We, he doesn’t want-want your soda, like, he doesn’t want to have your soda or anything. Please, obviously, he doesn’t abuse refined sugar. He wants to tax your soda, so you won’t want to drink it anymore because he knows best, obviously! Just look at him! And he doesn’t drink soda.

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Last night’s program for the San Francisco Republican Straw Poll apparently came to an abrupt halt after an influx of Paultards flooded the room shortly before voting was to commence. The full event cost $33 and opened with a banquet and an hour-long keynote speaker (some state senator). To just attend the voting portion afterwards, however, it cost $5. That, of course, is when the illegal alien spambot invasion commenced, and the vote was cancelled. Video and more, after the jump. MORE »

Gavin Newsom is San Francisco’s smarmily handsome alcoholic cult-leader mayor who fucks the wives of his best friends and generally acts like a douchesack, but at least he killed most of the homeless so you can now walk around for half a block without being assaulted by a legless drug addict spewing diarrhea in the street. Anyway, enjoy our latest Nadine and his careful critique of the Newsom Administration. MORE »

A Wonkette Operative spotted beloved and massively popular Presidential candidate Ron Paul in San Francisco last week.

Saw Ron Paul walking across Market and 1st. Surrounded by about 30 people carrying support signs.

Ten minutes later there was a HUGE SINKHOLE in the ground

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You can laugh at California laws if you want to — except in Berkeley, where that’s illegal — but environmental legislation in the most-populated state in the union generally makes it to Washington in a decade or so. Meaning, say good-bye to your precious plastic grocery bags that probably fill about 35% of your kitchen cabinets today. MORE »

Bronx-born Berkeley grad Michael Alan Weiner is one of the last merry pranksters of the North Beach beatnik-poet scene. The “free love” alternative-medicine guru and very dear friend of the late homosexual poet Allen Ginsberg realized his lifelong dream of being a subversive comedian like his hero Lenny Bruce, when San Francisco’s KGO allowed him to “prank” the talk station’s listeners in 1994 with his outrageous Andy Kaufman-esque creation called “Mike Savage.”

Learn about his hilarious run for the White House — watch out, Arabs & Mexicans! — after the jump.

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People are so touchy and PC these days, you can’t even write a column in a San Francisco ethnic newspaper about how much you hate black people without Nancy Pelosi denouncing you in the national media. What a nation of whiners! MORE »

Approximately 1,200 Wonkette readers sent us angry e-mails about our lack of Gavin Newsom coverage. Who’s Gavin Newsom? See, that’s why we ignored this story. Nobody outside of San Francisco knows or cares about Gavin Newsom — that’s because he’s the mayor of San Francisco. His scandal is dull, too: single man has heterosexual affair with colleague’s wife. Yes, he is a crappy friend, but he’s a politician so he doesn’t have real friends, anyway. MORE »

The very idea of “House Speaker Pelosi” isn’t exactly comforting to the shrinking, hysterical Far Right, but they should take comfort in the fact that liberals in San Francisco think she’s a sellout. MORE »

So boasts Starchild, 36-year-old Army reservist and current candidate for the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, while speaking at last week’s big sex-worker-palooza event in Sin City (where it seems all the good political happenings are happening these days). MORE »

Bush impersonators? Played out, you say. And you’re probably right. But little kids? Cute. Little kids + Bush impersonator = cute and funny. So — kids writing speeches they wish the President would give, read by a professional mimic. The post writes itself. And we particularly recommend the second one, written by one Zoe Baker, as it features the best list of playground insults we’ve heard since either Elementary School or that Cynthia McKinney video this morning (bam! Making with the topical humor!). MORE »