Tag: sandy hook

Hillary Clinton Like ‘LOL Pretty Sure Donald Trump Is The Real Racist’

Hillary's speech on the 'alt-right' and Donald Trump's racism was VERY GOOD.

Why Did The Democrats Have To Make Everyone Hate Guns And Be So Sad?

The Democrats made everyone in Philly have a big, old, sad. Now we need to turn that sadness into action.

Noted Gun Fondler Will Stop Mass Shootings At Bars By Stiffly Regulating … No, Not Guns, Silly!

Maybe if bars didn't have to serve all that devil booze, nobody would get murdered at them!

Sandy Hook Parents Murdering Poor Gunmaker, With The Law

So it has been over three years since Adam Lanza shot 20 students and 6 staff at Sandy Hook Elementary, a thing so grim that we can't even make a joke about it, which is saying something. If there...
Of course, in the REAL Old West, lawmen often confiscated your guns while you were in town

NRA Goon Challenges Obama To Friendly Shooting Match About Guns

A week after pussing out on the chance to show up at CNN's "town hall" discussion of guns, where President Obama cruelly taunted them for bravely running away, the National Rifle Associated has issued its own challenge to debate...

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Treat Your Deadly Allergic Reactions The Natural Way!

Welcome back, you clinking clanking clattering collections of caliginous junk! It's time once more for the Snake Oil Bulletin! We had a long break over the holidays, which was perfect for refilling our woo tanks with all the latest...

President Obama Cries Like A Drunk Ex-Speaker Over Dead Kids, What A Pussy

It's National Gun-Grabbin' Day, with President Obama finally -- finally! -- delivering the tyranny we've all been waiting for. During his speech at the White House (so typical of him, acting like he's got a right to sully the White House with...

The Vilest Moments Of The GOP Las Vegas Debate, As Chosen By Wonkette, Which Knows From ‘Vile’

Now that we've had almost a full day to take our Dramamine, and maybe some knockout-drops, we are ready to look back at the main GOP debate in Las Vegas and determine: who, among the Trumps and not-Trumps, managed...

For Third Anniversary Of Newtown Child Murders, Give Classy ‘Christian Carry’ Pin To Someone You Love

It's been three years since Sandy Hook, and 554 American children have been killed by guns since then. That works out to an average of one child sacrificed every other day on the altar of the Holy Second Amendment....

Wussy President Obama Won’t Even Bomb ISIS For San Bernardino Shootings

Despite repeated calls by Fox News on Wednesday night for the president to finally put on his daddy jeans and automatically label acts of violence committed by anyone whose name sure sounds Muslimy "radical Islamic Muslimical extremist jihad holy war...

Sheriff Investigating Oregon Massacre Likes ‘Oath Keepers,’ Sandy Hook Truthers. Oh, Fun.

Since the horrific shootings at Umpqua Community College last Thursday, the Internet has discovered oodles of fun stuff about Sheriff John Hanlin, whose office is investigating the murders. For one thing, the month following the Sandy Hook Elementary massacre,...
Sad Jebbers is sadness.

President Jeb Bush Addresses Grieving Nation: ‘Stuff Happens’

If you've been wondering what President Jeb Bush, what with being a Bush and having all that genetic expertise on how to do presidenting real good, would do about the mass shootings we have every single week in America,...
This would fix everything

Another Mass Shooting In America. What The Hell Are We Supposed To Say?

What are we supposed to tell you about the man who murdered 10 people at Umpqua Community College in Oregon on Thursday morning? Gawker's Sam Biddle wrote on Thursday in defense of reporters contacting witnesses, via Twitter, even if it...

President Obama Asks Americans To Stop Shooting Each Other, For Real This Time

Another mass shooting in America on Thursday, this time at Umpqua Community College in Roseburg, Oregon. At least 10 are confirmed dead, another 20 are injured, and the gunman, also deceased, has been identified only as a 20-year-old male....
Jesus probably wants you to buy more gun now

Second Amendment Saves At Least 10 At Community College From Being Alive, F*ck You America

Welcome to your Latest Mass Shooting, America! At 10:40 AM local time, an as-yet unidentified gunman opened fire at Umpqua Community College in Roseburg, Oregon, leaving at least 7-10 10 people dead and approximately 7 wounded (see updates...
Same as it ever was.

NRA Dude Hopes Virginia Shooting Victims’ Parents Won’t Be Total Pussies About This

After last week's horrific on-air murder of TV journalists Alison Parker and Adam Ward, many people immediately braced themselves for exactly what disgusting thing the NRA would have to say. At first, there were mostly tumbleweeds, but as the NRA is...