Tag Archives: sarah palin

  Tomorrow Is Another Day

Sarah Palin Loses Fox News ‘Job’ Again, Guess She’ll Have To Find New ‘Job’

Wait, you're saying she was still on Fox? Huh.
Toll the bells, America, for an era, it endeth: Fox News will not renew Sarah Palin’s contract. Oh, how the mighty have fallen! Never again will Fox viewers ever see their Beloved on the telescreen, except for whenever she wants to show up as a non-contracted guest, which will probably be about as often as she actually “worked” for the network after it brought her back the second time: Read more on Sarah Palin Loses Fox News ‘Job’ Again, Guess She’ll Have To Find New ‘Job’…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Takes Summer Vacation, Leaves Fans Lonely, Confused

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
For two weeks running, Sarah Palin has not bothered to publish any new videos—and her subscribers have begun to take notice. In the Sarah Palin Channel’s comment sections, they speak to each other in the tones of people who just blew $20 on carnival games and didn’t even win a giant stuffed panda for Jenny Sue. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Takes Summer Vacation, Leaves Fans Lonely, Confused…
  Give until it hurts.

It’s A Nice Day For A Wonkette Online Baby Shower! Your Weekly Top Ten.

Nothing cuter in the world than the newborn baby burrito. NOTHING.
WONKETTE HAD A BABY, WONKETTE HAD A BABY, WONKETTE HAD A BABY. Hey, did you hear Wonkette had a baby? As you read this, Ms. Donna Rose, daughter of yr Editrix Rebecca and her dashing pixel husband Shy, is on her third full day of being a fully formed, bee-yootiful babby, and her Wonkette uncles and aunt could not be more excited. Read more on It’s A Nice Day For A Wonkette Online Baby Shower! Your Weekly Top Ten….
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Vomits Pre-Digested Content Right Down Your Throathole

Yes, it's the same photo we used the first time. Get it?
In the last seven days, Sarah Palin has published only one video on her subscription-based Internet television failure service, and that one video was a straight pick-up of a post from March, when America’s hardest working half-term governor reminisced about how those “doggone reporters” almost ruined her family bus trip. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Vomits Pre-Digested Content Right Down Your Throathole…
  DEAR PREZNIT DUMBASS

Wonkette Writes Wingnut Letters To President Obama, About How He Is A Idiot

President Obama did a big interview with the “Extra” teevee program, and told correspondent Jerry Penacoli that he responds to ALL the letters his people bring him, even when it’s just wingnuts writing in to say, “You Are A Idiot.” The president said he tries to “address their concerns,” but considering the “concerns” people have about this president, we wonder what does he say to them? When they call him A Idiot, does he call them A Idiot back? Read more on Wonkette Writes Wingnut Letters To President Obama, About How He Is A Idiot…
  So long farewell aufwiedersehen fuck off

Let’s Remember 11 Times Rupert Murdoch Was A Giant Cretinous Sh*thead

Don't get your old dick caught in the door on the way out.
The day you all feared would come is nigh, Wonkers: Rupert Murdoch is stepping down as CEO of 21st Century Fox and giving the company to his son James, though he will reportedly still be executive chairman of the enterprise and, according to CNBC, will likely “still have the final say on whatever goes on at Fox.” WE KNOW, dry your eyes. So many questions! Will Roger Ailes still have a job? Will Fox News continue to suck so hard? (The answers are “probably” and “definitely.”) Read more on Let’s Remember 11 Times Rupert Murdoch Was A Giant Cretinous Sh*thead…
  Um WHAT????

