Just a week or so ago, California Mormons reproduced in reptilian-fashion, thereby increasing their population several times over. “Be fruitful and multiply,” Joe the Mormon God commanded from a modernist ranch house atop a hill in LA. “This is in preparation for Election Day, when ye shall amass at the polls and vote in favor of Proposition 8.” It worked! And now gays and San Franciscans, with their despicable San Francisco values, have started anthraxing Mormon temples. You see, they know no other way. MORE »

Ever since John McCain pissed all over Mitt Romney in a debate, and even before then, Mormons haven’t taken kindly to the foul-mouthed, unhandsome, twice-married atheist grumpus. So it’s no surprise that McCain might get a lukewarm reception at a couple of Utah fundraisers — even when they feature big draws like George Bush and Mitt Romney. Hilarious details about McCain’s Epic Utah Fail, after the jump. MORE »

The headline used on Yahoo News, S.L. Bracing for Bush-Rice Visit Next Month, really hit me today. My heart totally goes out to all those poor people in Utah who will have to struggle with the aftermath of this impending media event, scheduled to achieve landfall on August 30. The photo-op alone will surely have a duration of at least 30-minutes and the impact crater will likely cover several blocks in Salt Lake City’s better neighborhoods. Shoe store clerks will need to be air-lifted out when it’s all over. MORE »

Do you think the Secret Service has to throw themselves in front of his hammer if he’s about to hit his thumb? MORE »