Tag Archives: santa claus

  oily pelicans

Hooray, The Well Is Dead, For Now!

BP and the Coast Guard are reporting that the reverse-cowgirl-static-kill-butt-well-plug was successful and that only 25% of the oil spilled is still in the Gulf of Mexico. Time to pop the bubbly and eat some shrimp…oh wait, there’s no shrimp left? Damn. Um, how about some oysters…no oysters? Uh, let’s have crabs, yeah crabs. Oh those are dead too? Fine, I’ll guess I’ll eat cat food. Read more on Hooray, The Well Is Dead, For Now!… Read more on Hooray, The Well Is Dead, For Now!…
  too soon?

Suspicious Low-Flying Aircraft Noted On U.S. Radar But Otherwise Ignored

Don’t mind that bearded fanatic in his low-altitude primitive aircraft flying around the skyscrapers tonight! The government is totally aware of this problem, and has chosen to just sort of “let it play out.” Happy Christmas, everybody! [NORAD Santa Tracker] Read more on Suspicious Low-Flying Aircraft Noted On U.S. Radar But Otherwise Ignored…
  cartoon violence

Cartoon Violence Puts The “Ho” In “Ho Ho Ho”

By the Comics CurmudgeonMost normal humans are at this point ensconced in the loving bosoms of their family to celebrate the birth of the American Jesus. That leaves a motley collection of hateful, Christ- and family-shunning degenerate misanthropes as the only people reading “blogs” on the “Internet” — Wonkette’s core audience, in other words! We hope all you joyless monsters enjoy the following cartoons, which mock Our Lord Jesus and His only begotten son, Santa. Read more on Cartoon Violence Puts The “Ho” In “Ho Ho Ho”…
  o come all ye truthers

Santa Claus Wants You To Know 9/11 Was An Inside ‘Elf Job’

Here is some exclusive Xmas video of some nutter, maybe Mary Cheney? Let’s say Mary Cheney, just trying to help out old Monster Dad’s reputation, or something? Anyway, Santa doesn’t love you anymore until you admit ghost planes flew into the WTC, which was made of magic steel. [YouTube] Read more on Santa Claus Wants You To Know 9/11 Was An Inside ‘Elf Job’…
  cartoon violence

Happy Hobo Christmas!

By the Comics CurmudgeonHey, everybody, have you heard about the economies? Of course, your Wonkette staffers spend their days luxuriating in the well-appointed, mahogany-trimmed, Campbell Brown-subsidized Wonkette HQ, but we are given to understand that things in the outside world aren’t going so great, money-wise! In fact, this li’l economic downturn has even affected Christmas, a holy day of religious significance that nobody has ever previously connected to the vulgar machinations of commerce in any way. Cartoonists show you how bad it’s gotten, after the jump. Read more on Happy Hobo Christmas!…
  terrorist fist jab

Santa & Bush Conspired To Elect Obama!

Here they are, the two leaders of the Free World, exchanging a sexy “knuckle bump” under the new White House Christmas Tree. No wonder the transition to the Obama Administration is going so smoothly … these two were in on it. [White House] Read more on Santa & Bush Conspired To Elect Obama!…
  zat you santa claus?

Santa Claus Palling Around With Marxists

Look at this creep, with his terrorist beard. His name is legion, or “Sinter Klass,” which means Karl Marx, because this is a photograph of the grave of the unrepentant Marxist, Karl Marx. Even his name is Marxist. An Australian person has written these words: “First, Father Christmas is a dead ringer for the Father of Communism. Second, he dresses top-to-bottom in red! Third, the whole idea of Father Christmas reindeering and sleighing around the world with a giant sack full of presents shrieks of commie propaganda.” [Australian] Read more on Santa Claus Palling Around With Marxists…
 

There Is No Privacy Anymore

In an effort to make the routine invasion of one’s privacy seem more warm and fuzzy, NORAD is showing how it can spend your tax dollars to track the shit out of Santa Claus. If NORAD is any guide, there’s a couple of Christians in Iran that haven’t yet been murdered or imprisoned and there are Africans that know it’s Christmas time after all. Local television news broadcasts around the country will also have something to report tonight that isn’t a family burned out of their house by a Christmas tree fire or a soup kitchen feeding some poor people. [NORAD Tracks Santa 2007] Read more on There Is No Privacy Anymore…
 

Rudy Goes Wild About Fruitcake

newVideoPlayer("Rudy_Xmas2_Snapper.flv", 475, 376);Rudy Giuliani has unveiled his Christmas ads (because there are multiple ones!), within which he fantasizes about allowing the Virgin Mary to get an abortion for Jesus, since he’s soooo pro-choice. Either that, or — as in the one above — he screams about FRUITCAKE! with Santy Claus. I think we have a new running joke, and I also think “FRUITCAKE!” while holding a candy cane will be Giuliani’s “Howard Dean moment.” Someone at the RNC should inject this man with 911 cc’s of 9/11-serum before his faghagness becomes uncontainable. [Join Rudy 2008] Read more on Rudy Goes Wild About Fruitcake…
 

Santa, Jesus Killing Themselves

newVideoPlayer("Conservative_Carol_Snapper.flv", 475, 376);The National Republican Senatorial Committee (NRSC) is trying to get more support for next year’s elections with this play on that famous song, “Twelve Days of Christmas,” or whatever it’s called. Go ahead and watch. We’ll wait. [Pause]. OK SORRY! We knew it was bad and we made you watch anyway. Again, sorry. But yeah, still, basic point: The Republicans are going to lose everything next year by like 20 million points. [YouTube] Read more on Santa, Jesus Killing Themselves…
 

Save Jesus’ Birthday with Bumper Stickers

Conservative thingy WorldNetDaily.com is launching the anti-War on Christmas extra early this year, lest “the American Civil Liberties Union grinches” kidnap and neuter Santa Claus while his minions aren’t watching. Its website hosts an exclusive store for atheist-repelling paraphernalia. Among the items are a magnetic bumper sticker, a magnetic bumper sticker, an “auto magnet,” a magnetic bumper sticker, a Jesus bracelet and a magnetic bumper sticker. Those are all of the items, in fact, but inflatable green-and-red Bill O’Reilly fuckdolls should be available November 1. Because if they aren’t, Jesus will be retroactively unborn. Christmas-defense kit [WorldNetDaily] Read more on Save Jesus’ Birthday with Bumper Stickers…