Wonkette

Former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan testified in Congress today about his terrible book, What Happened When I Did Yo Mama, and told them that President Bush may have vaguely possibly ordered former chief of staff Andy Card to order McClellan to deny I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby XVII’s involvement in leaking Valerie Plame’s name, to the press. At least there is “suspicion” Bush and Cheney were involved, somehow, McClellan thinks. Scott McClellan is very Important for this. [AP]

• WILL HE WEAR HIS ‘GOOD PANTS’?: “McClellan will testify publicly and under oath before the House Judiciary Committee on June 20 about the White House’s role in the leak and its response, his attorneys, Michael and Jane Tigar, said on Monday.” White House lawsuit in 3… 2… 1… [AP]

Hey look, it’s photographic evidence via former Gawker editor Joshua Stein that Scott McClellan used to have hair back in high school. Little did this proudly tuxedoed dandy know that in a mere 17 years he would be a waddling homunculus vomiting out his daily dose of nonsense in defense of a pack of venal liars whom he would later tattle on, for money. None of this changes the fact that he has a zit on his forehead in his senior photo, like millions of Ordinary Americans. [My Memoirs]

Now the thing about Scott McClellan is that he’s terrible, with his book, and he now may have tragically reopened the Valerie Plame “Plamegate” saga anew. John Conyers & Palz on the House Judiciary Committee are open to hearing McClellan’s testimony, meaning the White House will have to somehow stop him from testifying, meaning frozen royal press secretary Dana Perino had to give reporters some inadvertent “legal comedy” today, meaning ha ha, OH GOD. MORE »

Remember how Bob Dole used to be a pleasant old former politician who spent his retirement hawking little blue pills on the teevee? Well now he is very upset with Scott McClellan and let him know via the emails, which were invented several hundred years after Bob Dole first attained elective office. Quotations from his angry E-Communication after the jump. MORE »

The great George W. Bush delivered the commencement address at Colorado’s Air Force Academy today, the same day that his former hobbit slave was publicizing mean books about him. Here he is this morning “chest-bumping” a graduate, who has probably already died in Iraq. [AP Photo]

SEE WHAT EVERYONE’S SAYING ABOUT SCOTT MCCLELLAN’S NEW #1 BOOK, GEORGE BUSH JR. MADE VAGUE ERRORS!

“I would think if he harbored such deep feelings about things he wouldn’t have and shouldn’t have accepted the press secretary job in the first place.” — ARI FLEISCHER, bald press secretary before Scott McClellan.
“Total crap.” — DAN BARTLETT, former White House communications director.
“Left-wing logger.” — KARL ROVE, White House turd blossom.
“I totally agree.” — NANCY PELOSI, known Liberal.
“Why don’t you learn something about the monument.” — HILLARY CLINTON, civil rights leader.

WHAT A BOOK! (Now let us never speak of it again.)

The White House has issued a Papal Bull in response to former press secretary Scott McClellan’s new book, in which he makes bland accusations about the Bush administration like “they may not have been completely trustworthy” in order to sell his otherwise unsellable crappy account of his pathetic life. The most recent White House press secretary, smokin’ hot monster Dana Perino, indicates in the pithy statement — which you can see after the jump!! — that she cannot read bookz.

“Scott, we now know, is disgruntled about his experience at the White House. For those of us who fully supported him, before, during and after he was press secretary, we are puzzled. It is sad — this is not the Scott we knew.

“The book, as reported by the press, has been described to the President. I do not expect a comment from him on it — he has more pressing matters than to spend time commenting on books by former staffers.”

Perino’s memoir, Wonkette can exclusively report, is in the works, and it’s pretty harsh too! Here’s an excerpt MUST CREDIT WONKETTE:

wuz bummin in the street then i got married to some guy. married a guy who has a name like bob or steve or other name. saw george bush in mexico at barbecue & he had a wife to. every1 said hi was very nice and gits me a jobb. ari fleischcher with the no hair and the talky bout 9/11. THEN MCCLELLAN i DONT LIKE BOB MCCLELLAN GRR. then tony snow had fever and quit. then i had job the end.

This still gives more insight than Steve Bob Scooter McClellan’s entire book.

Perino on McClellan: We’re puzzled [CNN]

Wonkette comical typos operative “Ron” sends us this screen shot of a CNN.com article in which Karl Rove lets slip a revelation of his own about terrible snitch Scott McClellan. McClellan’s syntax in his new book reeks of liberal blogging filth? No, that’s not what Rove is revealing at all! Rove is trying to tell us that homosexual lumberjack communities in the Pacific Northwest are McClellan’s inspiration! IS THIS NOT CLEAR TO EVERYONE? [CNN]

The publishers of former White House press secretary Scott McClellan’s upcoming memoir are calling out the liberal media for taking its baby-killing spin on the book’s tantalizing press excerpt. Peter Osnos, founder and editor-in-chief of Public Affairs Books, clarified to Bloomberg News that McClellan does not claim Bush lied to him during the Valerie Plame case: “He told him something that wasn’t true, but the president didn’t know it wasn’t true… The president told him what he thought to be the case.” So we can soon expect Scott McClellan’s second memoir, When Bush Told Me He Didn’t Know He Was Lying To Me, That Too Was A Lie. [Editor & Publisher]