Tag Archives: scott walker

  Bernie Desire

Total Joke Bernie Sanders Draws Ten Thousand For Wisconsin Rally, LOL What A Joke

Screencaps of Bernie smiling are a bit difficult to find
Senator Bernie Sanders had a record crowd at a rally Wednesday in Madison, Wisconsin, drawing nearly 10,000 people to yet another packed event. It’s just the latest huge crowd for Sanders, who has been polling surprisingly well against Hillary Clinton in Iowa and in New Hampshire. We like Bernie so much that we’re even willing to put up with people yelling “Feel the Bern!” Maybe. We’re almost starting to think that all this Bernie enthusiasm is catching on — and for once, we’re looking forward to the Democratic primary debates. Read more on Total Joke Bernie Sanders Draws Ten Thousand For Wisconsin Rally, LOL What A Joke…
  You go first

Republicans Decide Time Has Come To Take Sorta Brave Stand Against Confederate Flag

Maybe it's problematic after all
Seems like only yesterday, Republicans were afraid to follow in the footsteps of Mitt Romney and tell South Carolina to take down its Confederate flag. Who’s to say the flag is hate, not heritage? (Everyone.) And now isn’t the right time for that discussion anyway. (Yes it is.) And South Carolina doesn’t need the rest of the country, especially not presidential candidates, telling it what to do. (Clearly, it does.) And, as South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham has said, the state’s compromise — to fly the flag and have a memorial for African Americans — works JUST FINE. (Uh huh.) Read more on Republicans Decide Time Has Come To Take Sorta Brave Stand Against Confederate Flag…
  Profiles In Cowardice

GOP Candidates On Confederate Flag Ranked, From Yellow To Romney

All the GOP candidates right now basically
You wouldn’t think calling for the removal of the Confederate flag from the grounds of South Carolina’s state capitol would be a difficult thing to do, especially for those who believe they are bold and brave enough to be this nation’s next president. We’re not in the habit of honoring our enemies by flying their flags or building memorials to their fallen, after all, so it stands to reason that state-sanctioned deference to the traitors who declared war on the United States would be easily recognized as, well, un-American. Read more on GOP Candidates On Confederate Flag Ranked, From Yellow To Romney…
  Meanwhile Hillary's measuring the drapes

Mitt Romney’s Summer Camp Teaches Republicans How To Lose Like Mitt Romney

We're laughing at you, not with you
Doesn’t this sound like a marvelous time? Sunning and funning and fancy horseback riding at a luxurious five-star lodge in Deer Valley, Utah, and learning how to not become president, from America’s foremost expert himself, Mitt Romney! Read more on Mitt Romney’s Summer Camp Teaches Republicans How To Lose Like Mitt Romney…
  God Gets Quite Irate

Wisconsin Abortion Bill Lets Sad Daddies Sue If Their Sacred Sperm Is Wasted

Yes, yes, he's from Texas, whatever. So sue for emotional damage.
Gosh, is there anything that could be more awful about Wisconsin’s new abortion bill? How about a provision giving men the right to sue doctors for “emotional and psychological distress” when their precious genetic material is cruelly aborted after 20 weeks? Yep, that’s pretty sucky. Wouldn’t it be enough just to give the guy a copy of the mandatory ultrasound, since those pictures are such joyous occasions? Read more on Wisconsin Abortion Bill Lets Sad Daddies Sue If Their Sacred Sperm Is Wasted…
  he knows what Kids These Days are into

Gov. Scott Walker: Ultrasounds Are So Hella Cool They Should Be MANDATORY

Knows what is cool and what is not cool.
Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker does not understand why you libtards do not like the nice anti-abortion bill he signed in 2013. Recently, a federal judge smacked part of it down, saying that requiring abortion doctors to have admitting privileges at a nearby hospital is “unconstitutional,” like as if. Walker told wingnut radio host Dana Loesch he doesn’t understand why everybody isn’t excited about a different part of his totally baller law, the part that forces ladies who want abortions to have ultrasounds and hear descriptions of the fetus. (It looks like a fetus!) Why? Because ultrasounds are totally cool, bro: Read more on Gov. Scott Walker: Ultrasounds Are So Hella Cool They Should Be MANDATORY…
  Wonkette makes photo gallery like Buzzfeed

Josh Duggar Touches GOP Presidential Candidates With Same Hands What Touched His Sisters

Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross.
Josh Duggar and the entire Duggar clan are Family Values People. They believe in things like Traditional Marriage and No Trannies In The Little Girls’ Room, because apparently that’s more dangerous than Josh Duggar In The Little Girls’ Room. The family’s record of open wingnuttery and anti-gay/anti-trans hate landed young Joshua a sweet position with the Family Research Council hate group, which is headed up by Tony Perkins, who started his career off by purchasing David Duke’s mailing list. Yes, THAT David Duke. Read more on Josh Duggar Touches GOP Presidential Candidates With Same Hands What Touched His Sisters…
  I see England I see France I can see Russia from my house

Scott Walker Will Be Best President Of America, Because He’s Been To Europe Like Twice

Less charisma than a sleeping basset hound, and nowhere near as cute.
Despite the fact that presidential candidate Carly Fiorina (R-LOL) has explained that going places on airplanes — like that know-nothing Hillary Clinton, who used to be Secretary of State — is not the same thing as actual foreign policy experience, her likely rival for the nomination, Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin (R-Zzzzzzz), apparently is not paying attention, because he told Bob Schieffer on Face The Nation that he will be so much better of a president than Hillary Clinton, because the places he went to on airplanes are nice, and the places Hillary Clinton went to on airplanes suckity suck, and are also Benghazi: Read more on Scott Walker Will Be Best President Of America, Because He’s Been To Europe Like Twice…
  You'll eat nothing and like it

Wisconsin Takes Lead In F*ck The Poors Sweepstakes: Now You Can’t Buy Beans And Rice

So you think you can eat
Wisconsin is one of those states that really hates poor people. (Yeah, we know. Just like the other 49.) The state’s Republicans are particularly obsessed with what poors eat, or don’t eat, or where they buy food to eat, or whether they’re really poor enough to deserve to eat, or how best to humiliate them for wanting to eat. So in addition to separate but “equal” grocery stores, drug-testing welfare recipients, and spying on your neighbors’ grocery carts to make sure they’re not using YOUR tax dollars to buy unnecessary luxuries like food, Wisconsin Republicans have some more terrific ideas they’re kicking around in Assembly Bill 177 to crack down on so-called “low-income individuals” and their fraudulent eating habits: Read more on Wisconsin Takes Lead In F*ck The Poors Sweepstakes: Now You Can’t Buy Beans And Rice…
  another reason he'll never be president

Paul Ryan Knows Real Problem With Welfare Is How Rich Those Poor People Get Off It

Paul Ryan, high as fuck
Republican Rep. Paul Ryan is the wonky boy genius of the House of Representatives, according to his colleagues and the voice in his head, because he wrote a “budget” one time to privatize Medicare, slash welfare benefits, and tell the poors to feed themselves with their own damned bootstraps, like Jesus said. Read more on Paul Ryan Knows Real Problem With Welfare Is How Rich Those Poor People Get Off It…
  I was just cleaning my "gun" and it went off

NRA Convention Is Jizz-Soaked Festival Of Guns, Fear, Hillary-Hate, More Jizz

Scenes from the hotel rooms at the convention, probably.
The 2015 NRA Convention concluded this weekend in Nashville, and despite the fact that attendees were not allowed to carry their guns every single place they wanted, even if they thought they saw an ISIS or a black person, the convention reportedly went off without a hitch! Or a safety! In fact, the convention seems to have gone off in the pants of many of the speakers and attendees, but in a good way! Let’s enjoy some jizz-soaked highlights, which are the natural product of what happens when so much gun-humping happens in one place. Read more on NRA Convention Is Jizz-Soaked Festival Of Guns, Fear, Hillary-Hate, More Jizz…
  New Research In Grievance Studies

Shocking Campus Exposé: Gay Mafia Cramming ‘Bi-Sexual’ Extra Credit Down Communication Class’s Throat

It's true: There is a manga illustration for just about everything.
Yet another story of academic liberals trampling all over basic decency and fairness today: Writing at Bradlee Dean’s Reblogatorium For Stuff That’s Too Stupid For Breitbart, Tim Brown shares a tale of gross discrimination against the straight community — and for that matter, against those who are exclusively gay: Read more on Shocking Campus Exposé: Gay Mafia Cramming ‘Bi-Sexual’ Extra Credit Down Communication Class’s Throat…
  Iran Deal To Include NPR Tote Bags

Obama Teaches Republicans Lesson On Presidenting For Dummies

President Obama took a break from his golf game and general tyranny-ing to discuss with NPR the deal to contain Iran’s nuclear power program so we could perhaps avoid bombing the crap out of Iran in World War Whatever. It’s a deal conservatives started condemning even before there actually was a deal, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t all agree (except for Bill O’Reilly, wtf?) it was a bad idea because war is so much easier, isn’t it? Read more on Obama Teaches Republicans Lesson On Presidenting For Dummies…
 

