Tag Archives: san diego

  judicial restraints

New Birther Judge Gary Kreep: Gays Threw Pus And Come On Me

Did you know that in many states there are judicial elections? And that those judicial elections are a pathway for really exceptional conspiracy-driven wingnuts, rather than your garden-variety wingnut, to ascend to positions of power? And it is almost impossible to get rid of them once they are elected? You do now!! Democracy, California-style, has given us soon-to-be Judge Gary G. Kreep of San Diego. There is no doubt that yr Wonkette Junior is aware of the delightful aptness of Mr. Kreep’s moniker. Even more delightful: Mr. Kreep’s opponent in his titanic election struggle was a gentleman named Mr. Garland Peed. But, San Diegoaneans, why elect the qualified when you can elect the crazy? USA! USA! It is your god-given right to ignore this guy: For nearly 30 years, Peed has been a capable prosecutor. Everybody who’s worked with him likes him. He racked up every serious endorsement imaginable, from DA Bonnie Dumanis to Sheriff Bill Gore, from the San Diego police and county deputies unions to the judge whose seat he would have filled. Why choose likable or competent for your judge-type-person when instead you can have Kreep, who has sought to rid the world of homosexuals, abortioneers, messicans, Barack Obama, Hilary Clinton, and Teddy Kennedy. Mr. Kreep might seem like a veritable titan of intolerance, but Mr. Kreep is just being targeted by those meddling gays: Kreep paints himself as a victim, saying he received death threats and that the city assigned six police officers to protect him at [San Diego Human Rights Commission] meetings. He also claims that, during the meetings, he was “bombarded with used condoms and pus and blood soaked cotton balls” flung by his opponents. Read more on New Birther Judge Gary Kreep: Gays Threw Pus And Come On Me…
  yay

Cindy McCain, Philanthropist & Humanitarian, Simply Loves This Weather!

Wanted-to-be-FLOTUS Cindy McCain took a break Monday evening from her important work of being a Humanitarian and Philanthropist who Cares Deeply About Refugees to let us know that she’s having the time of her life in SUNNY SAN DIEGO, YAY!!! Let’s see what other folks were Tweeting yesterday evening… Read more on Cindy McCain, Philanthropist & Humanitarian, Simply Loves This Weather!…
  job creators

Oh Boy Mitt Romney Really Hates Paying Taxes

Oh LOOK what a typist at the Los Angeles Times found out about the Romney’s multi-million dollar home in La Jolla (that’s pronounced La HOY-uh for you Midwesterners, and yes, this is the one with the $55,000 car elevator)! Turns out that the Romneys got a tax cut of about $109,000 by having their lobbyist/lawyer request that the county reassess the $12 million dollar home several times over the years. Of course, the Romneys used the money from this tax cut to trickle a bunch of good jobs with benefits and a living wage all over San Diego. KIDDING! Read more on Oh Boy Mitt Romney Really Hates Paying Taxes…
  one born every minute

Leading San Diego Judge Candidate Gary Kreep Busy Vacuuming Pockets Of Birther Rubes

This is so interesting! Birther/Obama-suer/Taitz-feuder-wither Gary Kreep, currently ahead in a race for a San Diego judgeship by like 1000 votes over the even more unfortunately named Garland Peed, is outspoken in the belief that President Barack Obama is a moon alien (duh), abortion must be prosecuted, and icky homosexuals do not deserve the same civil rights as the rest of us. He is also the head of lots and lots of wacky rightwing foundations. Enjoy him, San Diego! Also to enjoy? Eagle-eyed Wonkette operative Steverino247 sends along these fun financial disclosure forms showing he is taking said foundations for everything they’ve got! Read more on Leading San Diego Judge Candidate Gary Kreep Busy Vacuuming Pockets Of Birther Rubes…
  judicial restraints

Birther ‘Gary Kreep’ Actually More Fortunately Named Than California Judgeship Opponent

