Tag Archives: science

  Fire Island Causes Global Warming

Rick Santorum: Know What Really Makes Sea Levels Rise? Gay Marriage.

Also, we should slash NASA's budget and give it to sidewalk anti-abortion counselors
Pathetic self-parody Rick Santorum took to The Fox and The Friends Sunday to explain how to fix the Supreme Court, after it broke America last week, and make America all better again, and the way to do that is for presidents to stop wasting time talking about fake stuff like “Global Warming” and to instead save the American family from turning all gay. Read more on Rick Santorum: Know What Really Makes Sea Levels Rise? Gay Marriage….
  the apocalypse starts right here right now

Flatworms, Flesh-Eating Bacteria And Rick Scott (But We Repeat Ourselves): Your Florida Roundup

The South Gon’ Rise Again (in a not-racist way this time, honest)
Greeting, Wonketteers. Are you ready to take a well-deserved break from your buttsechs gay marriage orgies and sojourn with me down to Your Very Favorite Land of Snakes and Swamps, a dystopian hellscape that not even Wes Anderson could make adorable? Sure you are! Let’s get to it. Read more on Flatworms, Flesh-Eating Bacteria And Rick Scott (But We Repeat Ourselves): Your Florida Roundup…
  Stay Cool Boy

Saving Planet Would Save Lots Of Money Too, Go Figure!

Yeah, but that's just, like, your opinion, man
Looks like the socialist science fiends at Global Warming Hoax Headquarters have decided to fight dirty: Now they’re saying that preventing catastrophic climate change would actually cost a lot less money than just letting things go all to hell. That’s pretty underhanded, using science facts to appeal to people’s self-interest! A new EPA report, Climate Change in the United States: Benefits of Global Action, projects how the USA would benefit from international action to limit global temperature increases to 2 degrees Celsius above pre-industrial levels, versus the costs of allowing temperature increases to continue at current rates. It’s pretty impressive, until you remind yourself that scientists paid by the oil industry reassure us global warming is all just a myth. Read more on Saving Planet Would Save Lots Of Money Too, Go Figure!…
  Got some big math test to study for or something?

Kids These Days So Lame They Don’t Even Get Potted Up On Legal Weed

DO NOT DO THAT, KIDS, IT IS A JOKE.
We’ve been hearing the arguments for years from the Reefer Madness crowd: If you legalize drugs, then EVERYBODY will get potted up on weed, because removing the “forbidden fruit” aspect from things always makes them more appealing. Well it turns out that, according to a new study, legalizing medical marijuana does not lead to an increase in stoner teenagers, despite what you were warned. In fact, overall rates of teens doing the pot has DROPPED slightly in states that have legalized medical pot: Read more on Kids These Days So Lame They Don’t Even Get Potted Up On Legal Weed…
  We are servicey

You Should Watch These Kittens, Science Says It’s Good For You

On days like this, when we are brutally and tragically reminded that on a scale of one to super fucked, America breaks the damn meter, it’s important to take a moment to also remind ourselves that there are good things in this world that make us smile. Like kittens. And not just because they are SO ADORABLE! but because, according to science, it’s good for us: Read more on You Should Watch These Kittens, Science Says It’s Good For You…
  This won't work unless it does then HURRAY!

Weather Channel Has Evil Scheme To Trick Old Wingnuts Into Believing Climate Change Is Real

Whatever, he should just move to Hawaii
If you are an 86-year-old wingnut, next time you switch back to the Weather Channel from “Wheel Of Fortune,” you might be in for a surprise. There might be a terrible and bad Smartie Pants person talking at you about how “climate change is real” and “no seriously, it is real, you moron.” Even worse, it might be a Republican. Why is the Weather Channel doing tyranny and betrayal to you, when you’re just trying to find out the current forecast for as many cities as you possibly can before you fall asleep in your chair? Read more on Weather Channel Has Evil Scheme To Trick Old Wingnuts Into Believing Climate Change Is Real…
  Are you doing politics wrong? Maybe!

Surgeons Are Conservative, Midwives Hate America. It’s Science!

Learning is fun!
Here is some science for us to play with, from Verdant Labs, which did science research data analysis collection math stuff, and also has an app to tell you how you should name your baby, which is useful if you have never heard any names before, we guess? Read more on Surgeons Are Conservative, Midwives Hate America. It’s Science!…
  not his exact words

Rick Santorum: Dumb Pope Francis Needs To Shut His Mouth About Climate Change

But what about when there was only one set of footprints? I slipped in some Santorum, said Jesus.
Rick Santorum is a Catholic lawyer who likes long piggyback rides on the beach with Jesus and snuggle time with dead fetuses. Pope Francis is the boss of Catholics, and he also has a masters’ degree in chemistry, from his pre-poping days.* One of these men needs to stay out of trying to say words about climate change, and according to Santorum, it’s Big Dumb Pope. Read more on Rick Santorum: Dumb Pope Francis Needs To Shut His Mouth About Climate Change…
  The Dunning-Kruger Effect In Action

