Tag Archives: scotus

  Only two things come from Texas

Idiot Texas County Clerk Lady Issues Declaration About How Good She Hates The Gays

hooray
Thank goodness brave Texas bigots haven’t been shuttled off to the rainbow FEMA camps, so they can save the Republic from the santorum-drenched sodomite hordes. Molly Criner, county clerk for Irion County, issued a DECLARATION OF OBEDIENCE TO LAW AND THE DEFENSE OF NATURAL MARRIAGE (her words), and before anyone even had the chance to say boo, the sterling fellows at Liberty Counsel stepped up to the plate to defend her rights to legally break the law. Aw, what a charming little political stunt. Sorry, I mean political stunt. Political stunt! Excuse me, I must have something caught in my throat. Read more on Idiot Texas County Clerk Lady Issues Declaration About How Good She Hates The Gays…
  Sloppy 50ths

Bobby Jindal Will Protect Straight Marriage The Bestest, He Can Be President Now? (Updated)

Bless his dumbass heart. Or fuck him in the ear. Whatever.
Gov. Bobby Jindal, you petulant little shit. You see, the Supreme Court spoke last week on the subject of marriage equality, and pretty much all the other states are in compliance, or on their way to getting around to doing that. Oh, there are some whiny-ass court clerks and probate judges with martyr complexes, stomping up and down about how they’re going to have to resign their jobs, due to EW GAY, because their dumb fucked-up version of Christianity compels them to put their families at financial risk over them goldurn homosexuals gettin’ hitched up proper. Read more on Bobby Jindal Will Protect Straight Marriage The Bestest, He Can Be President Now? (Updated)…
  Right in the ear pal

Dear Black Folks, Mike Huckabee Would Like To Be Your White Knight

Fuck this guy
Boy, do we owe Mike Huckabee an apology. While we have, in the past, subtly suggested that Mike Huckabee is a racist piece of fuck, it seems we were wrong. Huckabee loooooooooooves African-Americans and knows the troubles they’ve seen, and he is ready to stand up and fight for their right to not have their real struggles compared to the fake gay kind: Read more on Dear Black Folks, Mike Huckabee Would Like To Be Your White Knight…
  He's almost as good as Michele Bachmann

GOP Congresstwit So Sad SCOTUS Pissed On Graves Of Christian Civil War Heroes

He does history good
Wisconsin’s freshman Republican Rep. Glenn Grothman is fast becoming our favorite numb-nutted wingnut in the House. He’s the one who recently suggested the good people of his district spy on suspicious looking grocery store shoppers, just to make sure those fake welfare queens aren’t buying too many crab legs. He’d already created quite a name for himself as a state senator, with some neat ideas about getting rid of weekends and officially declaring single parents child abusers, and we expect great derptastic things from him during his congressional career. Read more on GOP Congresstwit So Sad SCOTUS Pissed On Graves Of Christian Civil War Heroes…
  More gay 9/11 coming apparently

Wingnut Terror Alert Level Raised To ‘Hey Gurl!’ After White House Gay Rainbow Display

Just gonna put this here one more time.
On Friday night, after the historic Supreme Court decision where Justice Anthony Kennedy destroyed all heterosexual marriages by letting gays in on the institution, the White House gave us ALL THE FEELS by turning rainbow-colored for the night. The display had been planned for months, which proves President Obama is in the tank for Big Homo, and it was A Good Thing. Indeed, President Obama called it “a moment worth savoring,” even though he had to watch it on teevee, due to presidents are not allowed to play outside after dark. Read more on Wingnut Terror Alert Level Raised To ‘Hey Gurl!’ After White House Gay Rainbow Display…
  Everyone is happy now

BREAKING: Majority Of Americans Like Taking Gay Obamacare Up The Butt

This is America now basically
In case you missed it because you were trapped under something heavy, the Supreme Court crammed healthcare AND marriage equality up and down all of our orifices last week. While you might be 69 kinds of butthurt about the uber-liberal judicial tyranny of some dumb lawyers in robes, your friends and neighbors and your mom and her friends and neighbors and their moms are quite thrilled: Read more on BREAKING: Majority Of Americans Like Taking Gay Obamacare Up The Butt…
  Just close your eyes and think of Jesus

Alabama Needs Time To Relax Sphincter For First Gay Marriaging

The threat is real.
Alabama has officially joined the bandwagon of Sore Losers who refuse to believe the War on Marriage Equality is over, and the bigots did not win. The state’s Supreme Court issued an order Monday, declaring that even though the United States Supreme Court already ruled on Obergefell v. Hodges, Alabama has not decided yet whether that ruling applies (spoiler: it does), so the case is NOT closed: Read more on Alabama Needs Time To Relax Sphincter For First Gay Marriaging…
  never give up never surrender

GOP Rep. To Supreme Court: If You Like Obamacare So Much, Why Don’t You Gay Marry It?

