Tag Archives: scott walker

  The roundup to end all roundups

Which Republican Candidate Can Lick That Kentucky Clerk Lady’s Knob Best?

LINE UP, BOYS!
LINE UP, BOYS! Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis, she is the “it” topic in our political conversation right now! Is she a dumb hick lady who thinks her loving God will roast her in hell for all eterntity, on a pyre made of her own jumpers, for signing a gay marriage license? Yes! Is the Liberty Counsel using her as its pawn in a culture war it’s already lost? Ayup! Did she do so much adultery before she gave her heart to Jesus, it’ll make your head spin trying to figure out which husbands she was fuckin’ at any given time in her life or who her baby daddy is? Bingo! Despite all this, is she a great American religious freedom fighter hero? Some Republican presidential candidates sure think so! Read more on Which Republican Candidate Can Lick That Kentucky Clerk Lady’s Knob Best?…
  Sorry Canada

Canada Also Thinks Scott Walker Is A Idiot

Yeah we think he’s dumb too Fresh off his disgraceful appearance on “Meet the Press,” during which Gov. Scott Walker claimed discussions about the 14th Amendment are mere distraction from legitimate issues, like whether we should build a Mexican fence on the Canadian border, the United States of Canada has responded by saying that Scott Walker guy is one stupid fuck, eh? Christine Constantin, a spokeswoman for the Canadian Embassy in Washington DC, responded by rolling her eyes for about 13 hours, chortling, “Gag me with a hockey stick,” and finally explaining: Read more on Canada Also Thinks Scott Walker Is A Idiot…
  Here's a neat idea!

America About To Fall In Love With Scott Walker, Says Scott Walker

This will probably be news to you, America, but you are nanomilimicroseconds away from falling head over heels for Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker. True, you don’t love him now, and you’ve been liking him less and less all year, but that’s about to change. How do we know? Not because it says so on his hat, but because he said it, which pretty much makes it a fact. So, BOOM, ta da, and case closed. Read more on America About To Fall In Love With Scott Walker, Says Scott Walker…
  Cool position bro

Scott Walker Not Too Scared To Say All Muslims Are Bad

He’s just not very good at this Gov. Scott “Look at my big Reaganesque balls” Walker has been having a hell of a time trying to figure out where he fits on the Republican spectrum of hating brown American citizens. In the span of a week, he was against birthright citizenship, guaranteed in the 14th Amendment. Then he was “not taking a position,” and now he’s come around again, and he is definitely opposed to changing the Constitution, at least until lunchtime tomorrow, at which point, who even knows? Read more on Scott Walker Not Too Scared To Say All Muslims Are Bad…
  Questions are mean

Scott Walker Wants To Be President Without The Tricky Questions, Please And Thank You

Don't badger me for more details.
Oooh, that Scott Walker, he is so tough. He will bust those stupid unions and slash those stupid pensions right in the nuts, and then he will do the same thing to ISIS. That is how tough he is. Exactly like Reagan Sir Ronald, Patron Saint of Big Swingin’ Dicks. We are talkin’ BAD MUTHAFUCKA tough, all you all. Read more on Scott Walker Wants To Be President Without The Tricky Questions, Please And Thank You…
  And This Is The 'Moderate' One

King John Kasich Promises To Ban Whiny Teachers From Whining

Basically Tim Pawlenty with slightly more experience. Whatever happened to T-Paw anyway?
He’s like Tim Pawlenty without the charisma Ohio Gov. Tim Pawlenty took a little time Wednesday to remind the GOP primary electorate that, for all that “moderate” stuff they may have heard about him, he’s just as able to sound like a rightwing turd-mongler as any other Republican. For instance, he really hates unions, especially teachers’ unions, so that’s a terrific thing about John Kasich. See? Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker isn’t the only Get Tough On Teachers and Murder Public Education candidate in the race. Even if pundits keep slandering Kasich as “electable,” he still hates stuff that the base hates too, hooray. Read more on King John Kasich Promises To Ban Whiny Teachers From Whining…
  on wisconsin

Scott Walker Will Repeal And Replace Obamacare With Unicorns And Pixie Farts

Don't badger me for more details.
Scott Walker has a busy first day in the office penciled in for January of 2017. First he’s going to rip up the multilateral deal on Iran’s nuclear program and bomb those Persian Muslin ragheads back to the Pleistocene Era. Then he’s going to repeal and replace Obamacare with this little plan he revealed on Tuesday. And also, Inaugural balls! Read more on Scott Walker Will Repeal And Replace Obamacare With Unicorns And Pixie Farts…
  It's Trump All The Way Down