President Scott Walker Will Overwhelm ISIS With Sheer Weight Of His Flip Flops

flippin' ain't easy
Scott Walker, Wisconsin’s governor and yet another 2016 presidential hopeful, is once again groovin’ to the sweet sounds of the Immigration Metronome. According to the Wall Street Journal, while at a private dinner with a group of New Hampshire Republicans, Walker floated the possibility of a path to citizenship for illegal immigrants. If this is really the case, it could be a pretty bold move for a Comic Sans candidate who, as recently as this month, is on the record against “amnesty” in any form. Read more on President Scott Walker Will Overwhelm ISIS With Sheer Weight Of His Flip Flops…
  declar...(hic)...ations

Peggy Noonan Pub Crawls Through 2016 Field, Finds Gin, Contradictions, More Gin

Feel the excitement.
Spring was in the air and in her step. The long winter may have left the city’s streets with so many potholes they looked like Berlin in 1945, but the snow was melting, the homeless had cleared off the steam grates in search of cooler spots, and the warm air made New York once again smell like a landfill. After the longest winter of her years here, the city was coming back to life. Read more on Peggy Noonan Pub Crawls Through 2016 Field, Finds Gin, Contradictions, More Gin…
  my cheese castle for a caucus vote

Candidate Walker Touts Awesome Program That Governor Walker Wants To Cut

Step Up, ISIS
At last week’s Iowa Ag Summit, rumored presidential candidate and confirmed smarmy weathervane Scott Walker wowed Republicans with faux-sincerity and triangulated tales of the Heartland. Walker appealed to folks by trumpeting Wisconsin’s efforts to improve healthcare in remote areas. A true friend of Real America, Scott noted how he expanded medical treatment beyond home remedies such as Aunt Francine’s Giblet Poultice. Read more on Candidate Walker Touts Awesome Program That Governor Walker Wants To Cut…
  Here have some news n stuff

Republican Senator So Sick Of Everyone Saying Obamacare’s Doing Just GREAT, Actually

He laughs at their pain
It sure sucks having to hear about how President Obama’s dumb health care reform is doing swell, actually, huh? It’s covering more people than expected, it’s cheaper than expected, it’s saving the country more money than expected — and as long as you don’t tell people what it is (it is health care reform brought to you by a black president, shhhhhhhhhh), people actually quite like it! But don’t say that to Wyoming Sen. John Barrasso, because he doesn’t want to hear another word about it: Read more on Republican Senator So Sick Of Everyone Saying Obamacare’s Doing Just GREAT, Actually…
  Things Go Better With Koch

Scott Walker Signs ‘Right To Work’ Law So Wisconsin Can Have Fewer Rights At Work

Yes, it's 'shopped
Scott Walker signed a “Right To Work” bill into law Monday, ensuring that employees won’t have to submit to oppressive union membership, higher wages, safer workplaces, and job security anymore. Wisconsin is now the 25th state with a right-to-work with fewer rights at work law, and already the new jobs are simply flooding into Wisconsin: Read more on Scott Walker Signs ‘Right To Work’ Law So Wisconsin Can Have Fewer Rights At Work…
  One Strike You're Out

President Scott Walker Will Beat Foreign Enemies Just Like Reagan, By Firing Air Traffic Controllers

Hey, Walky, watch me pull foreign policy outta my ass!
Scott Walker was out proving his foreign policy expertise again this weekend, Wisconsplaining how not knowing diddly about those foreigns isn’t really all that important as long as you have the mental toughness to break a union or two. For instance, just look at what Walker said was Ronald Reagan’s greatest foreign-policy achievement: firing all the striking air traffic controllers in 1981. This is what sets Scott Walker apart from other Republicans. Where the average Republican would reflexively say tax cuts are the solution to every problem, Scott Walker boldly goes with union busting. Read more on President Scott Walker Will Beat Foreign Enemies Just Like Reagan, By Firing Air Traffic Controllers…
  He's Seen Some Things Man

Scott Walker Knows How To Beat ISIS: Slash Their Pension Benefits

ISIS is pretty much just a teacher's union with rocket propelled grenades, after all
In his speech to CPAC Thursday night, Scott Walker let America know that he’s ready to handle international relations without wasting any time on diplomacy, explaining how his experience in crushing public-employee unions makes him the perfect choice to take on international terrorism: Read more on Scott Walker Knows How To Beat ISIS: Slash Their Pension Benefits…