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Tag: santa claus

Michelle Obama Saves Christmas With Emergency NORAD Santa Hotline

A long time ago, a bunch of gullible children in Colorado read a Sears ad in a “newspaper” -- an ancient method of distributing information -- and spent Christmas Eve calling a telephone number they believed would allow them...

Barack Obama Wishes You a Gay Military Industrial Christmas

Happy happy Christmas week, you elf-fellating scum! Yes, it's time for the Season of Lying to Children about the existence of any one of a number of Magical Miracle Men. To truly get in the Christmas spirit, I suggest...

TSA Announces War On Xmas Against … ‘Insulated Beverage Containers’

Christmas Eve is a very exciting travel day because it's one of the busiest, most insane times to attempt to get on a plane. Plus, the weather is guaranteed to be pretty horrible because it's winter. Also, there's horrific...

Hooray, The Well Is Dead, For Now!

BP and the Coast Guard are reporting that the reverse-cowgirl-static-kill-butt-well-plug was successful and that only 25% of the oil spilled is still in the Gulf of Mexico. Time to pop the bubbly and eat some shrimp...oh wait, there's no...

Suspicious Low-Flying Aircraft Noted On U.S. Radar But Otherwise Ignored

Don't mind that bearded fanatic in his low-altitude primitive aircraft flying around the skyscrapers tonight! The government is totally aware of this problem, and has chosen to just sort of "let it play out." Happy Christmas, everybody!

Cartoon Violence Puts The “Ho” In “Ho Ho Ho”

By the Comics CurmudgeonMost normal humans are at this point ensconced in the loving bosoms of their family to celebrate the birth of the American Jesus. That leaves a motley collection of hateful, Christ- and family-shunning degenerate misanthropes...

Santa Claus Wants You To Know 9/11 Was An Inside ‘Elf Job’

Here is some exclusive Xmas video of some nutter, maybe Mary Cheney? Let's say Mary Cheney, just trying to help out old Monster Dad's reputation, or something? Anyway, Santa doesn't love you anymore until you admit ghost planes flew...

Happy Hobo Christmas!

By the Comics CurmudgeonHey, everybody, have you heard about the economies? Of course, your Wonkette staffers spend their days luxuriating in the well-appointed, mahogany-trimmed, Campbell Brown-subsidized Wonkette HQ, but we are given to understand that things in the...

Santa & Bush Conspired To Elect Obama!

Here they are, the two leaders of the Free World, exchanging a sexy "knuckle bump" under the new White House Christmas Tree. No wonder the transition to the Obama Administration is going so smoothly ... these two were in...

Santa Claus Palling Around With Marxists

Look at this creep, with his terrorist beard. His name is legion, or "Sinter Klass," which means Karl Marx, because this is a photograph of the grave of the unrepentant Marxist, Karl Marx. Even his name is Marxist. An...

There Is No Privacy Anymore

Rudy Goes Wild About Fruitcake

Santa, Jesus Killing Themselves