Tag Archives: scotland

  Don't Make Officer Friendly Shoot You

Police Group Suggests Maybe Police Could Try Being A Little Less Shooty, Please

Maybe we could give them axes instead
Maybe we could give them axes instead A national law enforcement organization released an important report calling for police departments to rethink their training and policies on use of deadly force, with less emphasis on “Shoot/Don’t Shoot” decisions and more training on ways to de-escalate situations before a decision to use deadly force ever becomes necessary. The recommendations in the report, from the Police Executive Research Forum (PERF), are wise, humane, and actually give you some hope that America’s police departments could be reformed into something the nation could be genuinely proud of. Needless to say, the report is doomed to be derided by the usual Git Tuff Law-N-Order mob as a bunch of criminal-coddling pabulum, since everyone knows the police are there to bust heads and terminate bad guys, even when they’re 12 years old and not holding a real gun. Read more on Police Group Suggests Maybe Police Could Try Being A Little Less Shooty, Please…
  Real Flag False Story

‘Patriots’ Take Credit For Perfectly Routine Removal Of Chinese Flag, Save America From Communism!

We're pretty sure there's just not enough red dye for an entire iceberg.
Wonkette EXCLUSIVE must cite Wonkette!!! The Wingnuttosphere is full of excited stories about an absolute OUTRAGE that occurred last week, when the flag of COMMUNIST RED CHINA, our sworn enemy and trading partner, was flown in front of the Washington state capitol building in Olympia to honor a visit by Chinese Ambassador Cui Tiankai. After much huffing and puffing, the offensive banner was hauled down Saturday morning either by brave, Constitution-Loving Patriots, or by a maintenance worker who was removing it because the ambassadorial visit was over. Actually, Yr Wonkette has confirmed with the office of Gov. Jay Inslee that the flag was taken down as a matter of routine — not due to pressure from wingnuts. Read more on ‘Patriots’ Take Credit For Perfectly Routine Removal Of Chinese Flag, Save America From Communism!…
  The Derp Before Christmas

Derp Roundup: Zombie Baby Jesus Edition

And that's what Hearth's Warming Eve is all about, Zombie Brown
It’s a special Ho-Ho-Huh? Edition of Derp Roundup, the feature where we bring you the stories that don’t quite deserve their very own posts, but are too stupid to ignore altogether. So light the candles and gather round the hearth, and start drinking  first thing in the morning if that gets you through this mess. Absinthe is Christmassy, isn’t it? Read more on Derp Roundup: Zombie Baby Jesus Edition…
  Your Morning Maddow

Rachel Maddow: Good For You, Washington State, You’re 50% Smarter Now (Video)

It's really quite simple. Or should be.
Rachel Maddow is delighted — and so are we, because happy Rachel = Happy us — that in the recent Scottish independence referendum, small but substantial numbers of ballots had to be thrown out because they had both “Yes” and “No” marked on the simplest question ever put on a nationwide referendum: “Should Scotland be an independent country?” This was too much complexity for some folks, apparently. Read more on Rachel Maddow: Good For You, Washington State, You’re 50% Smarter Now (Video)…
  Can Willie Be Our Weed Sensei Too?

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Maureen Dowd Gets Pot Lessons From Willie Nelson Edition

This child can't stand Maureen Dowd either
With no single national calamity to focus on this week, the Sunday New York Times brings us mélange of Big Journalism on Important Topics, the general drift of which leads us to wish we’d stayed in bed. For starters, there’s another must-read piece by Elizabeth Rosenthal, whose specialty is digging into just why the American medical system manages to be the world’s most expensive even though it doesn’t actually cover everyone. No, not even under Obamacare, imagine that. This time out, Rosenthal looks at the phenomenon of surprise extra fees in hospital bills, which can come from seemingly anywhere. As reimbursement rates from both Medicare and private insurance have been cut, hospitals have been bringing in high-priced, out-of-network specialists to help with tasks that often used to be done by residents or other hospital employees. Take, for instance, Rosenthal’s lead example of Peter Drier, a guy who had back surgery that he thought he’d planned for financially, but which resulted in bills from both the surgeon he knew would do the operation (and who readily accepted Drier’s insurance reimbursement, about $6,200), and an “assistant surgeon” who charged just under $117,000 and would not negotiate on the cost: Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Maureen Dowd Gets Pot Lessons From Willie Nelson Edition…
  If It's Nae Scottish Independence It's Crap!

