny, but Sean Hannity knows what’s funny, like calling women “genitalia.” In an interview with frothing radio rodent Mark Levin, who defended the honor of ladies everywhere by telling Martin Bashir not to feed Sarah Palin a dookie, Hannity got some world-class giggles when Levin made a joke about the pointlessness of Republican outreach to “ethnic groups” and “genitalia.” To win, Levin said, the R’s need to return to their natural constituency of “Reagan Democrats, blue-collar Democrats” and to “stop chasing ethnic groups, stop chasing genitalia. Talk to the American people. Talk about liberty, opportunity. Explain to them that Obama’s wrong, and that we need to unleash the American people and unleash the economy.” By golly, if only Mitt Romney had tried to reach out more to white males, 2012 would have been in the bag, all right! Who needs the Genitalia when all the dicks are already in your electoral pocket, right? Read more on Sean Hannity & Mark Levin Share A Good Laugh About Genitalia-Americans — You know, ‘Women’…
  the longest cray-cray

What If Fox News Had Covered D-Day?

You guys, Fox News thinks that President Roosevelt screwed the pooch again. After yesterday’s amphibious landings in Normandy, the network grudgingly agreed that Allied troops had established a beachhead in France, but they were really not happy with how Our Boys pulled it off, insisting that the casualties were unacceptably high, speculating that “Two-Wheeler Delano” picked such a dangerous location for the invasion so that it would fail, and blaming Roosevelt for the invasion’s terrible planning, like the dropping of paratroopers dozens of miles off their target: “How would President Roosevelt face the parents of these brave fighting men who parachuted into flooded fields and drowned?” asked Sean Hannity. “Are the grieving families supposed to simply accept ‘cloud cover over the drop zone’ or ‘the planes were dodging flak’ as an excuse?” Hannity called for President Chairdaddy’s resignation, asking “why does anyone still trust this president, after his demonstrated failures in protecting Pearl Harbor? Or the Philippines?” Read more on What If Fox News Had Covered D-Day?…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart To Fox: Way To Welcome Home A Traveling Soldier (Video)

Jon Stewart was in fine form Monday with this segment on the not exactly unpredictable rightwing reaction to the release of Bowe Bergdahl. You’d think getting the last prisoner out of the hands of the Taliban would be a “Magnificent Wonderful Story,” but then the starting with the battle of clichés: “We don’t negotiate with terrorists” vs. “Never leave a man behind.” So, fine, it’s a Magnificent Wonderful Complicated Story. And no one has ever negotiated with terrorists, except for always: Read more on Jon Stewart To Fox: Way To Welcome Home A Traveling Soldier (Video)…
  vets gone to the dogs

Sarah Palin Pretty Sure V.A. Hospitals Death Panel The Troops While Illegal Aliens Get Golden Bedpans

Sarah Palin has given a lot of thought to this scandal at the Veterans Administration, and she has determined, with some help from Sean Hannity, that the best way to describe the V.A. hospital system is with a lie that she made up in 2009. At the “Republican Leadership Conference” in New Orleans Thursday, Hannity asked Palin, “Is the VA a death panel for many?” The audience roared its agreement, so you know it was a good question. You will never ever guess what Sister Sarah said to that! Do you think maybe she agreed? Let’s see what she said! Read more on Sarah Palin Pretty Sure V.A. Hospitals Death Panel The Troops While Illegal Aliens Get Golden Bedpans…
  A Quitter says what?

World’s Laziest Half-Term Governor Says Obama Killed All Those Vets Because He Is So Lazy, Also Too The Media

Oh em gee, you guys, the ghost thinker for Sarah Palin’s brain has informed her that she is SUPER empissened about the just discovered BREAKING news that America does not treat its veterans so good, actually. No, we are not talking about that time some uber Patriot-Americans booed an openly gay Iraq War veteran. Nor are we talking about the time wingnut Townhall essayist Kurt Schlichter told veterans to get a haircut and real job and stop being “couch-dwellers” and homeless bums “playing the vet card.” We are certainly not talking about the time Senate Republicans blocked legislation expanding benefits, including health care, for veterans. And obviously we are not even thinking about that one time that one president created an entire new generation of veterans by sending them off to fight a needless war based on a metric fuckton of lies and also because some has-been spider hole-hiding petty dictator once tried to kill his daddy. Read more on World’s Laziest Half-Term Governor Says Obama Killed All Those Vets Because He Is So Lazy, Also Too The Media…
  happy christmas racism is over

Sean Hannity: Why Can’t Michelle Obama Be Less Racist, Like Condoleezza Rice?

