Tag Archives: sean hannity

  If you could just not

Rand Paul Suggests Black Lives Matter Focus On Other Lives Instead

Who understands race better than these guys? Noted race expert Rand Paul chatted with fellow race expert Sean Hannity the other night, and the senator from Kentucky had some terrific advice for Black Lives Matter, for which its leaders will no doubt be sending him an Edible Arrangement to express their gratitude. Sure, the movement has recently released its own platform, called “Campaign Zero,” detailing 10 policy solutions, none of which are “cut taxes” or “more dads and better morals.” So clearly, they’re in need of Rand’s expertise. Tell ’em how they can best achieve their goals of combating police violence in their communities, Senator: Read more on Rand Paul Suggests Black Lives Matter Focus On Other Lives Instead…
  ¡Dios Mío!

Mexico Rudely Refuses To Build Gold-Plated Border Fence For Donald Trump

Artistic rendering.
Artistic rendering, may not be to scale. Oh, southern Messican neighbor, why must you disappoint our Donald Trump so? First you send a new army of rapists to America to scare him EVERY DAMN DAY, and now you say you don’t have any plans to pay for a beautiful, classy border wall, and that’s unfair because Trump has been drawing plans for it on the backs of restaurant napkins and telling people about it for MONTHS. How could you do this to him, making him look stupid in front of the whole class? More stupid, we mean: Read more on Mexico Rudely Refuses To Build Gold-Plated Border Fence For Donald Trump…
  Case Settled

Megyn Kelly Joked About Her Husband’s Dick One Time, So Donald Trump Wins Forever

Loser You know how Fox News “journalist” Megyn Kelly was probably bleeding from her V-word, and that’s why she was such a B-word to Donald Trump during the Republican debate? (Or maybe not, and Donald Trump is a rude sexist sexismer. Or maybe Kelly is the real sexist and should apologize to Trump. Or maybe Jeb! Bush is the real sexist. Or maybe you are the real sexist, and also a Nazi. Any of these things are possible!) Read more on Megyn Kelly Joked About Her Husband’s Dick One Time, So Donald Trump Wins Forever…
  YOOOOOGE

Donald Trump Already President Of All You Overrated Losers

Donald Trump built a fence around the other candidates, and it was luxurious. So that “debate” thingie last night, you saw it, yes? Where nine of America’s biggest losers pulled out their gruesome dick junk and showed it to Fox News’s Megyn Kelly and Bret Baier on live television, but nobody was paying attention, because Donald Trump’s dick junk is the yooooogest and classiest and most beautiful dick junk in all of America, and also big rapey Mexico? Yes, that thing. So the overwhelming consensus, according to Donald Trump, is that Donald Trump built a fence around that fucking debate and made it his next wife, and if you don’t understand that, well, you probably are gay for Megyn Kelly, who is overrated and a loser: Read more on Donald Trump Already President Of All You Overrated Losers…
  Whatever keeps Hannity's viewers good and racist

Texas Says Sandra Bland Was Potted Up On Weed, Because That’s What Makes You Die

Yeah, marijuana use is clearly the important part of this story.
We’re still not sure how Sandra Bland died. The dashcam video told us fuck all, although whatever happened off camera sure did sound violent! The state of Texas is saying that, based on preliminary autopsy results, she hanged herself in her jail cell, but the family doesn’t accept that narrative and wants an independent autopsy done. The state says jail workers failed to check on Bland once every hour, as per policy, and that Waller County was unable to prove that its employees had the correct training to identify and handle inmates who may be mentally ill or suicidal. Moreover, there are inconsistencies with mental health documents, allegedly filled out at the jail by Bland, with one saying she had suffered suicidal thoughts, and another saying the exact opposite. How strange! Read more on Texas Says Sandra Bland Was Potted Up On Weed, Because That’s What Makes You Die…
  You're The Real Haters

Donald Trump Winning Because Plenty Of Republicans Like Loudmouthed Dickheads

Just put a Band-Aid on it, don't be so weak and unprofessional.
Donald Trump is at the very top of the latest Washington Post-ABC News poll, with 24 percent of Republican-leaning voters preferring the rubber-faced buttplug over the other primary candidates. His closest rivals, Scott Walker and Jeb! Bush, are virtually tied with 13 and 12 percent support (and a margin of error of 3 to 5 percentage points). And we know why this is. It is because Republican primary voters are A Idiot, as Sean Hannity astutely observed on his radio program Monday. Read more on Donald Trump Winning Because Plenty Of Republicans Like Loudmouthed Dickheads…
  Gag me with a tax cut

Scott Walker Says Minimum Wage Is ‘Lame,’ Poor People Grody To the Max

Or maybe some Foster Friess?
Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker wants the electorate to know that he’ll be the bestest president ever for workers, because unlike the dumb old Democrats, he refuses to give a shit about the minimum wage, which is barely worth even talking about. Why would anyone want a minimum wage job when they could be rich instead? This is only logical. Speaking with Sean Hannity on Fox shortly after his Great Big Announcement Monday, Walker explained that by gutting unions, he has given workers more choices, and is therefore the real friend of working Americans (just as long as they know their place). Read more on Scott Walker Says Minimum Wage Is ‘Lame,’ Poor People Grody To the Max…
  Geraldo too!