Sarah Palin Goes On Fox To Yell At Fox For Molesting Duggar Girls On Fox

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.comIs Sarah Palin on drugs? We don’t know, but maybe! We hear Alaska is a great place for scoring meth, to buy with your government hand-out checks from sweet drill-baby-drilled oil profits. And maybe those drugs have eated up the itsy bits of Palin’s brain? We’re just asking, with question marks, which makes it OK to say whatever we want. Read more on Sarah Palin Goes On Fox To Yell At Fox For Molesting Duggar Girls On Fox…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Megyn Kelly Plays Softball With The Duggar Sisters: Your Weekly Top Ten

Tryin' hard to come up with some more easy questions.
HEY WONKETARIAT, we hope this weekly Top Ten post finds you rested and not too hungover. It’s time for us to look at all the stories that made you laugh and cry and whatever other emotions you feel in response to Wonkette posts, you’re very unpredictable. Guess what? That Duggar story is still going on, but we are happy to report that only HALF of the top ten posts this week are Duggar-related. Read more on Megyn Kelly Plays Softball With The Duggar Sisters: Your Weekly Top Ten…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Is All Het Up About The Spanishes

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
The Sarah Palin Channel has released three videos in the last week and a half, and none of them is interesting enough to warrant its own blog post. There’s one on a Social Security Disability “snafu,” one that is Just Asking Questions about foreign donors to the Clinton Foundation, and one about the Supreme Court throatcramming some California students who couldn’t wear the shirts they wanted in school. It’s a seriously boring week, even by Palin’s standards. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Is All Het Up About The Spanishes…
  Oh FFS also too

Mama Grizzly Sarah Palin Gives Duggars Tongue Bath Just Like She Does With Her Own Cubs

Which one is the grossest? Yes!
Terrible people Sarah Palin and Bristol Palin have finally speaked some words, on the internet, about their fellow reality TV fame whores, the Duggars, and you will never guess what they have to say about Josh diddling his kid sisters. Did you guess the Palins are of having disgust, because of how they also too love The Children and ewwww, gross, the Duggars are some SICK MOTHERBASTARDS who covered up their son molesting their daughters and then shoved cameras in their The Children’s faces, for money? And they are even SICKER MOTHERBASTARDS for defending themselves to, we are guessing, rehabilitate themselves to seal that deal for a spinoff reality TV show, for more money? HAHAHAHA, who is of being A Idiot NOW, huh? You is! Read more on Mama Grizzly Sarah Palin Gives Duggars Tongue Bath Just Like She Does With Her Own Cubs…
  Here have some news n stuff

Martin O’Malley For President Of Pointing And Laughing At Sarah Palin

At first, when former Maryland Gov. Martin O’Malley declared on Saturday that he also too would like to be president please, we were like, OK, whatever, sure, keep the Democratic primary race interesting, yay democracy. Plus, O’Malley did good liberal-y things while he was governor, like murdering the death penalty and taxing God’s sweet tears. But then some other used-to-be governor had to “write” a bunch of “words” on the FacePlace about how O’Malley is a liberal so he sucks and hates freedom and derp derp fart also too: Read more on Martin O’Malley For President Of Pointing And Laughing At Sarah Palin…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin So Mad Barack Obama Loves ISIS More Than Jesus

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
The Sarah Palin Channel continues to stick with its two-videos-per-week production schedule. Once again, both videos feature Palin in front of the same backdrop, saying things at the camera that are either dumb or lies or both. This week’s feature: How President Barack Hussein Osama Bin Lyin’ Is Helping ISIS Murder Christians, With Words. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin So Mad Barack Obama Loves ISIS More Than Jesus…
  Your Honor that is HIGHLY inappropriate

Alaska Judge In Big Trouble, Just For Saying Rapey Words To Everybody

Be quiet so the judge can say sex words to you!
Meet your new favorite judge in America, Wonkers! He is Nome Superior Court Judge Timothy Dooley, and he is being officially reprimanded by the Alaska Commission On Judicial Conduct, just because he has a habit of saying some very colorful things about ladies in the courtroom. For instance, this one time he wanted to make extra certain those present knew that a 14-year-old girl who had been sexually abused wasn’t some common whore, like all those “temptresses” out there, who force their attackers to rape them: Read more on Alaska Judge In Big Trouble, Just For Saying Rapey Words To Everybody…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Says Stop Trying To Make ‘Hillary’ Happen. It’s Not Going To Happen.