Plucky Haggis-Eating Highlanders Decide ‘There Can Be Only One!’

By the look on your face I can tell you like the pipes, wee laddie
Scottish voters turned down a referendum on independence from Britain yesterday, leading bloggers everywhere to brace for a slew of angry emails about how they didn’t use “England” or “United Kingdom” or “Great Sceptered Lizard Queen Realm Of God’s Own Bloody Bollocky Green and Pleasant Land” correctly. The final tally was 55.3 percent against independence, 44.7 percent for, a margin of victory for continued union that was wider than polls had predicted. Read more on Plucky Haggis-Eating Highlanders Decide ‘There Can Be Only One!’…
  clipbait

John Oliver Brings You The Scottish Independence Story You Didn’t Know You Were Dying To See (Video)

Freedom, sugar tits!
John Oliver and Last Week Tonight have a real treat for us this week: the funniest reporting on this week’s Scottish vote on whether to leave the United Kingdom. Yes, Scotland — which Americans know as “the birthplace of Shrek and that accent you think you can do but actually can’t.” It’s an explainer, an editorial, and a comedy bit all rolled into one, and damned if it doesn’t get at the major issues far more effectively than any of the American TV reports that we’ve seen on Scottish independence. Which would be none. Read more on John Oliver Brings You The Scottish Independence Story You Didn’t Know You Were Dying To See (Video)…
  The Whiskey Squirmish

Donald Trump Acts Like Petulant Child To Surprise Of Absolutely No One

As if there were any doubt that Donald Trump is the world’s richest cranky toddler, the useless sack of bile is now pursuing a vendetta against the distiller of Glenfiddich whiskey after the company sponsored a contest that honored an opponent of a golf resort that Trump plans to build in Scotland. Trump’s latest case of the whining spitties erupted when Michael Forbes, a “quarryman and salmon fisherman” who has refused to sell his 28-acre property to Trump, was named “Top Scot” in a contest sponsored by the whiskey brand. In retaliation, Trump announced that his ptomaine-factory resorts and casinos will no longer sell any whiskeys made by Glenfiddich’s parent company, William Grant & Sons. Leaving aside the peevish overreaction, we question the wisdom of reducing the number of disinfecting agents available at Trump properties. Read more on Donald Trump Acts Like Petulant Child To Surprise Of Absolutely No One…
  darwin sucks

Lousiana’s Publicly Funded Jesus Camp Education System FINALLY Teaching Students Loch Ness Monster Is Real

We’ve been bashing on Louisiana a lot lately — pointing out how they’re pretty much the awfulest state in the union, how their prison privatization plan is dumping more convicts into shopping centers prisons than any other state in the country, how their plan to send the state’s students to religious schools hit the predictable but still hilarious snag of Muslim schools wanting in on the program. We’ve been kinda rough on the ol’ Land of Louis. Now, those religious schools that we were so very critical of are teaching students that the Loch Ness Monster is real — which TOTALLY MAKES UP FOR ALL THAT OTHER STUFF, and has the added benefit of conforming to Official Wonkette Editorial Policy. (Also real: Bigfoot.) The state spent quite a while hanging out in the relatively crowded zone of Put God In Science Class — but they just hopped on their faith-powered motorcycles, paid the Idiot Toll, and blew through every red light on the way to the mythical land of Making Garbage Up Because Jesus. Read more on Lousiana’s Publicly Funded Jesus Camp Education System FINALLY Teaching Students Loch Ness Monster Is Real…
  ho-hum another one of these

