Tag Archives: scott walker

  He's Seen Some Things Man

Scott Walker Knows How To Beat ISIS: Slash Their Pension Benefits

ISIS is pretty much just a teacher's union with rocket propelled grenades, after all
In his speech to CPAC Thursday night, Scott Walker let America know that he’s ready to handle international relations without wasting any time on diplomacy, explaining how his experience in crushing public-employee unions makes him the perfect choice to take on international terrorism: Read more on Scott Walker Knows How To Beat ISIS: Slash Their Pension Benefits…
  if you see something say something

Congressloon Wants YOU (To Spy On Your Neighbors’ Shopping Carts)

Rep. Glenn Grothman (R-Terrible Person)
Newbie Republican Rep. Glenn Grothman is a real peach of a guy, and yes, by peach we mean a-hole. Since voters promoted him from the Wisconsin state Senate to the U.S. House of Representatives last November, he’s wasted little time proving he’s still the same old whackadoodle wingnut teabagger crazy guy he was back home. Read more on Congressloon Wants YOU (To Spy On Your Neighbors’ Shopping Carts)…
  Numbers don't lie

SHOCKING New Poll Shows Majority Of GOP Total Idiots

At least he spells good
Brace yourselves for some stunning, shocking, jaw-dropping, too-amazing-to-believe-yet-totally-believable news! According to a new poll from PPP, the Republican Party is overflowing with morons. It’s true. In fact, it’s SCIENCE! Or MATH! Or some kind of liberal hoax thing! Read more on SHOCKING New Poll Shows Majority Of GOP Total Idiots…
  A Personal Relationship With The Lord

Scott Walker Refuses To Provide Transcripts Of Conversations With Nonexistent God

Ayyyyyyyy, this guy!
And so it came to pass that the Freedom From Religion Foundation (FFRF) submitted a lulzy public records request to the office of Christianist Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker. What, FFRF asked, was the substance of the Governor’s conversations with one Jesus H. Christ, formerly of Nazareth? Read more on Scott Walker Refuses To Provide Transcripts Of Conversations With Nonexistent God…
  letter from moscow

Hello! I, Vladimir Putin, Am Preparing To Surrender Mother Russia To Scott Walker

Look closely at the fear in Vladimir's eyes.
Greetings of day to you, illiterate Western scum! I, Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, am happy to make speaking to you again here on Wonkette dot com! You have all recovered from watching of decadent movie award show, yes? Very political show this year, with talk of all the black men you have in prison and women you do not pay money to and such. Very embarrassing. At Russian Oscars, Mr. John Legend and Ms. Patricia Arquette would have been dragged out behind theater and been shot. Along with director who did not cut their microphones. Technicians who hooked up microphones. Cameramen who did not pan cameras away. Entire audience that applauded … you get picture. Read more on Hello! I, Vladimir Putin, Am Preparing To Surrender Mother Russia To Scott Walker…
  Stupid Punt

Scott Walker Not About To Admit Obama’s As Christian As He Is

Hey, what do I know?
Wisconsin governor and God’s Gift to Wonkette Scott Walker said this weekend that he didn’t know whether Barack Obama is a Christian, but he only said that as a matter of principle to make the media look stupid, he explained. And wow, did that ever work! Read more on Scott Walker Not About To Admit Obama’s As Christian As He Is…
  A Noun A Verb A Dogwhistle

Rudy Giuliani: Hey, Did You Ever Notice Obama’s Not One Of Us? If You Know What I Mean?

9-11! Also, the blacks!
Apparently tired of being associated with competent mayoring on 9/11 and then never shutting up about it, former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani seems determined to reframe his legacy. Why he’d decide that acting like the Second Coming of Lester Maddox is a bit of a mystery, though. At a private dinner for Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker Wednesday, Giuliani shared his suspicion that Barack Obama doesn’t really love America because he’s a weirdo foreigner. Giuliani was careful to note that he only pointed this out because he cares. Read more on Rudy Giuliani: Hey, Did You Ever Notice Obama’s Not One Of Us? If You Know What I Mean?…
  of course they call it a LIBERAL arts education

No One Cares About Candidates’ College Degrees, Wingnuts Upset Anyway Because It Is A Day

When your elitist liberal friend says he wants to get a college education.
Sweet merciful Yahweh, are we really going to have to spend the next year and a half debating the merits of a college education for presidential candidates? Apparently we are, if the recent hooting over Rand Paul and Scott Walker lacking bachelor’s degrees is any indication. Count us among the camp that thinks not having completed an undergraduate degree is irrelevant to one’s qualifications for the presidency. Our last president had degrees from two Ivy League schools, and he had the intellectual firepower of a mangled squirrel being grilled for supper on the engine block of a ’73 Matador. Read more on No One Cares About Candidates’ College Degrees, Wingnuts Upset Anyway Because It Is A Day…
  Great advice