Well here is a “fun” video that MediaMatters has flagged for us! It begins with Terrible Michelle Obama and Terrible Eric Holder speaking about the 60th anniversary of Brown v. Board of Education. We are sorry to report this, but Holder claims there is still racism in this country, as if! And Obama doubles down with the total lie that schools attended primarily by children of color are not as good as rich white schools. How could that even be! Racism is over, everyone knows that! Luckily, Sean Hannity and his panel of total cocks (plus Deirdre Imus!) are here to set the record straight, and to wish that Michelle Obama would be a little less of a total hosebeast and a little more like Condoleezza Rice, and be grateful for the fact that she is allowed to eat at the Woolworth’s lunch counter as if she were an actual human being. Read more on Sean Hannity: Why Can’t Michelle Obama Be Less Racist, Like Condoleezza Rice?…
 

Marco Rubio A Climatologist And An Obstetrician Now, Will Tell You When Babby Is Formed

Human-shaped fecal matter Marco Rubio has been taking some heat the last couple of days over his weekend comments regarding climate change and how it’ll take a lot more than 99% of climate scientists saying it is happening to convince him that it is actually happening, and even if it is happening, we don’t know how much of it is attributable to human activity so why bother doing anything to possibly mitigate the effects? Since all the media outlets criticizing Rubio are liberal water carriers for Big Climate, grunting homunculus Sean Hannity interviewed the senator on the radio on Wednesday afternoon and gave him a chance to respond. It went well, if your definition of “well” includes “caused yr Wonkette to hit ourselves in the face with a Louisville Slugger until we passed out.” Rubio’s argument? Liberals are enormous hypocrites for claiming the science of climate change is settled while simultaneously denying that science has also settled that life begins at conception, because that undermines the case for abortion. Our response? GLARGHASLJXNIDFJDIJEW!!!!11!!!!!! Read more on Marco Rubio A Climatologist And An Obstetrician Now, Will Tell You When Babby Is Formed…
  a million ways to derp in the west

Maybe We Shouldn’t Brandish Guns At BLM Workers And Tell Them They Should Die

Back when the news was covering the militia yahoos flocking to Cliven Bundy’s ranch from all over America to defend the old coot’s right to mooch off the federal government like a common welfare queen, a few pundits were calling out Bundy’s enablers in the wingnut media for feeding the fire. With all those shootin’ irons brandished by people with barely the intelligence to know which end to point away from themselves when they pull the trigger, some felt it was irresponsible to lionize Bundy while getting the rubes riled up about the jackbooted federal thugs from the Bureau of Land Management trying to stomp out freedom. Now, the dispute between Western ranchers and federal land managers has been around for decades, even before the Sagebrush Rebellion, so it’s not as if this kind of crap is an unheard-of phenomenon. Still, one hopes the madness is not spreading. Read more on Maybe We Shouldn’t Brandish Guns At BLM Workers And Tell Them They Should Die…
  clipbait

Stephen Colbert Finally Gets To Bundy Story As It Goes South…And Picks Cotton (Video)

After Jon Stewart spent a good chunk of the week on the Cliven Bundy story (and feuding with Sean Hannity), it’s a little surprising to see that The Colbert Report didn’t touch it until Thursday, after the right’s new darling shared his thoughts on the negro. (Then again, both shows were on break last week.) Still, this gave Colbert the chance to nicely wrap everything up, from his faux-wingnut perspective. Sure, Cliven Bundy didn’t pay grazing fees for twenty years because he doesn’t recognize the U.S. Government, but that’s logically consistent, says Colbert: “OK, you can’t pay a government if it doesn’t exist. Especially not with the money that it issued.” Read more on Stephen Colbert Finally Gets To Bundy Story As It Goes South…And Picks Cotton (Video)…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Literally Eviscerates Sean Hannity, With Literal Viscera Everywhere (Video)

Jon Stewart clearly had entirely too much fun Tuesday replying to Sean Hannity’s pissy little tirade about Jon Stewart’s coverage of Hannity’s hypocritical coverage of the Bundy Ranch Freedom Cow Jamboree. Round three of the volley was just about everything you could want from a Daily Show segment. Read more on Jon Stewart Literally Eviscerates Sean Hannity, With Literal Viscera Everywhere (Video)…
  ode to joy

Oprah’s Ex-Stepmom Is Kind Of A Bitch, And Many Other Happy Nice Time Links!

