Tag Archives: scott brown

  He is not the jobs creator of you!

No, New Hampshire, Scott Brown Will Not Create Jobs For You, Duh

The best man to represent wherever he happens to land
Once upon a time, there was a centerfold named Scott Brown. And he had a truck. And he loved his truck very much. And he also loved his home state of Massachusetts, where he was from and had always been from, almost as much — so almost as much, he wanted to be a senator from his home state of Massachusetts and go to Washington D.C. and give that evil President Obama what-for and save the Republican Party, hooray! And how was he going to do that, exactly? By, according to Scott Brown, “working each and every day to create jobs in Massachusetts.” Read more on No, New Hampshire, Scott Brown Will Not Create Jobs For You, Duh…
  senator staplecrotch

Scott Brown: Why Are Democrats Insisting On F*cking Obamacare, Right In The Ear?

This should be fun
Scott Brown, that pretty fella who used to be Massachusetts’s junior senator till he got his ass war-whooped by one Mrs. Perfesser Elizabeth Warren, has some thoughts on that terrible Halbig decision yesterday, the one by the DC Court of Appeals that said “why yes, Republican governors may singlehandedly fuck Obamacare, right in the ear,” because some douche didn’t want to pay $216 a year for health insurance. And if one douche doesn’t want to pay $216 a year for health insurance, then nobody gets to pay $216 a year for health insurance. That is just how lawsuits work. So, reacting to this dumbfuck decision — but not the one by the Fourth Circuit court a few hours later that was like “lol DC Court of Appeals drank too many childhood vaccines again” — what thoughts are swimming behind Brown’s dreamy eyes? That the Democrats just took away your health insurance. This is what we in the business call “Scott Brown, go sit on a dick.” Read more on Scott Brown: Why Are Democrats Insisting On F*cking Obamacare, Right In The Ear?…
  i see you griftin

Scott Brown Got Millions To Shill For Gun Company So Fake And Grifty Sarah Palin Probably Turned Them Down

What grifty funtime guntimes is pobrecito loser carpetbagger struggling New Hampshire “candidate” and onetime US Senator (hahaha, remember that?) Scott Brown up to his limpid eyeballs in today? Oh, just taking $1.3 million to shill for a gun company that used to be a “wireless data” firm, and before that was a beauty supply store (no, really), and has “no revenue, no patents, no trademarks, no manufacturing facilities, and no experience developing weapons, according to its most recent corporate filings.” Hooboy, sell us some pennystocks, Global Digital Solutions Inc., we are feeling like we got way too much money to pay people “salaries,” and we would like to be parted from it! Read more on Scott Brown Got Millions To Shill For Gun Company So Fake And Grifty Sarah Palin Probably Turned Them Down…
  warren tramps and thieves

Stupidest Man On The Internet Has Made This Sexy Elizabeth Warren Indian Princess Pic, For You To Fap To

The Stupidest Man on the Internet has some interesting news judgment. While the rest of us are plying you with post after hilarious post about the right-wing’s considered opinion that Donald Sterling Is Not Racist, plus some recaps, he is still on Elizabeth Warren being a fake Indian, probably, we don’t know, we didn’t bother to read it, because we are busy FAPPING TO SEXY INDIAN LADY ELIZABETH WARREN! We will use this picture from now on, forever, because it is le sex. Read more on Stupidest Man On The Internet Has Made This Sexy Elizabeth Warren Indian Princess Pic, For You To Fap To…
  the secret of my secession

Wisconsin Republicans Will Vote On The State Maybe Seceding, Because They Love America

Wisconsin tabaggers don’t want to alarm anyone, they just believe in being prepared, is all, which is why they want the state to be ready to secede from the union. Not that they think they’ll really need to. So when the state’s Republican convention rolls around in May, there will be a resolution on the agenda to consider whether the state GOP “supports legislation that upholds Wisconsin’s right, under extreme circumstances, to secede.” But don’t worry, they’re not going to secede unless they really, really have to, and the proposal is not supported by Gov. Scott Walker. Still, there were enough maybe-secessionists on the Resolutions Committee to adopt the question on a split vote in an April 5 meeting. Honestly, it’s not that big a deal, just one more option they want to have; besides, presumably, even if the state doesn’t secede, there’s still the option of Second Amendment solutions — again, only if necessary, like if the Bureau of Land Management tries to collect grazing fees. Read more on Wisconsin Republicans Will Vote On The State Maybe Seceding, Because They Love America…
  stranger in a strange land

