Let’s get it out of the way: Barack Obama said a word in Arabic to the Saudi King! How many of these Arabic “words” does he secretly know? What we need is more Ed Henry-type reporter antiheroes to pin this down, before “Judgment Day.” MORE »

Oh noes the wingnuts are very, very upset! Why? This street negro, Barack Obama, allegedly kowtowed to the Saudi King while meeting said Saudi King at the G-20. (The White House says, “Uhh, Obama is a lot taller than that old dwarf, so he bent down to look at him.”) It is shameful for an American president to politely bow one’s head while being presented to a Saudi Prince/King. You are supposed to smooch him up and hold his hand and walk him around your ranch and then give him a loving blowjob, like George W. Bush Junior always did! Let’s remember the good times, together. MORE »

Approximately 1400 million years ago in the Paleozoic era, when Hillary Clinton was running for President instead of Secretary of State, she was asked repeatedly if the Clinton Foundation would release its donor list. She always said, “Well, you’ll have to talk to my husband about that,” which was liberal doublespeak for “Fuck no.” Now after repeated threats from the Chicago mobster Barack Obama, the Foundation has released its donor list, which is over TWO THOUSAND NINE HUNDRED PAGES LONG. (Maybe that is why the Web page takes so frigging long to load?) Let’s see how many foreign governments were extorted by Bill Clinton to buy him blow jobs on Ron Burkle’s jet! MORE »

As you know, the worst mayor ever of anything, Rudy Giuliani, will deliver the keynote address at his party’s convention. Rudy Giuliani is a fucking stupid rat-demon whose pathetic 5th place campaign couldn’t even make it past January after 12 months of exploiting, for political purposes, the deaths of thousands of innocent civilians whose safety he, as mayor of the attacked city, was supposed to protect. He really is the most appropriate symbol for the Republican convention that follows eight years of George W. Bush, although probably not for the same reasons that the speaker selection committee chose him. Anyway he had a conference call today and just completely bombed on it, because he’s fucking stupid. MORE »

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™!

It was a superfun Condiweek, starting off with festive drinks in Dubai and ending with an apparently drunken farewell to an old friend. In between was another OMG SURPRISE! trip to Iraq and a frightening encounter with a dangerous bird. Relive the magic after the jump!

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Hillary Clinton added to the humiliation of Bush’s recent unsuccessful attempt to get the Saudis to give us more oil during the debate last night, telling the 5 people watching “President Bush is over in the Gulf now begging the Saudis and others to drop the price of oil. How pathetic.” Her plans, by contrast, would be to reform the American economy to be more green; get workers into “green collar jobs,” by which she probably doesn’t mean landscaping; and to move us “towards energy independence” which would do absolutely nothing about oil prices in the short- to medium-term but sounds really good at the debate. And, naturally, she’ll never go make nice with the Saudis when she’s President, because that’s just pathetic. [AFP via Breitbart]

One short day after George Bush made official his intention to sell $123 million worth of precision-guided bombs to the Saudis and Congress all but said it didn’t care, the Saudis have announced that, unsurprisingly, they don’t really care if our gas prices are a little bit high. MORE »

Peacemaker in Chief President George W. Bush got all introspective at a sword party in Saudi Arabia today, having some things he just needed to get off his chest. “I’m sure people view me as a warmonger, and I view myself as a peacemaker,” George told a friendly crowd of feudal Arab lords, astutely identifying the difference of opinion that exists on this issue. MORE »

President George Walker Bush spent his Tuesday in Saudi Arabia (they finish Tuesday earlier over there because the sun comes at different times), and boy boy boy did he have a whale of a time. He got to watch ponies dance, play with curvy fun swords, look at magical books that brown people read — why the Saudi King even let him try on some pretty dresses! Those lovable wire photographers at the AP caught it all, so check out party pix after the jump. MORE »

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™!

Listicles, of course, are the year-end gift writers give themselves. But you know what? It’s been such a peculiar year for the Condibot that it would be totally criminal not to look back and reflect on its thrilling awkwardness. Join me on an epic journey through my personal (hey, get your own column!) favorite special moments in Dr. Ferragamo’s 2007, and my picks for AP’s Condirazzi photos of the year, after the jump…

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Bush would like Congress to approve the sale of Joint Direct Attack Munitions (like the ones pictured) and other weapons worth $20 billion to Saudi Arabia, but he’s not going to officially ask them to do so until January 15th, 2008 so they can enjoy their holidays without having to make hard decisions and crap. A bipartisan group of Congressman promised to oppose the sale unless the Saudis assured us it would never use the weapons against our troops or Israel. It’s a good thing they come loaded with Mission Impossible-style self destruct modules.. oh, they don’t? I guess it’s good, then, that the Saudi regime is so totally stable that $20 billion in weapons couldn’t possibly outlast it. [The Hill]