Tag Archives: sam brownback

  a feature not a bug

If Kansas Jumped Off A Bridge, Would Other States Do It Too? Apparently Yes!

That bridge sucked anyway.
You may be familiar with the state of Kansas, where Governor Sam Brownback and the ruling GOP have conducted what Brownback has called a “great experiment” in conservative economics. They’ve radically slashed income taxes, especially for top earners, on the theory that liberating this money will supercharge the economy; businesses will flock in, new jobs will be created, and an orgy of private sector commerce will fill the budget hole caused by the tax cuts. Read more on If Kansas Jumped Off A Bridge, Would Other States Do It Too? Apparently Yes!…
  Brownback Mountain

Sam Brownback Is Playing You With His Shiny Gleaming Anti-Gay Bullsh*t (Again)

Remember to caption this
Kansas Governor Sam Brownback made headlines this week after he issued an executive order that repealed employment discrimination protection for LGBT state employees. The protections were originally put in place by his predecessor, Kathleen Sebelius, and made it illegal for the state government to discriminate against state employees just because they were afflicted with The Gay, The Bi, and/or The Trans. We imagine when Brownback signed the order his tiny Grinch heart shrank three sizes that day. Read more on Sam Brownback Is Playing You With His Shiny Gleaming Anti-Gay Bullsh*t (Again)…
  boys have a penis and you have the right to remain silent

Kansas Just Going To Go Ahead And Arrest Teachers For Teaching Now

it's like you've been with everyone he has ever taught...
Kudos to Kansas for pulling quite the sleight of hand. Instead of another story about its slashed and burned debacle of a state government, the state’s new PR strategy is to distract onlookers with a law prosecuting teachers who present materials about S-E-[redacted]. Read more on Kansas Just Going To Go Ahead And Arrest Teachers For Teaching Now…
  The First Step Is Admitting You Have A Problem

Read Sam Brownback’s Lips: Whoops, We Raised Kansas’s Taxes

Remember to caption this
The last redoubt of conservative economists has always been the complaint that their radical, free-market ideas have never been tried before. If conservative ideas have never been put to the test, the argument goes, then how can you say they don’t work, you’re not even being fair! Sadly for conservative economists and their fedora-clad fanboys, Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback has, in fact, put low-tax, low-service conservatism to the test, and it didn’t work out quite the way he thought it would. Loosen up those cackling muscles, Wonketeers, because this one’s good. Read more on Read Sam Brownback’s Lips: Whoops, We Raised Kansas’s Taxes…
  the state of the state is great

Kansas Named Florida / Arizona / Mississippi Of 2014, Pawns Trophy For Gas Money Home

Picking Wonkette’s State of the Year was no easy feat this time around, but Kansas pulled away from the pack with its flair for the dramatic. For a few heady months of 2014, Kansas shocked the country by flirting with electing politicians who were unaffiliated with the Republican Party. We let ourselves believe there could be a chance for the state to turn puce, if not full-on purple, as Kansas Republicans sucked at their jobs on a scale that was especially shocking given the fact that many of them were running for re-election. Read more on Kansas Named Florida / Arizona / Mississippi Of 2014, Pawns Trophy For Gas Money Home…
  The New Math

GOP’s New Math Will Cut Your Taxes And Bankrupt America, So Basically A Wash

Pic via 1Funny As the year draws to a close, we here in the Washington Bureau are grateful for many things. Because we are Americans, we are most grateful for our capital-F Freedom and its valiant defenders, not least the right-wing fiscal fringers of the coming 114th Congress. These brave budget warriors will liberate us from the tyranny of traditional government math, freeing us from the chains of logic and allowing our wildest fiscal fantasies to come true. Read more on GOP’s New Math Will Cut Your Taxes And Bankrupt America, So Basically A Wash…
  You Know We're Good For It

Kansas Will Fill Sam Brownback’s Budget Hole With Payday Loans, Bake Sales

How fiscally efficient are you feeling these days, people of Kansas? Now that your education and welfare funding have been pillaged to enrich the state’s upper crust, you might think you’ve trimmed all the fat you can, but newly re-elected Gov. Sam Brownback has faith that you can run even leaner. Read more on Kansas Will Fill Sam Brownback’s Budget Hole With Payday Loans, Bake Sales…
  insert Wizard of Oz joke of your choosing

Kansas Decides Its Republicans Have Not Sucked Enough Yet, Need More Time To Suck

For a few crazy weeks this fall, the very foundation of what we know about Kansas was suddenly shaken. Was it possible that a politician running there with an R after his name might not be assured victory until death or retirement, regardless of job performance or actual state of residence?  Read more on Kansas Decides Its Republicans Have Not Sucked Enough Yet, Need More Time To Suck…
  Here have some news n stuff

Mean Liberals Won’t Let Gov. Brownback Save Kansas With Magic Tax Cuts, Unfair!