There are still so many absentee ballots left to count in birther Gary Kreep’s race for a San Diego judgeship, and he and his opponent are 56 votes apart. Kreep, seen in the video above exhibiting the kind of impartiality and fairness and logic and sense which Californians so esteem in their jurists, is well schooled in law and courtrooms as he has been suing Barack Obama for eternity for his many crimes against humanity (being blah) while simultaneously Hatfield and McCoying with the woman whose skull is a hummingbird graveyard, one birther/lawyer/dentist/real estate agent/cosmetologist Ms. Frau Doktor Orly Taitz. But in what other ways is Gary Kreep super-duper-unbiased and shit? So very many ways. Read more on Birther ‘Gary Kreep’ Actually More Fortunately Named Than California Judgeship Opponent…
  important issues of the day

Mitt Romney’s Modest ‘Manse’ Now Has a Car Elevator, Lobbyist

Mitt Romney’s small cottage in La Jolla is in the process of renovation, and the aggrandizing of this piece of real estate is such an important issue for the future of this nation that there is actually a guy assigned to lobby the house to the San Diego government. How do you lobby a house? Perhaps this involves wearing a button with a picture of the house on it? Carrying a model version of the house to show all the government workers how lovely life can be when you start from, well, something, work hard and “earn” every phone call your father ever made to his friends? Anyway, also, the “manse,” as one Romney campaign person once called it, apparently thinking “manse” is a prissy way of saying “very small castle,” (manse: a large stately house; a mansion, for any teens reading), will also have a car elevator, because many of Romney’s friends are elevator company owners, and his only real friends are cars. Read more on Mitt Romney’s Modest ‘Manse’ Now Has a Car Elevator, Lobbyist…
  wait what?

San Diego Guy Who Made Africa YouTube Jacks Off Around Cars But Doesn’t Pee In Cup

Jason Russell, the cofounder of white guilt organization Invisible Children who became famous when he… [finally skims an article about this thing after weeks]… when he made a YouTube with a sad white kid to raise white social media slacktivist awareness about the crimes of Uganda’s Lord’s Resistance Army leader Joseph Kony, was arrested for jacking off like a madman in San Diego last night. Also too, NBC San Diego reports, he was “vandalizing cars” (with cum?) and “possibly under the influence of something” (cum?) Police “said they received several calls yesterday at 11:30 a.m. of a man in various stages of undress, running through traffic and screaming. Police described him as ‘in his underwear.'” Well, good. Africa is saved! Now who wants another story about a San Diego political person jacking off in public, eh? Read more on San Diego Guy Who Made Africa YouTube Jacks Off Around Cars But Doesn’t Pee In Cup…
  gop criminals of the past

Newt’s GOP Pal Duke Cunningham Offers Support, From Federal Prison

Randy “Duke” Cunningham was a fantastic Republican congressman. After a career bombing peasants in Vietnam, he came back to teach pilots at an ugly suburban theme park based on the Tom Cruise movie Top Gun, and then “Duke” became a congressman from San Diego, until his inevitable conviction for fraud and bribery and douchery and Viagra sex crimes with hookers ended his time in the House of Representatives. Since then, he has toured various prisons and is now locked up in the federal penitentiary outside Tucson, where he offered Newt Gingrich a very special endorsement. Read more on Newt’s GOP Pal Duke Cunningham Offers Support, From Federal Prison…
  ur monies at work

U.S. Spends $4.3 Million To Force Mexicans To Learn Swimming

Oh, neat: the government found a few million taxpayer dollars just sort of laying around doing nothing and decided, “how about doing more nothing with it?” to keep tradition, so they are blowing it “replacing” the non-existent “existing border ocean fence” that nibbles the surf at Border Field State Park in San Diego. It has long been possible for occasional handfuls of illeghulz using such crafty technology as “walking” to just step around the corroded sets of poles when the tide is low (to mostly likely be immediately arrested), so the grand multi-million dollar plan to stop this from happening is to rebuild the fence three hundred feet out into the water. Surely Mexicans have not yet heard of “swimming” or “jet skis?” Read more on U.S. Spends $4.3 Million To Force Mexicans To Learn Swimming…
  the usual suspects

Did Bum Who Maybe Visited #OccupyDC Shoot At White House?

