Tag Archives: science

  Here a Hitler there a Hitler

Verified Jew Person Sarah Silverman Is Biggest Hitler Since Barack Obama

Not what she said exactly but whatever!
So many Hitlers in the news this week, so little time! Barack Obama is doing Hitler stuff by making a deal with Iran to try to keep them from getting a bomb, which is very different from Republicans’ request of can we please just bomb that Muzzie country what scares us so much, and probably set off World War Three in doing so? Either you’re down with that plan or you’re totally Hitler. And now Sarah Silverman, a Twitter-verified Jewish, is one-upping Obama’s Hitler-ness by saying that Planned Parenthood is okay and doesn’t actually sell baby parts, even though it’s obvious that it sells so many baby parts. Coming soon to a mall near you! The Planned Parenthood Baby Parts Store! Right between Claire’s and Wet Seal!  (They do not sell baby parts, and if you believe that you are a fucking dumbshit.) Read more on Verified Jew Person Sarah Silverman Is Biggest Hitler Since Barack Obama…
  LOLOL

Loser Dudes Who Harass Ladies Online Are Micropenis Losers In Real Life Too, Says Science

Is this yr Wonkette's secret admirer? MAYBE! XOXOXO
Are you ready for WONKET SCIENCE KORNER? Of course you are, because we are liberals and we love science! Let’s look at the Washington Post to find out what Studies Show today, oh look, Studies Show that if you are a man who is mean to ladies on the Internet, then you are a limp-dicked uneducated LOOOOOOSER lame-ass unwashed mass on the buttocks of America, and you would be sad about that if you weren’t so stupid: Read more on Loser Dudes Who Harass Ladies Online Are Micropenis Losers In Real Life Too, Says Science…
  What's All This About NASA And Some Puto?

Ted Cruz Super Excited By NASA Pluto Flyby, Still Wants To Murder NASA

He's the Urban Spaceman, baby, here comes the twist: He hates scie-en-tists!
Hey, how about that exciting NASA flyby of Pluto? The incredibly cool New Horizons spacecraft passed within about 7,800 miles of the dwarf planet, and got the most detailed photographs of its surface ever. And Sen. Ted Cruz, who fancies himself a huge fan of the Final Frontier, was pretty jazzed about it too, telling Politico, “This is a historic milestone in space exploration,” and informing the National Journal that this was an example of “NASA doing what it does best, pushing the boundaries of our imagination by traveling to the unknown.” Because, as we’ve noted before, what Ted Cruz thinks NASA needs to be doing is concentrating on stuff that is far away from Earth — the real space science, not all the stupid wasteful research that NASA has been doing on our own planet, which isn’t in space at all, and also isn’t even good science, as Ted Cruz understands science. Which is badly. Read more on Ted Cruz Super Excited By NASA Pluto Flyby, Still Wants To Murder NASA…
  Fire Island Causes Global Warming

Rick Santorum: Know What Really Makes Sea Levels Rise? Gay Marriage.

Also, we should slash NASA's budget and give it to sidewalk anti-abortion counselors
Pathetic self-parody Rick Santorum took to The Fox and The Friends Sunday to explain how to fix the Supreme Court, after it broke America last week, and make America all better again, and the way to do that is for presidents to stop wasting time talking about fake stuff like “Global Warming” and to instead save the American family from turning all gay. Read more on Rick Santorum: Know What Really Makes Sea Levels Rise? Gay Marriage….
  the apocalypse starts right here right now

Flatworms, Flesh-Eating Bacteria And Rick Scott (But We Repeat Ourselves): Your Florida Roundup

The South Gon’ Rise Again (in a not-racist way this time, honest)
Greeting, Wonketteers. Are you ready to take a well-deserved break from your buttsechs gay marriage orgies and sojourn with me down to Your Very Favorite Land of Snakes and Swamps, a dystopian hellscape that not even Wes Anderson could make adorable? Sure you are! Let’s get to it. Read more on Flatworms, Flesh-Eating Bacteria And Rick Scott (But We Repeat Ourselves): Your Florida Roundup…
  Stay Cool Boy

Saving Planet Would Save Lots Of Money Too, Go Figure!

Yeah, but that's just, like, your opinion, man
Looks like the socialist science fiends at Global Warming Hoax Headquarters have decided to fight dirty: Now they’re saying that preventing catastrophic climate change would actually cost a lot less money than just letting things go all to hell. That’s pretty underhanded, using science facts to appeal to people’s self-interest! A new EPA report, Climate Change in the United States: Benefits of Global Action, projects how the USA would benefit from international action to limit global temperature increases to 2 degrees Celsius above pre-industrial levels, versus the costs of allowing temperature increases to continue at current rates. It’s pretty impressive, until you remind yourself that scientists paid by the oil industry reassure us global warming is all just a myth. Read more on Saving Planet Would Save Lots Of Money Too, Go Figure!…
  Got some big math test to study for or something?

Kids These Days So Lame They Don’t Even Get Potted Up On Legal Weed

DO NOT DO THAT, KIDS, IT IS A JOKE.
We’ve been hearing the arguments for years from the Reefer Madness crowd: If you legalize drugs, then EVERYBODY will get potted up on weed, because removing the “forbidden fruit” aspect from things always makes them more appealing. Well it turns out that, according to a new study, legalizing medical marijuana does not lead to an increase in stoner teenagers, despite what you were warned. In fact, overall rates of teens doing the pot has DROPPED slightly in states that have legalized medical pot: Read more on Kids These Days So Lame They Don’t Even Get Potted Up On Legal Weed…
  We are servicey

You Should Watch These Kittens, Science Says It’s Good For You

On days like this, when we are brutally and tragically reminded that on a scale of one to super fucked, America breaks the damn meter, it’s important to take a moment to also remind ourselves that there are good things in this world that make us smile. Like kittens. And not just because they are SO ADORABLE! but because, according to science, it’s good for us: Read more on You Should Watch These Kittens, Science Says It’s Good For You…
  This won't work unless it does then HURRAY!

