Tag Archives: same-sex marriage

  What's The Matter With KY?

Gay-Hatin’ Kentucky Clerks Having Real Bad Week

Yaoi? Yowie!
Yaoi? Yowie! Pour out a 40 for the gay-hating county clerks of Kentucky, who are losing their brave battle to refuse to do their jobs in the name of Jesus. First up, we have Kim Davis, the clerk of Rowan County, who was told by a federal appeals court Wednesday that she really does have to issue marriage licenses, because that is the job of a county clerk. The U.S. Court of Appeals for the 6th Circuit was not at all impressed by Ms. Davis’s contention that she can ignore her job duties because Jesus said to. The appeals court affirmed an earlier lower court decision requiring Davis to do her job: Read more on Gay-Hatin’ Kentucky Clerks Having Real Bad Week…
  Or you Could Try 'Love It Or Leave It'

Wingnuts Want Very Own Sanctuary Cities Where Gay Abortions Can’t Hurt Them

Noooo! Even Jebus has those rainbow thingies!
In what has to be either an amazing coincidence or the result of a drunken late night conference call, two different rightwing Christianists have suddenly proposed the idea of establishing “Sanctuary Cities” where Christians can be safe from oppression, free to pass laws against abortion and gay marriage, liberated from tyrannical Supreme Court decisions they don’t like. This seems like a perfectly reasonable solution, because if there’s one thing America’s about, it’s local freedom to ignore the Constitution. Read more on Wingnuts Want Very Own Sanctuary Cities Where Gay Abortions Can’t Hurt Them…
  In Which We Fact-Check A Sermon

Fox’s Todd Starnes Will Save America With Smoked Pork Butt, Just Like Jesus

Secret admirer, secret admirer!
Fox News anchor, still-living Christian martyr, and legendary urine-drinker Todd Starnes treated the congregation of Abilene Baptist Church in Augusta, Georgia, to one beautiful “sermon” Sunday, with lots of terrifying examples of just how bad Christians have it in America today. Never mind that it was less a sermon than a collection of half-true stories from his dumb book God Less America — Starnes talked about the imminent government crackdown on faith, and that was all he needed to accomplish. Read more on Fox’s Todd Starnes Will Save America With Smoked Pork Butt, Just Like Jesus…
  Still Frothy After All These Years

Rick Santorum Takes Victory Lap Now That Supreme Court Allows Man-Dog Marriages

She's happy to be his bitch
Walking Google joke Rick Santorum took a weird victory lap in Colorado last month when the Supreme Court crammed marriage equality down America’s throat, explaining that he had been totally right in 2003 when he predicted that striking down sodomy laws would eventually destroy every family ever and legitimize man on dog relationships. Read more on Rick Santorum Takes Victory Lap Now That Supreme Court Allows Man-Dog Marriages…
  Just close your eyes and think of Jesus

Alabama Needs Time To Relax Sphincter For First Gay Marriaging

The threat is real.
Alabama has officially joined the bandwagon of Sore Losers who refuse to believe the War on Marriage Equality is over, and the bigots did not win. The state’s Supreme Court issued an order Monday, declaring that even though the United States Supreme Court already ruled on Obergefell v. Hodges, Alabama has not decided yet whether that ruling applies (spoiler: it does), so the case is NOT closed: Read more on Alabama Needs Time To Relax Sphincter For First Gay Marriaging…
  Jebus Says You Don't Have To Do Your Job

Texas And Other States Fixin’ To Secede From Gay Union

Needs to be about 20% gayer
As you could have predicted, for all the celebrations of Friday’s Great Big Supreme Court decision, it’s now time for the foot-dragging by people who simply don’t wanna ride the Gay Marry-Go-Round. Chief among them is Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, who issued an epic cri de butthurt Friday that explained how the First Amendment prohibits making Christian bigots feel bad. He followed that up with a letter Sunday offering Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick his carefully thought out legal advice, which is that while marriage equality is the law of the land, county clerks can feel free to refuse to issue licenses if their religious sensibilities might be bruised, and justices of the peace can similarly declare they ain’t gonna marry no gays, no sir. Oh Texas. You’re going to look so silly when your ass is getting sued. Read more on Texas And Other States Fixin’ To Secede From Gay Union…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Welcome To The Cesspool Of Filth

No, *you're* the most basic of jokes.
It’s been a quiet week in the old deleted comments queue; we somehow managed not to trigger any long manifestos from wingnuts about sovereignty or the UN Agenda 21 plot to pollute and impurify our precious bodily fluids. We’ll try harder. We did get one notable tsk-tsk about our terrible conduct from “TheLongVersion,” who was not at all pleased with all the cruelty directed toward poor innocent George Zimmerman, who once again found himself in trouble last week: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Welcome To The Cesspool Of Filth…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Poverty Is A Myth Because Poors Are Fat And Lazy

