Tag Archives: scott brown

  Here have some news n stuff

NFL Tried So Hard To Get That Video Of Ray Rice Beating His Lady, No Really (Not Really)

Too bad there's no video
The NFL is still trying to convince us that The Big Manly Powers That Be never would have defended Baltimore Ravens sportsball star Ray Rice after he knocked his woman OUT COLD in an elevator, if only they could have seen the video of him doing that. Not the abridged video that shows him dragging her unconscious body out of the elevator after the fact; that was inconclusive, and besides, everyone said they were sorry, so what more could anyone want? Read more on NFL Tried So Hard To Get That Video Of Ray Rice Beating His Lady, No Really (Not Really)…
  He is A Expert

Scott Brown Knows More About Lady Stuff Than Dumb Lady He’s Running Against

Scott Brown (R-Insert State Here)
Scott Brown, topless truck-driving Everyman who’s trying to unseat Democratic Sen. Jeanne Shaheen because she’s not as “virtually” from New Hampshire as he is, knows all about women. He has a wife — who is a woman! — and also too some daughters, and they are women too! (Sorry, fellas, they are no longer “both available,” though, as he successfully married off one of them this summer for seven oxen and a she-goat.) Read more on Scott Brown Knows More About Lady Stuff Than Dumb Lady He’s Running Against…
  Here have some news n stuff

Starbucks To Be Even More Triple Grande Nasty-atto Now

Exactly
Image by Stuart Caie via Flickr As if Starbucks hasn’t already turned “coffee” — that beverage you pour into a mug in the morning, maybe add milk, maybe add sugar — into a joke so bad it hurts our feelings, now there’s a new not-coffee “coffee” drink on the way, for those of you who would mainline your sugar fix but are afraid of needles, we guess. It’s called the Dark Barrel Latte, and it sounds disgusting, and shame on all of you, you crazy kids with your crazy “coffee”: Read more on Starbucks To Be Even More Triple Grande Nasty-atto Now…
  Here have some news n stuff

NASA Found This Amazing Monster Black Hole Inside A Teeny Galaxy, No Big

Pretttttttty
Image Credit: NASA, ESA, STScI-RCC14-41a We have SCIENCE! that is so cool, we’re going to start with that today. (Look up. Look at the science. Isn’t it pretty?) We also have a Very Interesting Theory, a super absurd conspiracy theory, the future of travel, and a guy who races the subway … and wins. Read more on NASA Found This Amazing Monster Black Hole Inside A Teeny Galaxy, No Big…
  Primarily Boring

Scott Brown Drives His Man-Truck To Victory In Massachusetts Or Whatever: Your Final Primary Wrap-Up!

The nominee and his nipples
The last primaries of 2014 took place last night, and there’s a fun upset-not-upset in the mix! Up in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (God Save It! © Charles P. Pierce), lantern-jawed newcomer Seth Moulton became the first Democrat in 22 years to unseat a sitting congressman in a primary, beating scandal-plagued John Tierney by eight whole points. Get us up to speed here, Boston Globe, because not all of us are hardy lobstermen living on Boston’s North Shore. Read more on Scott Brown Drives His Man-Truck To Victory In Massachusetts Or Whatever: Your Final Primary Wrap-Up!…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Scott Brown Will Sue You So Hard, Geek Pizza, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

He's so sensitive
Do you want some news? We have some news! Food news, bad idea news, and Dick Cheney is still a dick news. (Okay, that’s not exactly news, but we have yet another example for you.) Come on in, the water’s fine. And the pizza’s pretty good too. Read more on Scott Brown Will Sue You So Hard, Geek Pizza, And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  He is not the jobs creator of you!

No, New Hampshire, Scott Brown Will Not Create Jobs For You, Duh

The best man to represent wherever he happens to land
Once upon a time, there was a centerfold named Scott Brown. And he had a truck. And he loved his truck very much. And he also loved his home state of Massachusetts, where he was from and had always been from, almost as much — so almost as much, he wanted to be a senator from his home state of Massachusetts and go to Washington D.C. and give that evil President Obama what-for and save the Republican Party, hooray! And how was he going to do that, exactly? By, according to Scott Brown, “working each and every day to create jobs in Massachusetts.” Read more on No, New Hampshire, Scott Brown Will Not Create Jobs For You, Duh…
  senator staplecrotch

Scott Brown: Why Are Democrats Insisting On F*cking Obamacare, Right In The Ear?