So much happy! So little time! Sean Hannity SO MAD at Jon Stewart, SOOOO MAD! OPRAH’s ex-stepmom sounds like a real nice lady who calls her stepdaughter “ghetto,” laughs at her taste, calls her a lesbian, and then is : ( that Oprah won’t let her live in her mansion. Read more on Oprah’s Ex-Stepmom Is Kind Of A Bitch, And Many Other Happy Nice Time Links!…
  media circus

Sean Hannity Does Not Care For Jon Stewart’s Unseemly Criticism Of Sean Hannity

Professional Conservative Victim Sean Hannity shared his tears with the nation Tuesday night, carefully debunking Jon Stewart’s satirical commentary on Hannity’s coverage of the Great Cow Freedom Movement. You see, Jon Stewart is a “hack comedian” who is among the “chief apologists for the Obama administration.” In a prolonged rant and panel discussion that lasts a couple minutes longer than Stewart’s full segment on Bundy (of which four minutes were about Hannity), the Fox News host gets super-even with Stewart, conveniently editing out Stewart’s main point, which is that Cow Hero Cliven Bundy is exactly the kind of moocher who wants something for free, and who wants to pick and choose what laws to obey, that Sean Hannity usually likes to mock. The true takeaway, of course, says Hannity, is that John Stewart is “kind of obsessed” with Sean Hannity. Oh, Sean, we don’t know how to break it to you, but honey, Jon Stewart is obsessed with idiots in the media, and you are just one of many, dear. Read more on Sean Hannity Does Not Care For Jon Stewart’s Unseemly Criticism Of Sean Hannity…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Reviews Box Office Sensation Cliven Bundy’s ‘Apocalypse Cow’ (Video)

Jon Stewart is back from break, and not a moment too soon, because we’ve needed his sanity on the Great Nevada Cow Freedom Standoff of 2014. Or as Stewart calls it, “your standard boy has cow, boy breaks law for 20 years, boy loses cow story.” And then came the militia, and a clip of former Arizona Sheriff Richard Mack, the guy with the genius “show the women getting shot first” plan. Just in case there’s any doubt that the Daily Show staff read Yr Wonkette, an astonished Stewart can only say, “He seems nice.” Read more on Jon Stewart Reviews Box Office Sensation Cliven Bundy’s ‘Apocalypse Cow’ (Video)…
  very definitely having a cow

Let’s All Help This Sad Bundy Ranch Supporter I.D. The Jackbooted Thugs, And More In Our Bundy Ranch (Cattle) Roundup, Yeehaw!

The Great Big Freedom to Never Pay Grazing Fees Revolution continues to bubble right along, although the Bureau of Land Management released Cliven Bundy’s cheerfully-trespassing cattle and has backed off from its plans to seize them. Still, there are rumblings in the Wingnuttosphere that this is far from over, because for one thing Bundy still owes the $1 million in unpaid grazing fees (we’ll assume that includes penalties & interest?) and also because it’s just too good a story, so militia loons are continuing to stay at the Bundy ranch and make noises about how the Federal Government has just gone too far by insisting that people who run cattle on federal land actually need to pay for that. Tyranny! And patriotic citizens who can’t make it out to Nevada are also getting involved, like the sad online activist who tried to leave a comment here at yr mommyblog to promote his project to name & shame some jackbooted thugs, but discovered that Wonkette Does Not Allow Comments. And even though they had a really compelling message — “Help rat out Dirty Harry Reid’s minions! http://mercid.wordpress.com/ “ — we didn’t let them into the comments section, because we are liberal fascists. But we did look at their dumb blog, and it was so spectacularly bad that you need to see it. Read more on Let’s All Help This Sad Bundy Ranch Supporter I.D. The Jackbooted Thugs, And More In Our Bundy Ranch (Cattle) Roundup, Yeehaw!…
 

Rightwing Media Stroking Nevada Rancher’s Coming Standoff With Feds, Will Explode With Delight At Climax

