Tag Archives: san francisco

  The dumbest Bush

Jeb Bush Says Gays Can Have Flowers, But Not Gay Flowers

Very few of these going on in Jeb's head.
Jeb Bush is saying words with his mouth again, and as we all know, that doesn’t tend to go well. Speaking at Thumbtack, a start-up in San Francisco, Jeb! attempted to answer the age old question: Should people discriminate against gays by refusing to sell them flowers? Read more on Jeb Bush Says Gays Can Have Flowers, But Not Gay Flowers…
  He Who Delta It Smelt-a It

Barack Obama Stoled All The Rain In California And Gave It To Iran, Says Drunk John Boehner

strictly enforced
Speaker of the Oompaloompas John Boehner took to the Facebook Tuesday to let America know why California has a drought. Now, you might think it has something to do with the decided lack of rain over the past few years, but you’d be fooling yourself. Nope, Boehner knows that the drought was caused by “liberal environmentalists’ backwards priorities” and of course Barack Obama: Read more on Barack Obama Stoled All The Rain In California And Gave It To Iran, Says Drunk John Boehner…
  Nice state you've got there -- shame if something were to happen to it

Corporations And Celebrities Agree: Anti-Gay Indiana Can Get Bent

On Thursday, wingnut Indiana Gov. Mike Pence signed his state’s Fuck The Gays bill into law, which basically says that as long as your religion tells you Jesus’s first and only question on Judgment Day will be “and how many of my gay children did you personally abuse?”, you are free to use those beliefs to deny LGBT people service and accommodations in the forgotten, godforsaken state of Indiana. Gov. Pence did so because apparently the threat of losing tourism dollars and business is less important than making sure nobody forces Aunt Lurlene to bake a pie for a fag. This is called Religious Freedom, and it is somehow what this great nation was founded upon, according to idiots. Read more on Corporations And Celebrities Agree: Anti-Gay Indiana Can Get Bent…
  wwjd?

San Francisco Cathedral Soaks The Homeless With Water Every Night, Like Jesus Would

St. Mary’s Cathedral in San Francisco has come up with a novel way of interpreting that Bible verse where it says, “For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in.” They added a new part, which apparently says ,”But once I found a comfy place to rest my head, you super-soaked me repeatedly to make sure that I, a homeless person, could not get ANY sleep, you dicks.” Yes, St. Mary’s is under fire for drenching homeless people with sprinklers at night, in hopes that they might find somewhere else to sleep: Read more on San Francisco Cathedral Soaks The Homeless With Water Every Night, Like Jesus Would…
  Here have some news n stuff

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg: SCOTUS Will Be Perfect When We Get Rid Of All The Men

Just another reason to love the best justice on the court
Oh look, it’s Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg being a super-bad badass and crushing the patriarchy again. No, she didn’t do some gay-marrying this weekend, as she is wont to do. No, she didn’t kick her own heart’s ass while pumping iron in the gym. As she is also wont to do.This time she just gave a little talk at Georgetown University about how hard it used to be “in the ancient days” for lady lawyers because it was a male-dominated profession, and males, well, they were men. Read more on Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg: SCOTUS Will Be Perfect When We Get Rid Of All The Men…
  it's a police world; the rest of us just pay taxes

Giant Baby Cop Can’t Use His Big Boy Words, Uses Handcuffs Instead

this logic has the elegant symmetry of a circle
In San Francisco, Jami Tillotson, a deputy public defender, was in the hallway outside the courtroom when a plainclothes officer began to question her client. When the officer attempted to take pictures of her client with no explanation and for no apparent reason, she objected, and was, for this “crime,” arrested and handcuffed to the wall for an hour. Read more on Giant Baby Cop Can’t Use His Big Boy Words, Uses Handcuffs Instead…
  we left our liver in san francisco

Pix Or GTFO: San Francisco Wonkers Throwing Up On Their Shoes Probably

Or maybe that was just me. Just kidding, I did not throw up on my shoes. OR DID I? Portland, time to beat your liver into submission TOMORROW, SATURDAY, at Base Camp Brewing. We don’t know, you’re on the Internet, look it up. Then Sat., Sept. 27, we will be at the Rhino Room in Seattle, like 6 p.m., whatever, we are maybe not at our freshest today. Here’s some pictures, of the people. Many were taken by Glasspusher. Some were taken by Shypixel. Others just sort of showed up. People may identify themselves in the comments if they so choose, but also we named the pictures this time, so there’s that. Read more on Pix Or GTFO: San Francisco Wonkers Throwing Up On Their Shoes Probably…
  are you going to san francisco?

We’re Always Drunk In San Francisco: Your Wonkette Drinky Thing Great Northwest Great World Tour

classic wonker
Hey Wonkcats and kittens! A gentle reminder that we will be buying you drinks (or you will be buying us drinks? WHO CAN KNOW?) in San Francisco, this coming Thursday, just six little short days from today! Read more on We’re Always Drunk In San Francisco: Your Wonkette Drinky Thing Great Northwest Great World Tour…
  Nevermind

Here We Are Now Seattle, Entertain Us

Back in our salad days of last June or whatever, we drove around the country, buying you beer. Mostly, this was so we could have a vacation and call it a work expense, except it actually kind of was work. When we lost a man in Kansas, there was no waiting with her until she had de-alcohol-poisoned herself. Nope. There were people waiting on us in Norman, because FUCKING SCHEDULE, and we had to leave Miss Lisa Wines in her hotel room. TO DIE. Read more on Here We Are Now Seattle, Entertain Us…
  Gay Is Not A Disease