Dear Editor: I have had it up to here with playing second fiddle to a bunch of stupid marshmallow horses...
We got a bumper crop of idiots in the comments this week, for some reason — our fault, really, since Yr Wonkette had to go and stir up trouble by writing stuff about the poors, the blacks, the gays, and the Duggars — add your own punchline. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Poverty Is A Myth Because Poors Are Fat And Lazy…
  What A Friend We Have In Cheeses

Wonkette Fires Gay For Freedom, Make Us GoFundMe Now

Something must be done about all this nondiscriminating!
Yr Wonkette was pretty impressed by the story of Memories Pizza, the brave little Christian-owned pizzeria in Walkerton, Indiana, which announced it would definitely not cater any gay weddings, no way, not ever. It was a pretty brave stance, considering that there are probably fewer gay weddings featuring pizza than there are sightings of the Loch Ness Monster in Death Valley. Read more on Wonkette Fires Gay For Freedom, Make Us GoFundMe Now…
  Remember The Alahomo

Gay-Hatin’ Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore Ready To Be Martyred At The Straight-People Alamo

Yes, this really exists
Ten Commandments Hero Chief Justice Roy Moore came from Alabama with a Brawndo on his knee t’other day, visiting the Lone Star State Monday to address a very important “Defense of Texas Marriage Amendment Rally,” where he said that he is willing to lay down his very life to stop people with the wrong combinations of genitals from entering into marriage contracts. Also, he is worried about all the hyperbole and exaggeration in the world today. Read more on Gay-Hatin’ Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore Ready To Be Martyred At The Straight-People Alamo…
  Being this dumb is NOT a choice

Dr. Ben Carson Explains The Science Of Gay, And It Is Prison Sex

You can trust him, he's a doctor
Brain doctor and conservative heartthrob hero Ben Carson has some real neat ideas on The Gay and how that works (it is all explained by “prison sex”), and you have to take his word for it because he is an actual doctor and A Expert on science stuff. (And prison sex.) Read more on Dr. Ben Carson Explains The Science Of Gay, And It Is Prison Sex…
  Know what else costs 30 pieces of silver? MY JESUS CAKES.

Washington Bigot Florist Will Frost Jesus’s Cakes In Heaven, No Gays Allowed

Just last week, Good Christian Bigot Barronelle Stutzman, the owner of Arlene’s Flowers, Inc., received some bad news when a Washington Superior Court judge told her that no, her “relationship with Jesus” was not a good excuse for discriminating against The Gay, in violation of the state’s Consumer Protection Act. Stutzman had begged the judge to pretty please make all the lawsuits against her go away because her refusal to provide flowers for a gay customer’s gay wedding whose gay money she’d happily been taking for nearly a decade was all just a “misunderstanding.” The judge agreed that yes, there was indeed a misunderstanding, by Stutzman, of how the law works. Read more on Washington Bigot Florist Will Frost Jesus’s Cakes In Heaven, No Gays Allowed…
  Another oppressor oppressed

Washington Judge To Florist: ‘Relationship With Jesus’ Not Good Reason For Being A Bigot

Flowers for gays available, just not gay weddings
Bad news for bigots. Again. On Wednesday, Washington State Superior Court Judge Alexander C. Ekstrom ruled that a “relationship with Jesus” is not a good enough excuse for a business owner to discriminate against The Gay, even if her Bible tells her so. Because Washington residents must answer to a higher authority: the law o’ the land. Read more on Washington Judge To Florist: ‘Relationship With Jesus’ Not Good Reason For Being A Bigot…
  Some of his best friends are bestialists too

Antonin Scalia Doesn’t Hate Gay People, He’s Just Mean Because He Thinks They’re Cute

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia is begging you — begging, you guys — to stop thinking he’s anti-gay. What? He’s serious, guys. C’mon! Last week we told you the story about how Notorious RBG was sippin’ that purple drank at the State of the Union, and the internet collectively exploded from how awesome she is. Again. Ginsburg made those comments at an informal event at George Washington University, which was also attended by Antonin Scalia, the Squidward to Ginsburg’s Spongebob. In the course of discussing the upcoming Supreme Court case that could decide the fate of same-sex marriage nationwide, Scalia asked the audience not to consider him “anti-gay,” which is kind of like Bryan Fisher asking that you not consider him “anti-Jew” but rather just “pro-Inquisition.” Read more on Antonin Scalia Doesn’t Hate Gay People, He’s Just Mean Because He Thinks They’re Cute…
  Virginia Really IS for Lovers This Time

Judge Rules Same-Sex Couple Can Now Violate Sanctity Of Birth Certificate

Equal Parts Right & Rights
For the easily outraged, the only thing rivaling the “Sanctity of Marriage” is the “Sanctity of Official State Documents.” So the following Nice Time story will provide a respite from perpetual intolerance veiled in bureaucracy. Read more on Judge Rules Same-Sex Couple Can Now Violate Sanctity Of Birth Certificate…