Tag Archives: scott walker

 

President Scott Walker Will Overwhelm ISIS With Sheer Weight Of His Flip Flops

flippin' ain't easy
Scott Walker, Wisconsin’s governor and yet another 2016 presidential hopeful, is once again groovin’ to the sweet sounds of the Immigration Metronome. According to the Wall Street Journal, while at a private dinner with a group of New Hampshire Republicans, Walker floated the possibility of a path to citizenship for illegal immigrants. If this is really the case, it could be a pretty bold move for a Comic Sans candidate who, as recently as this month, is on the record against “amnesty” in any form. Read more on President Scott Walker Will Overwhelm ISIS With Sheer Weight Of His Flip Flops…
  declar...(hic)...ations

Peggy Noonan Pub Crawls Through 2016 Field, Finds Gin, Contradictions, More Gin

Feel the excitement.
Spring was in the air and in her step. The long winter may have left the city’s streets with so many potholes they looked like Berlin in 1945, but the snow was melting, the homeless had cleared off the steam grates in search of cooler spots, and the warm air made New York once again smell like a landfill. After the longest winter of her years here, the city was coming back to life. Read more on Peggy Noonan Pub Crawls Through 2016 Field, Finds Gin, Contradictions, More Gin…
  my cheese castle for a caucus vote

Candidate Walker Touts Awesome Program That Governor Walker Wants To Cut

Step Up, ISIS
At last week’s Iowa Ag Summit, rumored presidential candidate and confirmed smarmy weathervane Scott Walker wowed Republicans with faux-sincerity and triangulated tales of the Heartland. Walker appealed to folks by trumpeting Wisconsin’s efforts to improve healthcare in remote areas. A true friend of Real America, Scott noted how he expanded medical treatment beyond home remedies such as Aunt Francine’s Giblet Poultice. Read more on Candidate Walker Touts Awesome Program That Governor Walker Wants To Cut…
  Here have some news n stuff

Republican Senator So Sick Of Everyone Saying Obamacare’s Doing Just GREAT, Actually

He laughs at their pain
It sure sucks having to hear about how President Obama’s dumb health care reform is doing swell, actually, huh? It’s covering more people than expected, it’s cheaper than expected, it’s saving the country more money than expected — and as long as you don’t tell people what it is (it is health care reform brought to you by a black president, shhhhhhhhhh), people actually quite like it! But don’t say that to Wyoming Sen. John Barrasso, because he doesn’t want to hear another word about it: Read more on Republican Senator So Sick Of Everyone Saying Obamacare’s Doing Just GREAT, Actually…
  Things Go Better With Koch

Scott Walker Signs ‘Right To Work’ Law So Wisconsin Can Have Fewer Rights At Work

Yes, it's 'shopped
Scott Walker signed a “Right To Work” bill into law Monday, ensuring that employees won’t have to submit to oppressive union membership, higher wages, safer workplaces, and job security anymore. Wisconsin is now the 25th state with a right-to-work with fewer rights at work law, and already the new jobs are simply flooding into Wisconsin: Read more on Scott Walker Signs ‘Right To Work’ Law So Wisconsin Can Have Fewer Rights At Work…
  One Strike You're Out

President Scott Walker Will Beat Foreign Enemies Just Like Reagan, By Firing Air Traffic Controllers

Hey, Walky, watch me pull foreign policy outta my ass!
Scott Walker was out proving his foreign policy expertise again this weekend, Wisconsplaining how not knowing diddly about those foreigns isn’t really all that important as long as you have the mental toughness to break a union or two. For instance, just look at what Walker said was Ronald Reagan’s greatest foreign-policy achievement: firing all the striking air traffic controllers in 1981. This is what sets Scott Walker apart from other Republicans. Where the average Republican would reflexively say tax cuts are the solution to every problem, Scott Walker boldly goes with union busting. Read more on President Scott Walker Will Beat Foreign Enemies Just Like Reagan, By Firing Air Traffic Controllers…
  He's Seen Some Things Man