Here Is How Homosexuality Is Different From Alcoholism

Talking brunette Ken doll Rick Perry said something great the other day: “I may have the genetic coding that I’m inclined to be an alcoholic, but I have the desire not to do that, and I look at the homosexual issue the same way.” To put his remarks in context, context does not matter when you say a thing like this. But it occurs to me that maybe Rick Perry is just confused and going through a phase, and needs the light of Happy Nice Time People to show him The Way. Therefore, I’ve put together a quick primer for Rick Perry on how the glorious pageant that is homosexuality is actually very different from the tragic disease that is alcoholism. Read more on Here Is How Homosexuality Is Different From Alcoholism…
  let's have a class war!

I Just Don’t Get Why Everyone Is Mad At The Google Bus

Sometimes I am a very bad liberal. Trigger warnings and waaahing about #rapeculture make me want to yell at all the baby feminists. I am not good at Intersectionalism. Don’t care about drones. And now I honest to God don’t know why we’re supposed to be mad about the Google Bus. Read more on I Just Don’t Get Why Everyone Is Mad At The Google Bus…
  at least it's not 'white santa' again

‘National Report’ Writes Fake War-On-Christmas Story, Hilarious Real Threats Phoned In To Real School

Our satirical pals at the National Report, whose idea of satire is to write up fake news stories that contain few hints as to their fakeness — because satire does not have to be “funny” — have achieved another epic bit of trolling. About a week ago, they ran a fictitious story about a 9-year-old being suspended from school for saying “Merry Christmas” to an atheist teacher. And for that special bit of verisimilitude, they gave their fictitious school a name that was conveniently close to the name of a real school in San Francisco, ha-ha! The story was about “Argon Elementary School in San Francisco, CA,” and as it happens, if you search “Argon Elementary School in San Francisco,” one of the top results is Argonne Elementary School in San Francisco. The National Report story has since been changed, renaming the school as “Anon Elementary School,” which is pretty darn funny right there. But once the story hit the wingnuttosphere — as it was designed to do — the switchboard at the real school was flooded with angry calls from at least 75 angry defenders of Christmas — including some threats of violence against the nonexistent teacher, not to mention a lot of angry emails and angry letters to the real principal. Hey, just harmless fun, and an excellent reminder to not believe what you read online, so it’s a public service! We’re kind of hoping that Argonne Elementary and the San Francisco School District can find a way to bill National Report for the extra security they had to call in following the hoax. That would make us laugh, big time. Read more on ‘National Report’ Writes Fake War-On-Christmas Story, Hilarious Real Threats Phoned In To Real School…
  why would anyone want sex workers to be healthy?

Obamacare Shocker: Prostitutes And Other People Wingnuts Don’t Like Can Get Insurance!

Dear god, this Obamacare thing has gotten completely out of control! Noel Sheppard at rightwing freakout machine Newsbusters has discovered a shocking, horrible thing: The Affordable Care Act will even sell insurance to bad people! In reaction to a CNN Money story about a San Francisco sex worker who organized an effort to get people to sign up for insurance, Sheppard is aghast. You see, because a lot of people who work in areas of dubious legality — and legal businesses whose morality he disapproves of — make less than $45,000 a year, they will be eligible for insurance subsidies under the ACA: So healthy young people beyond subsidizing unhealthy older people will also be helping to get prostitutes cheap health insurance. Is that what Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) meant when she said we’d have to enact ObamaCare to find out what’s in it? Please, someone fetch his smelling salts! But not anyone whose health insurance he might have to subsidize. Read more on Obamacare Shocker: Prostitutes And Other People Wingnuts Don’t Like Can Get Insurance!…
  we are all gay for california

Weekend Nice-Time: Here Have Some Gay California Weddings, Pfft, Whatever

Friday afternoon, just hours after the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals lifted the injunction that had been in place while the Prop 8 case went to the Supremes, all four of the plaintiffs in the case got married. The first wedding, for Berkeley couple Sandy Stier and Roger Ebert Kristin Perry, was performed by California Attorney General Kamala Harris at San Francisco City Hall. About an hour later, plaintiffs Paul Katami and Jeff Zarrillo were married in a ceremony at Los Angeles City Hall presided over by Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa. In a disappointment for fans of a vengeful God, seismic activity in the state was no greater than normal. Read more on Weekend Nice-Time: Here Have Some Gay California Weddings, Pfft, Whatever…
  if love was a train i think i would ride me a crazy one!

Skateboard Punk Rock Folk Singer Lefty Michelle Shocked Does Not Like ‘Fags’

Sorry, fellow 1980s protesters against “nuclear war” and “nuclear power” and “whatever else we were protesting about in the 1980s oh yeah we remember now it was Iran-Contra.” You are now going to have to throw away your cassette tape of “Short Sharp Shocked,” which was the soundtrack to all those protests, because Michelle Shocked, who used to come to those protests and play the git-tar, has gone off the fucking rails talking about fags and hating fags and the proper non-care and non-feeding of fags, and how gay marriage will destroy the world. Can somebody please come up with a “When I Grow Up I Want to Be an Old Woman” pun, for us to put here? Great, thanks! Read more on Skateboard Punk Rock Folk Singer Lefty Michelle Shocked Does Not Like ‘Fags’…