All presidents and all presidential family members worship Satan, so it’s no surprise that Drudge currently has this lovely photo of Hillary Clinton making the “Hook ‘em Horns” heavy metal hand gesture that proves allegiance to the God of Politics, Satan. Let’s look at all the presidents praising their Satanic Majesty, after the jump. MORE »

Ann Coulter held a book-signing at South Carolina’s Furman University last night, and the University placed her signing desk in the toilet. Word around campus is that Coulter was on her period or something and out of diapers. [Palmetto Scoop]

U.S. President George W. Bush has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize for “fighting terrorism and promoting world peace,” according to a BBC News report. Bush has successfully promoted peace and democracy in many terrorist nations, including Iraq and Afghanistan, while making Americans safer and more prosperous at home. MORE »

Lobbyist-lover John McCain has a lot of problems, including being 712 years old and completely hated by his party, the Republicans. Another problem he has is with the “social conservatives” — you know, the sort of people he never has to deal with because he’s a rich elitist Washington liberal with a cougar gazillionaire wife and any number of adopted liberal babies. So what does he tell the religious white voters down in Georgia on Friday? He calls his hometown of D.C. the “City of Satan,” that’s what. McCain has lived and worked in Washington for three decades. [NBC 4]

The best song/video combination since “Thriller” appears on the Iowa Federation of College Republicans’ blog, home of Wonkette Vice Person of the Year 2007 nominee Ben “Beef Jerky and Toiletries” Johnson. Unlike Ben, however, the MittGirls are endorsing heterosexuality in their lovely performance of “Mitt’s our Man.” YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE A BOY TO LIKE THIS. I know this, because I am a boy. [Iowa Federation of College Republicans]

Everybody loves teevee’s Carl Cameron, but is the Fox News star working for the American god, Jesus, or was he hatched from the festering anus of the Great Deceiver, whose name is called Beelzebub? That’s the question millions are asking after watching this terrible YouTube clip from the South Carolina GOP debate last week. Cameron was making fun of Ron Paul, as usual, when something weird tried to slither out of the broadcaster’s own mouth. As Cameron slurps the hellish tentacle back down his throat, you can hear the monstrosity saying “our way” or “their way” or, more ominously, “the’er-do’laute.” And we all know what that means.

The mayor of Centerton, Arkansas, resigned Wednesday. Not for playing illegal happy penis games or anything, though! It’s more of the standard “I was adbucted by Satan 30 years ago, adopted a false name, forgot my previous life in Indiana until recently undergoing truth serum injections” excuse, which we’ve all used at least once to get out of a dead-end job. [4029 TV]

A cult of rogue Christians in the former Soviet Union (”Russia”) is hiding in a cave. Forever! Well, at least until the world ends, which according to our calculations happened during last night’s Democratic debate. MORE »

In an attempt to quell angry God people from getting all self-righteous (good luck!), Mitt Romney held an invitation-only event with students, faculty and alumni of Bob Jones University Tuesday. Guess he figured that since it was a closed event, whatever private revelations about his campaign that would be discussed would never in a million years reach the press. And who wouldn’t believe that!? Sure enough, some sleuth at the meeting sneaked in an “audio recording device” — they can tape soundz people make! — and leaked it to CNN. Basic point: School Chancellor Bob Jones III endorsed Mitt Romney but by and large hates him. MORE »

As if losing the Pat Robertson endorsement wasn’t enough of a blow to Mitt Romney’s social conservative credo, CBS News captured Mitt Romney engaging in some Wiccan black magic voodoo-sins last night in Greenville, South Carolina: Gluttony! Lust! Not Knowing What a Life-Size Banana Looks Like And Calling It A Pepper Instead! MORE »

Yesterday’s Washington Post tackled the awkward question many Americans face every time they go to the mall: Why do 11-year-old girls dress like such sluts? Does it have to do with the Internet, which Brian Williams called “a cultural Wild West” during last night’s debate? Or maybe it has something to do with, let’s see… THE DARK LORD SATAN? If you’re inclined to believe the Christian Broadcasting Network, which we’re not, Lucifer is definitely picking out preteen wardrobes these days — especially on Halloween. MORE »