* Scooter Libby is just another persecuted Scientologist. [Outside the Beltway]
* John Edwards goes live tonight using same video chat software your favorite porn sites use. [John Edwards]
* This thing doesn’t look like that thing. [C&L]
* Bill Keller thinks your newspaper sucks. [Romenesko]
* Nancy Pelosi has spendy outfits. [MoJo]
* Hu Jintao is, apparently, the master of his domain. [Dean's World]
* Product placement in future SOTUs is a magic money teet. [Matthew Yglesias]
* Don Sherwood is the kind of guy that would choke a woman and not have the common courtesy to make his hush money payments. [The Politico]

Dharma and some some Scientology lobbyists are throwing a party! We’re a total Clear for Holiday Fun!

* Heard on the Hill: Rep. Jesse Jackson, Jr. makes every member of his staff turn in their resignation, then wait to be rehired… Rep. Mike Pence wore a flashy new suit! He’s running for Minority Leader, so a second suit can’t hurt… Isaac Hayes was on The Hill lobbying for the recording industry. Also, he’s a Scientologist. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Redskins owner/obvious bastard Dan Snyder will be attending Tom Cruise’s cult wedding… More Shelley Sekula-Gibbs, still no details on just how “mean.” [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: As a publicist has already made sure to alert us, Eva Longoria was in town. She told a few jokes at a luncheon or something… Jim McGreevey might be on Joan Rivers’ new show, the Gay View… Freshmen Senators are stuck in the basements of Dirksen and Hart, Bob Corker and Sherrod Brown forced to share copier. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: George Allen’s sister Jennifer wrote stories even dirtier than Jim Webb’s… Alan Keyes, Rep. Chip Pickering (R-Miss.) and former Rep. Bob Barr (R-Ga.). are all in Borat… Senators-elect Sherrod Brown and Amy Klobuchar are former students of Joe Lieberman at Yale… Rep. Allyson Schwartz (D-Pa.) reports: Congress is like High School! [The Hill]

Pictured: Senator Barbara Boxer of California, announcing the Democratic Senate majority’s new “Forced Cult Marriages For All” initiative with brainwashed robot bride Katie Holmes.

Brian Ross’ crack team of Blotters has once again taken the Foley Story to the next level. He’s not with the Scientology space monsters at all!

Former Rep. Mark Foley checked himself into the Sierra Tucson Treatment Center in Arizona two days after he resigned from Congress in disgrace, ABC News has learned.

Lawyers for Foley confirm he’s been an inpatient at the facility since Oct. 1.

Actually, nobody found Foley. ABC News just got hold of a press release from Foley’s lawyers (PDF) that says he’s in the program until Halloween, please leave him alone, etc. He could still be anywhere on Earth, and is most likely following the Old 97’s around the country. MORE »

Mark Foley committed the grave sin of admitting his homosexuality, and Xenu is not pleased. MORE »

Gay sex with children, underage drinking, gross e-mails and IMs, Congress, the Republicans, Macaca, rehab … you were probably thinking there was no possible way this story could get better. Oh ye of little faith, how about a heaping helping of Scientology?

First, our trusty Scientology Investigator sent us this detail:

Foley sent his “Gone to Detox Mansion” fax from Clearwater, Florida. Are there any rehab joints there that aren’t run by Scientology? Remember, that’s the same cult that says they can ‘cure’ homosexuality ….

Let’s investigate, after the jump.

MORE »

• The Osama and Kola story comes to the big screen - think “Pretty Woman meets Midnight Express.” [TPMmuckraker]

• Limbaugh guest host believes racial slurs good enough for Stanley Kubrick are good enough for him. [Media Matters]
• They get moral points for trying, but now Time Inc. is giving up and going back to the grey haired fans that adore them. [Romenesko]
• Tom Cruise knows the Germans are suckers for some totalitarianism and he wants in. [The Swamp]
• You thought S.R. Sidarth uses his free time to help orphans and shut-ins? Nope, he spends “at least a few hours a week jacking off to Internet porn,” just like you . [Riehl World View]
• If New York Democratic gubernatorial candidate Tom Suozzi had any chance of winning, he wouldn’t be wasting time with any of our punch-drunk family members. [Gawker]
• New “Google Soapbox” debuts, has conservative slant. [MoJo]
• Federal Air Marshal Service drops dress code, fearing it endangered marshals cover — it’s not the clothes guys, it’s the mustaches. [Captain's Quarters]

Richard Armitage, formerly of the State Department, is now more or less outed as the first guy to tell the first reporter who Valerie Plame worked for. Much, much, much more interesting: WTF was he doing meeting with TOM CRUISE the SAME DAY? Along with two Church of Scientology bigwigs? We demand the lapdog press look into this. MORE »

* President Ahmadinejad can send a mix tape with any songs he wants, all Bush hears in his head is the remix to that Outkast song — Bombs over Tehran. [Arms Control Wonk] MORE »