Tag: scalia

Senate Democrats Announce Plan To Discover Own Balls, Gag Mitch McConnell With Them

Senate Democrats ready to filibuster the piss out of Trump's SCOTUS nominee on day one! SI SE PUEDE!

Hey Mitch McConnell, It’s Time For You To STFU Again

Mitch McConnell thinks Americans won't tolerate Democrats obstructing Trump's SCOTUS nominee. HAHAHAHAHAHA OK.

Who Sucks Harder, Kellyanne Conway Or Ted Cruz? HAHA TRICK QUESTION, YOU LOSE!

In a competition over who can be the most hypocritical dick, Conway and Cruz WIN TOGETHER.

Here’s Your Badass Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Moving To New Zealand If Trump Is Elected

It's no big deal because sane Americans aren't going to let Trump anywhere near the presidency. OR ARE THEY?

Trump Plays Fantasy SCOTUSball, Picks Judge Who Hates Him

Presumptive GOP presidential nominee and Dark Lord of the Sith Donald Trump climbed atop his podium to announce his potential SCOTUS picks yesterday, and they were pretty much the same wingnuts and religious zealots the GOP's been ramming and...
You have GOT to be freaking kidding me.

Fox News Pretty Sure Hillary Should Fry For Obama’s SCOTUS Pick

You know that Cards Against Humanity card that says "Pooping back and forth forever?" It's from a movie, but it might as well be about Fox News and other assorted wingnut pundits. We saw it this week on Fox when...
We see what we did there.

North Carolina Republicans So Sad Dead Scalia Can’t Help Them Do Racism No More

Uh oh, North Carolina Republicans are so upset right now! Mean federal judges did reverse racism to the GOP-controlled legislature, with a recent ruling that the state's 1st and 12th congressional districts were racistly gerrymandered to hell, and thus must be redrawn. Gerrymandered...

Who Will Save The Babies Now That Antonin Scalia Is Roasting In Hell?

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia (or "Anthony" Scalia if you are a moron, like Michele Bachmann) died Saturday night, when his heart quite suspiciously up and quit, as if a 79-year-old with health problems suddenly dying out of the blue is even...
That's why you're the judge and I'm the law-talkin' guy.

Florida Tries To Ban Teen Sexting, Forgets One Small Detail

Florida’s brilliant legislature was in such a rush to get tough on sexxxy teens sending hawt newd pix to one another that they forgot to make their law enforceable in court. Oops! Earlier this week, the Fourth District Court of...
Careful of your 'empty hole,' ladies and gents.

Satanic Temple Rides Hobby Lobby To Obvious Conclusion: Abortions For Everyone! (Updated)

Update: Yes, the Hobby Lobby decision was of course written by Samuel Alito, Antonin Scalia's Mini-Me. Wonkette regrets the error from here to British Columbia Alberta. The only thing that can stop a bad guy who's trolling is a...

Here, Let Us Explain At You About The Voting Rights Act

Perhaps you all haven't noticed, but it turns out that we, the people, elected a Black president! Not once, but TWICE! This, of course, is unacceptable and can never. happen. again. Did we mention that it is a great...

Why Does Liberal Weenie Antonin Scalia Not Love Guns At All?

When you think Antonin Scalia, you think squishy liberal, right? Who doesn't? He of the Throw Everyone Out Of The US But Whitey Decision and the distressingly narrow view of the 14th Amendment — he is our go-to guy...

Justice Scalia Full Of Interesting Opinions About Your Sodomy

Justice Antonin Scalia wants everyone to just keep their panties on, everyone, because "We can disagree with one another on the law without taking it personally.” Totally! So when he says that laws forbidding abortion, the death penalty and...

Justices Scalia And Kagan Go Hunting For The Most Dangerous Game

No, Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan, DO NOT go hunting with Antonin Scalia. Do not get dressed up in your camouflage hunting gear. Do not pick up a weapon. Do not get in the van. "He's made a huntress...

Wonkette Sings Songs With Scalia At Italian Dinner Thing

Why did your Wonkette attend the National Italian American Foundation's 35th Pasta Gala last Saturday? Honestly, all we wanted was a photograph of Yogi Berra that we could give to our grandparents. Did Yogi Berra even show up, though?...