It would be helpful to the authorities if some of these Occupy protesters would do something a little more guilty than being an Iraq veteran shot in the head by a policeman, wouldn’t it? Let’s see let’s see, did anything weird happen about a week ago that could be conclusively linked to Wall Street’s desire to have all these protesters rounded up and shipped to Gitmo? Oh yes, here’s something: Last Friday, shots were fired from somewhere in Washington D.C., which has never happened before, and a slug was later found lodged in a plexiglass safety window of the White House. Read more on Did Bum Who Maybe Visited #OccupyDC Shoot At White House?…
  fifth column wars

Twitter Overlords Order San Diego GOP Chairman To Get a Life

Bored dingbat San Diego County GOP chairman Tony Krvaric got kicked off Twitter after he registered a half dozen fake accounts to the names of his Democratic opponents, because he is a vindictive weirdo who isn’t smart enough to blame this kind of banal malarkey on some intern. Instead he’s wearing it around like a Boy Scout badge of honor on his new Twitter account, and he wants us all to know that he is a heroic numbskull, because he has taught the Democrats an Important Lesson, about the ’puters. Why hasn’t someone thanked him? Read more on Twitter Overlords Order San Diego GOP Chairman To Get a Life…
  didn't see this one coming

Nuclear Reactor Failure Rains Darkness And Sewage On Southwest

Nuclear reactors serving Southern California, Arizona and northwestern Mexico raptured themselves last night, leaving 6 million people to boil to death in the 104-degree darkness. Honest-to-god details from the AP report of the blackout: flights leaving San Diego airport halted, everybody was told to stay inside, mayhem engulfed the highways as cars swerved into oncoming traffic to break free of the gridlock, and, for good measure, 3.2 million gallons of sewage spilled out onto San Diego’s beaches. HAS THE CHINESE INVASION BEGUN?? Read more on Nuclear Reactor Failure Rains Darkness And Sewage On Southwest…
  dumping the big contract

Jared Loughner Traded To San Diego, Exciting San Diego Murder Trial Fans

Jared Lee Loughner, 22, is charged in federal court in Arizona, but court officials plan to move the case out of the state within several weeks, the sources said. They cited publicity and the sensitivity of the case in Arizona, where one of those fatally shot was John M. Roll, the state’s chief federal judge. […] Read more on Jared Loughner Traded To San Diego, Exciting San Diego Murder Trial Fans…
  breaking: airport security sucks

Petulant Libertarian Blogger Refuses TSA Grope, Is Threatened With Suit

Hey, here’s the early winner of America’s “Who Can Be the Most Obnoxious To TSA” contest, a guy calling himself “Johnny Edge.” Cool name! Very libertarian! Very comic book! This guy went into San Diego’s airport with the sole purpose of antagonizing the TSA security guys and catching them on his iPhone’s video thing, and it worked, because when he freaked out and told them he was going to sue them for trying to sexually assault his “junk,” they weren’t quite sure how to handle it. Read more on Petulant Libertarian Blogger Refuses TSA Grope, Is Threatened With Suit…
  economic stimulus

Shirley Sherrod Vows To Help Liberal Bloggers By Suing Breitbart

In these rancid sweltering days of summer when smart people are at their beach houses and only the poor and the dumb continue to “show up for work,” media professionals understand that there’s basically no news, and no audience for that lack of news. In late summers past, interns and near-retirement burnouts would dump a steady flow of pure bullshit into the world’s media stream, just to keep everything sort of functioning. UFOs, bears eating campers, “talking dildos,” Mother Mary on a quesadilla, surfing dogs, Wikileaks, weird speculation about what kind of awful secret Tim Russert took to his grave to allow Luke Russert to still stutter and sweat on MSNBC … these were the staples of the news business, until the grownups got back from the Hamptons and saw all the ratings and circulation and whatever all went right in the crapper, just like last summer. But this year is different, in at least one respect: Shirley Sherrod has vowed to keep page views and Nielsen ratings steady until Labor Day by announcing her plans to sue Andrew Breitbart in court, for that thing he did to her, because she was a random black person who worked for the Farm Bureau somewhere. Read more on Shirley Sherrod Vows To Help Liberal Bloggers By Suing Breitbart…
  hippies