Future Republican Member of Congress
After the Supreme Court saved Obamacare, AGAIN, most Republicans were more or less content to stomp their feet, shake their tiny fists of fury, repeat their five-year-old warnings that expanded healthcare access will destroy America (any day now, you’ll see!), and have themselves a good cry. And we drank of their tears, and enjoyed them ever so. Read more on GOP Rep. To Supreme Court: If You Like Obamacare So Much, Why Don’t You Gay Marry It?…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Gay Marriage, Confederate Flags, And Bristol Palin’s Immaculate Conception! Your Weekly Top Ten.

She is such an impressive baby!
Hello, Wonkers, what a week we had! The Confederate flag died a timely death, Obamacare was saved AGAIN, and we now have the mandatory gay marriage the country has been craving for so long. Have you found your gay husband or wife yet? If not, you should find one in the comments, which are not allowed! Also, important update on Wonkette babby! As you can see above, she is now teaching math at the local university, isn’t that exciting? Read more on Gay Marriage, Confederate Flags, And Bristol Palin’s Immaculate Conception! Your Weekly Top Ten….
  Boo hoo

Supreme Court Losers Lose Their Sh*t Over Gay Marriage, And It’s Delightful

It's the end of the world! Except not
It turns out that not every single U.S. American is sexcitedly happy dancing because the Supreme Court confirmed that, per the Constitution, the Constitution is for everybody. Like, some of the justices on the Supreme Court (but not enough of them to matter, HAHAHAHA). Join us, as we read their word-weeping for their beloved institution of inequality, which is dead as fried chicken now, huzzah! Read more on Supreme Court Losers Lose Their Sh*t Over Gay Marriage, And It’s Delightful…
  Point and laugh some more

Wingnut Texas AG Has Hilarious, Beautiful Meltdown Over Gay Marriage

The schadenfreude is almost as fun as the equality.
You know how toddlers do sometimes when they skip their naps and the simplest perceived slight turns into a 30-minute-long RAGER of a screaming, crying temper tantrum? Well, that is what is happening to Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton right now, and it is beautiful. We’d say somebody should intervene, but we think we’re gonna have to just let him cry it out. He issued the following hysterical screed in response to Friday’s Supreme Court marriage equality ruling, because it just hurts so bad to be a fucking loser like Ken Paxton right now. Here are a few of the best quotes: Read more on Wingnut Texas AG Has Hilarious, Beautiful Meltdown Over Gay Marriage…
  He Probably Thought He Had Until Monday Too

Obama Hearts Gay Marriage, Hates God

Now he deserves the title.
Barry Bamz is pretty OK with the Supreme Court’s decision on marriage equality today, saying in a Rose Garden speech that it was “a victory for America.” We can get behind that. Read more on Obama Hearts Gay Marriage, Hates God…
  After we stopped crying we started giggling

Wingnuts Very Upset That Gay Jihadists Just Did 9/11 To America

HELP, JESUS!
When news broke that the Supreme Court had forcibly crammed gay marriage down the throatholes of every God-fearing American, our first instinct (AFTER CRYING) was go check Bryan Fischer’s Twitter-Twatter page. And he had said nothing! “WAKE UP, BRYAN FISCHER!,” we said to no one in particular, but apparently we successfully summoned the demon, because HOLY SHIT Y’ALL, he is having a meltdown of the most beautiful, epic proportions. Let’s point and laugh as Bryan Fischer explains how gay jihadists have just done a whole new 9/11 to America: Read more on Wingnuts Very Upset That Gay Jihadists Just Did 9/11 To America…
  WE WON!

Supreme Court Says We Are All Gay-Married Now, America F*ck Yeah!

Oh look, it's the gays, taking away Ben Shapiro's freedom.
We told you so, and we were right: The Fourteenth Amendment requires a State to license a marriage between two people of the same sex and to recognize a marriage between two people of the same sex when their marriage was lawfully licensed and performed out-of-State. It’s official. Five justices of the Supreme Court — and you can probably guess which ones — have, once and for all, crammed marriage equality down all of our throats, and we couldn’t be happier to open up and say “ahhhhhhhhhh.” Finally. Read more on Supreme Court Says We Are All Gay-Married Now, America F*ck Yeah!…