Wonkette

In an effort to make the routine invasion of one’s privacy seem more warm and fuzzy, NORAD is showing how it can spend your tax dollars to track the shit out of Santa Claus. If NORAD is any guide, there’s a couple of Christians in Iran that haven’t yet been murdered or imprisoned and there are Africans that know it’s Christmas time after all. Local television news broadcasts around the country will also have something to report tonight that isn’t a family burned out of their house by a Christmas tree fire or a soup kitchen feeding some poor people. [NORAD Tracks Santa 2007]

Rudy Giuliani has unveiled his Christmas ads (because there are multiple ones!), within which he fantasizes about allowing the Virgin Mary to get an abortion for Jesus, since he’s soooo pro-choice. Either that, or — as in the one above — he screams about FRUITCAKE! with Santy Claus. I think we have a new running joke, and I also think “FRUITCAKE!” while holding a candy cane will be Giuliani’s “Howard Dean moment.” Someone at the RNC should inject this man with 911 cc’s of 9/11-serum before his faghagness becomes uncontainable. [Join Rudy 2008]

The National Republican Senatorial Committee (NRSC) is trying to get more support for next year’s elections with this play on that famous song, “Twelve Days of Christmas,” or whatever it’s called. Go ahead and watch. We’ll wait. [Pause]. OK SORRY! We knew it was bad and we made you watch anyway. Again, sorry. But yeah, still, basic point: The Republicans are going to lose everything next year by like 20 million points. [YouTube]

Conservative thingy WorldNetDaily.com is launching the anti-War on Christmas extra early this year, lest “the American Civil Liberties Union grinches” kidnap and neuter Santa Claus while his minions aren’t watching. Its website hosts an exclusive store for atheist-repelling paraphernalia. Among the items are a magnetic bumper sticker, a magnetic bumper sticker, an “auto magnet,” a magnetic bumper sticker, a Jesus bracelet and a magnetic bumper sticker. Those are all of the items, in fact, but inflatable green-and-red Bill O’Reilly fuckdolls should be available November 1. Because if they aren’t, Jesus will be retroactively unborn.

Christmas-defense kit [WorldNetDaily]

Learn all about it, plus the usual screwups at the tree-lighting ceremony, after the jump.

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