John Sununu Just Loves Scott Brown’s Virtual New Hampshire DNA

Drudge Sirens for the culmination of the most unsurprising long tease of the political year, please. It’s finally official: Prettyboy hair-mass Scott Brown has announced that he’s running for Senate in New Hampshire, where he hopes to defeat incumbent Sen. Jeanne Shaheen. And despite the fact that as recently as December, his trusty pickup-truck prop still had Massachusetts plates (a problem he’s since corrected), and even though he once hilariously mangled the state’s motto as “Live Free and Die,” Brown’s supporters want you to know that Scott Brown is a New Hampshire almost-native through and through, and he didn’t really mean it when he was Senatoring for that other state next door. And former New Hampshire Gov. John Sununu wants everybody to know that in moving to New Hampshire to run, Scott Brown is “coming back to his roots” and is definitely not a carpetbagger, while Jeanne Shaheen totally is a complete outsider who is not Of The Body. That should be interesting. Read more on John Sununu Just Loves Scott Brown’s Virtual New Hampshire DNA…
  bonus clipbait

Let’s Watch Jimmy Fallon Help Scott Brown With Some New Campaign Slogans

Scott Brown would like to be the junior senator from New Hampshire. Or maybe not. Whatevs. “Do I have the best credentials? Probably not. ‘Cause, you know, whatever. But I have long and strong ties to this state.” Compelling! Jimmy Fallon noticed how driven the perennial candidate was and decided, in last night’s monologue, to come up with some even more effective slogans for the illustrious Mr. Brown. Read more on Let’s Watch Jimmy Fallon Help Scott Brown With Some New Campaign Slogans…
  all up in the people's business

Why Won’t N.H. Senator Jeanne Shaheen Not Do Her Job, Like That Dreamy Scott Brown?

Well here’s a new one, maybe. We’re all familiar with the old “Rose Garden” strategy, where a sitting president drives his or her (hahahaha “her”) opponent nuts by just staying in Washington and not giving the opponent anything to swat at other than the president not coming out to play. But now the Republican National Committee is complaining that Jeanne Shaheen is staying in Washington and doing Senate stuff instead of campaigning in New Hampshire — never mind that the GOP doesn’t even have a candidate yet. What’s she afraid of? Scott Brown’s nipples? Read more on Why Won’t N.H. Senator Jeanne Shaheen Not Do Her Job, Like That Dreamy Scott Brown?…
  tales of the government teat

Scott Brown Gets His Mouth Shut For Him By Republican Who Loves Obamacare

Scott Brown just knows that you can’t go wrong slagging on Obamacare, because it’s unaffordable and doesn’t work. This is just a given. And so maybe Brown wasn’t quite ready for the reaction he got when he was visiting with New Hampshire state Rep. Herb Richardson, and Brown said that Obamacare was a “monstrosity” that nobody read before passing it, and also executive orders and tyranny and stuff. But instead of nodding and endorsing his (exploratory) Senate bid on the spot, Richardson and his wife Rita explained that the ACA had actually saved their bacon after he was injured on the job and living on Worker’s Comp. The Coos County Democrat reports, Richardson was injured on the job and was forced to live on his workers’ comp payments for an extended period of time, which ultimately cost the couple their house on Williams Street. The couple had to pay $1,100 a month if they wanted to maintain their health insurance coverage under the federal COBRA law. Richardson said he only received some $2,000 a month in workers’ comp. payments, however, leaving little for them to live on. “Thank God for Obamacare!” his wife exclaimed. Now, thanks to the subsidy for which they qualify, the Richardsons only pay $136 a month for health insurance that covers them both. And then Scott Brown apparently replied something along the lines of “Ummmm.” Read more on Scott Brown Gets His Mouth Shut For Him By Republican Who Loves Obamacare…
  most anticipated sequel of the year

Elizabeth Warren Stars In ‘Scott Brown Gets His Butt Kicked 2: Electric Booglaoo’