Scott Walker Knows How To Beat ISIS: Slash Their Pension Benefits

ISIS is pretty much just a teacher's union with rocket propelled grenades, after all
In his speech to CPAC Thursday night, Scott Walker let America know that he’s ready to handle international relations without wasting any time on diplomacy, explaining how his experience in crushing public-employee unions makes him the perfect choice to take on international terrorism: Read more on Scott Walker Knows How To Beat ISIS: Slash Their Pension Benefits…
  if you see something say something

Congressloon Wants YOU (To Spy On Your Neighbors’ Shopping Carts)

Rep. Glenn Grothman (R-Terrible Person)
Newbie Republican Rep. Glenn Grothman is a real peach of a guy, and yes, by peach we mean a-hole. Since voters promoted him from the Wisconsin state Senate to the U.S. House of Representatives last November, he’s wasted little time proving he’s still the same old whackadoodle wingnut teabagger crazy guy he was back home. Read more on Congressloon Wants YOU (To Spy On Your Neighbors’ Shopping Carts)…
  Numbers don't lie

SHOCKING New Poll Shows Majority Of GOP Total Idiots

At least he spells good
Brace yourselves for some stunning, shocking, jaw-dropping, too-amazing-to-believe-yet-totally-believable news! According to a new poll from PPP, the Republican Party is overflowing with morons. It’s true. In fact, it’s SCIENCE! Or MATH! Or some kind of liberal hoax thing! Read more on SHOCKING New Poll Shows Majority Of GOP Total Idiots…
  A Personal Relationship With The Lord

Scott Walker Refuses To Provide Transcripts Of Conversations With Nonexistent God

Ayyyyyyyy, this guy!
And so it came to pass that the Freedom From Religion Foundation (FFRF) submitted a lulzy public records request to the office of Christianist Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker. What, FFRF asked, was the substance of the Governor’s conversations with one Jesus H. Christ, formerly of Nazareth? Read more on Scott Walker Refuses To Provide Transcripts Of Conversations With Nonexistent God…
  letter from moscow

Hello! I, Vladimir Putin, Am Preparing To Surrender Mother Russia To Scott Walker

Look closely at the fear in Vladimir's eyes.
Greetings of day to you, illiterate Western scum! I, Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin, am happy to make speaking to you again here on Wonkette dot com! You have all recovered from watching of decadent movie award show, yes? Very political show this year, with talk of all the black men you have in prison and women you do not pay money to and such. Very embarrassing. At Russian Oscars, Mr. John Legend and Ms. Patricia Arquette would have been dragged out behind theater and been shot. Along with director who did not cut their microphones. Technicians who hooked up microphones. Cameramen who did not pan cameras away. Entire audience that applauded … you get picture. Read more on Hello! I, Vladimir Putin, Am Preparing To Surrender Mother Russia To Scott Walker…
  Stupid Punt

Scott Walker Not About To Admit Obama’s As Christian As He Is

Hey, what do I know?
Wisconsin governor and God’s Gift to Wonkette Scott Walker said this weekend that he didn’t know whether Barack Obama is a Christian, but he only said that as a matter of principle to make the media look stupid, he explained. And wow, did that ever work! Read more on Scott Walker Not About To Admit Obama’s As Christian As He Is…
  A Noun A Verb A Dogwhistle

Rudy Giuliani: Hey, Did You Ever Notice Obama’s Not One Of Us? If You Know What I Mean?

Screw you too, pal
Apparently tired of being associated with competent mayoring on 9/11 and then never shutting up about it, former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani seems determined to reframe his legacy. Why he’d decide that acting like the Second Coming of Lester Maddox is a bit of a mystery, though. At a private dinner for Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker Wednesday, Giuliani shared his suspicion that Barack Obama doesn’t really love America because he’s a weirdo foreigner. Giuliani was careful to note that he only pointed this out because he cares. Read more on Rudy Giuliani: Hey, Did You Ever Notice Obama’s Not One Of Us? If You Know What I Mean?…
  of course they call it a LIBERAL arts education

No One Cares About Candidates’ College Degrees, Wingnuts Upset Anyway Because It Is A Day

