Tag Archives: sarah palin

  Nice piece of grift ya got there

Daily Caller Dude Suddenly Realizes Sarah Palin Is Dumb And Terrible, Would Like A Medal Please

Her?
Some “writer” at Tucker Carlson’s interwebs home for keyboard-banging anger bears has made an amazing discovery. And that discovery is that Sarah Palin sucks, maybe? In a column cleverly titled “You Betcha I Was Wrong About Sarah Palin” at the Daily Beast — apparently because it’s too highbrow to run alongside the typical piles of pixelated garbage at The Daily Caller — Matt Lewis, aka Matt K. Lewis, aka Some Conservative Writer Dude who has smeared his various bylines all over the wingnuttosphere, asks the extraordinary Hot Take Deep Thought question: Read more on Daily Caller Dude Suddenly Realizes Sarah Palin Is Dumb And Terrible, Would Like A Medal Please…
  Papa Bear versus Mama Grizzly

Bill O’Reilly And Sarah Palin Engage In War Of Wits. Both Lose

Sore loser, winner, whatever
Who would win a battle o’ the brains: Bill O’Reilly or Sarah Palin? Ha, that’s a trick question because the correct answer is “Who cares? Just pass the popcorn!” The other day, Bill O’Reilly, winner of all the Very Serious Journalism awards, reported that lol, a bunch of doofus idiots are pretending to maybe run for president in 2016, like Sarah Palin and Donald Trump and Chris Christie, who apparently is as absurd a maybe-candidate as Palin and Trump, though we’re not sure how that works since Christie at least has a real job, but OK, why not? Read more on Bill O’Reilly And Sarah Palin Engage In War Of Wits. Both Lose…
  He will wash your mouth out for you America

Mike Huckabee Simply Fainting At Crass Broads And Their Sweary Filthy Sh*tmouths

Effin beyotches, amirite?
Mike Huckabee, America’s favorite moral scold, is at it again. Again again. While pimping his book, he explained how it’s not just that whore Beyonce who is corrupting America’s lady-youth, but all of the potty-mouthed single ladies who work in New York, aka, Bubbleville: Read more on Mike Huckabee Simply Fainting At Crass Broads And Their Sweary Filthy Sh*tmouths…
  Do You Love America Enough? You Probably Don't Love America Enough

Fox News Explains How American Snipers Saved India From Saddam Hussein

And is India even grateful that we saved them from Saddam Hussein? No they are not.
In case you missed it, the latest litmus test for whether you Love America Enough is whether you are an enthusiastic supporter of the movie American Sniper, which you have to love or you are a hater. You see, Michael Moore said unkind things about the movie’s glorification of snipers, who are the kindest, bravest, warmest most wonderful Americans you’ve never seen because they are invisible like ninjas, and therefore The Entire Left hates America all over again, and now it is the sacred duty of all rightwing media to RAGESCREAM AT THE AMERICA HATERS WHO HATE CHRIS KYLE PERSONALLY AND ARE PISSING ON OUR BOYS’ GRAVES. Read more on Fox News Explains How American Snipers Saved India From Saddam Hussein…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Rewrites McDonald’s Ad Real Good-Like

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
Sarah Palin went to Iowa this weekend. Is she running for President? She’s not not running for President, she can tell you that much! How not-uninterested is she, Washington Post? “I am. As I said yesterday, I’m really interested in the opportunity to serve at some point,” Palin said Friday, as former Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum, a potential 2016 rival, looked on. […] Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Rewrites McDonald’s Ad Real Good-Like…
  It's the Derp-Derpiest Time Of The Year

Iowa Freedom Summit To Gather Most Of America’s Rightwing Idiots In One Place

Bachmann kept trying to get the Riddler into Conversion Therapy
Oh, dear lord, Iowa is going to be like a superdense mass of Dumb this weekend, as Rep. Steve King and Citizens United host the “Iowa Freedom Summit” — kind of a Moronic Convergence of rightwing political hacks all coming together to hang out with the man who proclaimed that DREAM Act kids were mostly “drug mules with thighs calves the size of cantaloupes” [how quickly we forget!] and who fretted about the president hosting a “deportable” at the State of the Union. Read more on Iowa Freedom Summit To Gather Most Of America’s Rightwing Idiots In One Place…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Takes Sort Of Stand Against Wall Street Maybe

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
FDR’s speechwriters are spinning in their graves after Sarah Palin’s most recent Ask Me Anything. Come along, Wonketeers, we’ll explain in the car. First, the numbers: Palin published just under six minutes of video content in the last week, which means she’s back to running the laziest grift in American politics. More than half of this week’s content centers on one question from “John,” who writes in to Ask Sarah Anything. (Incidentally, Palin’s Ask Me Anything segments now have a new acoustic intro; it sounds more like Prairie Home Companion‘s interludes, only somehow more self-righteous, if that’s even possible.) Here is John’s question, with all punctuation and capitalization sic’d from the original. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Takes Sort Of Stand Against Wall Street Maybe…
  no one here gets out alive

Ass, Gas Or Grass: Which Is Sarah Palin Offering Here?