Weather Channel Has Evil Scheme To Trick Old Wingnuts Into Believing Climate Change Is Real

Whatever, he should just move to Hawaii
If you are an 86-year-old wingnut, next time you switch back to the Weather Channel from “Wheel Of Fortune,” you might be in for a surprise. There might be a terrible and bad Smartie Pants person talking at you about how “climate change is real” and “no seriously, it is real, you moron.” Even worse, it might be a Republican. Why is the Weather Channel doing tyranny and betrayal to you, when you’re just trying to find out the current forecast for as many cities as you possibly can before you fall asleep in your chair? Read more on Weather Channel Has Evil Scheme To Trick Old Wingnuts Into Believing Climate Change Is Real…
  Are you doing politics wrong? Maybe!

Surgeons Are Conservative, Midwives Hate America. It’s Science!

Learning is fun!
Here is some science for us to play with, from Verdant Labs, which did science research data analysis collection math stuff, and also has an app to tell you how you should name your baby, which is useful if you have never heard any names before, we guess? Read more on Surgeons Are Conservative, Midwives Hate America. It’s Science!…
  not his exact words

Rick Santorum: Dumb Pope Francis Needs To Shut His Mouth About Climate Change

But what about when there was only one set of footprints? I slipped in some Santorum, said Jesus.
Rick Santorum is a Catholic lawyer who likes long piggyback rides on the beach with Jesus and snuggle time with dead fetuses. Pope Francis is the boss of Catholics, and he also has a masters’ degree in chemistry, from his pre-poping days.* One of these men needs to stay out of trying to say words about climate change, and according to Santorum, it’s Big Dumb Pope. Read more on Rick Santorum: Dumb Pope Francis Needs To Shut His Mouth About Climate Change…
  The Dunning-Kruger Effect In Action

Idiot Homeschool Mom Reviews Creation Museum, Likes How It Bibles Up Science

she's as enthusiastic as ever!
We’re sad to report that her very modest YouTube success may have spoiled Megan Fox — not the pouty, please-rescue-me gal from the Transformers movies, but the loopy Christianist homeschool mom whose bizarre “audit” of Chicago’s Field Museum became a viral must-see last fall. She did a follow-up visit to a zoo, where she explained that hunters have saved the wild animals of “Zambibia,” but while her eyes are just as crazy as ever, her schtick was already growing old. Now she’s back with a new multi-part exploration of Kentucky’s Creation Museum, and — would you believe this? — where she was awfully skeptical of all the “science” in the Field Museum, she finds the Creation Museum “pretty convincing.” Read more on Idiot Homeschool Mom Reviews Creation Museum, Likes How It Bibles Up Science…
  Don't Know Much About A Science Book

Rick Santorum Such A Idiot He Can’t Even Deny Science Good

Can't go wrong with the classics
Poor ol’ Rick Santorum is already having a hard time keeping up with the Conservaherd in the Great 2016 Republican Coronation Scramble. Just look at his lame, thoroughly derivative attempt to ignore climate science during a Thursday event in Des Moines, Iowa: Read more on Rick Santorum Such A Idiot He Can’t Even Deny Science Good…
  sex respect

Jizz Causes Lady Cancer, And Other Fun Sex Tips From The Duggars

We’ve learned so much about the Duggars in the past couple weeks! Of course, we now know, in grisly detail, about how Josh Duggar molested five girls, four of whom were also his co-stars on TLC’s 19 Kids And Counting, i.e., his sisters. We’ve also been learning more and more about the creepy homeschooling cult the Duggars subscribe to, that of alleged sex crimer Bill Gothard’s Advanced Training Institute (ATI). We know the sort of horrific counseling Josh’s victims likely received, using materials from the ATI cult that suggest when little girls are molested, they share some of the blame, for being female, and for being available targets. Read more on Jizz Causes Lady Cancer, And Other Fun Sex Tips From The Duggars…
  Global Worming

Jeb Bush: People Need To Stop Being So Uppity About Climate Science

Honestly, what do we know, even?
Jeb Bush has had just about enough of these people who think that science actually proves anything, and he’s not going to let Barack Obama get away with arrogantly telling people that climate change is real, or that we know why it’s happening. So Wednesday, after the President devoted much of his commencement address at the Coast Guard Academy to discussing the national security implications of climate change, Bush just couldn’t hold his tongue anymore, and not just because he had slobber all over his fingers again. Climate change may be real, Bush said, but let’s not get carried away and treat it like a significant priority or anything. Read more on Jeb Bush: People Need To Stop Being So Uppity About Climate Science…
  Here have some news n stuff

Fox News Affiliate Will Protect You From Picasso’s Fancy Sex Nipples

Sorry you just broke your monitor because this picture gave you such a boner.
Don’t you hate it when you’re watching the evening news with your mom and they say “BREAKING!” and it’s a story about how a Picasso sold for $179M at Christie’s auction, so you freak out because you just know they’re going to show art nipples on teevee, and now you have a boner in front of your mom? Well, Fox 5 in New York decided to blur them out so that won’t happen: Read more on Fox News Affiliate Will Protect You From Picasso’s Fancy Sex Nipples…