Rush Limbaugh: Scott Walker Should Use Rape Jokes To Explain Quitting College

Always take this guy's advice
Is Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker one of those maybe presidential contenders for 2016 we’re supposed to take seriously? It’s so hard to tell. He certainly seems to think so. He’s been visiting the right states and giving the right speeches and raising the right money and hating on the right groups, like women and unions and students and voters. And Rush Limbaugh said on his radio show Thursday that Walker is “a real candidate,” which proves it, right? Read more on Rush Limbaugh: Scott Walker Should Use Rape Jokes To Explain Quitting College…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Jeb Bush’s Website Violates Everybody’s Privacy, Oops (Video)

Oh, those fabulous Bushes
Rachel Maddow loves the Bush family almost as much as we do. Especially their talent for putting their foot in it, as President George H.W. Bush did when he seemed amazed by a supermarket scanner during his 1992 reelection campaign. Supposedly, he was amazed not by the scanner itself, but by its advanced features, like being able to read torn labels, but mostly, she says, it just looked like he was unfamiliar with the “fundamental basics of peasant life, like how you pay for stuff at the store.” Read more on Morning Maddow: Jeb Bush’s Website Violates Everybody’s Privacy, Oops (Video)…
  Origin Of Sheeshes

Scott Walker Way Too Smart To Answer Whether Evolution Is A Thing

Hey, what do I know?
While visiting London “The one in England” England Wednesday, Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker was asked if he thinks the theory of evolution is true. Apparently unable to remember the Republican Magic Words “I’m not a scientist, man,” he instead replied “I’m going to punt on that one,” adding that an established scientific theory that’s taught in universities and high schools worldwide is “a question a politician shouldn’t be involved in one way or another.” Or maybe he just didn’t get that far at Marquette University before he dropped out of college. Read more on Scott Walker Way Too Smart To Answer Whether Evolution Is A Thing…
  someone's plugging the wrong (budget) hole

Scott Walker Dicking Over Everyone In Wisconsin, Will Definitely Run For President Now

Hey, what do I know?
Poop-brained sea monster Scott Walker would very much like to be president of the United States. It’s a heavy lift for a guy who has all the charisma and magnetism of a Styrofoam cup of barley soup left out on a table in a homeless shelter. Scott’s going to have to run on his record of being a total dick to much of the population of his home state of Wisconsin. This week he unveiled his latest state budget, and guess what? Mission accomplished, Scott. Read more on Scott Walker Dicking Over Everyone In Wisconsin, Will Definitely Run For President Now…
  butchers of the world unite!

Politico Wins The Morning With Some Henry Kissinger Knob-Gobbling

The 70s were so weird.
Withered garden gnome Henry Kissinger got himself a nice little write-up in Politico the other day. The thrust of the knob-swabbing was that even at his nursing home-appropriate age of 91, visits to his consulting office to kiss the old butcher’s ring remain de rigueur for any presidential candidate from either major party. Which is how you get the spectacle of such foreign policy savants as Scott Walker, Rick Perry, Marco Rubio and Chris Friggin’ Christie parading through Kissinger’s inner sanctum to toast him with a goblet of the freshly squeezed blood of orphaned Third World street urchins that keeps the Dark Lord’s atrophied heart beating. Read more on Politico Wins The Morning With Some Henry Kissinger Knob-Gobbling…
  Here have some news n stuff

Idiot Anti-Vaxxers Can’t Believe People Are So ‘Vicious’ About Them Being Idiots

Jut vaccinate your damned kids
Like it’s not bad enough that some trendy dumb parents are refusing to vaccinate their children, and helping to make all-but-extinct diseases like measles ALL THE RAGE. Because yeah, that’s bad enough. But now they’re complaining people who actually believe in science are being SO MEAN about it: Read more on Idiot Anti-Vaxxers Can’t Believe People Are So ‘Vicious’ About Them Being Idiots…
  It's the Derp-Derpiest Time Of The Year

