Tag Archives: san francisco

  Here have some news n stuff

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg: SCOTUS Will Be Perfect When We Get Rid Of All The Men

Just another reason to love the best justice on the court
Oh look, it’s Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg being a super-bad badass and crushing the patriarchy again. No, she didn’t do some gay-marrying this weekend, as she is wont to do. No, she didn’t kick her own heart’s ass while pumping iron in the gym. As she is also wont to do.This time she just gave a little talk at Georgetown University about how hard it used to be “in the ancient days” for lady lawyers because it was a male-dominated profession, and males, well, they were men. Read more on Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg: SCOTUS Will Be Perfect When We Get Rid Of All The Men…
  it's a police world; the rest of us just pay taxes

Giant Baby Cop Can’t Use His Big Boy Words, Uses Handcuffs Instead

this logic has the elegant symmetry of a circle
In San Francisco, Jami Tillotson, a deputy public defender, was in the hallway outside the courtroom when a plainclothes officer began to question her client. When the officer attempted to take pictures of her client with no explanation and for no apparent reason, she objected, and was, for this “crime,” arrested and handcuffed to the wall for an hour. Read more on Giant Baby Cop Can’t Use His Big Boy Words, Uses Handcuffs Instead…
  we left our liver in san francisco

Pix Or GTFO: San Francisco Wonkers Throwing Up On Their Shoes Probably

Or maybe that was just me. Just kidding, I did not throw up on my shoes. OR DID I? Portland, time to beat your liver into submission TOMORROW, SATURDAY, at Base Camp Brewing. We don’t know, you’re on the Internet, look it up. Then Sat., Sept. 27, we will be at the Rhino Room in Seattle, like 6 p.m., whatever, we are maybe not at our freshest today. Here’s some pictures, of the people. Many were taken by Glasspusher. Some were taken by Shypixel. Others just sort of showed up. People may identify themselves in the comments if they so choose, but also we named the pictures this time, so there’s that. Read more on Pix Or GTFO: San Francisco Wonkers Throwing Up On Their Shoes Probably…
  are you going to san francisco?

We’re Always Drunk In San Francisco: Your Wonkette Drinky Thing Great Northwest Great World Tour

classic wonker
Hey Wonkcats and kittens! A gentle reminder that we will be buying you drinks (or you will be buying us drinks? WHO CAN KNOW?) in San Francisco, this coming Thursday, just six little short days from today! Read more on We’re Always Drunk In San Francisco: Your Wonkette Drinky Thing Great Northwest Great World Tour…
  Nevermind

Here We Are Now Seattle, Entertain Us

Back in our salad days of last June or whatever, we drove around the country, buying you beer. Mostly, this was so we could have a vacation and call it a work expense, except it actually kind of was work. When we lost a man in Kansas, there was no waiting with her until she had de-alcohol-poisoned herself. Nope. There were people waiting on us in Norman, because FUCKING SCHEDULE, and we had to leave Miss Lisa Wines in her hotel room. TO DIE. Read more on Here We Are Now Seattle, Entertain Us…
  Gay Is Not A Disease

Here Is How Homosexuality Is Different From Alcoholism

Talking brunette Ken doll Rick Perry said something great the other day: “I may have the genetic coding that I’m inclined to be an alcoholic, but I have the desire not to do that, and I look at the homosexual issue the same way.” To put his remarks in context, context does not matter when you say a thing like this. But it occurs to me that maybe Rick Perry is just confused and going through a phase, and needs the light of Happy Nice Time People to show him The Way. Therefore, I’ve put together a quick primer for Rick Perry on how the glorious pageant that is homosexuality is actually very different from the tragic disease that is alcoholism. Read more on Here Is How Homosexuality Is Different From Alcoholism…
  let's have a class war!

I Just Don’t Get Why Everyone Is Mad At The Google Bus

Sometimes I am a very bad liberal. Trigger warnings and waaahing about #rapeculture make me want to yell at all the baby feminists. I am not good at Intersectionalism. Don’t care about drones. And now I honest to God don’t know why we’re supposed to be mad about the Google Bus. Read more on I Just Don’t Get Why Everyone Is Mad At The Google Bus…
  at least it's not 'white santa' again

‘National Report’ Writes Fake War-On-Christmas Story, Hilarious Real Threats Phoned In To Real School

Our satirical pals at the National Report, whose idea of satire is to write up fake news stories that contain few hints as to their fakeness — because satire does not have to be “funny” — have achieved another epic bit of trolling. About a week ago, they ran a fictitious story about a 9-year-old being suspended from school for saying “Merry Christmas” to an atheist teacher. And for that special bit of verisimilitude, they gave their fictitious school a name that was conveniently close to the name of a real school in San Francisco, ha-ha! The story was about “Argon Elementary School in San Francisco, CA,” and as it happens, if you search “Argon Elementary School in San Francisco,” one of the top results is Argonne Elementary School in San Francisco. The National Report story has since been changed, renaming the school as “Anon Elementary School,” which is pretty darn funny right there. But once the story hit the wingnuttosphere — as it was designed to do — the switchboard at the real school was flooded with angry calls from at least 75 angry defenders of Christmas — including some threats of violence against the nonexistent teacher, not to mention a lot of angry emails and angry letters to the real principal. Hey, just harmless fun, and an excellent reminder to not believe what you read online, so it’s a public service! We’re kind of hoping that Argonne Elementary and the San Francisco School District can find a way to bill National Report for the extra security they had to call in following the hoax. That would make us laugh, big time. Read more on ‘National Report’ Writes Fake War-On-Christmas Story, Hilarious Real Threats Phoned In To Real School…
  why would anyone want sex workers to be healthy?

