Hello Americans. Today we are writing very slowly, because we know that you don’t read very fast. Or good. And we promise to stay away from complicated math, simple math, and any scientific theories more complicated than gravity, because apparently our kids isn’t learning very good. At all. According to a test administered to 15-year-olds […]

So here is some good news for a change: the Ohio Supreme Court upheld the firing of former eighth-grad science teacher John Freshwater, who has become just the latest victim of the Constitution’s dumb insistence that teachers can’t proselytize to their students, even if they call it “critical thinking about evolution.” Now, to be completely, […]

Hola, Wonketeers! It’s time once again for another frighteningly disturbing Wonkette Sci-Blog. Help yourselves to a bowl of ayahuasca and come on in! Whew! I’ve finally gotten all cleaned up and straightened out from another year’s Halloween. It’s truly a wonderful holiday – all the neighborhood children don clever costumes and run right up to […]

David Barton, the fake historian who likes finding true facts about guns in Louis L’Amour novels and who wrote a whole book full of lies about Thomas Jefferson, is branching out from fake history into fake atmospheric science. In a recent YouTube chat with fellow evangelical thought leader Kenneth Copeland — who likes science so […]

Wonkette frenemy and weird child-thrashing advocate Bradlee Dean just wants you all to know that he is not bothered by all you dumb liberal bigots calling him a bigot, and he has studied up on these matters. On his podcast last weekend, Dean explained that he is rubber and you are glue, because Leon Trotsky […]

Everyone would like to think that the ability to get irony and sarcasm has something to do with being smart — it just makes sense, after all, that picking up on the subtle cues that a statement isn’t meant to be taken at face value has something to do with intelligence, or discernment, or something […]

Here we are with another collection of stories that are too stoopid to ignore altogether but that we just couldn’t bring ourselves to waste a full-length post on. Think of it as the Arby-Q of Wonkette posts. Let’s start with the latest from longtime Wonket pal Larry Klayman, who was at it again last week […]

Thanks to the efforts of global warming deniers, House leadership has quietly pulled a bill that would have created an honorary, unpaid position of “American Science Laureate,” saving the nation’s schoolchildren from the specter of encountering dangerous pro-science messages. Science magazine explains that the bill was expected to pass easily until Larry Hart of the […]

Mississippi Sen. Roger Wicker (R – Buried Tire Fire) just wants to know why, in this mean old world, we can’t all get along. Perhaps tired of only coming up in internet searches as “the other guy who got Ricin letters from that one nutcase,” Wicker spoke up the other day for the plight of […]

This week we learned that two upstate New York patriots have very active imaginations and maybe don’t like Muslims so much. Amateur mad scientists Glendon Scott Crawford and Eric J. Feight have been arrested for conspiring to build an actual remote-controlled, radioactive death ray that would fit inside a van and could be used to […]

For this science-related item, yr Wonkette will start like all good scientists with a hypothesis: conservative wingnuts are a bunch of sniveling titty-babies whose sense of entitled butthurt is directly proportional to their tendency to say incredibly stupid things. In support of our theory we present crusty fuck-sock Rep. Dana Rohrabacher, a bloviating sack of fail from […]

Welcome, Wonkeratti, to yet another weird & unsettling Wonkette Sci-Blog. Take off your pants and come on in! Mr. McGuire: I just want to say one word to you. Just one word. Benjamin: Yes, sir. Mr. McGuire: Are you listening? Benjamin: Yes, I am. Mr. McGuire: Plastics. Mr. McGuire was onto something. If Benjamin had […]

We received an important press release from Dr. Paul Cameron, who is a Very Important Scientist with a Ph.D. and everything. Somehow, we had never heard of him until he, acting as his own PR flack, emailed our benevolent Editrix, but he really is quite a piece of work — there aren’t a lot of […]

Sorry, good Christian Wonkers, but it looks like Idaho biology teacher Tim McDaniel, WHO SAID VAGINA DURING A CLASS ON THE REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM, is not going to get fired for his vagina-saying crime spree. Instead he’ll probably just be reprimanded. Can we at least get a stoning up in this bitch? Tim McDaniel is being […]

Hi there, Wonketteers! I’m Proud to be able to bring to you a New Wonkette Feature: a weekly round-up of Current Events in – SCIENCE! Your Esteemed Editrix, Rebecca Schoenkopf, has pulled Yours Truly away from furiously carpet-bombing Wonkville with bizarre and disgusting Science Related Stories and given me the opportunity to do the same […]