Chicken Terrorizes California Congressman

Oh now what is this idiot monster chicken up to? No good! He is an envoy from Nick Leibham, the Democratic challenger to Republican Rep. Brian Bilbray in California’s 50th Congressional District — the northern San Diego seat formerly occupied by Duke “Dick” Cunningham. Liebham made the chicken deliver a letter to Bilbray’s office that called him a chicken for agreeing to debates in San Diego. If one actual chicken calls another person a chicken, then is that really an insult? Everyone in California sucks and Brian Bilbray’s vanity daughter “Briana” is hot, the end. [San Diego Union-Tribune, Flickr] Read more on Chicken Terrorizes California Congressman…
 

San Diego City Council Candidate Jerks Off In Public

Former San Diego City Councilman John Hartley, who served from 1989 to 1993 and is strangely running again this year, took a break from the campaign trail yesterday. He did so by peeing in a cup and masturbating like a clown, in public, in the middle of the afternoon. There were two witnesses to the event, and they have now seen a 65-year-old politician masturbating on a street. [San Diego Union-Tribune] Read more on San Diego City Council Candidate Jerks Off In Public…
 

Old Man McCain Just Hates When Cindy Brings Home Strays

There’s a great new interview with pretend First Lady Cindy “Cougar” McCain in San Diego magazine, which is one of those glossy local lifestyle magazines for well-to-do white people. In the Q&A, Cindy reveals how much she loves spending all her time “recuperating” at a beachfront mansion she recently bought on Coronado Island — home of elite Naval commanders and their sand-cougar wives — and explains what really enrages her elderly husband: the way she’s always “bringing home stray everything.” Read more on Old Man McCain Just Hates When Cindy Brings Home Strays…
 

As California Burns, Refugees Party, Chill

As the soot-covered, numb-eyed hordes stumbled out of the fire zone and into San Diego’s Qualcomm Stadium, leaving the wreckage of their lives behind them and carrying everything they own on their backs, the nation’s collective memory inevitably turns to the horror that happened in the Superdome during Hurricane Katrina. Will the poor homeless San Diegans be confronted with panic, crime, hunger, piles of human waste, and despair? Turns out nope! Read more on As California Burns, Refugees Party, Chill…
 

Duncan Hunter’s Brave Crusade Against Mexicans, History

San Diego congressman Duncan Hunter has already pledged to protect Iowa from its neighbor, Mexico, but the next president of the United States will also need to defeat another horrible enemy before he goes to the White House. That foe is history. Read more on Duncan Hunter’s Brave Crusade Against Mexicans, History…
 

Down With Butterstick: Japanese Panda Has Twins

Now we’re officially scraping the bottom of the holiday news barrel, because we’re going to invoke that goddamned National Zoo baby panda we hate so much, Sun Myung Moon or whatever it’s called. Read more on Down With Butterstick: Japanese Panda Has Twins…
 

The Best GOP Presidential Candidate EVER

2008 just got a whole lot more fun, because San Diego’s Duncan Hunter just announced he’s running for president. Thank you, Jesus. Duncan has been in the House since 1981, and he’s completely crazy. Hunter’s the one who wants CNN kicked out of Iraq so we can get all our great war news directly from Rumsfeld. He thinks China is about to invade Panama and is a big proponent of the 1,800-mile Berlin Wall along the Mexican border. Read more on The Best GOP Presidential Candidate EVER…