In a desperate bid to be remembered for something even stupider than yelling “You lie!” about a factual statement in a presidential address, Joe Wilson used his time at Wednesday’s House hearings on whether to blow stuff up in Syria to ask, now wait one darn minute here, why are we even talking about this when […]

YOU SO NSASTY  11:09 am June 12, 2013

I’m Sorry, NSA

by Jesse Berney

To whom it may concern at the National Security Agency, I’m sorry. I realize you have 315 million citizens to monitor, but I am certain you have had to pay particular attention to my case file, given my affinity for terrorist-related lifestyle publications. In the course of monitoring my phone and Internet activity, you may […]

The patriots at Globe Magazine have been warning us from the very start that this Obama was a menace, but did we listen? No, and shame be upon us! Where the hell were we back in February of 2008, when Globe uncovered the “Obama Firestorm” that he was a black Afrobaby and not even an American either? […]

How much do the sheeple love their terrible president, even though he invented the IRS, pogromed the AP, and murdered Ben Gozzi? According to CNN, the Nile of lame stream media, 53% of Americans still love Barack Obama. What?! That’s 2% more bigger than the last time CNN sounded the depths of American ignorance! Sure, […]

It took a while, sure, but the Marion Berry copycats are suddenly coming out in droves! (They are just really really slow copycats because of their drug-induced torpor.) That is, if two counts as “droves,” and we figure fuck it, because that’s easily enough examples for a New York Times trend piece. So here’s the […]

Your Wonkette is confused! We were under the impression that the deficit was the single greatest threat to our American Freedom, because it is a big number! We were told that incorporated Americans were su-su-su-SCARED, and they would soon stop wanting to be successful and make money, because “spending” (it is just economics, dumbo). We […]

Between Beyonce lip-synching her rendition of our national anthem and the 3,000-calorie lunch, we think we have officially found Obama’s Second Term Scandals.

Since it’s obvious that all honorable and well-compensated jobs have disappeared into a puff of Internet ether, never to return, it’s important that every American turn any brush with fame, no matter now ridiculous or humiliating, into a round of talk show appearances that can in turn be leveraged into an “instant book” and a […]

Do you trust a former Republican muck-a-muck who’s now in a hot legal lava pool and scorned by fellow members of his party when he starts trashing his ex-colleagues? Sure, we do! Here’s delightful former party chairman Jim Greer, in a deposition recorded in late May: “I was upset because the political consultants and staff […]

Mark Kirk is the Republican who ran to succeed beloved Greatest Senator Ever Roland Burris, and you probably remember him for two reasons: that he was rumored to be gay, and that his ex-wife stopped supporting his campaign because he got too conservative under the sway of mysterious svengali Dodie McCracken. And then you forgot […]

Sometimes when you’re watching reruns of not-so-old TV shows, you wonder about what ever happened to the bit players. I mean, sure, Joey from Friends will never have to work a day in his life again (which is good, because he probably won’t), but what if you’re one of the ladies who played his interchangeable […]

Everything was going great with the women and the men, who stopped fighting against women/each other this weekend just long enough to watch ‘Shark Tank’ and eat a few hot dogs, but now Michelle Obama has something to say. It is a picture, which as you know can say a lot, especially if the picture […]

Well, this is just a terrible disappointment. After all our excited yammerings on what goods the prematurely late American blogger Andrew Breitbart might have got on Our Obammerz, it seems the best Sir Breitbart could come up with was … he sat on a panel with Communists like beloved, Pulitzer Prize-winning American historian and author […]

The end of the year (world?) can be a good time to reflect on all of the happy times of the last 12 months, like gym sessions with Desmond Tutu, victories in world domination, and whatever is actually going on in this photo. Perhaps it is also an appropriate time to consider the past year’s […]

The daily life of American children in 2011 is, at best, a tragedy. They are obese from inhaling Pop’em donuts in front of the teevee, knocked up from having slumber parties in the wilderness, and they are also only mildly literate. The obesity thing is Michelle Obama’s problem, but when it comes to education, the […]