Good question, CNN. It looks like Republican Santa will let that little boy discover the answer firsthand. We do not care to watch the filthy video. [CNN, thank you tipster "Adam G."]

Each week, the Comics Curmudgeon helps explain Today’s Cartoons. This week, he takes on the proliferation of lame Santa cartoons which might need to go away even more than the Christmas music that is still on rotation at the mall and makes us want to kill kill kill.

By now, those of you who celebrate Christmas, and even you anti-American communists who don’t, are sitting in a pile of wrinkled wrapping paper and cardboard boxes made possible by the miraculous figure who’s the real reason for the season. I’m talking, of course, about Santa Claus. The very fact that he travels all over the earth at hypersonic speeds in an open sleigh indicates that his body, long mocked as a “bowlful of jelly,” is actually perfectly designed for maximum malleability: he flattens into a disk at maximum speed, but once his transport drops down to a near-human velocity, he just snaps back into shape. Similarly, because Santa has worked so hard to be all things to all the world’s little children, his metaphorical image is almost as easy to squish into any desired shape. This week: too many cartoonists take advantage of Santa’s good nature and put him through things no jolly old elf should ever have to endure. MORE »