Ugh, okay, okay: $1.25 million dollars. Palin earned $1.25 million dollars of actual American currency from HarperCollins in exchange for giving her approval to some ghostwriter and an (ill-chosen!) dust jacket photo. And that’s just the advance! She will make more as soon as the thing comes out and people buy it. Everyone: Please keep in mind—especially as the holidays approach—that money does not know when it is being used ironically and will still “count.” [The Caucus]

• SARAH PALIN STALKING YOUNG TEEN GIRLS: “As I stand here in a high school gymnasium watching freshmen girls’ basketball games, I’m struck by the sight of America’s future right in front of me - these tenacious young women full of energy and intensity. I want them to realize every opportunity this great, free nation can provide.” [...Babbles for a few paragraphs about Republican gubernatorial candidates...] “The young student athletes I’m watching right now are counting on us to do the right thing - to fight for what is right for America today and into their future.” This is clearly a veiled critique of Barack Obama’s hatred of ladies on the basketball court. [Sarah Palin Facebook Notes!]

Jesus Christ it’s multiplying! MORE »

Okay, all aboard, the next stop of the Sarah Palin’s Preemptive Book Tour will be… the Oprah Winfrey show! The big day is the 16th of November—the book is being released on the the day after—so you should just go ahead and pencil in these important dates. Or you know what, use pen. This is Oprah, alright, not some backwoods three-foodstamps-a-couple picnic with Palin’s constituents that she’d normally just skip out on. It’s Hollywood by way of Chicago, baby—she’ll be there. Also: We shudder to consider what truly horrific thing Oprah must have done in her past that somehow only Meg Stapleton knows about. What is the equivalent, in murders, of writing Going Rogue? [HuffPost]

The college at which Sarah Palin will speak in December, “Hard Work U.,” is of course insanely Jesus-y and violent. MORE »

It was announced just this morning that known tumor Sarah Palin would be delivering a “convocation” on December 2 “about patriotism, citizenship and civic engagement,” at this college, the College of the Ozarks, in Missouri. It is perhaps the only (presumably?) accredited college in America that fancies going by a comically trademarked focus group slogan, “Hard Work U.,” instead of its much more lamentable real name. Anyway, it’s already sold out. Moles: remember to send the goods to tips@wonkette.com, even though we just made fun of your trashy school. [College of the Ozarks]

Sarah Palin filled out a Linkedin thing, and it is half-full (half-empty?) of lies, but also it’s Palin so this shouldn’t be news, per se. Ehh, so like for example, she went to literally four other schools before graduating from the University of Idaho but doesn’t list them all here. And right, it’s actually beyond disingenuous to recommend that the other Linkedin people contact her for “expertise requests,” because what, suddenly “quitting shit” is a form of artisanry? [Linkedin, Political Carnival]

This is hanging at a bar in a town called “Revolution, Texas” right now. Which means it is missing from the Obamas’ White House art collection.

(1,000 dreamhorses to Wonkette Operative “Marcus P” for top art-scouting.)

Have you heard Sarah Palin’s new zeitgeisty bon mot? It’s “Yes, We Can!” This is exactly how she concluded a recent column in the National Review about drilling and how it’s important that it happens constantly, in every imaginable place. “Alternative sources of energy are part of the answer, but only part. There’s no getting around the fact that we still need to ‘drill, baby, drill!’ And if those in D.C. say otherwise, we need to tell them: ‘Yes, we can!’” Oh god this is probably going to actually work for her, isn’t it? [POLITICO]

Stray boys and cats are already camping outside of Target in hopes of procuring a SARAH PALIN NAUGHTY ALASKAN MAID HALLOWEEN COSTUME (one size fits all). Complete with a moose pelt mini skirt, an apron/Twitter feed, a GOP debit card and a boner-inducing book deal, industry analysts predict the nipple-hardening Alaskan get-up will be an easier sell than IRAQI WMDS! … MORE »

On Friday, America’s spokesperson Meg Stapleton publicly announced that Sarah Palin was totally willing to help out Bob McDonnell win his governor’s race in Virgina, which is like the “contiguous states equivalent” of avoiding being elected governor of Alaska. Anyway, McDonnell did not appear to be too excited about this, which is funny, considering how into it he used to be, back in August. Says McDonnell: “There was a time earlier on when she was governor when I thought she would come here. But I think she seems to be busy with books and other things like that. We’ve still got about 20 different events scheduled down the road and she’s not one of them.” He was pretty sure it was a casual summer thing, is the point. MORE »