If there’s anything the right loves, it’s Law & Order, because if you don’t respect the law, you’re a lawless criminal. Barack Obama, for instance, is a lawless renegade who thinks that the executive branch can make changes to how the Affordable Care Act is administered without asking permission from the Tea Party. And violators of immigration law all need to be deported — what part of “illegal alien” don’t you libs understand? And so it makes perfect sense that the rightwing media are calling for firm action in the case of a Nevada scofflaw who thinks the law doesn’t apply to him. Except that they are on the scofflaw’s side because in this case the scofflaw is a rancher named Cliven Bundy who says he doesn’t have to pay grazing fees or comply with a federal court order — which he’s been ignoring since 1998 — telling him to remove his cattle from federal land. In fact, they’re all but urging him to take an armed stand, agreeing with him that he’s in a fight against an out-of-control tyranny. Media Matters sums up the highlights of Bundy’s beef with the tyrants in the federal government: In 1993, Bundy began refusing to pay government fees required to allow his cattle to exploit public lands. In 1998, the government issued a court order telling Bundy to remove his cows from the land, as part of an effort to protect the endangered desert tortoise located there. And in July 2013, a federal court ordered Bundy to get his cattle off public land within 45 days or they would be confiscated. The confiscation began this month, and the cattle will be sold to pay off the $1 million in fees and trespassing fines Bundy owes. It’s got everything — a romantic hero rancher/business man, an irrational bureaucracy that wants him to pay to run cattle on his family’s ancestral grazing land (OK, it’s federally owned land, but shut up), a stupid useless endangered species endangering a man’s livelihood, and the threat of confiscation. No wonder the guy’s the greatest folk hero since Randy Weaver. Here’s hoping he doesn’t have a bunker. Read more on Rightwing Media Stroking Nevada Rancher’s Coming Standoff With Feds, Will Explode With Delight At Climax…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Mocks Sean Hannity’s ‘Shocking’ Expose of Spring Break Debauchery (Video)

Here’s Jon Stewart with the only reasonable response to the full week of coverage that Fox News’s Sean Hannity gave to the alleged horrors of Spring Break: “You will believe what they found, because you know” — drinking, sex, drinking, and sex. Still, you have to admit it takes some guts for Hannity to pretend that he has actually uncovered a shocking surprise, a mere decade after The Real Cancun made a few bucks for MTV. “Women take their tops off! … Drinking, drugs, risky behavior, sometimes with tragic results.” By golly, if one were of a cynical cast of mind, they might almost conclude that, as Stewart says, the entire 5-day exposé was “less of a news story and more of a reason to spend a week running wildly inappropriate T&A footage alongside pundits tssking said footage.” Read more on Jon Stewart Mocks Sean Hannity’s ‘Shocking’ Expose of Spring Break Debauchery (Video)…
  one cookie over the line

Sean Hannity Warns America Of Killer Weed Threat

Purity Hero Sean Hannity took to the radio airwaves Tuesday to alert America to this profound insight: marijuana will kill you dead! As proof, Hannity offers a genuinely sad story from Colorado, about the 19-year-old who jumped off a 4th-floor balcony after eating a friend’s marijuana cookie. The autopsy listed marijuana intoxication as a significant contributing factor in the death of 19-year-old Levi Thamba Pongi, a native of the Republic of Congo, who fell from a balcony. One of Hannity’s guests tried to point out that “significant contributing factor” is different from “sole cause,” but Hannity knew better: “In other words, he was stoned out of his mind!” Read more on Sean Hannity Warns America Of Killer Weed Threat…
  bang-banghazi

Allen West Explains How Crimea Made Obama Do The Fort Hood Shootings

See if you can follow the logic on this one, kids: On Fox’s Hannity Wednesday night, automated mobile grievance unit Allen West suggested that the Fort Hood shootings were the inevitable result of Barack Obama’s failure to recognize that America has international enemies. Now, by the time the program aired, it was pretty clear that Ivan Lopez wasn’t connected to any terrorist group, but why not drag terrorism into the equation anyway? “If your only tool is a hammer,” and you’re a tool yourself, etc. Hannity asked the disgraced former torturer if Fort Hood resulted from forgetting that there’s evil in this bad old world: Let me go to the big picture about combatting evil in our time and this goes back to “man-caused disasters, overseas contingency operations,” that Major Hasan was “workplace violence.” Have we gotten too far away from 9/11 that we don’t remember the impact of that day? We’re frankly rather surprised he didn’t shoehorn Benghazi in there, too. Read more on Allen West Explains How Crimea Made Obama Do The Fort Hood Shootings…
  into the valley of derp rode the grift monger

Sarah Palin Wishes Manly Vladimir Putin Could Be Our President Instead

America, it turns out that in addition to knowing the mind of Vladimir Putin so well that she can predict his next move and only be off by five or six years, Sarah Palin also thinks that the big Russian dictator is packing a real wallop in his pants. Especially when compared to the President of the United States, who is a wimpy little 97-pound weakling. Talking with fellow foreign policy wunderkind Sean Hannity on Fox Monday, Palin explained that it’ll take more than Barack Obama’s Low-T feminine wiles to contain that wonderful beast Putin: “Look, the perception of Obama, of him and his potency across the world is one of such weakness … People are looking at Putin as one who wrestles bears and drills for oil. They look at our president as one who wears mom jeans and equivocates and bloviates.” It is believed that, immediately following the interview, Lloyd’s of London declared the half-term governor’s panties to be a total loss. Read more on Sarah Palin Wishes Manly Vladimir Putin Could Be Our President Instead…