Tag Archives: saudi arabia

  Oh great here's another maybe thing

Is Hillary Clinton World’s Evilest Arms Dealer Ever? Maybe!

Up to no good, maybe or maybe not
At last, a Hillary Clinton ZOMGgate story that might actually be a thing! (Or might not. You never know with those wily Clintons, which is why it’s generally best to assume guilty until proven otherwise.) According to an exhaustive trillion-word report by the International Business Times, the Clinton State Department authorized approximately eleventeen metric fucktons of defense contracts between corporations and countries that, coincidentally uh huh sure right, happened to donate a whole bunch of money to the Clinton Foundation and to Bill Clinton (that’s her husband) for doing his high-priced speechifying thing: Read more on Is Hillary Clinton World’s Evilest Arms Dealer Ever? Maybe!…
  Nothing About Benghazi In Here? Never Mind

Breaking: Anonymous Source Says Obama Lied About Bin Laden Raid, Everything In Universe

Clearly photoshopped, since as we all know, Obama was actually out golfing
Super-Journalist Seymour Hersh has published a hell of a story in the London Review of Books about the killing of Osama bin Laden that, had it actually included any significant sources willing to go on the record, would totally change everything we think we know about the 2011 raid in Pakistan. As it is, it reads like a pretty good action thriller, or maybe a post at Alex Jones’s Infowars, except written by a Pulitzer Prize winner. According to Hersh, a “retired senior intelligence official” who knows all the dirt on the raid revealed to him that almost everything we thought we knew about bin Laden’s death is fake, that Barack Obama was in such a rush to take credit for the raid that he announced it too early, and that Obama lied when he said the Pakistanis had no advance knowledge of the raid. And if we had any confidence in Seymour Hersh anymore, we’d be shocked. Shocked! Read more on Breaking: Anonymous Source Says Obama Lied About Bin Laden Raid, Everything In Universe…
  Derp By Association

Shocking Million Word Wingnut Exposé Proves Obama’s Kenyan ‘Grandma’ Is A Muslim

Now it can be told!
Warm up the Drudge Sirens, patriots! We have some major derp incoming at Bradlee Dean’s Clearinghouse For Stupid Shit That Not Even WND Would Publish, in the form of a major exposé of Barack HUSSEIN Obama’s family in The Kenya, which did you know is just crawling with Muslims? The piece, by wingnuts’ favorite ex-Muslim Walid “No Really, I was Totally a Terrorist” Shoebat, informs us that Barack Obama’s grandmother, Sarah Omar Obama (AKA “grandma Obama,” AKA “Grandma Sarah,” AKA “Mama Sarah,” which you’d think someone else would have trademarked) is a devout Muslim who recently visited Mecca, where she said nice things about Islam, if you can believe that! Read more on Shocking Million Word Wingnut Exposé Proves Obama’s Kenyan ‘Grandma’ Is A Muslim…
  I done jitterbugged my way into a pile of Ay-rab men

America’s BFF Saudi Arabia Says Dancing Makes You Gay, Which Is Obvious Science Fact

Our bestest friend Saudi Arabia knows what is up. While the religious freedom American Jesus people are still stuck in the past, saying that your mother made you gay because she was too nice, or your father made you gay because he worked a lot, or your priest made you gay because obvious, the morality police of Saudi Arabia are fully aware that the Gateway Drug to the Gay is DANCING: Read more on America’s BFF Saudi Arabia Says Dancing Makes You Gay, Which Is Obvious Science Fact…
  winning the war on coal

2014 Was A Pretty Great Year For The Environment. Really!

The Garden of Earthly Delights by ExxonMobil
This post brought to you by the Patty Dumpling Endowed Blogging Chair For Something Nice For Once At first it looked like 2014 was going to be more of the same bullshit. On Jan. 9, a chemical spill in West Virginia’s Elk River contaminated the drinking water of some 16 percent of the state’s population. Freedom Industries, the company responsible, was soon revealed to be a malodorous pit of corruption and grabassery that seemed almost too stupid to be real. Read more on 2014 Was A Pretty Great Year For The Environment. Really!…
  Add Your Own Woman Driver Joke

