satan
GOP: Downward Facing Dog Invites Satan To ‘Invade Your Empty Vacuum’
After a stressful day of working (or hanging out in a workplace man cave), many Americans unwittingly risk handing their immortal souls over to Beelzebub through smoking weed premarital sex witchcraft yoga. Satan is apparently incarnated in that cute yoga instructor, tempting you to deny the One True God for that sweet sweet release found [...]
Louie Gohmert: If You Limit The Number Of Bullets In A Clip, Polygamists Will Gay-Marry Your Dog
On a slow news day (seriously! so slow! can’t someone make some news for us to be mean about?) Louie Gohmert really is the gift that keeps on giving. He stone cold parks wherever he pleases, and believes that the sequester should mean that Bamz never gets to leave the house. Today, he’s rescuing yr [...]
Whatcha Doing, Gays? Oh, Just Giving Birth To Satan Out Of Your Butts? Carry On!
Since we just wrapped up our annual war on Jesus’s Pretend Birthday, people might be thinking: “Well, then, when is Satan’s birthday?” and “I should at least send a card, don’t you think?” Well, here is the answer to that question, via Joseph Sciambra, an “ex-gay” who used to do the porn: every time a [...]
Underwater German Deathbots To Keep Sweet, Sweet Crude A-Bubblin’
The realpolitik wunderkinds in charge of Iran have been threatening for awhile now to respond to a Western boycott on their oil by cutting off access to ALL the oil, but now the loose-lipped traitors at Nobama’s Pentagon have let it slip that the U.S. Navy is globally forcing some good into what they call [...]
Here’s Some Sex Cartoon of the Devil Boning Rick Santorum Or Something
Those Taiwanese animators are sure having some sexytime fun with Rick Santorum. It is important to wonder if these Taiwanese animators are even American, the way they attack our most precious institutions (Satan, Rick Santorum). [NMA.tv/YouTube]
Sarah Palin Declares ‘Wee-Wee’ to Be a Word, Thing That Santorum Haters Do
Sarah Palin went on Fox News to talk about Satan’s 2008 speech about Rick Santorum on Tuesday, and in the process made a sound that she then passed off as an adjective recognized by English speakers as something that people who don’t like Rick Santorum do when Rick Santorum does something that they don’t like. [...]
Political World Somehow Shocked To Hear Rick Santorum Rant About Satan
Did you know that Rick Santorum is a very Christian person? He’d always come across to us like a publicly secular, church on Easter and Christmas only kinda guy who doesn’t really “buy into all that stuff.” But nope, he’s Christian as the dickens, and he sees everything as a struggle between God and Satan. [...]
Wingnut Camper Art Project Shares How-To Secrets For Sexing Obama
Here is what a Teabagger stream-of-consciousness novel looks like self-published on the back of a camper, like all major wingnut tomes. Tea Party, meet your T. S. Eliot.
Dick Cheney Confirms That Paul Ryan Is Satan
Here is what Dick Cheney said, in public, about GOP Medicare Murderer Paul Ryan: “I worship the ground that Paul Ryan walks on.” There, done, confirmed: Paul Ryan is not just a creepy looking errand boy for the Koch Brothers, because the Koch Brothers and Dick Cheney and Scott Walker and Eric Cantor and the [...]
Weird Canadian Still Trying To Sell Electronic Box Signed By Sarah Palin
Quick! What is the fastest way to make money on the Internet? “Selling Gawker your anonymous college essay about the time you saw Julian Assange’s mangy pube patch” is not an acceptable answer, because instead of paying you in legal tender Nick Denton would probably just transfer a few of his toenail clippings into your [...]
Devil Cuts Down Jesus Cross In Mojave National Preserve
The Supreme Court and the Obama Administration and the Troops/Veterans and Jesus all got together to try to keep an illegal goddamned religious statue in Mojave National Preserve, but guess what? The Devil is stronger, because He Is Legion, and the dumb/hideous Mojave Cross Made of Plumbing Pipe was cut down by Heroes and now [...]
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Wonkette ‘Deceived By Satan’ Re: His Fave Grandma, Sarah Palin
by Ken Layne
Remember the Ironic Tale of crazy gun/god fanatic Sarah Palin being threatened by a crazy gun/god fanatic? Guess who doesn’t like that kind of story? Crazy gun/god fanatics who are also Sarah Palin fanatics! Could this somehow result in a “Comment of the Day” feature on your Wonkette? Oh yes it can! “I hope the [...]