Sarah Palin’s teevee show is back! Maybe it was on last night? We do not know and we would not have put it on our eyeballs anyway. BUT! We did watch this trailer for it, because Sarah Palin is hanging her ass out like, when is she not? Anyway, it is awful. Live it with us! Read more on Ass, Gas Or Grass: Which Is Sarah Palin Offering Here?…
  Vladimir Putin Feeling Neglected

Republicans Have Massive Freedom Boner For Egypt’s Dictator

Why can't we have a nice military dictator too?
Attention, Wonkers: We’re proud to announce that the American right has a new Strongman Boyfriend! They seem to have a real crush on Egyptian President Gen. Abdel Fattah al-Sisi, who seized power in the 2013 coup against Mohammed Morsi. Lots of wingers love him because he outlawed the Muslim Brotherhood and made the trains run on time, or at least he outlawed the Muslim Brotherhood. And even better, as Sen. Lindsey Graham noted over the weekend, al-Sisi recognizes the need for an actual religious war against radical Islam, while Barack Obama pretends that terrorists aren’t even Muslims at all, and won’t even say the words “radical Islam,” except for the times that Obama has actually said “radical Islam.” Read more on Republicans Have Massive Freedom Boner For Egypt’s Dictator…
  #RIPpatriarchy

GOP Ladies Cool With Letting Menfolk Do All The Presidenting, Thanks

We all know the GOP is the real party of, by, and for chicks because they have told us SO many times. But that doesn’t mean they care about how Chick-Americans are doing in these American United States. Or whether Chick-Americans ever obtain anything laughably approaching equality in the workplace or our government or anywhere else, really. Come ON. It’s one thing to have campaign ads that show pictures of Republican women being Republican — and women! — but it’s something else entirely to care about whether those pretty ladies ever hold any actual power. Read more on GOP Ladies Cool With Letting Menfolk Do All The Presidenting, Thanks…
  With Protectors Like This...

Obama ‘Petulant Child’ For Depriving Secret Service Of Old French Whores

'Hey there, petulant child.' 'Hey there, failed congressional candidate.'
Image from “The Secret Service Agent Workout Routine,” Muscle & Fitness Magazine Hey, you know how Obama completely destroyed American credibility by not flying to Paris for that not-quite-a-march “March of Unity” of world leaders earlier this week? Never mind that if he had gone, we’d be hearing nothing but “How dare he waste all our taxpayer moneys gallivanting around with cheese-eaters who weren’t even in the actual march!” Read more on Obama ‘Petulant Child’ For Depriving Secret Service Of Old French Whores…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: There Goes Sarah Knowin’ Stuff About Russia Again

After a content-heavy end to the year, the Sarah Palin Channel has regressed to the mean. She’s posted three videos in the last seven days, one of which was designed as a complement to her Faceplace screed on DogGate. And if we’re being perfectly honest with ourselves, Palin’s video about Jill Hadassah (yes, that is the dog’s actual name) is really cute and does exactly what it’s intended to do. Beware, Wonketeers, for Sarah Palin is improving in her ability to grift across multiple media channels, and she’s doing it with a widdle puppy with a cute widdle puppy face. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: There Goes Sarah Knowin’ Stuff About Russia Again…
  rap battles

Who Will Be California’s Next Barbara Boxer? (Hint: It Is Probably Scott Brown)

Breaking political news to grandchildren is the pits
Well, it had to happen sometime, and apparently that “sometime” is 2016, because Barbara Boxer, one of the best liberals to ever lib up the Senate chamber with her San Francisco valyews, has announced to her grandson on video that she will not be seeking re-election in 2016, citing her desire to spend more time with her California. Is she RETIRING, though? Golly gee no, because there are still many, many things to be done. We are not certain whether she intended to release this announcement, or whether her grandson set this video to “public” on accident, but it’s out there now, can’t go back! Let’s watch it. I’ll live-blog, you laugh, got it? Me type words, you react in jolly manner. Let’s go: Read more on Who Will Be California’s Next Barbara Boxer? (Hint: It Is Probably Scott Brown)…
  it's a major award

Sarah Palin Was Someone’s ‘Achiever’ Of The Year. Let That Sink In.

When we saw that Sarah Palin had been named someone’s “Achiever” of the year of our lord 2014, unfortunately, we were forced to read on. BUT HOW did someone name the former half-term governor “achiever” of anything, we asked ourselves! Did she even have a reality show this year? (Unknown.) Luckily, Bristol “Lefty” Palin was there to answer. Read more on Sarah Palin Was Someone’s ‘Achiever’ Of The Year. Let That Sink In….
  because it is a day

Sarah Palin Being A Bit Of A Dick Again!

Over the weekend, there was a bit of a dogshitstorm when former half-term governor/queen of your nightmares Sarah Palin posted a picture of her (VERY CUTE) son Trig standing on his service animal. Most people would say, “honey, we don’t stand on the dog.” Palin chose instead to parabolate on stepping stones, and how you should step on people and dogs and then probably shoot them from a helicopter. The internet was not pleased! Read more on Sarah Palin Being A Bit Of A Dick Again!…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: We Showed Sarah Palin’s Bra, We Guess?