Corrupt Jersey Rep. Takes Family On Campaign-Funded Scotland Adventure

A lot of politicians “run for office,” apparently, and to do this they need something called a “war chest,” which sounds ominous but is really just a bank account full of money from their supporters/overlords. Now, supposedly that money is meant for running for office only, and not for, say, plunking down $7,725 so you can live high on the hog while attending your rich friends’ ostentatious wedding in Scotland, plus an extra thousand bucks on meals/tips etc., along with – what the hell – buying those same friends a $463 china set from Bloomingdale’s as a wedding present. But that is what New Jersey Congressman Rob Andrews did and he’s not sorry. Read more on Corrupt Jersey Rep. Takes Family On Campaign-Funded Scotland Adventure…
  they also got plutonium for doc brown

Posh-Ponce David Cameron To Beg Forgiveness For BP-Libyan Conspiracy

David Cameron, Elizabeth Windsor’s chief boot-lick and First Lord of the Treasury, has arrived in the United States for his very first visit as master of Britain’s decaying empire (motto: “We still rule Bermuda and Pitcairn Island with an iron fist!”). He was sort of hoping that he could just get some quality time in with his main crush Barack Obama, but now he has to go kiss some old Senator ass because BP arranged for the release of a terrorist mass murderer, which, for the record, is totally not his fault, man. Read more on Posh-Ponce David Cameron To Beg Forgiveness For BP-Libyan Conspiracy…
  rumors on the internets

William Wallace (Mel Gibson) Will Eat Your Intestines, For Daring To Criticize Scotland

Whether he was clearing brush at his ranch or choking on a pretzel, George Bush was known to sport his silkiest ascot, his most posh plaid cummerbund. Say what you will, but the man was a snappy dresser. And Barack Obama? He prefers “Islamo-fascist business casual.” [Think Progress] Read more on William Wallace (Mel Gibson) Will Eat Your Intestines, For Daring To Criticize Scotland…
 

The Foreigns Love Sex, Drugs, And Organ Sales

As the title of this feature tries so valiantly to assert, we don’t think that the Foreigns are really that different than from us. Sure, they jabber in weird languages and wear funny clothes, but when it comes right down to it, we all have the same basic set of human needs: we all want to get high, to have sex while we’re supposed to be working, to fake the deaths of our political enemies, and, of course, to live forever by extracting the organs of the healthy and powerless. Read more on The Foreigns Love Sex, Drugs, And Organ Sales…
 

The Foreigns: It’s Funny ‘Cause We Don’t Know Them

If Americans know one thing about the Foreigns (and sometimes that’s a near thing), it’s that they live in Foreign countries, which, obviously, are hellholes of awfulness and despair. Guess if they didn’t want to be crapped on day and night by a malevolent universe, they should have lived in America! This week, the Foreigns introduces you to some happenings overseas that we can safely laugh at only because they only happen to Foreign types, but otherwise they’d be pretty depressing. Read more on The Foreigns: It’s Funny ‘Cause We Don’t Know Them…
 

Presidential Pratfall Watch

Today’s hilarious Presidential Blooper comes to us courtesy of last summer’s G8 Conference. Let’s take a look, shall we? It was “about 1800 hours on Wednesday, 6 July, 2005” that a detachment of Strathclyde police constables, in “Level 2 public order dress [anti-riot gear],” formed a protective line at the gate at the hotel’s rear entrance, in case demonstrators penetrated the biggest-ever security operation on Scottish soil. […]As the President passed the junction at speed he raised his left arm from the handlebars to wave to the police officers present while shouting ‘thanks, you guys, for coming’. “As he did this he lost control of the cycle, falling to the ground, causing both himself and his bicycle to strike [the officer] on the lower legs. [The officer] fell to the ground, striking his head. The President continued along the ground for approximately five metres, causing himself a number of abrasions. The officers… then assisted both injured parties.” Read more on Presidential Pratfall Watch…