This should be fun
Scott Brown, that pretty fella who used to be Massachusetts’s junior senator till he got his ass war-whooped by one Mrs. Perfesser Elizabeth Warren, has some thoughts on that terrible Halbig decision yesterday, the one by the DC Court of Appeals that said “why yes, Republican governors may singlehandedly fuck Obamacare, right in the ear,” because some douche didn’t want to pay $216 a year for health insurance. And if one douche doesn’t want to pay $216 a year for health insurance, then nobody gets to pay $216 a year for health insurance. That is just how lawsuits work. So, reacting to this dumbfuck decision — but not the one by the Fourth Circuit court a few hours later that was like “lol DC Court of Appeals drank too many childhood vaccines again” — what thoughts are swimming behind Brown’s dreamy eyes? That the Democrats just took away your health insurance. This is what we in the business call “Scott Brown, go sit on a dick.” Read more on Scott Brown: Why Are Democrats Insisting On F*cking Obamacare, Right In The Ear?…
  i see you griftin

Scott Brown Got Millions To Shill For Gun Company So Fake And Grifty Sarah Palin Probably Turned Them Down

What grifty funtime guntimes is pobrecito loser carpetbagger struggling New Hampshire “candidate” and onetime US Senator (hahaha, remember that?) Scott Brown up to his limpid eyeballs in today? Oh, just taking $1.3 million to shill for a gun company that used to be a “wireless data” firm, and before that was a beauty supply store (no, really), and has “no revenue, no patents, no trademarks, no manufacturing facilities, and no experience developing weapons, according to its most recent corporate filings.” Hooboy, sell us some pennystocks, Global Digital Solutions Inc., we are feeling like we got way too much money to pay people “salaries,” and we would like to be parted from it! Read more on Scott Brown Got Millions To Shill For Gun Company So Fake And Grifty Sarah Palin Probably Turned Them Down…
  warren tramps and thieves

Stupidest Man On The Internet Has Made This Sexy Elizabeth Warren Indian Princess Pic, For You To Fap To

The Stupidest Man on the Internet has some interesting news judgment. While the rest of us are plying you with post after hilarious post about the right-wing’s considered opinion that Donald Sterling Is Not Racist, plus some recaps, he is still on Elizabeth Warren being a fake Indian, probably, we don’t know, we didn’t bother to read it, because we are busy FAPPING TO SEXY INDIAN LADY ELIZABETH WARREN! We will use this picture from now on, forever, because it is le sex. Read more on Stupidest Man On The Internet Has Made This Sexy Elizabeth Warren Indian Princess Pic, For You To Fap To…
  the secret of my secession

Wisconsin Republicans Will Vote On The State Maybe Seceding, Because They Love America

Wisconsin tabaggers don’t want to alarm anyone, they just believe in being prepared, is all, which is why they want the state to be ready to secede from the union. Not that they think they’ll really need to. So when the state’s Republican convention rolls around in May, there will be a resolution on the agenda to consider whether the state GOP “supports legislation that upholds Wisconsin’s right, under extreme circumstances, to secede.” But don’t worry, they’re not going to secede unless they really, really have to, and the proposal is not supported by Gov. Scott Walker. Still, there were enough maybe-secessionists on the Resolutions Committee to adopt the question on a split vote in an April 5 meeting. Honestly, it’s not that big a deal, just one more option they want to have; besides, presumably, even if the state doesn’t secede, there’s still the option of Second Amendment solutions — again, only if necessary, like if the Bureau of Land Management tries to collect grazing fees. Read more on Wisconsin Republicans Will Vote On The State Maybe Seceding, Because They Love America…
  stranger in a strange land

John Sununu Just Loves Scott Brown’s Virtual New Hampshire DNA

Drudge Sirens for the culmination of the most unsurprising long tease of the political year, please. It’s finally official: Prettyboy hair-mass Scott Brown has announced that he’s running for Senate in New Hampshire, where he hopes to defeat incumbent Sen. Jeanne Shaheen. And despite the fact that as recently as December, his trusty pickup-truck prop still had Massachusetts plates (a problem he’s since corrected), and even though he once hilariously mangled the state’s motto as “Live Free and Die,” Brown’s supporters want you to know that Scott Brown is a New Hampshire almost-native through and through, and he didn’t really mean it when he was Senatoring for that other state next door. And former New Hampshire Gov. John Sununu wants everybody to know that in moving to New Hampshire to run, Scott Brown is “coming back to his roots” and is definitely not a carpetbagger, while Jeanne Shaheen totally is a complete outsider who is not Of The Body. That should be interesting. Read more on John Sununu Just Loves Scott Brown’s Virtual New Hampshire DNA…
  bonus clipbait

Let’s Watch Jimmy Fallon Help Scott Brown With Some New Campaign Slogans

Scott Brown would like to be the junior senator from New Hampshire. Or maybe not. Whatevs. “Do I have the best credentials? Probably not. ‘Cause, you know, whatever. But I have long and strong ties to this state.” Compelling! Jimmy Fallon noticed how driven the perennial candidate was and decided, in last night’s monologue, to come up with some even more effective slogans for the illustrious Mr. Brown. Read more on Let’s Watch Jimmy Fallon Help Scott Brown With Some New Campaign Slogans…