We cannot tell you how excited we are to have Scott Brown to kick around again as he’s now going to flail his way through running for Senate in New Hampshire. Yesterday, Maureen Dowd explained to us that Democrats were secretly super scared of a Brown run, except we all know he will not win, which is a weird definition of “scared.” We spent yesterday in prayer hoping that somehow the complete pantsing of Scott Brown this time around would include Elizabeth Warren again, because she did such a great job of it in Massachusetts. Our sky god loves us because our wishes were granted. Read more on Elizabeth Warren Stars In ‘Scott Brown Gets His Butt Kicked 2: Electric Booglaoo’…
  no cigar

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Thomas Friedman Almost Writes A Tolerable Column Edition

You know without having us here to explain the New York Times at you that today’s edition is pretty much wall-to-wall where is the missing plane and the seething slow menace that is Russia’s machinations in Ukraine, complete with some old-school Stalinist hoping and gloating that could have been written 50 years ago. Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Thomas Friedman Almost Writes A Tolerable Column Edition…
  Land of the Lost

Handsome Losers Scott Brown, Joe Miller Running For Office Again, But Where Is Christine O’Donnell?

The best man to represent wherever he happens to land
FRIDAY TWOFER OF SHAME! Part I: Scott Brown, that handsome former Senator fellow who once accused Elizabeth Warren of masquerading as a Red Indian, is expected to “launch an exploratory committee for a U.S. Senate bid in New Hampshire,” which is weird because we thought he already did something like that? And he drew a bigger crowd of protesters than supporters? Bqhatevwr, we’re sure he knows what he’s grifting. But who is Part II of your Handsome Loser twin billing, besides a man called “Joe Miller”? IT IS JOE MILLER, that Alaska stubble-faced frontiersman who went to Yale and once (“allegedly”) wrongfully imprisoned a reporter, for asking him a question! Read more on Handsome Losers Scott Brown, Joe Miller Running For Office Again, But Where Is Christine O’Donnell?…
  just like the cartoon penguin: chilly willy

Here Are Scott Brown’s Nipples (Again)

Former CosmoSenator Scott Brown showed up on the front page of the New Hampshire Union-Leader Monday in a story about the annual Penguin Plunge, a charity fundraiser for the Special Olympics. Brown, of course, is exploring a run against Senator Jeanne Shaheen, despite the possibility of an armed revolt against his perceived hatred of the Holy Second Amendment, or perhaps the more serious threat of widespread apathy. Read more on Here Are Scott Brown’s Nipples (Again)…
  where is the love?

Scott Brown’s New Hampshire Fundraiser Didn’t Spark Armed Revolt Or Any Interest

Poor Scott Brown. You gotta feel at least a little bad for a guy who gets billed as the headliner at a big New Hampshire Republican fundraiser that actually drew more protesters than supporters. That’s not quite a Westboro Baptist Church kind of turnout, but it’s got to be a comedown from having a bunch of war-whooping supporters who just want to hear you slag that Indian lady professor alla time. Actually, maybe you don’t gotta feel bad for him at all. On the positive side, the 200 or so ardent gun-fondlers and their strange bedfellows, a bunch of dirty hippie Dems, rallying across the street from the official GOP event didn’t boil over into an armed rebellion, so, Huge Success? Read more on Scott Brown’s New Hampshire Fundraiser Didn’t Spark Armed Revolt Or Any Interest…
  live freaked out or die

State Rep. Warns Of Armed Revolt If Scott Brown Shows His Fuzzy Carpetbag In New Hampshire

In a refreshing change of pace, a gun-fondling wingnut is warning of armed rebellion over the possible political victory of someone other than Barack Obama. New Hampshire state Rep. J.R. Hoell (R-YouNeedToAsk?) told a rightwing blog that if some state Republicans succeed in an attempt to draft Brown into a 2014 Senate run against Jeanne Shaheen, then “firearms and ammo” may be the only means of protecting the state from Brown. You know, because Brown once said he supported reinstating a ban on assault weapons, a view held only by socialists. Read more on State Rep. Warns Of Armed Revolt If Scott Brown Shows His Fuzzy Carpetbag In New Hampshire…
  yes

Is This The Stupidest Thing On The Internet Today?

