Tag: san francisco

Hello, Los Angeles. Won’t You Buy A Girl And Her Husband And Her Official Wonkette Baby A Drink?

Los Angeles, we are to home to you! Currently? Overnighting in an alley behind Wonker Paula's Burbank craft-soap factory, and life couldn't be sweeter! (Or more clean.) Tonight you will come and sing sweet songs of home with us...

1000 To One Odds Our Vegas Party Sunday Will Be A Rocking Good Time

San Francisco, did you know you've been added to the Wonkette Wonkebago Fall 2015 Itinerant Panhandling Tour and Grifterthon? Las Vegas, join us Sunday (tomorrow? today?), Oct. 25, at the Summerlin, Nevada, home of Wonkers Frances and Don, and...

Wonkette Smearing Its Big Love On Salt Lake City Tomorrow! (Or Tonight!)

Salt Lake City, comin' atcha! We shall invade your Drinking Liberally, as is our wont, and in exchange for letting us annex you, we shall buy you pitchers of your silly low-test beer tomorrow (or tonight?), anyway, Friday. BUT...
Very few of these going on in Jeb's head.

Jeb Bush Says Gays Can Have Flowers, But Not Gay Flowers

Jeb Bush is saying words with his mouth again, and as we all know, that doesn't tend to go well. Speaking at Thumbtack, a start-up in San Francisco, Jeb! attempted to answer the age old question: Should people discriminate against...
strictly enforced

Barack Obama Stoled All The Rain In California And Gave It To Iran, Says Drunk John Boehner

Speaker of the Oompaloompas John Boehner took to the Facebook Tuesday to let America know why California has a drought. Now, you might think it has something to do with the decided lack of rain over the past few...
Totally.

Corporations And Celebrities Agree: Anti-Gay Indiana Can Get Bent

On Thursday, wingnut Indiana Gov. Mike Pence signed his state's Fuck The Gays bill into law, which basically says that as long as your religion tells you Jesus's first and only question on Judgment Day will be "and how...

San Francisco Cathedral Soaks The Homeless With Water Every Night, Like Jesus Would

St. Mary's Cathedral in San Francisco has come up with a novel way of interpreting that Bible verse where it says, "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something...
Just another reason to love the best justice on the court

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg: SCOTUS Will Be Perfect When We Get Rid Of All The Men

Oh look, it's Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg being a super-bad badass and crushing the patriarchy again. No, she didn't do some gay-marrying this weekend, as she is wont to do. No, she didn't kick her own heart's...
this logic has the elegant symmetry of a circle

Giant Baby Cop Can’t Use His Big Boy Words, Uses Handcuffs Instead

In San Francisco, Jami Tillotson, a deputy public defender, was in the hallway outside the courtroom when a plainclothes officer began to question her client. When the officer attempted to take pictures of her client with no explanation and...

Pix Or GTFO: San Francisco Wonkers Throwing Up On Their Shoes Probably

Or maybe that was just me. Just kidding, I did not throw up on my shoes. OR DID I? Portland, time to beat your liver into submission TOMORROW, SATURDAY, at Base Camp Brewing. We don't know, you're on the...
classic wonker

We’re Always Drunk In San Francisco: Your Wonkette Drinky Thing Great Northwest Great World Tour

Hey Wonkcats and kittens! A gentle reminder that we will be buying you drinks (or you will be buying us drinks? WHO CAN KNOW?) in San Francisco, this coming Thursday, just six little short days from today! We shall...

Here We Are Now Seattle, Entertain Us

Back in our salad days of last June or whatever, we drove around the country, buying you beer. Mostly, this was so we could have a vacation and call it a work expense, except it actually kind of was...

Here Is How Homosexuality Is Different From Alcoholism

Talking brunette Ken doll Rick Perry said something great the other day: "I may have the genetic coding that I’m inclined to be an alcoholic, but I have the desire not to do that, and I look at...

I Just Don’t Get Why Everyone Is Mad At The Google Bus

Sometimes I am a very bad liberal. Trigger warnings and waaahing about #rapeculture make me want to yell at all the baby feminists. I am not good at Intersectionalism. Don't care about drones. And now I honest to God...

All California Democrats Pretty Much In The Chinese Mob, We Guess

Well, here is a fine howdeyedo: the FBI is just cold arresting California state Senators for "corruption" and apparently "being in the Chinese mob" and also something about Freemasons. Democrat Leland Yee, who serves the gentle hippies of NoCal,...

‘National Report’ Writes Fake War-On-Christmas Story, Hilarious Real Threats Phoned In To Real School

Our satirical pals at the National Report, whose idea of satire is to write up fake news stories that contain few hints as to their fakeness -- because satire does not have to be "funny" -- have achieved another...