Wonkette

Ever since the Bingo Hall (Clinton campaign HQ) closed, we’ve experienced a tragic drop-off in whimsical nutball emails. So it was with both gratitude and relief that we opened this gem today. Apparently we should not watch any movies with Scarlett Johansson in them, because it upsets the parents of her clone, or something. Maybe this is one of them viral marketing dealies, for The Island, three years late? Or maybe this chick really is a clone, which sort of makes sense: the blank expression, the monotone … Full frontal kookiness after the jump. MORE »

If you are a political dork you have probably already read this informative article on how Scarlett Johansson has kept up a harmless email correspondence with Barack Obama. What you may not know is how involved she has been with campaign strategy — as evidenced in this exclusive video, where she compares Obama’s unlikely run for president with the plot of a certain very popular movie. [Politico/YouTube]

Hey look, that mumbly blonde from the Woody Allen movies was only engaged to Barack Obama for a few months before throwing him over for, uh, that guy from The Notebook. No wait that is Ryan Gosling. Anyhow, we hope this latest engagement may reach a merciful, swift conclusion so that Ms. Johansson can get back to the very important work of fucking Benicio Del Toro in elevators. [People]

When people who’ve been naked on the cover of Vanity Fair talk politics, America listens — how else do you think we got into Iraq but for Demi Moore’s tireless lobbying? Today’s critic of the administration: Scarlett Johansson. The popular-but-not-really-that-good actress thinks the President has unrealistic views of sex. Not the kind of unrealistic views propagated by Johansson’s cartoonishly voluptuous figure and breathy sex-kitten public persona, but the kind where no one uses birth control or has sex outside of marriage. MORE »