Tag Archives: santorum

  fuckin' A

Rick Santorum: The Only Presidential Candidate Willing To Fist You With Your Own Moneys

All you have to do is look at this picture, and you will immediately lose your urge to bone people.
Just a few weeks ago, we were very excited to hear that the frothy mix of a man known as Rick Santorum was thinking of lubing up and sliding right into the 2016 Republican primaries, so that he could lose again, because his only known skill is losing. (He’s VERY good at it.) And now that day has come! Rick Santorum announced his candidacy for US American President Wednesday in Cabot, Pennsylvania, a state that fired his ass from being senator, by double digits. You are probably wondering what lovely things will be on his campaign platform. Will it be the thing about how you’re not really doing Jesus-approved sex, unless you are barebacking? Will it be about how much he despises Americans, for their erotic freedoms, which are obviously not as important as religious freedom? Will he ban all the abortions, to get revenge on his wife’s hot abortionist ex-lover? It is all of these things and more, we will tell you it now! Read more on Rick Santorum: The Only Presidential Candidate Willing To Fist You With Your Own Moneys…
  hot pixxx

Howard Kurtz Appoints Himself Chief Constabulary Of The Islamic Religious Police

Prepare to clutch your pearls, wonketeers. We have on our hands a tawdry display of vile sexuality that absolutely DEMANDS to be shown to the world. It seems that a politician errr, a journalist the private-citizen daughter-in-law of a retired journalist has put up some super-racy photos on the Facebooks! Gasp! and bring me a cool mint julep for my sensibilities have been affronted. And Howard Kurtz is ON THE CASE! Don’t remember who Howard Kurtz is? He used to be the host of CNN’s Reliable Sources, a teevee show dedicated to talking about the media, whereby media elites would talk to other media elites on the teevee about media folks on teevee and in journamilism. Apparently the show name Circle Jerk was already taken. After like a million years, he decided to jump ship for Fox News because apparently he was unable to express his full magnitude of dickishness at CNN. Fresh off getting his ass so fired from Daily Beast, Kurtz is fitting into his new role at Fox News nicely. Rather than report on actual news (you know, debt ceiling, Syria, immigration reform, Miley Cyrus), Kurtz bizarrely decided to attack Pari Bradlee, the daughter-in-law of respected Washington Post journalist Ben Bradlee: Her new [Facebook] profile picture, in a Swiss-cheese bra that leaves little to the imagination and long black leather sleeves and briefs, is so revealing that it drew a torrent of breathless comments. In another just-posted photo she is nude, shot from the back, twisting one arm behind her. Egads! We shall have to sexplore this unseemly graphic XXXXX-rated facebook stuff!  Read more on Howard Kurtz Appoints Himself Chief Constabulary Of The Islamic Religious Police…
  hey baby it's the fourth of july

Rick Santorum Will Wish You A Happy Fourth Of July Whether You Want Him To Or Not

Rick Santorum manages to go 55 motherfucking seconds without insulting anyone — like, ANYONE, not gays, not dogs, not even ladies what work outside the home! — in this nice Fourth Of July message from his family to you. But how high are his bookend sons? (Answer: THEY ARE VERY HIGH.) Also, the Crying Girl has growed up reeeeal niiiice. Read more on Rick Santorum Will Wish You A Happy Fourth Of July Whether You Want Him To Or Not…
  guns from mail order catalogues don't kill people

Jennifer Granholm Just Not Used To All The Stupid Things Rick Santorum Says

Why does Rick Santorum keep getting asked on the yap shows? He does not hold an elected office, has not held an elected office since 2007, and does not have anything remotely redeeming to say about much of anything, and yet, he is still treated as though he is Important and Serious and worth listening to. Like in this video clip, which begins with Jennifer Granholm asking Rick Santorum to defend the use of a gun magazine that can tear a “six year old to shreds,” and he is VERY HAPPY TO DO SO! Read more on Jennifer Granholm Just Not Used To All The Stupid Things Rick Santorum Says…
  topping from the bottom

Google ‘Spreading Santorum’ A Little Less When It Comes To Rick Santorum

Former Pennsylvania (?) Senator Rick Santorum initially rose to prominence when it was discovered that his last name is — go figure! — a perfect homonym with “santorum,” the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex. So what a stroke of luck for his presidential campaign, that they could take advantage of this link between the candidate’s name and the act he spends 60% of his waking hours contemplating/working to outlaw (when it occurs between unordained homosexual men, at least). Buddy, you can’t buy name recognition like that! Read more on Google ‘Spreading Santorum’ A Little Less When It Comes To Rick Santorum…
  'i'm not a witch'

Noted Economist Rick Santorum: Witch Obama Caused Housing Crash

Smegma-lipped poutmonster Rick Santorum, continuing his streak of saying only and at all times sensible and logically sound things, reminded Americans today that it was President B. HUSSEIN Obama who retroactively caused the housing crash because of how he is a Gaia-worshipping lesbian Wiccan dildonic priestess who hates America, and low gas prices, and Jesus. Obama is also a time traveler, because he went back to 2008 before he was even elected and caused the financial collapse. Witches can do this! Read more on Noted Economist Rick Santorum: Witch Obama Caused Housing Crash…
  academy awards in hell

