scandals
New Trendy Thing: Local Pols Smoking Crack Like It’s 1999
It took a while, sure, but the Marion Berry copycats are suddenly coming out in droves! (They are just really really slow copycats because of their drug-induced torpor.) That is, if two counts as “droves,” and we figure fuck it, because that’s easily enough examples for a New York Times trend piece. So here’s the [...]
The Deficit Is Falling Rapidly, But Who Cares Because Look At All These Forgettable Scandals!
Your Wonkette is confused! We were under the impression that the deficit was the single greatest threat to our American Freedom, because it is a big number! We were told that incorporated Americans were su-su-su-SCARED, and they would soon stop wanting to be successful and make money, because “spending” (it is just economics, dumbo). We [...]
Good News America! Beyonce Lip-Synched The National Anthem, So We Can Finally Impeach?
Between Beyonce lip-synching her rendition of our national anthem and the 3,000-calorie lunch, we think we have officially found Obama’s Second Term Scandals.
Sources: America’s Sweetheart Monica Lewinsky To Open Wide, Tell All
FL Republican Crook Tells All About Efforts To Suppress Black Vote
Do you trust a former Republican muck-a-muck who’s now in a hot legal lava pool and scorned by fellow members of his party when he starts trashing his ex-colleagues? Sure, we do! Here’s delightful former party chairman Jim Greer, in a deposition recorded in late May: “I was upset because the political consultants and staff [...]
Ill. Senator Mark Kirk Turns Out Not To Be Gay, Actually Has Tons Of Lady Problems
Mark Kirk is the Republican who ran to succeed beloved Greatest Senator Ever Roland Burris, and you probably remember him for two reasons: that he was rumored to be gay, and that his ex-wife stopped supporting his campaign because he got too conservative under the sway of mysterious svengali Dodie McCracken. And then you forgot [...]
How Gay Is Charlie Crist’s Extortion Scandal, On A Scale From One To Very Gay?
Sometimes when you’re watching reruns of not-so-old TV shows, you wonder about what ever happened to the bit players. I mean, sure, Joey from Friends will never have to work a day in his life again (which is good, because he probably won’t), but what if you’re one of the ladies who played his interchangeable [...]
Michelle Obama Ends War On Women Ceasefire With Disgraceful Prom Photo
Everything was going great with the women and the men, who stopped fighting against women/each other this weekend just long enough to watch ‘Shark Tank’ and eat a few hot dogs, but now Michelle Obama has something to say. It is a picture, which as you know can say a lot, especially if the picture [...]
Michelle Obama Celebrates 2011 With One Last Fancy Clothes Scandal
The end of the year (world?) can be a good time to reflect on all of the happy times of the last 12 months, like gym sessions with Desmond Tutu, victories in world domination, and whatever is actually going on in this photo. Perhaps it is also an appropriate time to consider the past year’s [...]
Atlanta Teachers Save Newspaper Industry With Valiant Cheating Effort
The daily life of American children in 2011 is, at best, a tragedy. They are obese from inhaling Pop’em donuts in front of the teevee, knocked up from having slumber parties in the wilderness, and they are also only mildly literate. The obesity thing is Michelle Obama’s problem, but when it comes to education, the [...]
Huge Scandal Keeping Mitch Daniels Out of the 2012 Race: He’s a Good Dad
Fiscal conservatives love Indiana Gov. Mitch Daniels because he loves fiscal conservatism. He loves it so much he declared a “truce” in the culture wars in Indiana so he could focus on it. This upset people, and he eventually had to give in to them, because promising the wingnut faithful an end to non-marital and [...]
Wife of Adulterous WI Senator/Union Breaker Joins Recall Against Him
One of Scott Walker’s top orcs in the union-busting thuggery, Republican Randy Hopper, was thrown out by his wife and is now shacked up in Madison with a 25-year-old right-wing lobbyist who (of course) formerly worked with Hopper as a legislative aide (writing law for Hopper’s corporate backers). And now Hopper’s wife has joined the [...]
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