Tag Archives: sam brownback

  Grill This

Kansas GOP Spends Four Days Failing Extra Hard, Takes Well-Earned Four Day Weekend

As the people of Kansas head into the long weekend, they should take a moment to give thanks that their elected representatives are so dedicated to serving their needs. The state’s fiscal year is winding down and legislators are still looking for a way to make Sam Brownback’s mathematical delusions mesh with the real world, and taxpayers are shelling out over $40,000 a day for a special session because their representatives couldn’t fix the governor-inflicted budget damage by the deadline. Read more on Kansas GOP Spends Four Days Failing Extra Hard, Takes Well-Earned Four Day Weekend…
  Also Far Better Than A Pie In The Face

Hero Waitress Tells Kansas Gov. Brownback Exactly Where To Shove His Tip (Into Schools, Duh)

Chloe, have you considered joining the Satanic Temple? They could use your skills
Here’s today’s dose of Nice Time Sticking It To The Man: A Kansas waitress used her last day at work to send a little message to Gov. Sam Brownback, telling him that instead of giving her a tip, it would be much nicer if he could actually fund the state’s schools instead. As exits go, this one definitely tops that flight attendant who said screw y’all and jumped out the emergency slide; it’s right up there with the news anchor who resigned on air by declaring her love for legal weed. Read more on Hero Waitress Tells Kansas Gov. Brownback Exactly Where To Shove His Tip (Into Schools, Duh)…
  this is why we can't have nice things

Sorry, Kansas, But Gov. Brownback Has To Spend All Your Money Stopping Bortions

Yes he still blows a lot, always will
Who is absolutely THE WORST Republican governor in U.S. America? Oh all of ’em, Katie? Correct! But Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback is trying super hard to be even more THE WORST than all the others combined. As if it weren’t bad enough that he bankrupted the state with tax cuts for the rich that work as well as unicorn farts, he would like to make his state even more broke, for the unborned babies. Earlier this month, Brownback signed into law SB 95, a bill written by the “pro-life” National Right to Life Committee to ban essentially all second-term abortions by inventing the term “dismemberment abortion” and then saying “that’s mean and gross, you can’t do that.” And because this is a blatantly unconstitutional law, it’s going to cost Kansas a truckload of dollars it does not have. Fiscal conservatism, for the win: Read more on Sorry, Kansas, But Gov. Brownback Has To Spend All Your Money Stopping Bortions…
  it's called "fair taxation"

You Won’t Believe How Kansas Is Paying For Rich People’s Tax Cuts (Unless You’re Not Dumb)

If he has to pay more taxes, it won't be so good to be the king anymore :(
Kansas is on a roll this month, if by “on a roll,” you mean “wow, it seems like they come up with a new way to screw poor people every single day!” What are they doing now? Oh, just trying to get poor people to pay for all the tax cuts rich people have been enjoying for several years now. Those tax cuts were, of course, supposed to make Kansas grow and thrive, but because that doesn’t actually work anywhere besides Ronald Reagan’s dead butthole, Kansas doesn’t have any money. So, let’s let poor people pay for it! This is called “fiscal responsibility,” and Kansas lawmakers are ON IT: Read more on You Won’t Believe How Kansas Is Paying For Rich People’s Tax Cuts (Unless You’re Not Dumb)…
  fuck the poors

Wisconsin Rep. Will Card Poors For Food At Their Separate And Unequal Welfare Groceries

When I was hungry, you said I needed to show 2 forms of ID to get food.
The Midwestern states sure do seem to be having a contest right now, over who can fuck the poors the baddest and the longest! Missouri gave it a shot, what with that dickhead rep who just wanted to make sure people receiving public assistance couldn’t waste it on seafood. But then Kansas totally took the lead, by passing a bill to ban poors from doing all kinds of things with their precious government-funded riches, like take Caribbean cruises. Gov. Sam Brownback signed the bill because DUH, everybody knows that poor people are always like “Oh I am busy that week, I’m going on a cruise.” But Wisconsin Rep. Jesse Kremer (R-You Knew That) has come up with some shit so demeaning to those struggling with poverty that we are kind of actually dumbfounded, which doesn’t happen often! Read more on Wisconsin Rep. Will Card Poors For Food At Their Separate And Unequal Welfare Groceries…
  Hey at least the poors are still allowed to buy guns

Who’s Winning The ‘F*ck The Poors’ Trophy This Week? It is Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback!