Saudi Arabia Sends Women to Terror Court for Driving While Female

Image via YouTube Saudi Arabia has a problem. No matter how many times their powerful religious authorities warn about the dangers posed by females engaging in the act of driving, those crazy ladies keep getting behind the wheel! It’s not even a big deal that authorities refuse to issue drivers’ licenses to women, since they can get their male relatives to accompany them everywhere, which is just as good as controlling their own lives, and never mind that Saudi Arabia doesn’t have an actual law that says only men can drive. That’s just the way it is, OK? Read more on Saudi Arabia Sends Women to Terror Court for Driving While Female…
  It's Like Sophie's Choice Met Dumb And Dumber

Donald Trump Will Either Run For President, Stay On Fox, Or Become Ballerina Princess Veterinarian

Why Not the Pest?
In what is undoubtedly the YOOGEST news since the last time Donald Trump said anything, Donald Trump hinted today on Fox & Friends that the situation in Washington has become so intolerable, what with the fraud and the lying and the dishonesty and the Obamacare that just doesn’t work and is based on a lie because a guy said so on video, that he, Donald Trump, just might have to become president to fix it. No, really, this time he means it: He is genuinely thinking that he should be President. Maybe not that he will actually run, because that is work, but he’s very happy to pretend that he faces some kind of Sophie’s Choice about doing weekly Fox & Friends visits or making a serious bid for office. Read more on Donald Trump Will Either Run For President, Stay On Fox, Or Become Ballerina Princess Veterinarian…
  burka bitchez break buick ban

Global Nice Time: Saudi Ladies First People In History To Use Rosa Parks Analogy Correctly

You know when someone is a Men’s Rights Activist, or when someone is Ted Yoho, and they are all up in Rosa Parks’s business claiming the mantle of Civil Rights and Rosa Parksiness for their very anti-Rosa Parks goals? It is sort of like NRA people who invoke Gandhi in their push to arm six-year-olds. But in what we hope is the beginning of a new trend, a group of people has invoked Rosa Parks — and they have done it correctly! Per Think Progress: Brushing off threats from the government, more than 60 Saudi women got behind the wheel on Saturday in a bold protest of the nation’s de facto ban on women driving. Sara Hussein, a Saudi woman involved in the effort, drew parallels to the U.S. civil rights movement: “Think back in history — Rosa Parks was the only person who sat down on the bus, wasn’t she? And then it started to happen gradually. It does have to start with the few brave people who are willing to risk whatever there is to risk.” And that is how you do a Rosa Parks comparison, everybody.  Read more on Global Nice Time: Saudi Ladies First People In History To Use Rosa Parks Analogy Correctly…
  bombast from the past

Pat Buchanan Wants To Know ‘Just Whose War Is This?’ Spoiler Alert: The Jews The Jews The Jews (And The Saudis)

Oh, Pat Buchanan, you must be having a fine old time with this Syria thing. There’s a crisis in the Middle East, so let’s see if we can possibly look behind the curtain and see who’s REALLY driving the agenda, because of course it can’t simply be the Obama Administration scrambling to come up with something to do in response to a gas attack on civilians. And you will never in a million years guess who Pat Buchanan, writing for serious journalism outlet WND, thinks is behind the push for military action against Syria, unless you read our headline: SCARY FOREIGNERS AND JEWS. Read more on Pat Buchanan Wants To Know ‘Just Whose War Is This?’ Spoiler Alert: The Jews The Jews The Jews (And The Saudis)…
  how about a sex farm? could we try that?

Wingnut Reveals Awful Truth About Chris Christie’s Sex Cult

Well here’s a new one: a wingnut we’ve never heard of has figured out that Chris Christie is the leader of a “sex cult” and is determined to “put New Jersey on a path similar to countries like Saudi Arabia,” which is, as we all know, just crawling with sex cults. This really makes perfect sense, you see, because Christie recently signed a bill banning “conversion therapy” for minors. Now, watch this logic! According to Fay Voshell in American Thinker (guaranteed to be thinking-free), Saudi Arabia “forbids conversion from the prevailing Muslim faith.” And by banning ineffective pray-away-the-gay “therapy,” Christie expressly forbade conversion from the prevailing progressive religion, whose chief doctrine is that sexual behavior, including the homoerotic behavior of some children, is a sacred, infallible, and therefore unchangeable indicator of what human identity entails. He forbade moral suasion. He forbade attempts to persuade young people that another way of life is available. That other way that is forbidden is, of course, the way of Christian sexual ethics. Counseling a kid to follow the Christian way, to attempt to change his or her homoerotic behavior, is verboten. Oh, the derp is strong with this one. Read more on Wingnut Reveals Awful Truth About Chris Christie’s Sex Cult…
  deep thoughts