Rick Santorum Gives Mitt Romney the Oscar For Reading Teleprompter

It’s America’s big night for urban elitists who have seen whatever otherwise unknown movies are nominated for Academy Awards tonight — consider it the Super Bowl for people who only drink box wine ironically, or the big NASCAR race/crash for people who still have most of their own teeth. Oscar (TM) Night is here! If, like us, you don’t really care but still “have people coming over” to “get high” and “eat some bogus recipe made of things we heard about in the New York Times Sunday Styles section, then by all means let’s change the subject to real (terrible) acting. We are talking about Mitt Romney, of course, and Rick Santorum’s blistering new charge that Mittens is reading off a teleprompter when he woodenly reads his prepared remarks that were written months ago by some high-priced communications expert who should really be fired. You know who else reads off a teleprompter? Read more on Rick Santorum Gives Mitt Romney the Oscar For Reading Teleprompter…
  gross

Santorum, Cumming, Blasts … Weird Rick Still Making Headlines Gross

How is Rick Santorum keeping the nation’s headline writers amused this week? Oh, the usual: cumming, blasts, and the reliable laugh provided by his actual name, “Santorum.” Why won’t Rick Santorum respect American family values and stop being the nation’s vulgar, childish joke? Read more on Santorum, Cumming, Blasts … Weird Rick Still Making Headlines Gross…
  you know who else compared obama to hitler?

Santorum Compares Obama To Hitler, Immediately Denies Comparing Obama To Hitler

The wonderful man we are dearly hoping becomes the GOP nominee for president has now joined the rest of the right-wing Internet in comparing President Barack Obama to Nazi Germany mastermind Adolf Hitler. CBS News reports: Read more on Santorum Compares Obama To Hitler, Immediately Denies Comparing Obama To Hitler…
  gay porno nostalgia

For Old Time’s Sake, Here’s Rick Santorum’s 2006 Gay Wrestling Ad

Let’s see, gay wrestlers all humping on each other? Check. Pudgy Rick Santorum smiling and winking? Yep. Praise for Hillary Clinton and Barbara Boxer? Oh hell yeah. This is Rick Santorum’s victory video for his 2006 Senate re-election campaign, which he lost by an astonishing 18 points. [BuzzFeed] Read more on For Old Time’s Sake, Here’s Rick Santorum’s 2006 Gay Wrestling Ad…
  inquisition slash fiction

K-Lo’s Wingnut Blog, ‘National Review Online,’ Tells Newt Gingrich To Quit

Wingnut Catholic slash-fiction blog National Review Online insisted, at 4 a.m. today (!), that fake Catholic convert Newt Gingrich quit losing the GOP primary and instead let authentic Catholic wingnut Rick Santorum continue losing against Mormon liberal Mitt Romney. This is apparently news, even though Kathryn Jean Lopez has always loved Rick Santorum nearly as much as she loves Joseph Ratzinger in his lovely Prada slippers and bejeweled hat and silken dress. Will Newt respect the decision of K-Lo and immediately drop out of the race, to allow Rick Santorum a longer public moment to discuss sperm and gynecology and the right holes to ejaculate into, etc.? There is, after all, a sense that America needs this, for the next 10 or 11 months straight. Read more on K-Lo’s Wingnut Blog, ‘National Review Online,’ Tells Newt Gingrich To Quit…
  m4m

CPAC Once Again Full of Self-Hating Gay Men Hunting For Gay Sex

Like every year at CPAC time, the “no strings attached” sex Internet is busy busy busy with self-hating closeted homosexual Republican men who like to take a break from cheering on homophobic bible clods by going back to the hotel with a discreet dude who wants to give/receive some oral, “maybe more with the right guy,” etc. Republican homosexuals are so predictable! Read more on CPAC Once Again Full of Self-Hating Gay Men Hunting For Gay Sex…
  gross gross gross

Wingnuts ‘Uniting Behind Santorum,’ Obviously

What are the Christian wingnut conservative Republicans doing about 2012 now? Uniting behind Santorum, of course! Because when you’re stuck with a slate of candidates including a liberal billionaire foreigner who loves the wrong Jesus and a repulsive kidney-shaped punching bag who is so venal and amoral he makes Bill Clinton look like a family man, what are you going to do, support the principled libertarian Texan family man with three decades of campaign success? No, of course not. You’re going to support the corrupt airhead dipshit who believes abortions are okay for his wife but a FELONY for everyone else in America. Rick Santorum, truly the conservative wingnut base is uniting behind you! Read more on Wingnuts ‘Uniting Behind Santorum,’ Obviously…
  dirty real estate deals

Everything About Rick Santorum Is Gross, Like His ‘Creamcup Trust’

Today’s Santorum scandal du jour — which means “a frothy mix, etc.,” in Santorum’s native language of Gay Obsessed — involves the various mansions he purchases through shady mortgages, in Virginia. But really, did he need to name his sketchy tax dodge “The Creamcup Trust,” and did he have to involve somebody named “James Sack”? Read more on Everything About Rick Santorum Is Gross, Like His ‘Creamcup Trust’…