What, was I supposed to pretend to care about those fuckin' mooches?
Welfare queens of Kansas, we are very sorry, for your worst nightmares have come true. Your governor, Sam Brownback, has signed HB 2256, which, as we reported earlier in April, makes all the changes to welfare everybody wants, but is too shy to ask for. Yes, Kansas, you shan’t have to worry ever again about those on public assistance spending all of their $429 a month on glamorous Caribbean vacations, on your dime, or on getting their palms read at Psychic Isabella’s in Kansas City. (Which exists.) You won’t have to worry about them outdoing you in the sexxxy lingerie department either! You can rest assured that they will, by law, only be wearing the same granny panties you are currently wearing. Read more on Who’s Winning The ‘F*ck The Poors’ Trophy This Week? It is Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback!…
  Kansas blows a lot

Kansas Invents New Name For Abortion Procedure, Then Bans It Because It Sounds Icky

Actual picture of Gov. Brownback
Sure, Kansas is going right down the toilet because Gov. Sam Brownback’s magic tax cuts have failed to fix the state’s big ol’ budget hole. But that doesn’t mean Gov. Blows A Lot couldn’t find time this week to sign a shiny new anti-abortion bill into law. He’s got priorities, you know: Read more on Kansas Invents New Name For Abortion Procedure, Then Bans It Because It Sounds Icky…
  Madame Endora sees more poverty in your future

Kansas Will Make Sure Welfare Queens Can’t Get Their Palms Read On Caribbean Cruises

It is very tough coming up with new and creative ways to fuck the poor. A Missouri rep decided in March that he would try to do it by advancing a bill to make sure none of those gross people on SNAP benefits would be able to buy luxury items like seafood, because heaven forfend poor people (who are not actually spending money on lobster) have something healthy to eat. Read more on Kansas Will Make Sure Welfare Queens Can’t Get Their Palms Read On Caribbean Cruises…
  a feature not a bug

If Kansas Jumped Off A Bridge, Would Other States Do It Too? Apparently Yes!

That bridge sucked anyway.
You may be familiar with the state of Kansas, where Governor Sam Brownback and the ruling GOP have conducted what Brownback has called a “great experiment” in conservative economics. They’ve radically slashed income taxes, especially for top earners, on the theory that liberating this money will supercharge the economy; businesses will flock in, new jobs will be created, and an orgy of private sector commerce will fill the budget hole caused by the tax cuts. Read more on If Kansas Jumped Off A Bridge, Would Other States Do It Too? Apparently Yes!…
  Brownback Mountain

Sam Brownback Is Playing You With His Shiny Gleaming Anti-Gay Bullsh*t (Again)

What, was I supposed to pretend to care about those fuckin' mooches?
Kansas Governor Sam Brownback made headlines this week after he issued an executive order that repealed employment discrimination protection for LGBT state employees. The protections were originally put in place by his predecessor, Kathleen Sebelius, and made it illegal for the state government to discriminate against state employees just because they were afflicted with The Gay, The Bi, and/or The Trans. We imagine when Brownback signed the order his tiny Grinch heart shrank three sizes that day. Read more on Sam Brownback Is Playing You With His Shiny Gleaming Anti-Gay Bullsh*t (Again)…
  boys have a penis and you have the right to remain silent

Kansas Just Going To Go Ahead And Arrest Teachers For Teaching Now

it's like you've been with everyone he has ever taught...
Kudos to Kansas for pulling quite the sleight of hand. Instead of another story about its slashed and burned debacle of a state government, the state’s new PR strategy is to distract onlookers with a law prosecuting teachers who present materials about S-E-[redacted]. Read more on Kansas Just Going To Go Ahead And Arrest Teachers For Teaching Now…
  The First Step Is Admitting You Have A Problem

Read Sam Brownback’s Lips: Whoops, We Raised Kansas’s Taxes

What, was I supposed to pretend to care about those fuckin' mooches?
The last redoubt of conservative economists has always been the complaint that their radical, free-market ideas have never been tried before. If conservative ideas have never been put to the test, the argument goes, then how can you say they don’t work, you’re not even being fair! Sadly for conservative economists and their fedora-clad fanboys, Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback has, in fact, put low-tax, low-service conservatism to the test, and it didn’t work out quite the way he thought it would. Loosen up those cackling muscles, Wonketeers, because this one’s good. Read more on Read Sam Brownback’s Lips: Whoops, We Raised Kansas’s Taxes…
  the state of the state is great

Kansas Named Florida / Arizona / Mississippi Of 2014, Pawns Trophy For Gas Money Home

Picking Wonkette’s State of the Year was no easy feat this time around, but Kansas pulled away from the pack with its flair for the dramatic. For a few heady months of 2014, Kansas shocked the country by flirting with electing politicians who were unaffiliated with the Republican Party. We let ourselves believe there could be a chance for the state to turn puce, if not full-on purple, as Kansas Republicans sucked at their jobs on a scale that was especially shocking given the fact that many of them were running for re-election. Read more on Kansas Named Florida / Arizona / Mississippi Of 2014, Pawns Trophy For Gas Money Home…
  The New Math