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
The Sarah Palin Channel started Memorial Day weekend a bit early this year, publishing two videos in the last week with a combined run time of just three minutes 38 seconds. Both videos were clearly shot back-to-back, with Palin wearing the same clothing, in front of the same backdrop. You wish you thought of this idea, you wish you were as good at making money as Sarah Palin. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Says Stop Trying To Make ‘Hillary’ Happen. It’s Not Going To Happen….
  here comes honey oh fuck it

TLC Pulls Gross Duggars Off The Air Because Honey Boo Boo’s Mom Wanted Equal Molesting Time

18 kids and the rapey one
It would seem that TLC, which revels in taking weird, fucked up people and making them teevee stars, isn’t too keen on sex criming kids. They cancelled Here Comes Honey Boo Boo after it was revealed that the show’s matriarch, Mama June, was shacking up with a dude that child-molested one of her kids. And now TLC has pulled all scheduled airings of 19 Kids And Counting, after revelations that Josh Duggar molested his sisters. We don’t know if TLC is looking for a new slogan, but Wonkette is willing to sell them “Standards: They’re Low, But We Have Them!” for $100,000. Read more on TLC Pulls Gross Duggars Off The Air Because Honey Boo Boo’s Mom Wanted Equal Molesting Time…
  Wonkette makes photo gallery like Buzzfeed

Josh Duggar Touches GOP Presidential Candidates With Same Hands What Touched His Sisters

Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross.
Josh Duggar and the entire Duggar clan are Family Values People. They believe in things like Traditional Marriage and No Trannies In The Little Girls’ Room, because apparently that’s more dangerous than Josh Duggar In The Little Girls’ Room. The family’s record of open wingnuttery and anti-gay/anti-trans hate landed young Joshua a sweet position with the Family Research Council hate group, which is headed up by Tony Perkins, who started his career off by purchasing David Duke’s mailing list. Yes, THAT David Duke. Read more on Josh Duggar Touches GOP Presidential Candidates With Same Hands What Touched His Sisters…
  sadface

Bristol Palin’s Wedding CANCELED, Let’s Make Up Reasons Why

But they looked so happy, in Kentucky, with their guns!
SAD NEWS, everybody. Sarah Palin will no longer have a new son-in-law to “eye-fuc,” because the impending nuptials of Bristol Palin and Dakota Meyer, planned for this weekend, have been 86’ed, as reported by Mama Grizzly Dumb Ass, on the Facebook: Read more on Bristol Palin’s Wedding CANCELED, Let’s Make Up Reasons Why…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Knows Democrats Are Causing California’s Drought

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
Yr Wonket has been covering the Sarah Palin Channel for the better part of a year now, and we have never, ever seen Palin say something this breathtakingly stupid. Hyperbole? Perhaps. But take a gander at this stupid, and have the number of your nearest burn unit on hand, because this is just searingly dumb: Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Knows Democrats Are Causing California’s Drought…
  WALNUTS! studies abroad

John McCain Accidentally Joins Ukrainian Government, Bye John McCain!

He is very excited about his new job!
Hurray, John McCain finally gets to be president of something, and it is Ukraine! Oops that’s not right. John McCain has been appointed as a special presidential advisor in Ukraine, and either they forgot to tell him, or he applied for the job from a Craigslist ad and forgot all about it because OLD WALNUTS, but regardless, he never made sure it was allowed under Senate rules, so he may not get to become king of Ukraine after all: Read more on John McCain Accidentally Joins Ukrainian Government, Bye John McCain!…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Will Not Pay Taxes On Soda, Not While ISIS Is Still Around

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
On this week’s Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker, Sarah Palin picks on Connecticut State Rep. Juan Candelaria for having the GALL to propose a tax on sugary soft drinks. Doesn’t Rep. Candelaria know that taxes kill jobs? Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Will Not Pay Taxes On Soda, Not While ISIS Is Still Around…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Says No Racists On $20 Bill, Let’s Stick With Andrew Jackson

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
As even the paupers of the Wonketariat know, Andrew Jackson’s face adorns the American $20 bill. That is, as they say in academia, “problematic,” so Senator Jeanne Shaheen of New Hampshire has introduced a bill to replace Andrew Jackson’s face with that of a woman. That doesn’t sit so good with Sarah Palin, no sir. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Says No Racists On $20 Bill, Let’s Stick With Andrew Jackson…