Iowa Freedom Summit To Gather Most Of America’s Rightwing Idiots In One Place

Bachmann kept trying to get the Riddler into Conversion Therapy
Oh, dear lord, Iowa is going to be like a superdense mass of Dumb this weekend, as Rep. Steve King and Citizens United host the “Iowa Freedom Summit” — kind of a Moronic Convergence of rightwing political hacks all coming together to hang out with the man who proclaimed that DREAM Act kids were mostly “drug mules with thighs calves the size of cantaloupes” [how quickly we forget!] and who fretted about the president hosting a “deportable” at the State of the Union. Read more on Iowa Freedom Summit To Gather Most Of America’s Rightwing Idiots In One Place…
  there can be only one

Scott Walker Addresses People Of Iowa? New Hampshire? Wait. Wisconsin? Yeah, Wisconsin

Good evening, Des Moines!
It’s a new year, which means government executives all over the country are in the midst of self-congratulatory presentations of cherry-picked accomplishments and passive-aggressively reading lists of future demands. It’s mostly trite and zzzzzzzz but some of them are worth your attention. Well, our attention anyway. You should spend time with the people you love. Read more on Scott Walker Addresses People Of Iowa? New Hampshire? Wait. Wisconsin? Yeah, Wisconsin…
  The New Math

GOP’s New Math Will Cut Your Taxes And Bankrupt America, So Basically A Wash

Pic via 1Funny As the year draws to a close, we here in the Washington Bureau are grateful for many things. Because we are Americans, we are most grateful for our capital-F Freedom and its valiant defenders, not least the right-wing fiscal fringers of the coming 114th Congress. These brave budget warriors will liberate us from the tyranny of traditional government math, freeing us from the chains of logic and allowing our wildest fiscal fantasies to come true. Read more on GOP’s New Math Will Cut Your Taxes And Bankrupt America, So Basically A Wash…
  Menorah Tea Report

Rick Perry Thinks Jews Did The Boston Tea Party. Merry Passover, The Jews!

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, when Bible-humping politicians who can’t wait for baby Jesus to come back and murder all the sinners hope all their Jew friends have a very merry Jewish Christmas. It’s an ancient tradition that dates back at least to 2001, when George Dubya Bush — a big friend of the “Jews” who accept Jesus as their personal savior — thoughtfully observed, “I couldn’t imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah, or the joy of Christmas, or celebrating peace and hope.” Read more on Rick Perry Thinks Jews Did The Boston Tea Party. Merry Passover, The Jews!…
  Imperial Walker

Scott Walker Would Like All The Money For You To Pray With Him, Please

Hey, what do I know?
Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker got re-elected somehow — mandate of heaven, we guess — and he’s putting together plans for a big inaugural hootenanny. Now, in years past, inaugural events in Wisconsin used to also double as fundraisers for charities, like Boys and Girls Clubs or other worthy causes. But that was merely a tradition, and an apparently outmoded one, so with his 2011 inauguration, Walker turned the admission fees for inaugural events into a Scott Walker/Republican Party of Wisconsin fundraiser, which raised quite a bit of campaign cash and not a few eyebrows. So it shouldn’t be too much of a surprise that for 2015, he’s doing the same thing, raising money for a great Wisconsin charity: Scott Walker. Tell us more, Saul Newton of One Wisconsin Now: Read more on Scott Walker Would Like All The Money For You To Pray With Him, Please…
  Oy Gefilte!

Scott Walker Wished Jewish Friends A Merry Jewish Christmas And An Incendiary New Year

And then the kids spin the grenadel
Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker is definitely giving some serious thought to running for president — like, more serious thought than Donald Trump, even — and to do that, he’s going to have to prove that he is a friend of Israel and of The Jews. Not necessarily a friend to the majority of American Jews, who foolishly keep supporting Democrats, despite Ben Shapiro yelling at them, but he needs to at least prove that he’s worthy of some Sheldon Adelson money. And so he makes the appropriate gestures of love for Israel, which is both a great beacon of democracy and a necessary prop that will be needed to bring about the End Times. He even made a point of goysplaining, at a Las Vegas Adelsonfest, that he named his son Matthew, which is Hebrew for “gift from God,” and that he celebrates the Birth of Our Saviour Jesus Christ with both Christmas lights and “a menorah candle.” See, he’s trying real hard! Unfortunately, not every attempt to be hip and fit in works so well, as we are reminded by Madison’s Capital Times. As part of a document dump from last year’s “John Doe” investigations of Walker’s administration, the group One Wisconsin found an amusing artifact from Walker’s pre-governor days, when he was Milwaukee County executive. Franklyn Gimbel, an attorney from Milwaukee, had written about setting up a Chanukah display at the Milwaukee County Courthouse, and Walker enthusiastically replied: Read more on Scott Walker Wished Jewish Friends A Merry Jewish Christmas And An Incendiary New Year…