We'll have what he's smoking
Sure, Gov. Sam Brownback has made a mess of Kansas. But that’s not why he’s about to be fired by the voters. It’s because of the evil liberals, and the evil media (which is also liberal and and also evil), refusing to let his Grand Master Plan work, which it totally would … eventually: Read more on Mean Liberals Won’t Let Gov. Brownback Save Kansas With Magic Tax Cuts, Unfair!…
  it's like that elevator in the Shining

Kansas Voters Ready Guillotine For Kansas Republicans

  We are running out of adjectives to describe this year’s midterm election in Kansas. Shocking and crazy have been maxed out and fail to capture the shocking craziness that a state Mittens Romnington won by more than 20 points in 2012 could be about to throw three of its biggest-deal conservatives out of office. These visionaries, through sheer laziness, incompetence, and partisan zeal, might be on the verge of achieving the impossible: sucking enough to lose in Kansas as a Republican. Read more on Kansas Voters Ready Guillotine For Kansas Republicans…
  Here have some news n stuff

Everyone’s Doing It In The Butt Now

Sure why not?
At Salon, sex doctor Debby Herbenick writes about how buttsex is the new black. We don’t know if we believe it (not that there’s anything wrong with that!), but if it’s on the internet, it must be true, we guess: Read more on Everyone’s Doing It In The Butt Now…
  Sex Farm. Kansas

Kansas Lets Its Freak Flag Fly

Don't act like you're not impressed
The horses are thoroughly spooked in Kansas, where the Westboro Baptist Church is turning over a new leaf just in time for a giant state-sanctioned dildo sale. Local sources say it’s still unclear whether a state-sanctioned dildo sale is part of the National Socialist platform, but the facts are clear, according to the Kansas City Star. Read more on Kansas Lets Its Freak Flag Fly…
  Secrets and Thighs

Kansas Democrat Caught Getting Lap Dance!!! Less Than 20 Years Ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, no... LAP dance. Lap. With a p. Never mind.
Big news! The Kansas governor’s race is OVER, people. Paul Davis, the Democratic candidate who has been narrowly leading incumbent Republican Sam Brownback in most polls, is actually a sex criminal who was caught with a topless lady on his lap during a police raid on a strip club as recently as 1998! And the strip club, the Daily Caller ominously notes, is named “SECRETS.” You have to wonder what other filthy sex secrets Paul Davis is hiding! Well, what’s your lame excuse, Mister I Was Caught In A Strip Club Drug Raid? Read more on Kansas Democrat Caught Getting Lap Dance!!! Less Than 20 Years Ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Mitt Romney Is STILL Never Going To Be President, Pot Saves Lives, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

It is a day. Of the week. Here is some news: Mitt Romney gave an interview to Hugh Hewitt. He promised really a lot that he is not going to try to not be president for a third time, really, he swears, unless the entire Republican Party that never liked him begs him to run and lose again, pretty please, with a cherry on top. That is not going to happen. People are talking about it anyway. He’s still not going to be president. The end. Read more on Mitt Romney Is STILL Never Going To Be President, Pot Saves Lives, And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  what's the matter with kansas?

Court Orders Kansas To Stop Being Terrible, Start Spending Money On Poor Schools

Man, there is some big wonky shizz out of Kansas today, with their Supreme Court declaring that the way the state funds schools is unconstitutional because it is too disparate between districts. What does this mean in practical terms? It means Kansas gives more money to rich districts and less money to poor districts (because of tax cuts, natch) and that they really aren’t supposed to be able to do that because Constitution. Cuts in school funding led to an unconstitutionally imbalanced playing field between rich and poor school districts, the Kansas Supreme Court ruled Friday. In a unanimous ruling, the court found that cuts in funding from 2010 to 2012 denied money aimed at offsetting the gap between property-rich and property-poor school districts. “School districts must have reasonably equal access to substantially similar educational opportunity through similar tax effort,” the court wrote. BOOM. Read more on Court Orders Kansas To Stop Being Terrible, Start Spending Money On Poor Schools…
  #heblowsalot

Kansas Gov. Brownback Turns Attention To Non-Problem of Sharia Law

Having all but eliminated legal access to abortion in the state of Kansas and also made it harder for women to access affordable birth control, Governor “#heblowsalot” Sam Brownback can now turn his attention to creating problems for Muslim women in particular, rather than for all women in general. He is cleverly doing this through taking on the very pressing, very important non-problem of judges applying foreign law in American courtrooms. Read more on Kansas Gov. Brownback Turns Attention To Non-Problem of Sharia Law…
  what's the matter with kansas?