Republicans Want Trump, And If Not Him, Then Maybe Trump Would Do

Trump / Trump 2016!
Trump/Trump 2016! How much do Republican primary voters love Donald Trump? So much that he didn’t only lead the latest CNN/ORC poll, released Tuesday — the Walking Headcase also led the list of respondents’ second choice for president as well. Then again, maybe the results would be different if CNN were polling regular people instead of Orcs. (Elves and Wizards are definitely for Bernie Sanders, while the top response among Hobbits is “Can’t talk now, eating.”) Read more on Republicans Want Trump, And If Not Him, Then Maybe Trump Would Do…
  As Constitutional As They Wanna Be

GOP Candidates Take Knife To Messican-Loving Parts Of Constitution

Considering that's an 1861 flag, maybe we should let the little Timelord stay
Considering that’s an 1861 flag, maybe we should let the little Timelord stay You old folks may remember a time when it was actually controversial, back in 2010, when Iowa congressmelon Steve King wanted to trash the 14th Amendment and its guarantee of birthright citizenship, so Our Nation wouldn’t sink to the sea floor under the weight of all those “anchor babies” the illegals were having. Since then, though, a whole bunch of other Republicans have become quite open to throwing the 14th Amendment right out the Overton Window. You see, while some amendments are holy and can never be restricted — like the Second, which preserves all the others at the mere cost of 30,000 dead Americans annually — others have unintended consequences that simply can’t be tolerated, like how the 14th lets Messicans from all over Latin America come here and pop out a bunch of new citizens who have to be treated as if they had rights or something. Read more on GOP Candidates Take Knife To Messican-Loving Parts Of Constitution…
  Unfair!

Donald Trump Copied Scott Walker’s Immigration Homework, Says Scott Walker

As we already told you (sheesh, do you people EVER listen?), Donald Trump released his terrifically detailed immigration policy, and it’s terrific. And classy. And beautiful. And tremendous. And the most brilliant policy you ever did read. And in case you didn’t bother, it goes something like this: Read more on Donald Trump Copied Scott Walker’s Immigration Homework, Says Scott Walker…
  squeal for me baby

You (Probably) Won’t Have Sexy Daddy Rick Perry To Kick Around, Fap To

Stupid Fox News. Stupid RNC. Stupid everyone who didn’t support Rick Perry and made him debate at the kids’ table and now he is out of money and doubtless going to be the first to drop out of the presidential race because he is having to do mortifying things like “fly commercial” and who are we going to diddle our beans at now, beady-eyed ferret-dad Scott Walker? Rick Perry may be A Idiot, but he’s got a real purty mouth, and we like to look at it and think bad thoughts, STOP JUDGING ME YOU’RE THE ONE WHO GOT A BONE FOR AARON SCHOCK. Read more on You (Probably) Won’t Have Sexy Daddy Rick Perry To Kick Around, Fap To…
  This is not goddamned racial transcendence

Scott Walker Wishes Blacks Would Be Nicer About All This Racism Stuff

nope
Racial transcendence, how does IT work? Republican candidate and Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker attempted to explain it while campaigning in Spartanburg, South Carolina, but he is a Republican, so he did a real bad job. You see, according to Walker, we’re never going to have racial unity if we acknowledge that racial discord exists, and also, it would be nice if blacks would just be sweet and nice and forgiving when their folks get murdered, like they did in Charleston. Unlike those mean Ferguson people, who are probably playing the race card and reverse-racisting America right now. Did Walker say those exact words? Oh heavens no, but yr Wonkette is a very good Wingnut-To-English translator. Here is what exactly he said: Read more on Scott Walker Wishes Blacks Would Be Nicer About All This Racism Stuff…
  losers

Spoiler: None Of These GOP Jerkholes Are Going To Be President

Today’s Republican Party So there is a presidential election thingy, and it is a mere 15 months away, which means we all get to spend the next year(ish) talking all the words about it, hooray! We get to squint at a trillion polls, and read 10 trillion pixelated Hot Takes, and listen to eleventeen trillion “thoughts” sharted from the derp holes of television fat heads, hooray even more! We even get to spend 31 hours a day debating who gave the Koch brothers the best head, who is maybe heading to prison, who wore it best, who’s up, who’s down, and who the fuck is that on the debate stage? (Oh, it’s Jim Gilmore. Wait, who? Some guy, don’t worry about it.) Read more on Spoiler: None Of These GOP Jerkholes Are Going To Be President…