Idiot Homeschool Mom Reviews Creation Museum, Likes How It Bibles Up Science

she's as enthusiastic as ever!
We’re sad to report that her very modest YouTube success may have spoiled Megan Fox — not the pouty, please-rescue-me gal from the Transformers movies, but the loopy Christianist homeschool mom whose bizarre “audit” of Chicago’s Field Museum became a viral must-see last fall. She did a follow-up visit to a zoo, where she explained that hunters have saved the wild animals of “Zambibia,” but while her eyes are just as crazy as ever, her schtick was already growing old. Now she’s back with a new multi-part exploration of Kentucky’s Creation Museum, and — would you believe this? — where she was awfully skeptical of all the “science” in the Field Museum, she finds the Creation Museum “pretty convincing.” Read more on Idiot Homeschool Mom Reviews Creation Museum, Likes How It Bibles Up Science…
  Don't Know Much About A Science Book

Rick Santorum Such A Idiot He Can’t Even Deny Science Good

Probably should pull the cone outta his mouth to make room for his foot.
Poor ol’ Rick Santorum is already having a hard time keeping up with the Conservaherd in the Great 2016 Republican Coronation Scramble. Just look at his lame, thoroughly derivative attempt to ignore climate science during a Thursday event in Des Moines, Iowa: Read more on Rick Santorum Such A Idiot He Can’t Even Deny Science Good…
  sex respect

Jizz Causes Lady Cancer, And Other Fun Sex Tips From The Duggars

We’ve learned so much about the Duggars in the past couple weeks! Of course, we now know, in grisly detail, about how Josh Duggar molested five girls, four of whom were also his co-stars on TLC’s 19 Kids And Counting, i.e., his sisters. We’ve also been learning more and more about the creepy homeschooling cult the Duggars subscribe to, that of alleged sex crimer Bill Gothard’s Advanced Training Institute (ATI). We know the sort of horrific counseling Josh’s victims likely received, using materials from the ATI cult that suggest when little girls are molested, they share some of the blame, for being female, and for being available targets. Read more on Jizz Causes Lady Cancer, And Other Fun Sex Tips From The Duggars…
  Global Worming

Jeb Bush: People Need To Stop Being So Uppity About Climate Science

Honestly, what do we know, even?
Jeb Bush has had just about enough of these people who think that science actually proves anything, and he’s not going to let Barack Obama get away with arrogantly telling people that climate change is real, or that we know why it’s happening. So Wednesday, after the President devoted much of his commencement address at the Coast Guard Academy to discussing the national security implications of climate change, Bush just couldn’t hold his tongue anymore, and not just because he had slobber all over his fingers again. Climate change may be real, Bush said, but let’s not get carried away and treat it like a significant priority or anything. Read more on Jeb Bush: People Need To Stop Being So Uppity About Climate Science…
  Here have some news n stuff

Fox News Affiliate Will Protect You From Picasso’s Fancy Sex Nipples

Sorry you just broke your monitor because this picture gave you such a boner.
Don’t you hate it when you’re watching the evening news with your mom and they say “BREAKING!” and it’s a story about how a Picasso sold for $179M at Christie’s auction, so you freak out because you just know they’re going to show art nipples on teevee, and now you have a boner in front of your mom? Well, Fox 5 in New York decided to blur them out so that won’t happen: Read more on Fox News Affiliate Will Protect You From Picasso’s Fancy Sex Nipples…
  Nobody Expects The Science Inquisition!

Louisiana Senator Is Not Cool With Scientists Murdering All The Creationists Dead

It’s spring, so it’s time for the Louisiana state legislature’s annual competition for who can come up with the stupidest rationale to keep the awful “Louisiana Science Education Act” (LSEA), an anti-evolution law that’s been in place since 2008. This year’s winner is state Sen. Elbert Guillory (R-Opelousas Doopity Doo), who reminded his colleagues of the horrors of scientific consensus, like back in olden times when scientists were so sure the Earth was flat that they burned nonbelievers at the stake. Nobody expects the Science Inquisition! Read more on Louisiana Senator Is Not Cool With Scientists Murdering All The Creationists Dead…
  That There's Some Bullshit

Wyoming Won’t Have You Going Around Taking Pictures Of Their Cow Sh*t Infested E. Coli Rivers

OK, sure, this photo is from New Jersey. But it's cows in a stream. There's your disclaimer. Freakin' PolitiFact.
Congratulations, Wyoming! You just passed what may be the dumbest anti-science law of the year, and that’s saying something, just considering that Texas and Florida are still states (at least until Texas is neutralized by Jade Helm). Just how odious is Wyoming’s new dumb law? Basically, it makes it illegal for any private citizen to collect water samples (or take photographs) on any “open land” for the nefarious purpose of giving data to a state or federal regulatory agency. Excuse us, please, but WUT? Read more on Wyoming Won’t Have You Going Around Taking Pictures Of Their Cow Sh*t Infested E. Coli Rivers…
  Jesus Built My Critical Thinking

