Tag Archives: san francisco

  Electric Kool Aid Acid Test Case

Attention Lonely San Francisco Wingnuts: Pam Geller Needs You For Her Dumb Bus Ad Lawsuit

The last 12 months have not been so kind to the screeching osprey of pathological racism known as Pamela Geller. Last June her cat sat on the keyboard (or something) and released a stream of consciousness post on her blog that sounded like David Duke trying to do a Captain Beefheart cover after mixing Peyote and Adderall. Then came news this month that the nice folks who run CPAC (who have no problem giving space to white nationalists and the John Birch Society) decided that even they were too embarrassed to invite Geller to their party lest she start ranting about how Muslims love goat sex (again). In truth the only thing keeping Geller in decent spirits these days, besides the thought of Palestinian children being shot in cold blood, was the jolly good time that she was having pissing off commuters in cities across the country with obnoxious bus ads linking a faith shared by 1.62 billion people with a handful of assholes who everyone hates. But now even that piece of solace has been unfairly taken away from Geller as she has been out-trolled by the most powerful enemies of freedom in the world: the San Francisco City Council. It turns out that those vicious jew haters™ took the 20k Geller spent to install the ads and the revenue that they generated (a sum which could be counted in a Cointsar) and gave $5,000 to the filthy Jihadists at the Human Rights Commission for a study concerning issues of discrimination against the Muslim community. In response Geller has announced that this aggression will not stand, and that she has declared an intifada against the city of San Francisco, WITH THE LAW. Read more on Attention Lonely San Francisco Wingnuts: Pam Geller Needs You For Her Dumb Bus Ad Lawsuit…
  eve ruined it for everyone (again)

Dennis Prager Channels Elephant Man, Is Shamed By Body, Not An Animal

Sometimes there are slow news days here at yr Wonkette. People are dumb enough, but not funny, or funny enough, but fail to be dumb. Dennis Prager, however, always always comes correct. Whether it is his awesomely casual racism where he explains how black and brown peoples will not read the New York Times, his appeal to young people where he tells young people they are stupid, his thoughtful theorem that the poor are poor because they’re lazy, or his amazing online university where classes are only five minutes long, Dennis Prager is an endless font of dumb. Today he is mad SO MAD about nekkid people. Read more on Dennis Prager Channels Elephant Man, Is Shamed By Body, Not An Animal…
  flowers in our hair

A Children’s Treasury Of Rear-Entry Pictures From The Wonkette Drinky Thing In San Francisco

On the real, we had no idea — after all you San Francisco Wonkeroos whined so very soulfully about the Holocaust — worse than the Gestapo or even the IRS — of having to take a bus to our latest meetup — that the San Francisco Wonk would be such a handsome and superfun genus. Seriously, all y’all were gorgeous and superfun and nothing against LA or Detroit, but now those towns can suck it. A new bar has been set. Above is someone’s butt. As usual, we will not identify commenters (and so many lurkers) who show up in the pix, but they may do so for themselves. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Rear-Entry Pictures From The Wonkette Drinky Thing In San Francisco…
  sexy parties

Remember To Drink With And Kidnap Your Wonkette Editor Tonight, In San Francisco!

Editor Rebecca is on a plane as we speak — it’s the future! — to uncircumcised libtard fish valley San Francisco, and she wants your author, “Jim,” to remind you nearby bums to show up on time for tonight’s meetup. Show up where though? Whoa whoa, easy now, just cooool down. It’s Friday and the editor is away. What mischief shall we get ourselves into?… Let’s play like… all the Parental Advisory CDs we have… yeah. Here are England’s most controversial new hitmakers, the Rolling Stones, playing just outside the Bay Area at a “speedway” of some sort?This song is just crazy; right around the bridge there’s this guitar part where… someone gets stabbed and the Dreams of the ’60s die all at once. Mmm mmm mmm, Fridays. Read more on Remember To Drink With And Kidnap Your Wonkette Editor Tonight, In San Francisco!…
  love haight

A Reminder That Your Wonkette Will Be Invading San Francisco To Drink It Under The Table

You have already forgotten, haven’t you, that we have promised the filthy Yuppies of the Bay Area their very own Wonkette Drinky Thing and Meetup, and it is this Friday! So grab your briefcase and your gigantic “cellular telephone” and your Burberry scarf, and meet us at … Read more on A Reminder That Your Wonkette Will Be Invading San Francisco To Drink It Under The Table…
  protect and serve

Wife- and Girlfriend-Beating San Francisco Sheriff Simply Does Not Care to Resign

San Francisco Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi was all nah mang nah mang ain’t resignin’ after he pleaded guilty to misdemeanor “unlawful imprisonment” of his wife (bargained down from domestic violence battery, dissuading a witness and child endangerment), and was sentenced to a Lindsay Lohanesque “probation and community service.” So now the mayor’s all, dude, the fuck? and suspended him and is trying to fire him and they are having a little old Constitutional Crisis! Also, there were totally some mystery panties. Read more on Wife- and Girlfriend-Beating San Francisco Sheriff Simply Does Not Care to Resign…
  local teevee news

Are We Done With TV of Black People Charged With Misdemeanors Now?

