Tag Archives: scoops

  blowvember

NJ Sen. Bob Menendez Proves Old Truism: Dude, Pay Your Hookers

New Jersey Senator Bob Menendez, repeat after us: Pay your hookers. Pay your hookers. PAY YOUR GODDAMN HOOKERS. Maybe you thought $100 was enough for working gals in the Dominican Republic. If that is so, you should have told them that UP FRONT instead of agreeing to $500 and then only forking over a lousy Benjie. (The possibility that the “intermediary” who paid the women kept the difference is not aired in Tucker Carlson’s D&C. We will bring up that possibility now. Because obviously, the moral question here is not whether the 58-year-old divorced Menendez availed himself of the erotic services of a couple of consenting adults making a living, but whether he PAID HIS GODDAMN HOOKERS.) Read more on NJ Sen. Bob Menendez Proves Old Truism: Dude, Pay Your Hookers…
  there's no sex in the champagne room

Win The Strip Club: How Mitt Romney Got Jenna Jameson’s Endorsement

News. What is it? No one knows. Total mystery. I’m a wire service reporter. I should have a good definition of it, but I do not. What will people click on and read and “like” on YouFace? That’s easy – celebrity nakedness, superficial political stories, unexpected quotes. And if you can combine all three, the interwebs will reward you. Which is exactly what happened when I asked Jenna Jameson about politics last night. Read more on Win The Strip Club: How Mitt Romney Got Jenna Jameson’s Endorsement…
  booooo

How Will Ghost Andrew Breitbart Haunt Obama From Beyond the Grave?

Prematurely dead Internet pioneer Andrew Breitbart was working on something major before he died, his unpleasant underlings told LA Weekly. Now there’s video from CPAC of Breitbart planning a video (terror) attack that will Bring Down the Obama Presidency! “I’ve got video, from his college days,” Breitbart crows to a rapt yet hooting crowd of geezers. WHAT DO YOU THINK IT COULD BE? This is just like Easter, with Breitbart as Jesus (everyone knows that) rising up and giving us sick-making treats! Does the video show the president smoking while getting it on with white ladies? Is he smoking crack while getting it on with white ladies? Or maybe it’s that colorful felon who has claimed so many times he sexed up Barry in a limousine, for communism? Read more on How Will Ghost Andrew Breitbart Haunt Obama From Beyond the Grave?…
  fall of an empire

Obama Out-Scoops Politico On Giffords-Opening-Her-Eyes News

Barack Obama’s Arizona speech may have seemed like a way to “memorialize the victims” or “call for a new way for us all to treat each other” or “lead the country like a president does,” but really, of course, it was a way to deliver his huge, #1, “MUST CREDIT OBAMA!!!!” scoop: Gabrielle Giffords opened her eyes yesterday for the first time in the hospital. Hooray! But also: We hope somebody got fired at Politico for this, because they were beaten on what should have been their scoop. Obama won the evening, Mountain Time, and they have no excuses for it. REAL journalists would have figured out a way to get in Giffords’ hospital room, such as beating up her husband in a broom closet, locking him in, and coming out in his clothes, the cleverest of disguises. Still, they have a few details Obama neglected to mention, about her health situation and what happened when her eyes opened, if you still want them. Read more on Obama Out-Scoops Politico On Giffords-Opening-Her-Eyes News…
  suck it newsweek

‘Big Government’ Novelist-Contributor Has Biggest ‘War on Terror’ Scoop Of Decade, Until His Next One!

Ha ha ha, don’t know how we missed this earlier in the week, but a thriller novelist named Brad Thor has been publishing major major national security Scoops at Andrew Breitbart’s Big Government joke blog: “Late this afternoon Lt. Colonel Oliver North confirmed that Taliban leader and Osama bin Laden ally, Mullah Mohammed Omar has been captured. The exclusive news of Omar’s capture was broken by Big Government Monday evening.” Oh my god. “According to Colonel North, Omar was picked up in Karachi on March 27th by the Pakistani Inter-Services Intelligence Directorate (ISI) who placed him under house arrest in what they call ‘community care.'” Sure, why not. Oliver North confirms to the trade paperback novelist at Andrew Breitbart’s joke blog that Mullah Omar was captured a month and a half ago. Hmm… looking for possible holes here… eh, we give up. Fucking most valid scoop in history. Read more on ‘Big Government’ Novelist-Contributor Has Biggest ‘War on Terror’ Scoop Of Decade, Until His Next One!…
  shockers

Bill Kristol Has A Scoop!

HA, Bill Kristol‘s column is like seriously not bad today. Hooray! This is because he writes about actual political strategy and not about how Obama is Hitler at the War Dildo. And he has a scoop, from his friends who work for McCain. Oh neat a scoop. Read more on Bill Kristol Has A Scoop!…