Wonkette

So there was this wine bar once, in San Francisco, that served Palin Syrah, a Chilean wine with notes of white pepper and madrone. It was the Yield Wine Bar’s best seller, in fact! And then John McCain crushed Palin Syrah’s hopes and dreams by nominating that gal Sarah for VP, and now San Francisco hippies won’t order the wine anymore because they hate America. MORE »

It’s official: Nancy Pelosi has not one but TWO opponents in a “hotly” contested race for her Congressional district. In addition to Dana Walsh, the last specimen of a doomed and rare species called the “Bay Area Republican” which is hunted for sport on the banks of San Francisco’s mandatory nude heroin-needle beaches, this woman named Cindy Sheehan is also running to make a Point. Cindy Sheehan is the woman who everyone felt bad for because her son was killed in Iraq, until she became the most tiresome Californian this side of Medea Benjamin. MORE »

Oh come now, will everyone please stop pickin’ on poor John McCain for his limited knowledge of the future techmologies? This is something that irks political writers on the Internet to a strange degree (probably because it means McCain cannot give them page views.) Even McCain’s best friend Jon Chait of The New Republic has been calling him “President Grampa Simpson,” which is Ageist. While many of us are more concerned about McCain for other reasons — the fact that he is solidly to the right of George W. Bush on foreign policy, for example — we understand how problematic it would be to have a president who uses Yahoo! instead of Google. And yet it’s still hilarious whenever McCain tries to defend his technological know-how to a crowd of nerds, as he did yesterday in liberal San Francisco. MORE »

Short of cleaning restrooms at the Minneapolis airport when Larry Craig’s in town, there is probably no job in America more thankless than running against Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi for her Congressional seat. One brave woman has stepped up to the challenge and is raising a fair amount of money in her quest to become the Republican congresswoman from San Francisco, where a “Republican” is defined as “anyone who doesn’t bring a nipple-pierced gimp to formal events.” MORE »

• SAN FRANCISCO ADOPTING ‘SAN FRANCISCO VALUES’: “SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — A measure that aims to keep prostitutes from facing criminal charges has qualified for the November ballot in San Francisco … The Erotic Service Providers Union recently gathered the 12,000 signatures necessary to put the measure on the ballot.” Surely this is part of the Gay Agenda. [AP]

The SFist just sent us this breaking news from San Francisco: “The ordinance initiative to changing the name of the Oceanside Wastewater Treatment Facility to the ‘George W Bush Sewage Plant’ will, in fact, be on the November ballot.” This is great news for everybody, as it will provide retaliatory amusement for San Francisco voters while confirming every “bunch-a gald-damned communist lezbo fruitcakes” wingnut cliche about Baghdad by the Bay. [SFist]

Well. Here is an ad from Republican Missouri Rep. Sam Graves “attacking” his Democratic opponent Kay Barnes, a former mayor of Kansas City. As it happens, known liberal Nancy Pelosi is throwing a “ritzy” party with a bunch of homos to celebrate Barnes’ “San Francisco style values.” And if that cheap ’60s-era retro Big Band elevator music is any indication, everyone is going to have Gay AIDS by the end of the night. And it will be worth it. [YouTube via Mother Jones]

Jesus, have we forgotten about Hillary Clinton so quickly? Wonkette has not written about the unsuccessful Inevitable Candidate since… noon, on Thursday! We can’t just quit Hillary cold turkey, much as we’d like to, so here “she” is STILL RUNNING (wokka wokka) in liberal San Francisco’s Bay to Breakers race today, courtesy of Wonkette arugula-city operative “Bob.” And for the record, a Kenyan won the race.

San Franciscans have three favorite pastimes: sodomy, jamming up traffic with their bicycles, and protesting things with puppets. This third hobby was on full display yesterday as protesters lined the scenic Embarcardero waiting for the Olympic torch to go running by on its whirlwind tour of the globe. Throughout the world, Olympic officials have been consistently embarrassed by protesters dousing the torch, yelling about China and Tibet and human rights, and saying unkind things about America’s Banker. But by San Francisco, they’d gotten wise — and decided to fake out the protesters in the most farcical running of the Olympic torch ever! MORE »

COMMUNIST HIPPIES TO NAME SEWER AFTER BUSH: Liberal San Francisco may vote on an unpatriotic initiative this November to rename its Oceanside Wastewater Treatment Facility the “George W. Bush Sewage Plant.” Because he is a slushy stream of poop and always cheating with his wars! [SFist]

This Nancy Pelosi character is a real piece of work. The Speaker of the House keeps offering opinions on what to do about the Democratic nomination for president, and every time it’s some version of “Oh well, things will work themselves out P.S. VOTE FOR OBAMA. OR CLINTON, IF YOU WANT.” First she says she doesn’t think Democratic superdelegates will go against the popular vote at the convention — meaning that Pelosi is just another Obama freak riding the Hope Express all the way to President McCain’s inauguration day. But then today on Good Morning America she says pretty much the opposite thing! MORE »

SAN FRANCISCO IS HAVING PROTESTS TOO: Old people fighting cops, 140 arrests, people in gorilla suits … San Francisco did not disappoint. [SF Gate]

The fairies in San Francisco face a considerably more important vote on California’s February 5 primary day than “American president.” Enter Proposition C, which offers the least bureaucratic question in the history of various state election Proposition C’s: Should the former Alcatraz prison of doom be converted into a ‘Global Peace Center’? In other stereotypical local propositions, Floridians today are voting on whether to convert Walt Disney World into a juicy Florida orange. MORE »

We, he doesn’t want-want your soda, like, he doesn’t want to have your soda or anything. Please, obviously, he doesn’t abuse refined sugar. He wants to tax your soda, so you won’t want to drink it anymore because he knows best, obviously! Just look at him! And he doesn’t drink soda.

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