So Laura “Crazy Eyes” Bush was traipsing around the Middle East this past week, adorably pretending to care about dangerous terrorist women’s breasts because… well, because she’s basically taken over both Condoleezza Rice’s and Karen Hughes’ jobs. At one stop, somebody got sick of looking at her head, so they handed her a scarf and, OMG, she put it on! OUTRAGE! Why does the first lady hate America? Think Progress has a superfun roundup of all the moaning and hand-wringing. My favorite: MORE »

For seven long, horrible years, we could at least count on Laura Bush staying out of the way and letting her clever husband and his henchmen destroy the planet. She was like the Mrs. Cleaver of Hell — and America slept just a little better knowing that the various Bush family members knew their place, if nothing else. We wouldn’t wake up to learn Laura hadn’t bombed Iran or flooded New Orleans. But in the awful twilight of the Bush Administration, it appears our First Lady of Oppression is no longer content to load up on Xanax and smile creepily through the president’s speeches. Meet the new, activist first lady. MORE »

Hey Mexico, WTF? Today is supposed to be the magical day of Expecto Petraeus! And tomorrow’s the big 9/11 celebration, okay? What is with you people having some kind of Star Wars-esque rebellion attacking the gas pipelines and crazy semi-trucks full of dynamite blowing up on the highways and killing 34 people? MORE »

Our best friends the Saudis are doing us yet another solid — such bros they are! They might, maybe, if they feel like it, upgrade diplomatic relations with that little experiment we’re running over in Iraq. They still don’t really trust Nouri al-Maliki’s Shia government (who does!), and they think he’s kind of a pawn of Iran (who isn’t!) but hey, maybe they’ll open an embassy. You know, eventually. MORE »

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We get uneasy when the only White House official still in Washington is Greg Pitts, who was just flown home after being pummeled outside a Honolulu bar. So where did everybody go? Here’s the scorecard: MORE »

The State Department released a hee-larious list of gifts that foreign leaders have brought to Bush. The presents appear to be limited to three categories: MORE »

A Wonkette operative says the State Department entertained a bunch of Saudi religious nuts this weekend … and housed the Wahibbi clerics at a famously gay hotel.

After a busy schedule of visiting local Islamic centers (don’t they have those at home?), the Saudi faithful relaxed at Washington’s Hotel Helix, the luxurious gay hotspot in Logan Circle.

Even better, the Saudi clerics were there for the weekend’s Ms. Gay D.C. pageant.

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• Republican congressman keeps day job after trying hand at blogging, comedy. [The Hill Blog]

• Two-and-a-half years in office and Schwarzenegger is still shocked by how redneck California actually is. [AP]
• If Kos is getting paid to hate Lieberman then his credibility will be, well, about the same as ours. [The Nation]
• Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah gives $1.5 billion, with a “b,” to aid Lebanese reconstruction efforts; feels the same way you do after dropping a nickel on the street. [AKI]
• Jon Stewart is so predictable you can set your binge drinking by him. [Comedy Central] MORE »

• Rice makes surprise visit to Beirut. [WSJ]

• Before Rice left Washington, she and Bush met with Saudi diplomats, who encouraged them to push for a cease-fire. They continue to refuse. [NYT]
• “The American Bar Association said Sunday that President Bush was flouting the Constitution and undermining the rule of law by claiming the power to disregard selected provisions of bills that he signed.” [NYT]
• The Department of Homeland security will give itself a makeover, “sharply cutting emergency cash assistance for victims of major disasters, and more carefully controlling access to free hotel rooms.” [NYT]
• Mid-term elex: “If Democrats in the House gain 15 seats — a number that analysts in both parties say is within reach — Republicans will relinquish power there for the first time since 1994. In the Senate, Democrats need to gain six seats to take control — a more remote prospect, but by most estimates a plausible one.” [WP]

Best story of the week: MORE »