Obamacare Shocker: Prostitutes And Other People Wingnuts Don’t Like Can Get Insurance!

Dear god, this Obamacare thing has gotten completely out of control! Noel Sheppard at rightwing freakout machine Newsbusters has discovered a shocking, horrible thing: The Affordable Care Act will even sell insurance to bad people! In reaction to a CNN Money story about a San Francisco sex worker who organized an effort to get people to sign up for insurance, Sheppard is aghast. You see, because a lot of people who work in areas of dubious legality — and legal businesses whose morality he disapproves of — make less than $45,000 a year, they will be eligible for insurance subsidies under the ACA: So healthy young people beyond subsidizing unhealthy older people will also be helping to get prostitutes cheap health insurance. Is that what Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) meant when she said we’d have to enact ObamaCare to find out what’s in it? Please, someone fetch his smelling salts! But not anyone whose health insurance he might have to subsidize. Read more on Obamacare Shocker: Prostitutes And Other People Wingnuts Don’t Like Can Get Insurance!…
  we are all gay for california

Weekend Nice-Time: Here Have Some Gay California Weddings, Pfft, Whatever

Friday afternoon, just hours after the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals lifted the injunction that had been in place while the Prop 8 case went to the Supremes, all four of the plaintiffs in the case got married. The first wedding, for Berkeley couple Sandy Stier and Roger Ebert Kristin Perry, was performed by California Attorney General Kamala Harris at San Francisco City Hall. About an hour later, plaintiffs Paul Katami and Jeff Zarrillo were married in a ceremony at Los Angeles City Hall presided over by Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa. In a disappointment for fans of a vengeful God, seismic activity in the state was no greater than normal. Read more on Weekend Nice-Time: Here Have Some Gay California Weddings, Pfft, Whatever…
  if love was a train i think i would ride me a crazy one!

Skateboard Punk Rock Folk Singer Lefty Michelle Shocked Does Not Like ‘Fags’

Sorry, fellow 1980s protesters against “nuclear war” and “nuclear power” and “whatever else we were protesting about in the 1980s oh yeah we remember now it was Iran-Contra.” You are now going to have to throw away your cassette tape of “Short Sharp Shocked,” which was the soundtrack to all those protests, because Michelle Shocked, who used to come to those protests and play the git-tar, has gone off the fucking rails talking about fags and hating fags and the proper non-care and non-feeding of fags, and how gay marriage will destroy the world. Can somebody please come up with a “When I Grow Up I Want to Be an Old Woman” pun, for us to put here? Great, thanks! Read more on Skateboard Punk Rock Folk Singer Lefty Michelle Shocked Does Not Like ‘Fags’…
  Electric Kool Aid Acid Test Case

Attention Lonely San Francisco Wingnuts: Pam Geller Needs You For Her Dumb Bus Ad Lawsuit

The last 12 months have not been so kind to the screeching osprey of pathological racism known as Pamela Geller. Last June her cat sat on the keyboard (or something) and released a stream of consciousness post on her blog that sounded like David Duke trying to do a Captain Beefheart cover after mixing Peyote and Adderall. Then came news this month that the nice folks who run CPAC (who have no problem giving space to white nationalists and the John Birch Society) decided that even they were too embarrassed to invite Geller to their party lest she start ranting about how Muslims love goat sex (again). In truth the only thing keeping Geller in decent spirits these days, besides the thought of Palestinian children being shot in cold blood, was the jolly good time that she was having pissing off commuters in cities across the country with obnoxious bus ads linking a faith shared by 1.62 billion people with a handful of assholes who everyone hates. But now even that piece of solace has been unfairly taken away from Geller as she has been out-trolled by the most powerful enemies of freedom in the world: the San Francisco City Council. It turns out that those vicious jew haters™ took the 20k Geller spent to install the ads and the revenue that they generated (a sum which could be counted in a Cointsar) and gave $5,000 to the filthy Jihadists at the Human Rights Commission for a study concerning issues of discrimination against the Muslim community. In response Geller has announced that this aggression will not stand, and that she has declared an intifada against the city of San Francisco, WITH THE LAW. Read more on Attention Lonely San Francisco Wingnuts: Pam Geller Needs You For Her Dumb Bus Ad Lawsuit…
  eve ruined it for everyone (again)

