Tag Archives: scott walker

  hookers and koch

Koch Brothers Invite Reporters To Not Report On Party For Secret Donors

Media orientation session at the Kochs' confab.
This weekend Charles and David Koch (family motto: We’ve got all the money so shut up) gathered 450 of their closest and wealthiest friends for their annual political confab and power orgy. The good news: For the first time, journalists were allowed to attend the event at the St. Regis Monarch Beach luxury resort in Dana Point, a wealthy California suburb. The bad news: The ink-stained wretches’ attendance was predicated on their agreeing to not actually tell the public the names of any of the donors they were wrestling for the last shrimp cocktail. Read more on Koch Brothers Invite Reporters To Not Report On Party For Secret Donors…
  Could Someone Please Use A Stalin Analogy For Variety?

Auschwitz Museum To Rename Itself ‘Nothing Compared To Obama’s Iran Deal’ Museum

Don't assume the Iran deal is a Shoah thing
In the days since Mike Huckabee’s fascinating, totally new strategy of calling Barack Obama Hitler for negotiating a freeze on Iran’s nuclear arms program (which can never work because Iran is Nazi Germany), the Republican Party has rediscovered just how heady that metaphor is, with an enthusiasm not seen since the halcyon Teabag Summer of 2009, when Obama was Hitler for making people get health insurance. Only now, as Huckabee himself explained, it’s totally different, because there are Real Jews who will get Holocausted by Iran! And never mind whether actual Jews are offended by the comparison, because after all, the Jews went and let themselves get killed in 1939-1945 anyway, so they probably need a Baptist preacher to explain things for them. It should be no surprise that Republicans are running to jump on the bandwagon — or maybe it’s more of a Panzerkampfwagen — to sagely proclaim that yes indeed, Barack Obama is pretty much Hitler, Chamberlain, or maybe both of them plus Adolf Eichmann, just itching to send all the Jews to Auschwitz, now that he’s given Iran the Sudetenland and the Bomb. Which they were going to get if there hadn’t been a nuke deal, but somehow actually limiting their nuke program is worse. Read more on Auschwitz Museum To Rename Itself ‘Nothing Compared To Obama’s Iran Deal’ Museum…
  you know who else ... ?

Rick Santorum Begs Jews To Hate His Guts Too

Also a schmuck
Look, kids, it’s repugnant fuck-eyed canker blossom Rick Santorum, trying to steal some attention from Mike Huckabee, who is trying to steal some attention from Donald Trump. And also to submit his name for Schmuck of The Year 5775, which we have already given to Huckabee, too bad for always-a-bridesmaid-never-a-bride Santorum. Read more on Rick Santorum Begs Jews To Hate His Guts Too…
  Schmuck Of The Year 5775

Weird, Jews Don’t Accept Mike Huckabee As Lord And Savior Either

Fuck this guy
Oy, there sure has been a lot of blowharding about The Jews lately, eh? Because President Obama made a deal with Iran about its nuclear power program, which equals Hitler and Hitler appeasers too, somehow, plus also now all The Jews are going to be Holocausted. Literally. To death. In the ovens. This, from some Not The Jews, who like to say how much they love The Jews, and they “have a lot of Jewish friends.” But actually, these Not The Jews are anti-Semitic fucknozzles who can hardly wait for The Jews to hurry up and die so the Not The Jews can get raptured up to Heaven and eat all the bacon-wrapped shrimp, with Jesus. Read more on Weird, Jews Don’t Accept Mike Huckabee As Lord And Savior Either…
  Add Your Own Holocaust Pun

Trump, Walker OK With Huckabee Calling Obama Hitler, Wish They’d Said It First

This Way To The Primaries, Ladies And Gentlemen
We have now entered Phase Three of the Mike Huckabee Uses A Shitty Holocaust Analogy story. Phase One was when he said the dumb thing about how Obama’s nuclear deal with Iran will “take the Israelis and march them to the door of the oven.” Phase Two was Barack Obama saying that Huck’s comment would be “considered ridiculous if it weren’t so sad” and maybe merely an attempt to be more outrageous than Donald Goddamn Trump, followed by Huck’s angry reply that Obama is totally gonna gas the Jews, and here’s a meme to prove it. Read more on Trump, Walker OK With Huckabee Calling Obama Hitler, Wish They’d Said It First…
  You're The Real Haters

Donald Trump Winning Because Plenty Of Republicans Like Loudmouthed Dickheads

So McCain was captured. Big deal. So was El Chapo.
Donald Trump is at the very top of the latest Washington Post-ABC News poll, with 24 percent of Republican-leaning voters preferring the rubber-faced buttplug over the other primary candidates. His closest rivals, Scott Walker and Jeb! Bush, are virtually tied with 13 and 12 percent support (and a margin of error of 3 to 5 percentage points). And we know why this is. It is because Republican primary voters are A Idiot, as Sean Hannity astutely observed on his radio program Monday. Read more on Donald Trump Winning Because Plenty Of Republicans Like Loudmouthed Dickheads…
  S-M-R-T plan

President Scott Walker To Bomb Iran, Like, Yesterday

He has ALL the confuse
Check out the giant nutsack on Gov. Scott Walker! (But not in a gay way, that’s bad for the children.) At the Jesuspalooza known as the Family Leadership Summit, in Iowa this weekend, Walker whipped it out for the media and double-dog dared his fellow Republican presidential contenders to do the same, by explaining how he will bomb the ever-lovin’ fuck out of Iran the second after he is sworn in as president: Read more on President Scott Walker To Bomb Iran, Like, Yesterday…
  Gay questions is tough