Are those syndicated shows like “C.O.P.S.” still a thing, with the haw-haw video of poor people committing minor property crimes or trying to take some drugs to dull the misery of existing in a rotten society? There’s still such a feature in the Bay Area, in the shitty KRON-TV local news. Let’s all have laffs about people with the wrong skin color breaking the rich man’s laws. Oh wait, this guy pulled over for being solo in the carpool lane is not having it. And why is the goddamned cop allowing this schlub to videotape someone accused of a crime? Is the cop getting a kickback? Are the slobs behind the camera sharing donuts? Read more on Are We Done With TV of Black People Charged With Misdemeanors Now?…
  crazy for sale: now at half price

Michele Bachmann’s New Hampshire Staff All Fleeing Like Hell

Epic head case Michele Bachmann’s entire New Hampshire staff has resigned en masse because she refuses to focus on the state, although reports saying that Rick Perry’s campaign is already busy pilfering some of them indicate this is mostly due to her being a blathering loser. She is such a loser, in fact, that the roaming liberal hippie mobs of San Francisco did not even bother to wander over and chant some godless queerness at her when she visited the city on Thursday, even for old times’ sake, for fear of catching a boredom-induced coma.  Read more on Michele Bachmann’s New Hampshire Staff All Fleeing Like Hell…
  elmo hates kleptocrats

Muppet-Wielding Protesters Occupy Rupert Murdoch’s Speech

This is going to be what’s it’s like for the Rupert Murdochs of the world, from now on. We hope, anyway! Just full-on harassment and outbursts until these kleptocrats are scared to leave their penthouses, which will then be burnt down, by dragons. Read more on Muppet-Wielding Protesters Occupy Rupert Murdoch’s Speech…
  nouveau fascism

San Francisco’s BART Blocks Protester Cell Phones For (Totalitarian) Fun

We would not have picked San Francisco for the first American city where “They” would start using autocratic control tactics on its disgruntled citizens, but here it is: civil liberties advocates are binging on tinfoil hats full of margaritas because the apparently fascist hippies running popular urinal and firing range the Bay Area Rapid Transit District blocked cell phone service at select rail stations where activists were planning a protest, to “safeguard safety with silence” or whatever nonsense alliterative Orwellian word combination sounds creepiest. (The BART actually has cell phone service, unlike the rest of America’s hobo transit, haha.) The protest was organized to call attention to the always-controversial BART transit police’s killing of homeless man Charles Hill, a protest which to transit officials must have sounded like “London riots in ur subway system.” Good thing they have an “off switch” for their customers’ phones! FIRST AMENDMENT SAY WHAT?? Read more on San Francisco’s BART Blocks Protester Cell Phones For (Totalitarian) Fun…
  if only all our bombs were filled with glitter

Glitter Bomb Strikes Tim Pawlenty At Book Signing

GOP presidential candidate and gay marriage opponent Tim something-or-other was unwisely lurking around signing books in known homosexual watering hole San Francisco when he was, as the kids say, “glitter-bombed.” Code Pink activists dumped an envelope of pink glitter on Pawlenty and yelled at him. Previously, helmet-haired balloon-head human Newt Gingrich had the special privilege of being the candidate progressives most loved to cover in sparkles. Iraqis throw shoes, gays throw glitter. Anyway, here is your next dark horse sour-faced GOP presidential candidate having glitter thrown at him: Read more on Glitter Bomb Strikes Tim Pawlenty At Book Signing…
  enemies list

Sensitive Obama Bans Reporter Who Took Embarrassing Video of Him

Remember this? Well somebody must have turned very red! And then he got a little angry: White House officials have banished one of the best political reporters in the country from the approved pool of journalists covering presidential visits to the Bay Area for using now-standard multimedia tools to gather the news. Read more on Sensitive Obama Bans Reporter Who Took Embarrassing Video of Him…
  liking liking

Obama Meeting With Famous College Dropout To Discuss Aaron Sorkin Plot

“President Obama will meet with Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg and other business leaders when he visits San Francisco Thursday according to a source familiar with the arrangements.” Well alright. Obama is apparently going to discuss innovation and science and his “Win the Future” thing. That’s cute, but America is totally bankrupt of ideas, and probably will be forever. Case in point: his administration is still calling this “Win the Future,” which sounds like a really stupid, pathetic branding attempt for a declining company/country. There really is no better name for this? So Obama will discuss innovation with these guys, and these guys won’t divulge anything meaningful, because if businessmen actually have any good ideas, they like to keep them from their competitors. The most productive thing Obama can ask Zuckerberg, obviously, is what it was like working with Bill Murray on Zombieland. Read more on Obama Meeting With Famous College Dropout To Discuss Aaron Sorkin Plot…
  quick! god! do earthquakes!

TIME FOR EVERYONE IN CALIFORNIA TO GET GAY-MARRIED AGAIN, OR NOT: UPDATED: It was originally breathlessly reported that Judge Vaughn Walker had lifted the stay on the decision to strike down Proposition 8, so that California is once again a state where the gays can do gross things like “nuptials” in front of our poor, innocent children. Couples were already lined up at City Hall in San Francisco! That sounds familiar! But it turns out the stay was extended until August 18. THEN Californians can ruin America with this “marriage” smut. [LA Times] Read more on …
  the homosexuals!

Rev. Lou Engle and His Three-Story-Tall Homosexual Jesus Giant

Hello, I am your new Wonkette reporter of The Homosexuals, and what they are thrusting upon society, or what is being thrusteth upon them. Sometimes I will post a round-up of what is going on that you might not have heard about, or maybe I will write about specific things related to The Homosexuals. It really just depends on how many keys The Editor has made for me! You might remember crazy wingnut pastor Lou Engle from the time he and Michele Bachmann convulsed back and forth with all their friends on video, imploring the Lord to Take Back Our Country through His preferred prayer method, which is, of course, loud communal fully-clothed orgasms. Read more on Rev. Lou Engle and His Three-Story-Tall Homosexual Jesus Giant…