Tag: samuel alito

Supreme Court Saves America From Transgender Teens Making Bathroom Everywhere

This kid really needs to pee, and SCOTUS won't let him.

Mediocre White Girl Fails To Take Down Affirmative Action

Today, the Supreme Court of the United States did a very good thing. They ruled against Ms. Abigail Fisher and her moronic lawsuit against the University of Texas, where she claimed she was not admitted because she was white....
Same image is also captioned with 'We are the radical leftists of the NEA. And we have your kids!' Gotta love the internet.

Supreme Court Fixing To Strangle Uppity Public Worker Unions Dead, Maybe

Big things at the Supreme Court Monday, with oral arguments in a case that could do Seriously Bad Things to public sector unions. If the plaintiffs in Friedrichs v. California Teachers Association win, unions representing public workers could "lose tens...
King of the Jews

Ted Cruz Will Save Jew Churches From The Homosexuals

Hey Jewish people, how was your weekend? Did you go to Jew Church and get very upset because you don't want President Obama to force your Jew Church to do gay weddings? OBVIOUSLY YOU DID. But don't worry anymore,...
Could be worse

Supreme Court Conservatives Say Murdering Inmates Still A-OK

On Monday, the Supreme Court upheld Oklahoma's blatantly cruel practice of execution by lethal injection, declaring that there's nothing cruel and unusual about it, so rock on, Oklahoma, and lethally inject all the death-row inmates you want. The state uses...
Now they've even destroyed the sanctity of divorce

Supreme Court Losers Lose Their Sh*t Over Gay Marriage, And It’s Delightful

It turns out that not every single U.S. American is sexcitedly happy dancing because the Supreme Court confirmed that, per the Constitution, the Constitution is for everybody. Like, some of the justices on the Supreme Court (but not enough of...
America now officially over

Supreme Court Says Muslim Inmate Can Grow Beard, Sharia Law Now In Effect

Get ready for another round of whining about "creeping Sharia," America. The Supreme Court has ruled that an Arkansas prisoner can grow a beard because he's a Muslim. The justices said that inmate Gregory Holt could maintain a half-inch beard...

Federalist Society 2014: Conservalawyers Throw Constitution Terrible Party

If you were in the nation's capital over the weekend, you might have sensed a certain something in the air. Beyond DC's typical ambient pomposity, there was an extra whiff of self-satisfied libertarianism and an elevated concentration of unironic bowties in the area...
He got there all on his own

Only Men Are Allowed To Use Daddy’s Name To Run For Office, Duh

Sometimes it's hard to be a woman. Actually, it's hard most of the time -- thanks, MEN -- but it's especially hard if you're a woman running for office: Last week, a statewide official in Georgia accused Democratic Senate candidate...
He Kept Us Mostly Safe Kind Of

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Kept Us Safe From Terrorism

Well, fans of Christianist textbooks, just like in 1989, we're just about at the end of history once again, or at least the end of our two rightwing Christian textbooks, almost. Last week, our 11/12th-grade textbook, United States History...

Here Is All The Worst Supreme Court Suck On The Hobby Lobby Ruling For Ladyparts Only

If you want to spend your morning rage-reading the Supreme Court's decision in Burwell, Secretary of Health and Human Services, et al. v. Hobby Lobby Stores, Inc., et al., aka, Actual Science Stuff v. People Who Think Your Birth...

Samuel Alito So Mad The Court Just Made It A Tiny Bit Harder To Excute The Mentally Disabled

Woo! Time to Supreme Court Celebrate! Apparently we've set the bar so low for this particular Court that we are now counting as a victory for the good guys the most minor of things, like the fact that the...

Michelle Obama Will Cram Gay Sportsball Player Down America’s Throat During State Of The Union

Were you hoping for a complete wingnut implosion over this year's State of the Union? Oh come on of course you were, because otherwise that thing is just so boring. You really need something like a "YOU LIE" or...

Supreme Court Will Totally Decide Lying Anti-Abortion Group Has Constitutional Right To Lie

You solved the problem of lying in politics when you were like six years old. “Just pass a law against telling lies!” dumb little like-six-year-old you said, adorably. But it wasn’t that easy. “No, little you,” said a wise...

Whiny Gays Finally Get Day in Court, Keep Whining Anyway

Hey gay homosexuals! Be happy! The Supreme Court is going to hear your gay cases about all the sick things you gays do, like get married and serve in the military. Wait, what? You're NOT uniformly happy that the...

BREAKING: Someone’s Stopping Sarah Palin From Saying ‘God’ In Public

Today, the Supreme Court ruled unanimously in favor of the right of Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church to protest soldiers' funerals, because we have this principle in America called "free speech." Or rather it would have been...