Alabama Rep. Saves Schoolkids From Learning They Are Disgusting Monkeys

'Maybe God made a monkey that doesn't like to think it's a monkey, and lies a lot.' -- Joe Rogan
This is exciting! Alabama state Rep. Mack “Not a Porn Name” Butler has introduced a bill that will encourage students to “think critically” about science by allowing teachers greater latitude to add stuff to science classes that isn’t so much science as not science, so everyone can learn more better! As Butler explains on his highly amusing Facebook page, it’s all about freedom and openness, and learning that we didn’t come from monkeys! Read more on Alabama Rep. Saves Schoolkids From Learning They Are Disgusting Monkeys…
  Have A Reality? This Guy Will Deny It!

Holocaust-Denying Dude Has GREAT Idea: ‘Nuremberg Trials’ For Climate Scientists!

And he was such a nice young man
So here’s something you don’t see every day: A guy who says the Holocaust never happened — or was, you know, “greatly exaggerated” — is now calling for “Nuremberg Trial nastiness” for climate scientists and other criminals who have wrecked the economy and freedom. Let’s Wonksplore what may be the dumbest rightwing stupidity we’ve read all week — although we do need to caution that Erik Rush’s column at WND doesn’t come out until Thursdays. Read more on Holocaust-Denying Dude Has GREAT Idea: ‘Nuremberg Trials’ For Climate Scientists!…
  Better Living Through Ignorance

House GOP Hearing On Science Uncontaminated By Any Scientists

Please adjust your speaker settings if your computer can't handle the Dolby
In the great Republican tradition of white people telling black people what racism is, or congressional committees run by men setting policies on women’s health, the Natural Resources Committee held a very important hearing on the politicization of science last week. To keep the testimony untainted by bias, subcommittee chair Rep. Louie Gohmert didn’t invite any actual scientists to testify. It was an inspiring reminder that the House Science Committee doesn’t have a monopoly on ruining science. Read more on House GOP Hearing On Science Uncontaminated By Any Scientists…
  It happens to all guys seriously

Ben Carson Prematurely Ejaculates Presidential Announcement

Ben Carson is only doing this because people are BEGGING him to.
Dr. Ben Carson, who is very good at being a neurosurgeon but doesn’t seem to have other strengths, officially announces his candidacy to lose to Hillary Clinton in Detroit today, but whoops, guess he couldn’t keep the “secret” any longer, because he “leaked” the news to WHAM ABC 13 in Rochester on Sunday. In the interview, Carson sleepily says that he is “willing to be part of [that] equation,” presumably the equation required to save America from all the economic growth and healthcare wrought by evil Obama’s reign of terror. Therefore he will run for president! Hurray, is 2016 over yet? Read more on Ben Carson Prematurely Ejaculates Presidential Announcement…
  Faster Pussycat Kill Kill

The Snake Oil Bulletin: No, Your Cat Is Not Vegan. You Are An Idiot Who Is Killing Your Cat.

Not related to the story but CUTE.
Welcome back, you unwashed masses! It’s time for your weekly dose of pseudoscience and phooey we like to call the Snake Oil Bulletin. Our main story today involves the delightful murderous fluff muffin you see above, let’s meet that kitty cat! Read more on The Snake Oil Bulletin: No, Your Cat Is Not Vegan. You Are An Idiot Who Is Killing Your Cat….
  Sexism? Where?

Lady Scientists’ Study Would Have Been Better If A Boy Wrote It, According To Science

We can already tell this experiment will fail!
Here is some proof that sexism is still a thing, in case you had forgotten all about it. Two lady biologists submitted a paper for peer review, which is that thing scientists do to make sure they’ve done their science good. The reviewer had but one critique: this paper would be a hell of a lot better if some dudes did it. That was really the only criticism! University of Sussex researcher Fiona Ingleby was very surprised to hear this, and posted it all over Twitter, LIKE LADIES DO: Read more on Lady Scientists’ Study Would Have Been Better If A Boy Wrote It, According To Science…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments: This One’s About Vaccines And Vaginas!

Vacation plan: Clean apartment, finish reading that Twain biography. Vacation reality: Booze & MLP fanfic
Oh, Wonkers, we have some beautiful deletia for you this week! Looks to us like some people have really been working overtime in the Derp Mines to bring us this fine assortment of stupidity. For starters, we have this thought-provoking bit of turnabout from “John Smith” (Real name: “Bob Johnson”), who understands that Bobby Jindal just wants to protect Liberty from the homos. Just think about this — would you libs really be so hot on forcing Christians to provide services to gay people if it also meant that gay people would have to serve people with whom they have traditionally been at Culture War? Read more on Deleted Comments: This One’s About Vaccines And Vaginas!…