While some people are getting their knickers in a twist about guns and trying to limit the number of guns in circulation, the good people of Missouri are taking a more direct approach, getting guns into the hands of classroom teachers where they belong. The Kansas City Star had a big Sunday profile on one […]

Let’s set the stage. You are drunk and/or high, and need a burger. You go to your local Jack in the Box. Just as you are ordering, the French fries start attacking you. Luckily, you are strapped, so you are able to defend your freedom or stand your ground and Second Amendment those fries to […]

Let’s say you live in Kansas and you are super duper into the idea of spanking your kid because you can’t think of any other way to address disciplinary issues or just because you are an abusive bastard. (Why choose?) And let’s say that you also wish that someone would just clarify how much spanking […]

Oh, golly, you know sometimes Yr Doktor Zoom goes a few weeks or more without encountering the odd mental oscillations of Wonkette frenemy Bradlee Dean, who keeps failing to sue us so we can get all his money. We still think that Jim Hoft richly deserves his title of Stupidest Man on the Internet, but […]

The Superintendent and the Director of Athletics and Activities for the Coatesville Area School District in Pennsylvania both “unexpectedly resigned” during the first week of school this year. Turns out that they had been trading racist texts on their school-provided phones for most of the summer. Not the sort of stupid Obama-as-a-witch-doctor kind of thing […]

Lots of state legislatures, those cute little incubators of democracy, have suggested that teachers pack heat because post-Newtown you can’t be too careful, you know. Most people have been too scared to pull the trigger on this genius plan, but not the good folks of Clarksville High School in Arkansas, who will be letting their […]

Matt Davis is a renaissance man. He’s a former GOP spokesman, a columnist, and a fan of armed insurrection. He also sounds like a raving paranoid. It is against the law to carry concealed weapons at schools, but Matt Davis cares not for these burdensome rules that deny him the right to protect his children […]

Well, darn those radical feminists at the ACLU, they are interfering with what appears to be the educational fad du jour, sex-segregated classes. While we remember some of the “Oh Noes, Feminism is a War Against Boys” nonsense from a decade ago, and there’s no end of whining about the alleged excesses of feminism, we […]

Everyone can relax now because I am back from my vacation and here to shed light on all the horrible things that are in store for, or currently happening to, the Best Country On Earth.™ And as it turns out, there are several, which at this point should come to a surprise to exactly no […]

UHHH  11:29 am February 21, 2012

Wasilla Authorities Censor Giant Vagina

by Wonkette Jr.

Local authorities in the exurban slush slum of Wasilla, Alaska, have taken direct action to stop a large, weird vagina from getting any additional media attention. The Mat-Su Frontiersman (?) reports: For Wasilla High School Principal Amy Spargo, she said she doesn’t view her decision to cover the sculpture as censorship. After receiving complaints from […]

In a page right out of Newt Gingrich’s alternate-history science-fiction wingnut-polygamy utopian epic Candyland Space Land, the school district in Tucson has completely banned Mexican-American studies, seized all the textbooks and even wall posters from the classrooms, and punished the students who protested by sentencing them to janitorial duty. The self-hating Latina lady who oversees […]

Georgia’s Gwinnett County School District is coming under fire after parents came across math homework featuring some really atrocious questions involving slavery. Two questions in particular — one involving the number of oranges picked by slaves and another about the number of times Frederick Douglass might have been beaten in a week — were apparently […]

America’s children are still by and large grotesquely overweight these days, we hear? AND STAY THAT WAY is the message from the corporate shills in Congress waging a heroic battle against a USDA proposal requiring school cafeterias to quit counting french fries and tomato sauce on frozen pizzas as “vegetables,” because the “federal government shouldn’t […]

Here is an interesting development that is occurring in Pennsylvania: it appears that we have been so busy worrying about the Mexicans stealing all the jobs from white people that we forgot to watch out for that other problem, which is livestock stealing jobs from humans. Oops! It is pretty much the creepy sci-fi version […]

A Houston high school teacher found a great way to talk about the exciting news of Osama bin Laden’s killing: He told a Muslim girl in his ninth grade algebra class, “I bet you’re grieving.” Ha ha, just a topical joke! And then he added, “Hey, algebra is Muslim, too. I bet algebra is grieving.” […]