Scott Walker Not Sure How You Get The Gay, But Knows He Doesn’t Like It

Don't ask him, he doesn't know.
Scott Walker is a typical Republican presidential candidate, in that questions are hard, words are hard, and he just doesn’t know what to say about any of this. Like for instance, how does one get the gay? Does one choose the gay, or does Jesus predestine that certain people will be gay? Can you buy the gay? Do you win it on a game show? This is tough! Read more on Scott Walker Not Sure How You Get The Gay, But Knows He Doesn’t Like It…
  Here have some news n stuff

Dumb A-Hole Scott Walker Wants To Protect Boy Scouts From Politicians Like Him

Dumb. A-Hole.
The Boy Scouts of America — they’re like the Girl Scouts, kind of, but not as tough, or cool, and no cookies, so, you know, LAME — decided to join the 21st century and dump its ban on letting The Gays be in their little club. Here is what Scott Walker, who is dumb and an a-hole, had to say about that on Tuesday: Read more on Dumb A-Hole Scott Walker Wants To Protect Boy Scouts From Politicians Like Him…
  Gross dude

Scott Walker Literally Begging For Pee Now

If you are the Republican governor of Wisconsin, you have two fetishes. The first one is hot ham and rolls, which Scott Walker is in love with in a biblical way. The second one is pee, specifically the pee of poor people on food stamps, because you know all those gross poors are addicted to drugs, and if they’re not, well, why don’t they prove it by giving the governor some pee? Read more on Scott Walker Literally Begging For Pee Now…
  What Good Is A Deal That Won't Let Us Bomb Iran?

Scott Walker Joins The ‘Tough On Iran Like Reagan Was’ Club

In 1980 and 1984, especially. By landslides, even.
Scott Walker is a man who knows what he believes in, even if some of it is kind of weird, like how he can beat ISIS because he told public employee unions to go get bent. And his foreign policy hero is the great Ronald Reagan, who didn’t let foreign enemies like air traffic controller unions boss him around. So it shouldn’t be too surprising that in his announcement speech, Scott Walker explained we can never have a nuclear deal with Iran, because under Jimmy Carter, Iran took 52 Americans hostages, and only freed them on Ronald Reagan’s first day in office. Read more on Scott Walker Joins The ‘Tough On Iran Like Reagan Was’ Club…
  Gag me with a tax cut

Scott Walker Says Minimum Wage Is ‘Lame,’ Poor People Grody To the Max

Or maybe some Foster Friess?
Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker wants the electorate to know that he’ll be the bestest president ever for workers, because unlike the dumb old Democrats, he refuses to give a shit about the minimum wage, which is barely worth even talking about. Why would anyone want a minimum wage job when they could be rich instead? This is only logical. Speaking with Sean Hannity on Fox shortly after his Great Big Announcement Monday, Walker explained that by gutting unions, he has given workers more choices, and is therefore the real friend of working Americans (just as long as they know their place). Read more on Scott Walker Says Minimum Wage Is ‘Lame,’ Poor People Grody To the Max…
  Fun facts about Karen Santorum

Rick Santorum Needs You To Know His Wife Used To Shack Up With An Abortionist

The more you know ...
While most political candidates at least like to pretend that it is Not Cool to attack their opponents’ families, Rick Santorum thinks it is not only Totally Cool but also necessary so voters will know what they’re getting themselves into: Read more on Rick Santorum Needs You To Know His Wife Used To Shack Up With An Abortionist…
  Here have some news n stuff

Butthurt Missouri County To Spend Year Mourning Gay-Murder Of Marriage

RIP straight marriage
There are sad losers and really sad losers, and then there’s this un-freaking-believably pathetic three-person commission in Dent County, Missouri, who unanimously voted to spend the next 12 months crying like Nancy Kerrigan with a skinned knee because BOO HOO GAY MARRIAGE. To demonstrate their “mourning” for the now-dead sanctity of one closeted man unenthusiastically humping his sexually unsatisfied wife every other Wednesday night with the lights off, the flag in front of the county courthouse will be lowered, until June 2016, to “below half-staff.” OOOOH, SICK BURN! Would be a sicker burn if they decided to turn the flag upside down while they’re at it: Read more on Butthurt Missouri County To Spend Year Mourning Gay-Murder Of Marriage…
  Molotov and welcome to the fun house

Another Dumb A-Hole Is Going To Not Be President, And This Time It’s Scott Walker

With so few options for Republicans to choose from — what have we got now, like 87 presidential candidates? — it only makes sense that Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker has announced that he also would like to have his ass kicked by Hillary Clinton. (Or maybe Bernie Sanders. It might be Bernie Sanders, that could totally happen.) Read more on Another Dumb A-Hole Is Going To Not Be President, And This Time It’s Scott Walker…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Is Your New James Joyce Yes She Said Yes She Will Yes

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
Last week, Sarah Palin waved a flag as white as Alaska’s citizenry, as she announced her plans to death-panel the Sarah Palin Channel on August 1. But she is not going down without a half-assed fight, and this week, the Sarah Palin Channel published three whole videos, which is 50% more videos than they usually publish per week. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Is Your New James Joyce Yes She Said Yes She Will Yes…