Killer Mike Doesn’t Hit His Wife, And Other Reasons Hip-Hop Is More Moral Than Bill O’Reilly

Kinda!
It’s a common trope, if you are a right-wing bigot: Racism doesn’t hurt black people, hippity-hop rap music hurts black people, what with its jiving and twerking and PULL THOSE PANTS UP, and BACK IN MY DAY! In recent months, Fox News white geniuses Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, Geraldo Rivera and so many others have all done their own cover versions of the same song. If rap music wasn’t oppressing our innocent black children, racism would be over and “reverse racism” would DEFINITELY be over. Read more on Killer Mike Doesn’t Hit His Wife, And Other Reasons Hip-Hop Is More Moral Than Bill O’Reilly…
  Bow down bitches

Use These 5 Black Hippity-Hop Songs To Oppress Sean Hannity’s Lily-White Ass

Sean Hannity knows these are the faces of the True Oppressors.
What is WRONG with Sean Hannity? No, we mean besides the obvious things like his incompletely formed sense of his own masculinity. Hannity had a MELTDOWN over the Confederate Flag on his radio show Wednesday. You see, if retailers are going to get rid of the Confederate flag, he is FINE WITH THAT, but fair’s fair, and they should also ban all that blackity-black music the kids like to twerk to. Right? Because if the Confederate flag is hurtful to black people because of its racist, murderous implications — thanks solely to confessed white supremacist murderer Dylann Roof and for no other reasons at all — then surely rappers who use the N-word in their music are hurting black people just as much as some dumb flag is, right? Read more on Use These 5 Black Hippity-Hop Songs To Oppress Sean Hannity’s Lily-White Ass…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Takes Summer Vacation, Leaves Fans Lonely, Confused

For two weeks running, Sarah Palin has not bothered to publish any new videos—and her subscribers have begun to take notice. In the Sarah Palin Channel’s comment sections, they speak to each other in the tones of people who just blew $20 on carnival games and didn’t even win a giant stuffed panda for Jenny Sue. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Takes Summer Vacation, Leaves Fans Lonely, Confused…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Vomits Pre-Digested Content Right Down Your Throathole

Yes, it's the same photo we used the first time. Get it?
In the last seven days, Sarah Palin has published only one video on her subscription-based Internet television failure service, and that one video was a straight pick-up of a post from March, when America’s hardest working half-term governor reminisced about how those “doggone reporters” almost ruined her family bus trip. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Vomits Pre-Digested Content Right Down Your Throathole…
  Um WHAT????

Sarah Palin Goes On Fox To Yell At Fox For Molesting Duggar Girls On Fox

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.comIs Sarah Palin on drugs? We don’t know, but maybe! We hear Alaska is a great place for scoring meth, to buy with your government hand-out checks from sweet drill-baby-drilled oil profits. And maybe those drugs have eated up the itsy bits of Palin’s brain? We’re just asking, with question marks, which makes it OK to say whatever we want. Read more on Sarah Palin Goes On Fox To Yell At Fox For Molesting Duggar Girls On Fox…
  with militias intent

Failed Congressional Candidate Planned To Kill Some Muslims As Love Offering To Sean Hannity

Those aren't crazy eyes at all, no sir
Let’s meet Robert Doggart, who ran last year as an independent for Tennessee’s 4th Congressional District (and lost rather badly, getting just 6.4 percent of the vote). But he’s not the sort of guy to just dabble in politics as a fringe candidate; he decided to face America’s problems head on, plotting to lead a militia attack on a Muslim community in New York, a bit of patriotic direct action that could get him five years in prison, which seems maybe a little light for planning an act of terrorism, but it’s not like he’s a jihadi or anything. Besides, we all know there are no rightwing terrorists. Read more on Failed Congressional Candidate Planned To Kill Some Muslims As Love Offering To Sean Hannity…
  UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Gavin McInnes: Stop Being Miserable, Ladies, And Be Housewives As God Intended

Ah, the good old days
There is this guy, Gavin McInnes, and he is terrible, so of course he is on Fox News, like, all the time. And on Thursday, he went on Sean Hannity’s teevee show to make Sean giggle so hard about how miserable women are because feminism won’t let them stay home and be glorified like in the good old days. What, you think we’re joking? We are not. Read more on Gavin McInnes: Stop Being Miserable, Ladies, And Be Housewives As God Intended…
  Now we know

Jeb ‘The Smart One’ Bush Determined To Prove He’s Just As Stupid As His Brother

Yes, he's that dumb
Jeb Bush has dreamed of being president since, oh, the last century. His dumb big brother got to skip ahead of him (UNFAIR, Dad), but now it is finally Jeb’s turn. So given his decades of dreaming and scheming and preparationing, you’d think he would know how to answer the most obvious question he will be asked during his not-yet-official campaign: Are you a fucking idiot just like your brother? Read more on Jeb ‘The Smart One’ Bush Determined To Prove He’s Just As Stupid As His Brother…