When your elitist liberal friend says he wants to get a college education.
Sweet merciful Yahweh, are we really going to have to spend the next year and a half debating the merits of a college education for presidential candidates? Apparently we are, if the recent hooting over Rand Paul and Scott Walker lacking bachelor’s degrees is any indication. Count us among the camp that thinks not having completed an undergraduate degree is irrelevant to one’s qualifications for the presidency. Our last president had degrees from two Ivy League schools, and he had the intellectual firepower of a mangled squirrel being grilled for supper on the engine block of a ’73 Matador. Read more on No One Cares About Candidates’ College Degrees, Wingnuts Upset Anyway Because It Is A Day…
  Great advice

Rush Limbaugh: Scott Walker Should Use Rape Jokes To Explain Quitting College

Always take this guy's advice
Is Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker one of those maybe presidential contenders for 2016 we’re supposed to take seriously? It’s so hard to tell. He certainly seems to think so. He’s been visiting the right states and giving the right speeches and raising the right money and hating on the right groups, like women and unions and students and voters. And Rush Limbaugh said on his radio show Thursday that Walker is “a real candidate,” which proves it, right? Read more on Rush Limbaugh: Scott Walker Should Use Rape Jokes To Explain Quitting College…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Jeb Bush’s Website Violates Everybody’s Privacy, Oops (Video)

Oh, those fabulous Bushes
Rachel Maddow loves the Bush family almost as much as we do. Especially their talent for putting their foot in it, as President George H.W. Bush did when he seemed amazed by a supermarket scanner during his 1992 reelection campaign. Supposedly, he was amazed not by the scanner itself, but by its advanced features, like being able to read torn labels, but mostly, she says, it just looked like he was unfamiliar with the “fundamental basics of peasant life, like how you pay for stuff at the store.” Read more on Morning Maddow: Jeb Bush’s Website Violates Everybody’s Privacy, Oops (Video)…
  Origin Of Sheeshes

Scott Walker Way Too Smart To Answer Whether Evolution Is A Thing

Hey, what do I know?
While visiting London “The one in England” England Wednesday, Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker was asked if he thinks the theory of evolution is true. Apparently unable to remember the Republican Magic Words “I’m not a scientist, man,” he instead replied “I’m going to punt on that one,” adding that an established scientific theory that’s taught in universities and high schools worldwide is “a question a politician shouldn’t be involved in one way or another.” Or maybe he just didn’t get that far at Marquette University before he dropped out of college. Read more on Scott Walker Way Too Smart To Answer Whether Evolution Is A Thing…
  someone's plugging the wrong (budget) hole

Scott Walker Dicking Over Everyone In Wisconsin, Will Definitely Run For President Now

Hey, what do I know?
Poop-brained sea monster Scott Walker would very much like to be president of the United States. It’s a heavy lift for a guy who has all the charisma and magnetism of a Styrofoam cup of barley soup left out on a table in a homeless shelter. Scott’s going to have to run on his record of being a total dick to much of the population of his home state of Wisconsin. This week he unveiled his latest state budget, and guess what? Mission accomplished, Scott. Read more on Scott Walker Dicking Over Everyone In Wisconsin, Will Definitely Run For President Now…
  butchers of the world unite!

Politico Wins The Morning With Some Henry Kissinger Knob-Gobbling

The 70s were so weird.
Withered garden gnome Henry Kissinger got himself a nice little write-up in Politico the other day. The thrust of the knob-swabbing was that even at his nursing home-appropriate age of 91, visits to his consulting office to kiss the old butcher’s ring remain de rigueur for any presidential candidate from either major party. Which is how you get the spectacle of such foreign policy savants as Scott Walker, Rick Perry, Marco Rubio and Chris Friggin’ Christie parading through Kissinger’s inner sanctum to toast him with a goblet of the freshly squeezed blood of orphaned Third World street urchins that keeps the Dark Lord’s atrophied heart beating. Read more on Politico Wins The Morning With Some Henry Kissinger Knob-Gobbling…
  Here have some news n stuff

Idiot Anti-Vaxxers Can’t Believe People Are So ‘Vicious’ About Them Being Idiots

Jut vaccinate your damned kids
Like it’s not bad enough that some trendy dumb parents are refusing to vaccinate their children, and helping to make all-but-extinct diseases like measles ALL THE RAGE. Because yeah, that’s bad enough. But now they’re complaining people who actually believe in science are being SO MEAN about it: Read more on Idiot Anti-Vaxxers Can’t Believe People Are So ‘Vicious’ About Them Being Idiots…