Dennis Prager Channels Elephant Man, Is Shamed By Body, Not An Animal

Sometimes there are slow news days here at yr Wonkette. People are dumb enough, but not funny, or funny enough, but fail to be dumb. Dennis Prager, however, always always comes correct. Whether it is his awesomely casual racism where he explains how black and brown peoples will not read the New York Times, his appeal to young people where he tells young people they are stupid, his thoughtful theorem that the poor are poor because they’re lazy, or his amazing online university where classes are only five minutes long, Dennis Prager is an endless font of dumb. Today he is mad SO MAD about nekkid people. Read more on Dennis Prager Channels Elephant Man, Is Shamed By Body, Not An Animal…
  flowers in our hair

A Children’s Treasury Of Rear-Entry Pictures From The Wonkette Drinky Thing In San Francisco

On the real, we had no idea — after all you San Francisco Wonkeroos whined so very soulfully about the Holocaust — worse than the Gestapo or even the IRS — of having to take a bus to our latest meetup — that the San Francisco Wonk would be such a handsome and superfun genus. Seriously, all y’all were gorgeous and superfun and nothing against LA or Detroit, but now those towns can suck it. A new bar has been set. Above is someone’s butt. As usual, we will not identify commenters (and so many lurkers) who show up in the pix, but they may do so for themselves. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Rear-Entry Pictures From The Wonkette Drinky Thing In San Francisco…
  sexy parties

Remember To Drink With And Kidnap Your Wonkette Editor Tonight, In San Francisco!

Editor Rebecca is on a plane as we speak — it’s the future! — to uncircumcised libtard fish valley San Francisco, and she wants your author, “Jim,” to remind you nearby bums to show up on time for tonight’s meetup. Show up where though? Whoa whoa, easy now, just cooool down. It’s Friday and the editor is away. What mischief shall we get ourselves into?… Let’s play like… all the Parental Advisory CDs we have… yeah. Here are England’s most controversial new hitmakers, the Rolling Stones, playing just outside the Bay Area at a “speedway” of some sort?This song is just crazy; right around the bridge there’s this guitar part where… someone gets stabbed and the Dreams of the ’60s die all at once. Mmm mmm mmm, Fridays. Read more on Remember To Drink With And Kidnap Your Wonkette Editor Tonight, In San Francisco!…
  love haight

A Reminder That Your Wonkette Will Be Invading San Francisco To Drink It Under The Table

You have already forgotten, haven’t you, that we have promised the filthy Yuppies of the Bay Area their very own Wonkette Drinky Thing and Meetup, and it is this Friday! So grab your briefcase and your gigantic “cellular telephone” and your Burberry scarf, and meet us at … Read more on A Reminder That Your Wonkette Will Be Invading San Francisco To Drink It Under The Table…
  hello gentle people

Are We Going To San Francisco? (Yes)

Hey man we’re gonna come up and see you, for the third Wonkette Drinky Thing and Meetup Happening. It’s far out! When, where, why? Let us find out together! Read more on Are We Going To San Francisco? (Yes)…
  protect and serve

Wife- and Girlfriend-Beating San Francisco Sheriff Simply Does Not Care to Resign

San Francisco Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi was all nah mang nah mang ain’t resignin’ after he pleaded guilty to misdemeanor “unlawful imprisonment” of his wife (bargained down from domestic violence battery, dissuading a witness and child endangerment), and was sentenced to a Lindsay Lohanesque “probation and community service.” So now the mayor’s all, dude, the fuck? and suspended him and is trying to fire him and they are having a little old Constitutional Crisis! Also, there were totally some mystery panties. Read more on Wife- and Girlfriend-Beating San Francisco Sheriff Simply Does Not Care to Resign…
  local teevee news

Are We Done With TV of Black People Charged With Misdemeanors Now?

Are those syndicated shows like “C.O.P.S.” still a thing, with the haw-haw video of poor people committing minor property crimes or trying to take some drugs to dull the misery of existing in a rotten society? There’s still such a feature in the Bay Area, in the shitty KRON-TV local news. Let’s all have laffs about people with the wrong skin color breaking the rich man’s laws. Oh wait, this guy pulled over for being solo in the carpool lane is not having it. And why is the goddamned cop allowing this schlub to videotape someone accused of a crime? Is the cop getting a kickback? Are the slobs behind the camera sharing donuts? Read more on Are We Done With TV of Black People Charged With Misdemeanors Now?…
  crazy for sale: now at half price

Michele Bachmann’s New Hampshire Staff All Fleeing Like Hell

Epic head case Michele Bachmann’s entire New Hampshire staff has resigned en masse because she refuses to focus on the state, although reports saying that Rick Perry’s campaign is already busy pilfering some of them indicate this is mostly due to her being a blathering loser. She is such a loser, in fact, that the roaming liberal hippie mobs of San Francisco did not even bother to wander over and chant some godless queerness at her when she visited the city on Thursday, even for old times’ sake, for fear of catching a boredom-induced coma.  Read more on Michele Bachmann’s New Hampshire Staff All Fleeing Like Hell…
  elmo hates kleptocrats

Muppet-Wielding Protesters Occupy Rupert Murdoch’s Speech

This is going to be what’s it’s like for the Rupert Murdochs of the world, from now on. We hope, anyway! Just full-on harassment and outbursts until these kleptocrats are scared to leave their penthouses, which will then be burnt down, by dragons. Read more on Muppet-Wielding Protesters Occupy Rupert Murdoch’s Speech…