GOP’s New Math Will Cut Your Taxes And Bankrupt America, So Basically A Wash

Pic via 1Funny As the year draws to a close, we here in the Washington Bureau are grateful for many things. Because we are Americans, we are most grateful for our capital-F Freedom and its valiant defenders, not least the right-wing fiscal fringers of the coming 114th Congress. These brave budget warriors will liberate us from the tyranny of traditional government math, freeing us from the chains of logic and allowing our wildest fiscal fantasies to come true. Read more on GOP’s New Math Will Cut Your Taxes And Bankrupt America, So Basically A Wash…
  You Know We're Good For It

Kansas Will Fill Sam Brownback’s Budget Hole With Payday Loans, Bake Sales

How fiscally efficient are you feeling these days, people of Kansas? Now that your education and welfare funding have been pillaged to enrich the state’s upper crust, you might think you’ve trimmed all the fat you can, but newly re-elected Gov. Sam Brownback has faith that you can run even leaner. Read more on Kansas Will Fill Sam Brownback’s Budget Hole With Payday Loans, Bake Sales…
  insert Wizard of Oz joke of your choosing

Kansas Decides Its Republicans Have Not Sucked Enough Yet, Need More Time To Suck

For a few crazy weeks this fall, the very foundation of what we know about Kansas was suddenly shaken. Was it possible that a politician running there with an R after his name might not be assured victory until death or retirement, regardless of job performance or actual state of residence?  Read more on Kansas Decides Its Republicans Have Not Sucked Enough Yet, Need More Time To Suck…
  Here have some news n stuff

Mean Liberals Won’t Let Gov. Brownback Save Kansas With Magic Tax Cuts, Unfair!

We'll have what he's smoking
Sure, Gov. Sam Brownback has made a mess of Kansas. But that’s not why he’s about to be fired by the voters. It’s because of the evil liberals, and the evil media (which is also liberal and and also evil), refusing to let his Grand Master Plan work, which it totally would … eventually: Read more on Mean Liberals Won’t Let Gov. Brownback Save Kansas With Magic Tax Cuts, Unfair!…
  it's like that elevator in the Shining

Kansas Voters Ready Guillotine For Kansas Republicans

  We are running out of adjectives to describe this year’s midterm election in Kansas. Shocking and crazy have been maxed out and fail to capture the shocking craziness that a state Mittens Romnington won by more than 20 points in 2012 could be about to throw three of its biggest-deal conservatives out of office. These visionaries, through sheer laziness, incompetence, and partisan zeal, might be on the verge of achieving the impossible: sucking enough to lose in Kansas as a Republican. Read more on Kansas Voters Ready Guillotine For Kansas Republicans…
  Here have some news n stuff

Everyone’s Doing It In The Butt Now

Sure why not?
At Salon, sex doctor Debby Herbenick writes about how buttsex is the new black. We don’t know if we believe it (not that there’s anything wrong with that!), but if it’s on the internet, it must be true, we guess: Read more on Everyone’s Doing It In The Butt Now…
  Sex Farm. Kansas

Kansas Lets Its Freak Flag Fly

Don't act like you're not impressed
The horses are thoroughly spooked in Kansas, where the Westboro Baptist Church is turning over a new leaf just in time for a giant state-sanctioned dildo sale. Local sources say it’s still unclear whether a state-sanctioned dildo sale is part of the National Socialist platform, but the facts are clear, according to the Kansas City Star. Read more on Kansas Lets Its Freak Flag Fly…
  Secrets and Thighs

Kansas Democrat Caught Getting Lap Dance!!! Less Than 20 Years Ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, no... LAP dance. Lap. With a p. Never mind.
Big news! The Kansas governor’s race is OVER, people. Paul Davis, the Democratic candidate who has been narrowly leading incumbent Republican Sam Brownback in most polls, is actually a sex criminal who was caught with a topless lady on his lap during a police raid on a strip club as recently as 1998! And the strip club, the Daily Caller ominously notes, is named “SECRETS.” You have to wonder what other filthy sex secrets Paul Davis is hiding! Well, what’s your lame excuse, Mister I Was Caught In A Strip Club Drug Raid? Read more on Kansas Democrat Caught Getting Lap Dance!!! Less Than 20 Years Ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Mitt Romney Is STILL Never Going To Be President, Pot Saves Lives, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

It is a day. Of the week. Here is some news: Mitt Romney gave an interview to Hugh Hewitt. He promised really a lot that he is not going to try to not be president for a third time, really, he swears, unless the entire Republican Party that never liked him begs him to run and lose again, pretty please, with a cherry on top. That is not going to happen. People are talking about it anyway. He’s still not going to be president. The end. Read more on Mitt Romney Is STILL Never Going To Be President, Pot Saves Lives, And Other News You Can Maybe Use…