If you live in Wisconsin, then… sorry? What were we going to write about here… ah, yes: if you live in Wisconsin, then you should go see Sarah Palin speak tonight! She will be making an appearance in Milwaukee on behalf of Wisconsin Right to Life, presumably the anti-capital punishment outfit up there. Only caveat: you cannot bring anything to this event. Anything at all. After tonight, Sarah Palin would like there to be no proof that she was ever in Milwaukee. (And maybe she isn’t!) MORE »

NICE TRY bored irony thrill-seekers in all major U.S. cities, Sarah Palin’s Going Rogue book tour is characteristically going rogue and will be avoiding the large urban areas of New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Chicago, Philadelphia, and others like them. According to this extremely patronizing CNN story—in which Jacksonville, FL. and Rochester, NY are essentially characterized as nothing more than some dirt paths strewn with human bones, maybe six trailer homes and a Starbucks—the GR Tour will instead be hitting mid-size cities in more traditionally conservative parts of the country. Oh but despair not, cosmopolites! Very decent chance that the Nation and Slate all-stars of Going Rouge will be incidentally touring Whole Foods or some party in Park Slope or whatever. [CNN]

So the question is, was she being sarcastic in that parenthetical aside about “variety”? MORE »

• SARAH PALIN’S MOST INSPIRATIONAL FACEBOOK PROSE YET: It puts a tear or zero in our eyes on this, this historic election day that no one cares about: “Please take time today to exercise the right that so many people fought to secure for us. In considering these east coast races, it occurred to me that Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, and so many of the women who fought to give future generations the right to vote hailed from these states.” In other words, as her hero Susan B. Anthony once said, “Vote with your vag, ladies.” Today, this means voting for an asexual robot male in Virginia, Glenn Beck’s male wingnut bitch in New York, and the fattest male goblin alive in New Jersey. [Sarah Palin's Facebook]

Queen Birther mop-head and famed lawyer-dentist Orly Taitz has some big news on her website: OMG OMG SARAH PALIN ACCEPTED!! So awesome! [Orly Taitz Esq.]

• Erick Erickson insists upon a Great Purge to keep the GOP pure. Erick, you sick sick Stalinist bastard! [RedState]
• Sarah Palin is “ready” to be “president,” according to “Rush” “Limbaugh.” [Gateway Pundit]
• Who else is on the CIA payroll, besides Ahmed Wali Karzai and Luis Posada Carriles? The answer will not surprise you in the least. [The Plank]
• Oh, GREAT: The terrorists get free swine flu vaccines while pregnant women and stray children are encouraged to stock up on Emergen-C and hope for the best. This is health care reform? We want America back! [Ace of Spades]
• Remember when Bill Clinton parachuted into North Korea and whispered delicious lies into Kim Jong-il’s tender ear and then saved two lady-journalists from a decade of slave labor? Yeah well, that part about Kim Jong-il never actually happened — hot damn, it was Photoshopped! [Daily Intel]

See what’s going on above? That would be Bob McDonnell crushing the dickens out of Creigh Deeds, in Virginia. Fine, go ahead, win tomorrow, anything to get these dreadful four-per-commercial-break ads (”I will fix the roads” “No I will fix the roads” “You hate women” “I will fix the women and roads,” etc. ) off the air. And how has McDonnell built up such a lead? By not accepting any of Sarah Palin’s offers to campaign with him, for one! This will not stop egomaniacal Sarah Palin from secretly campaigning for McDonnell through a third party, however. Just Sarah bein’ Sarah! MORE »

IT IS YET ANOTHER SARAH PALIN STORY and it is no one’s fault but that of Sarah Palin, alright?, or possibly that of Meg Stapleton, who evidently forgot to explain to Sarah Palin what “Iowa” is. Right so, some Iowa-based group of Iowa-caucus participating conservatives invited Palin to speak at some banquet next month. Something about families, definitely a pro-family thing where everyone eats food and claps to prove how much they love families. Except Palin is charging the Iowa people $100,000 for the privilege of having her campaign for President during their fancy eating and clapping meal, and all the Iowa people can do is laugh and laugh. MORE »

The news of Sarah Palin’s literary fortunes—both fiscal and fictive—also brought a smaller bit of news about a secret mystery company owned by Palin. “In April, while still governor, she founded what she describes as a “marketing” business, called ‘Pie Spy.’ Palin lists herself as the owner of the limited liability company, which was incorporated in March by her spokeswoman, Meghan Stapleton, who listed Palin’s lawyer, Thomas Van Flien, as its agent.” Extensive journalism Googling by Ben Smith also reveals that the dessert-based marketing company has something to do with helping disabled people, possibly old disabled people, by spying on them. Um, and corollary sub-revelation: of course Meg Stapleton is essentially also her de facto lawyer. [Ben Smith]

Comical naked person Levi Johnston went on the CBS program this morning but really, don’t even watch the clip, we just needed some art to go with the text: “There are some things that I have that are huge. And I haven’t said them because I’m not gonna hurt her that way… You know, I mean, if I really wanted to hurt her, I could, very easily. But there’s — I’m not gonna do it. I’m not going that far.” MORE »

Ugh, okay, okay: $1.25 million dollars. Palin earned $1.25 million dollars of actual American currency from HarperCollins in exchange for giving her approval to some ghostwriter and an (ill-chosen!) dust jacket photo. And that’s just the advance! She will make more as soon as the thing comes out and people buy it. Everyone: Please keep in mind—especially as the holidays approach—that money does not know when it is being used ironically and will still “count.” [The Caucus]