Joel Pollak, freed from overseeing the playground at Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Internet Home For Ostensibly Grown People Who Still Eat Play-Doh, now has all the time in the world to come up with really great and incisive analysis. Unfortunately, in “OBAMA USES MASSACHUSETTS TO PUSH OBAMACARE; IGNORED SCOTT BROWN IN 2010,” he seems to have forgotten to do so: President Barack Obama spoke at a rally in Boston on Wednesday in an attempt to use the backdrop of Mitt Romney’s home state to reinforce the case for Obamacare. Obama cited his 2012 Republican rival’s signature policy achievement as Massachusetts governor. In 2010, however, Massachusetts voters elected Republican Scott Brown to the Senate to replace the late Sen. Ted Kennedy in a strong protest against Obamacare. We feel like Joel Pollak might himself have “ignored” something pertinent. Whatever could it be? Read more on Is This The Stupidest Thing On The Internet Today?…
  what can you do for brown?

Scott Brown To Simultaneously Run for President, Governor, Senate, Homecoming Queen

Scott Brown has been wandering the grounds of the Iowa State Fair, telling visitors he is “exploring a possible run” for president in 2016. The Des Moines Register followed him around the fair as he ate a corn dog, “adopted a goofy pose” in front of a prize bull, and introduced himself to voters: ”I’m Scott Brown, the former senator from Massachusetts. I took Ted Kennedy’s seat about 3 1/2 years ago.” Brown neglected to add “And then Elizabeth Warren handed my ass to me last November.” Read more on Scott Brown To Simultaneously Run for President, Governor, Senate, Homecoming Queen…
  even scarier than billy beer

Scott Brown’s Brother Bruce Arrested For Being Completely Terrifying, Other Stuff

Oh we thought this Drudge link about Scott Brown’s brother, Bruce Browne, getting arrested for impersonating a Coast Guard officer and commandeering a boat would be hilarious, in the time-honored “drunk brother” kind of way. But no, it is really icky and nervous-making, and we are askeered? TELL US ABOUT THE ARSENAL PLS, CBS. Read more on Scott Brown’s Brother Bruce Arrested For Being Completely Terrifying, Other Stuff…
  antisocial media

Scott Brown Ironically Makes Himself Look Worse By Declaring Multiple Decades Of Sobriety

Recent Fox News hire (and worst Massachusetts export since Aerosmith) Scott Brown finally addressed his now infamous late night tweeting in an interview with a local Boston news station. As it turns out, the depressingly passive-aggressive tone and surrealist style of spelling employed by the Ex-Senator was not the product of a four-hour interview with Johnnie Walker, but rather the fault of Steve Jobs not accounting for Brown’s stubby paws trying to work the new iPhone: Read more on Scott Brown Ironically Makes Himself Look Worse By Declaring Multiple Decades Of Sobriety…
  headhunters' korner

Who Should Fox News Hire Next?

First Fox News got rid of some of their underperforming pundits, like Dick Morris and Sarah Palin, and the Internet was Sad. Then they turned around and hired a bunch of new idiots, like Scott Brown and Herman Cain, and the Internet was happy again! (And if you can make “Ken Layne” happy, you can do it to anyone.) But ol’ Herb Cain kind of bores us — YEAH WE SAID IT — and Scott Brown is sort of a big old hairy nothingburger when he is not warning Elizabeth Warren to stop forcing him to shoot a load of racist all over her. So who, if Fox News really wants to keep that sweet, sweet libtard hate-clix-grift rolling in, should they hire next? Read more on Who Should Fox News Hire Next?…
  her?

Yes, Please

Look outside. A moment ago, was it bright, and warm, and sunny? Did a cloud just move across the sky and block out the sun completely? Did a monstrous shiver just rack your body, as though somewhere a Great Evil had been loosed upon the world? That is because some idiot claims people want Ann Romney to run for John Kerry’s seat in the United States Senate. Read more on Yes, Please…
  antisocial media

Un-Senator Scott Brown Filled With Twitter Ennui Over Who Knows What

What has old Scott Brown been doing, since he was booted from the Senate by Known Injun Elizabeth Warren? He has been tweeting, for one thing, and now that he does not have taxpayers footing the bill for someone to help him do it, it has gotten very interesting! He doesn’t have any pesky staffers standing in his way now, so he’s dispatched with lame hashtags and pictures of things, and gone instead to replying individually to #haters on the #internet. Someone, it seems, reminded him that people read tweets, and he has since deleted them. But fear not — taking screenshots of stupid tweets happens to be a specialty of your Wonkette. JOURNALISMMMM. Read more on Un-Senator Scott Brown Filled With Twitter Ennui Over Who Knows What…