Wonkette

Today John McCain announced his most insanely simplistic campaign idea yet: a science fair contest. He proposed “a $300 million government prize to whoever can develop an automobile battery that far surpasses existing technology.” Screw you people; Wonkette is going to Home Depot to buy sheet metal, rivets, and Legos right now. MORE »

Terrible Sen. Joe Lieberman mustn’t have “gotten the message” when Barry Obama beat him up on the Senate Floor yesterday. Instead of backing off Obama, Lieberman is now growing advanced human embryos that will mature into 18-year-olds over the course of 5 months, at which point they will have the option of either voting for McCain or being sent to Iraq. Two of these options will send them to Iraq.

Ha ha, just kidding. Here’s the presumptive Republican nominee in a South Florida meth lab, cooking up more pills for his beloved. Shortly after this photo was taken, he unveiled his revolutionary plan to make health care more affordable for the poor by giving them tax credits on taxes they don’t pay because they are too poor to pay taxes. Then he peed in a cup and swallowed an entire bottle of Centrum Silver to show the world how easy and affordable health care can be. [From The Road/AP Photo]

Robot slaves may be the foot soldiers in John McCain’s thousand-year surge, if expert predictions prove true. Scientists in the field of artificial intelligence see a time in the not-so-distant future when robots will be able to kill on command without any human intervention. This intriguing development could leave the United States to wage robot wars across the planet with other countries’ robots, making war into a sort of healthy and ultimately deathless exercise, except for the robot slaves who will perish horribly in flames. Scientific proof after the jump. MORE »

Each week, the Comics Curmudgeon helps explain Today’s Cartoons.

Who says the Republicans are against science? That’s a vicious slander. “Social Conservatives” are only against science when science comes up with results that are at variance with the things they already believe or want, and in that sense they’re exactly like everybody else. MORE »

Since his dipshit performance on Sunday’s Meet the Press, former decent human being Ron Paul’s own Paultardation has been soaring to new vistas. He’s also, however, a well-known Jesuser — so Jesusery, in fact, that he doesn’t believe in evolution! Like teh Huckbeez! Can these people even breathe with all that batshit in their mouths? MORE »

The Texas Higher Education Coordinating Board is deciding next month whether to allow a bunch of Jesusers at the Institution for Creation Research offer science teaching degrees. One might assume that their particular brand of “science” includes lots of amino acids and dinosaurs named Adam, Eve, Eve, Adam and maybe also Eve. MORE »

Scientific researchers in Japan and Wisconsin yesterday announced the results of some very complex stem cell research that could eventually have a significant impact on disease once a variety of other research in conducted and results are peer-reviewed and the like. But, who cares about that crap when you can claim a political victory?

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Scientists and economists have been offered $10,000 each by a lobby group funded by one of the world’s largest oil companies to undermine a major climate change report due to be published today.

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Senator Jim Inhofe is still, for now, the head of the Senate Environment Committee, because Irony was brutally murdered by George Allen and placed in a black family’s mailbox some years ago. Having saved the world from melting by denying the existence of global warming, Inhofe is now making his own scientific findings available for you to peruse on a Senate website. The pamplet, “Burn more oil, everything’s fine, you stupid hippie,” makes a great holiday gift, if your friends like pdf files. MORE »