Glenn Beck Wants His Tax Dollar Back Because Terrorism

Glenn Beck — the man who is too crazy even for Fox News, and also can spell real good — is determined to get to the bottom of how the Boston marathon bombing is somehow Obama’s fault because that’s how much he loves America. In April, he explained how the Saudi guy did it, and even when the FBI was all, “Nah, dude, actually he didn’t,” Beck explained how yes he did and IMPEACH OBAMA! And then he said he was going to release the incriminating evidence that proved the Saudi guy did it, and we have all been on the edge of our seat waiting for that, and lo! It turns out the “incriminating evidence” was the dumb Daily Mail thing we explainered at you yesterday. Here is it: According to a highly placed source who spoke to MailOnline, the Saudis sent a written warning about Tsarnaev to the U.S. Department of Homeland Security in 2012. That was long before pressure-cooker blasts killed three and injured hundreds. Oh, but wait, what’s the part right after that part? But the Middle Eastern nation’s embassy in Washington denied that account on Wednesday. It issued a statement which read: ‘The Saudi government had no prior information about the Boston bombers. Therefore, it is not true that any information, written or otherwise, was passed to the U.S. Department of Homeland Security (DHS) or any other US agency in this regard,’ an embassy statement statement claimed. ‘The Saudi government also does not have any record of any application by Tamerlan Tsarnaev for any visa to Saudi Arabia.’ So, in other words, the Saudis warned the U.S. government — which proves Glenn Beck’s theory that Obama is personally covering up something about BENGHAZI!!!! BOSTON!!!!! — except for how they did not warn the U.S. government, so never mind. Except who cares about that never mind part? Certainly not Glenn Beck: Read more on Glenn Beck Wants His Tax Dollar Back Because Terrorism…
  rumors on the internets

Everybody Is Going Out To McDonald’s Except Mitt Romney

Happy Friday, everyone! Isn’t it great when we as Americans are friends with gay people and immigrants and Saudi Arabia? We should throw a party and all hang out together! But shhh don’t invite Mitt. He’s too busy giving speeches in Michigan. Also, he’s lame. Read more on Everybody Is Going Out To McDonald’s Except Mitt Romney…
  gay old party

Half of Republicans Don’t Know What ‘G.O.P.’ Means

It’s time for the greatest scientific barometer of America’s intellect, the Vanity Fair/CBS News poll of dingbat potpourri questions thrown at a representative sample of Americans who haven’t had their phone lines turned off by Verizon yet. What did our pollsters ask this time? To be weird, instead of asking a series of completely random questions, they focused on “Things Republicans Don’t Know.” For example, you’d think Republicans might know what “GOP” stands for, as they’ve all got those “GOProud” stickers on their repo’d Ford Expeditions. But they have no idea, and most probably pronounce it as a monosyllabic grunt, to ask for another microwaved styrofoam plate of CostCo “rib-meat bitelets.” This may be the best survey of America yet! Read more on Half of Republicans Don’t Know What ‘G.O.P.’ Means…
  worse containers than fetus jars

Student Charged With Trying To Blow Up George W. Bush

A young college student from Saudi Arabia who studied chemical engineering in Texas purchased explosive chemicals over the Internet as part of a plan to hide bomb materials inside dolls and baby carriages to blow up dams, nuclear plants or the Dallas home of former President George W. Bush, the Justice Department said Thursday. Read more on Student Charged With Trying To Blow Up George W. Bush…
  fill it up with nothing at all

More WikiLeaks Fun: Saudi Arabia Is Running Out of Oil, Fast

When your editor was a child, he used to listen to Warren Zevon’s Mohammed’s Radio and think, “Well we won’t have to be lining up around the block for Arab gasoline when I’m grown up, because we will live in spaceships and I will have sex with Linda Ronstadt all the time, like in that Philip K. Dick book.” Linda Ronstadt is old now, too, and Warren Zevon is long dead and so is Philip K. Dick, but we all still have to pretend to pay attention to the Continuing Crisis in the Middle East because even the Prius gets thirsty for that sweet Arabian black tea. And one of the just-leaked leaks from WikiLeaks’ broken condom says that Saudi Arabia is totally full of the B.S. when it comes to oil reserves, which were exaggerated by more than 40% and have been rapidly declining since at least 2007. Read more on More WikiLeaks Fun: Saudi Arabia Is Running Out of Oil, Fast…