schools
Schools To Get Blowed Up By Terrorists, Says Man Who Really Really Wants To Carry Gun At Schools
Matt Davis is a renaissance man. He’s a former GOP spokesman, a columnist, and a fan of armed insurrection. He also sounds like a raving paranoid. It is against the law to carry concealed weapons at schools, but Matt Davis cares not for these burdensome rules that deny him the right to protect his children [...]
ACLU Tries to Spoil Dumb Fad Of Sex-Segregated Schools, For the Kids
Well, darn those radical feminists at the ACLU, they are interfering with what appears to be the educational fad du jour, sex-segregated classes. While we remember some of the “Oh Noes, Feminism is a War Against Boys” nonsense from a decade ago, and there’s no end of whining about the alleged excesses of feminism, we [...]
Mitt Romney Will Turn All The Nation’s Schools Into Louisiana And It Will Be So Great
Everyone can relax now because I am back from my vacation and here to shed light on all the horrible things that are in store for, or currently happening to, the Best Country On Earth.™ And as it turns out, there are several, which at this point should come to a surprise to exactly no [...]
Wasilla Authorities Censor Giant Vagina
Local authorities in the exurban slush slum of Wasilla, Alaska, have taken direct action to stop a large, weird vagina from getting any additional media attention. The Mat-Su Frontiersman (?) reports: For Wasilla High School Principal Amy Spargo, she said she doesn’t view her decision to cover the sculpture as censorship. After receiving complaints from [...]
Arizona Schools Ban Mex-Am Studies, Angry Kids Put On Janitorial Duty
In a page right out of Newt Gingrich’s alternate-history science-fiction wingnut-polygamy utopian epic Candyland Space Land, the school district in Tucson has completely banned Mexican-American studies, seized all the textbooks and even wall posters from the classrooms, and punished the students who protested by sentencing them to janitorial duty. The self-hating Latina lady who oversees [...]
Congress Bravely Pushes Cafeteria Cheese-Slop on Our Children
America’s children are still by and large grotesquely overweight these days, we hear? AND STAY THAT WAY is the message from the corporate shills in Congress waging a heroic battle against a USDA proposal requiring school cafeterias to quit counting french fries and tomato sauce on frozen pizzas as “vegetables,” because the “federal government shouldn’t [...]
Farm Animals Are Latest Things Stealing Jobs from Americans
Here is an interesting development that is occurring in Pennsylvania: it appears that we have been so busy worrying about the Mexicans stealing all the jobs from white people that we forgot to watch out for that other problem, which is livestock stealing jobs from humans. Oops! It is pretty much the creepy sci-fi version [...]
Texas Teacher Mocks Muslim Student After Osama Killing
A Houston high school teacher found a great way to talk about the exciting news of Osama bin Laden’s killing: He told a Muslim girl in his ninth grade algebra class, “I bet you’re grieving.” Ha ha, just a topical joke! And then he added, “Hey, algebra is Muslim, too. I bet algebra is grieving.” [...]
The Only Solution To Our Education Crisis: Fire the Children
Not too long ago, certain young people, like former D.C. child baron Michelle Rhee, were picked up from their Ivy League graduations in Teach for America warplanes and parachuted onto schools in low-income areas, which, according to them, suddenly made them experts on the “education crisis.” What is the education crisis? The education crisis is [...]
Chuck Norris: Liberal Propaganda In Schools Causing Kids To Not Hate Gays
Why should liberals want to change the public educational system when it is turning out the product they have been striving for years to produce? Check out these real news headlines from the past several weeks and months about the state of U.S. public education across the country: “U.S. teachers tell U.N. sex is a [...]
Steve King Often Tells Young Children Parable About Gunman Shooting Them
According to Steve King, Steve King likes to tell young schoolchildren a story about a strange man walking to their school and sticking a thing of his through the door of their classroom. No, not that thing, a gun! And then the gunman shoots children like them. This happens all the time, he says. And [...]
Today In Tragicomic Third-World Anecdotes From Detroit
Kind of feel sorry for this guy, who seems nice and energetic and whatever, and is good at math, but still: the president of the Detroit school board may be functionally illiterate. No, really: it took him 10+ years to get his college degree because he kept failing an English proficiency exam, the requirement for [...]
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