Kansas Hero Emma Sullivan Refuses To Apologize To Sam Brownback

High school senior Emma Sullivan made an honest joke about Kansas governor/wingnut Sam Brownback, on Twitter, and wound up in the principal’s office, where she was ordered to write an apology. This followed the governor’s office calling the schoolgirl’s principal to demand “respect” after seeing the tweet. Today was the deadline to turn in her letter, which would obviously be insincere, as she is an intelligent liberal young lady and Sam Brownback is a cretinous teabagger who is the spokesmodel for What’s the Matter With Kansas? And Sullivan now says she’s not writing any such apology. This means war. UPDATE: And now Brownback has apologized to Emma Sullivan, because he now blames his staff, who “over-reacted to this tweet,” ha ha ha. Read more on Kansas Hero Emma Sullivan Refuses To Apologize To Sam Brownback…
  forgotten wingnuts

Sam Brownback Insane With Rage After Twitter Insult By High School Girl

Not even Republican primary voters wanted Sam Brownback as a presidential candidate, so the right-wing nobody went back to Kansas, both metaphorically and literally. He’s governor of Kansas, apparently. And he’s still a thin-skinned jerk. We learned these facts from the cautionary tale of Emma Sullivan, an 18-year-old high school senior and member of the Youth In Government program. (The tale is cautionary for state-level wingnut creeps like Brownback.) During a field trip to the state capital, Sullivan was annoyed by Brownback’s dumb comments to the kids. So she wrote a joke on Twitter for her friends: “Just made mean comments at gov brownback and told him he sucked, in person #heblowsalot.” And then Brownback’s goblins found the joke online and tried to destroy this student’s life. Read more on Sam Brownback Insane With Rage After Twitter Insult By High School Girl…
  letter from crazyham jail

Joan Heffington Will Be Kansas’ Write-In Rosa Parks

JOAN LIVES! Our favorite Kansas gubernatorial candidate, Joan Heffington, has e-mailed supporters a message saying she’s decided to continue her campaign as a write-in candidate, even though she will probably be in prison on election day. Prison?! Yes, Joan is in trouble with the Kansas government for practicing law without a license. How have her teenage sons responded to this tough development? “They sensed I was talking about my A.H.A! activities, and I was surprised when my youngest son said, ‘You should do like Rosa Parks did. Become famous.'” Read more on Joan Heffington Will Be Kansas’ Write-In Rosa Parks…
  More justice

Joan Heffington Might Not Have a Posse, But She Does Have a Newsletter

As your Wonkette previously reported, Joan Heffington — Sam Brownback’s GOP primary challenger in the Kansas gubernatorial race — lists GOD as a board member of her advocacy organization, the Association for Honest Attorneys. Among other things, the association wants a constitutional “justice amendment” to make more justice in America. It issues a quarterly newsletter! You can get a copy of it on the association’s website, but in honor of public service journalism we’ve summarized and highlighted some key points. Read more on Joan Heffington Might Not Have a Posse, But She Does Have a Newsletter…
  Democracy Safari 2010

Meet Joan Heffington, Brownback Challenger and Colleague of ‘GOD’

The year A.D. 2010 will surely go down in the history book-blogs as the Year of the Exotic Candidate, when a survey of the American voting landscape became something akin to taking a glorious safari tour through a parallel universe or maybe a different galaxy. Our latest unusual specimen is Kansas gubernatorial candidate Joan Heffington, who runs a nonprofit listing GOD as a board member. Let’s learn more! Read more on Meet Joan Heffington, Brownback Challenger and Colleague of ‘GOD’…
  the homosexuals!

Rev. Lou Engle and His Three-Story-Tall Homosexual Jesus Giant

Hello, I am your new Wonkette reporter of The Homosexuals, and what they are thrusting upon society, or what is being thrusteth upon them. Sometimes I will post a round-up of what is going on that you might not have heard about, or maybe I will write about specific things related to The Homosexuals. It really just depends on how many keys The Editor has made for me! You might remember crazy wingnut pastor Lou Engle from the time he and Michele Bachmann convulsed back and forth with all their friends on video, imploring the Lord to Take Back Our Country through His preferred prayer method, which is, of course, loud communal fully-clothed orgasms. Read more on Rev. Lou Engle and His Three-Story-Tall Homosexual Jesus Giant…