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
A man gave us money to watch The Sarah Palin Channel. That man was Fartknocker. In a recent Ask Me Anything, Sarah Palin started with a relatively simple question: “If (or when) you run for President, will you be calling for term limits?” The next FOUR WHOLE MINUTES are devoted to the former Alaska governor attempting to pick her way through a political minefield, because apparently Palin does everything in one take, love it or leave it. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: We Showed Sarah Palin’s Bra, We Guess?…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments: Alas, We Have Offended A Sensitive Soul (Or Men’s Rights Activist, Same Difference)

To The Management: Please correct this image. I would never use Courier. On second thought, never mind. You'd just replace it with Comic Sans.
Your Wonkette isn’t perfect, lord only knows, and when we err, we seek to make amends. Which brings us to this very important message from our comments queue, from “jrayhawk” (please, no Ray Jay Johnson jokes), who felt that we treated the subject of a recent story quite shabbily. Friday, we ran a story about several important developments in gender relations, including the sad tale of Scott Aaronson, a professor at MIT who has pretty much had it with how feminists have criminalized every last aspect of male sexuality. Jrayhawk felt that we failed to give Aaronson an even break because we sided with the mean women instead of with their victim: Read more on Deleted Comments: Alas, We Have Offended A Sensitive Soul (Or Men’s Rights Activist, Same Difference)…
  and then she shot it from a helicopter twice

Sarah Palin Pisses Off Allllll The Animal Lovers. Oh Like You’ve Never Stepped On A Dog

Sarah Palin has pissed off alllll the animal lovers — but you knew that, it was right there in the headline! — by letting her small son stand on his service dog to “help with the dishes.” They are SO MAD YOU GUYS. They are all like “HELP! PETA HOTLINE! PLEASE COME AND TAKE AWAY THIS SERVICE DOG AND EUTHANIZE IT, BECAUSE THAT IS THEIR ADMITTED POLICY, EUTHANIZE FIRST AND ASK QUESTIONS LATER.” Come on, like you’ve never stood on a dog. Read more on Sarah Palin Pisses Off Allllll The Animal Lovers. Oh Like You’ve Never Stepped On A Dog…
  Best damn Elizabeth Warren ever

Elizabeth Warren Is Our 2014 Legislative Badass Of The Year, Obviously Duh

How much do we heart the senator and perfessor of Massachusetts, the greatest and bestest Elizabeth Warren who ever Elizabeth Warrened? Pretty much all. Sure, there are a few — a very few — non-Elizabeth Warrens in the Senate who aren’t too bad for being non-Elizabeth Warrens. Bernie Sanders, the socialist senator from Vermont, isn’t too bad at badassing and makes a mighty fine runner-up for 2014 Legislative Badass. Read more on Elizabeth Warren Is Our 2014 Legislative Badass Of The Year, Obviously Duh…
  pow! right in the kisser!

2014: The Year Bristol Palin And Her Mom, Ol’ Whatsername, Made All Our Dreams Come True

She's all out of makeup, frankly.
There’s this lady, Sarah Palin, you wouldn’t know her. She flitted through the public consciousness for a hot minute in 2008, and then was never heard from again. Haha, spoiler alert, yes she was. We’re sorry. But aside from all Sarah Palin’s usual hijinks, most of which involved either racism or grift (because like we said, “usual”), there was one glorious moment in 2014 in which all the Palin clan’s true class became as crystal clear as the finest Coors Lite. And it lasted like a month. Read more on 2014: The Year Bristol Palin And Her Mom, Ol’ Whatsername, Made All Our Dreams Come True…
  Have yourselves a very Fox News Christmas

Sarah Palin Literally Phones It In To Fox’s All American Christmas ‘Special’

Guys. GUYS. This is basically the best thing that ever happened. Todd Starnes, Fox News Radio host and one of the world’s greatest defenders of Conservative Tax-cutting Gun-toting Jesus, celebrated the birth of our lord (Jesus, not Ronald Reagan) with a singing and dancing and totally not gay at all spectacular All-American Christmas Special. And it is SO the best. Why, just look at these ladies celebrating Jesus in their aprons, probably about to make some sammiches as the good lord intended! Read more on Sarah Palin Literally Phones It In To Fox’s All American Christmas ‘Special’…
  a day in the life

TLC Invites You To Watch Maybe-Gay Mormons Ice Skate, Try Not To Think About Naked Guys

We’ve come to expect a certain level of quality and self-awareness from The Learning Channel, which has brought us such chronicles of the human condition as Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, 90-Day Fiancee, and Sarah Palin’s Alaska. From this august tradition comes their new one-hour special, My Husband’s Not Gay, in which Mormon guys who like other guys show us how fun it is for them to be married to women. Read more on TLC Invites You To Watch Maybe-Gay Mormons Ice Skate, Try Not To Think About Naked Guys…