Tag: school shooting

Campuses feel safer already

‘Oath Keepers’ To Teach America’s Kids How To Bum-Rush Gunmen, Resist Tyranny

Those Oath Keeper guys are really branching out! No longer content to wait for the chance to have an armed showdown with the feds over gold mines on public land, they've recently started boycotting Waffle House for not hugging...
Somehow this has become routine

Another Day, Another Campus Shooting: One Dead, Three Injured, Yawn

There was another shooting on a college campus Friday, this time at Northern Arizona University in Flagstaff (disclosure: Yr Dok Zoom's alma mater). It occurred at about 1:20 a.m., in the parking lot of a residence hall that houses...
'Hey, guys, everybody attack him. He...' BLAM!!

Ben Carson Beated Up A Robber One Time, With His Brain

Ben Carson continues his hilarious winning strategy of telling America that the victims of last week's massacre were a bunch of pussies, because who in their right mind gets shot? That's so lame. He has either refused to consider...
Mind: Blown

Rand Paul Will Save America’s Children With Some Stickers

Like every other Republican with grand delusions of moving into the White House in 2017, Rand Paul has no idea what to do about America's routine mass shootings. But, as with his fellow Republicans, that has not stopped him from sharing the creaking...
All the classiest offices have Kalashnikov lamps

Nevada Rep. Michele Fiore Investigates: Why Does Prozac Keep Mass-Shooting Everyone?

The Loopy Conspiracy Brigade has found a voice (again) in the person of Nevada State Assemblywoman Michele Fiore, who's calling for studies to determine whether psychiatric medications make people suddenly want to use their freedom-loving semi-automatic weapons to commit...
And a former thug. Grr.

Ben Carson Will Only Visit Families After Next Massacre If Victims Aren’t Such Pussies

Dr. Ben Carson has been sharing a lot of thoughts about the massacre in Oregon, and for a fellow who sort of faded into the background of the first two Republican debates, something about the murders in Roseburg has...

Sheriff Investigating Oregon Massacre Likes ‘Oath Keepers,’ Sandy Hook Truthers. Oh, Fun.

Since the horrific shootings at Umpqua Community College last Thursday, the Internet has discovered oodles of fun stuff about Sheriff John Hanlin, whose office is investigating the murders. For one thing, the month following the Sandy Hook Elementary massacre,...
Sad Jebbers is sadness.

President Jeb Bush Addresses Grieving Nation: ‘Stuff Happens’

If you've been wondering what President Jeb Bush, what with being a Bush and having all that genetic expertise on how to do presidenting real good, would do about the mass shootings we have every single week in America,...
GUNNNNNNNS!

Nevada Rep Michele Fiore Wishes Gun-Free Zones Would Stop Murdering Everybody

It's always a comfort to know that in the aftermath of a tragedy, people who don't know what the hell they're talking about can manage to make things a little bit worse. For instance, there's Nevada Assemblywoman Michele Fiore...
We all know how this works now. Did we always know how this works?

Mass Shootings Hardly A Problem At All, Except Every Week

President Obama fumed at the numbing familiarity of the shock, the grief, the expressions of sorrow and comfort, and the predictable responses that what we really need is more guns. Rachel Maddow noted that Thursday's murders in Roseburg were...
Over a Barrel

Stupid Swimsuit Model Does Not Respect The Gun, Should Probably Die

On Wednesday, you may recall, there was some gunplay in Canada, which was terrible and wrong because the shooting was done by a bad guy with a gun, who was then stopped by a good guy -- actually a...

A Slightly More Sober Discussion Of President Obama’s State Of The Union Awesomeness

Gentlemen, did you wake up this morning with a little extra pep in your Mr. Peepers? We sure did, because WE FINALLY GOT OUR PRESIDENT BACK! It’s like that awesome hopey and changey guy from 2008 snuck back out...

Socialists At Denver Post Cover Up Indisputable Fact That Arapahoe HS Shooter Was Socialist Just Like Them

OMG you guys! Did you hear the scandalous truth about how the Lamestream Media is completely covering up the fact that Karl Pierson, the boy who shot two students last Friday before killing himself, was a confirmed socialist? Thankfully,...

Nice Time: Good Guy With A Calm Voice Stops A Bad Guy With A Gun

Here's an actual hero: Antoinette Tuff, a clerk at Ronald E. McNair Discovery Learning Academy in Decatur, Georgia, who talked Michael Brandon Hill into laying down his semiautomatic rifle and abandoning his plan to commit suicide by cop yesterday....

Steven Seagal, American Hero, Trains Armed Vigilante Posse In Arizona

We can all learn from Steven Seagal, American hero, who just keeps giving and giving and giving and then when you think he can't give any more, BOOM, there he is, magnanimously creating jobs for female Russian masseuses, and...

Breaking: More Than 79 Million Children Come Home From School

In an incredible stroke of almost unanimous nationwide good luck, students of 67,139 of the country's 67,140 elementary schools got to go home after school today, to their parents, or guardians, or whoever is in charge of them, and...