Tag Archives: sadness

  Oh FFS

New Video Shows Cops Compassionately Cuffing Tamir Rice’s Sister While He Was Dying

But what about his Facebook page? have we found anything there to prove he deserved to die?
Let us catch you up on the latest twist in the Tamir Rice story, because who can keep all these killings of unarmed black people straight anyway? Tamir Rice was 12 when he was shot dead by Cleveland police officer Timothy Loehmann, supposedly for “brandishing” a toy gun while he was alone in a park not hurting or threatening anyone at all, meaning that Rice should have become the poster boy for open carry advocates in part because he was still a little boy. Rice’s death was put through the smear machine until video surfaced showing Loehmann gunning down Rice, and then we all learned what a shitty cop Loehmann was in the first place. Read more on New Video Shows Cops Compassionately Cuffing Tamir Rice’s Sister While He Was Dying…
  it's a cruel cruel summer

Frank Luntz Is Really Sad About Partisan Corrupt Traitor Obama Dividing America

What a sad time it is to be wingnut muppet Frank Luntz. It seems that all these years of soaking in the corrosive environment of national politics have left the communications genius adrift in an existential midlife crisis. While most of us would deal with such a crisis by crying to our therapists or getting a tattoo, Frank’s solution is to spill his guts to Molly Ball over at The Atlantic. Gotta admit, it’s brave of Frank to put the pathetic details of his life online where people can feel sorry for him wonder if he knows that “karma” is not an Indian restaurant in Dupont Circle. Read more on Frank Luntz Is Really Sad About Partisan Corrupt Traitor Obama Dividing America…
  never ever getting back together

Matt Drudge Has Melancholy Breakup With America, Tweets Sad Poetry

Matt Drudge, long known as the man behind the homepage of the Internet for people who still think it’s 1998, has recently taken to posting on Twitter. Because he is basically just a crazy, hyperemotional shill, it turns out that what goes on under the hat is a continual teenage-lesbian-poetry breakup with America. Read more on Matt Drudge Has Melancholy Breakup With America, Tweets Sad Poetry…
  we just have the 'pursuit' of happiness

Happiest Nations Have Social Services, Healthy Environment, Good Schools & Health Care (U.S. Not On List)

The happiest nations in the world are almost nothing like the United States, according to the business website 24/7 Wall Street. Does the average person have financial security, government-backed health care, quality education, a healthy natural environment and a sane work-life balance? Those are the world’s happy people, and you’ll find them in economically stable social-welfare states such as Canada, Finland, Australia, Switzerland and Denmark. “The happiest people in the developed world get loads of social services without having to work too hard,” says 24/7 Wall Street, which is named for the opposite of having a sane work-life balance. “Nations with long-term economic strength can also afford to support employment, education, and make health care widely available. The happiest countries seem to be places where there is a good balance of work and leisure time.” The United States, obviously, does not make an appearance on this list of Wealthy, Happy Countries. Read more on Happiest Nations Have Social Services, Healthy Environment, Good Schools & Health Care (U.S. Not On List)…
  the 9/11 of taxes

Illegal Aliens From Space (Mexico) Pay More Taxes Than G.E.

Hi friends! Just checking in to let you know that undocumented immigrants paid an estimated $11.2 billion in local taxes last year — that’s $11.2 billion more than G.E. forked over, even though General Electric is a documented corporation that makes billions and billions of dollars! (Gawd it must be so sexy being a gelatinous corporate monster that doesn’t have to pay taxes, cuz you literally own our sad, sad, sad country.) Ergo: THE BROWN TACO DEMONS WHO DON’T SPEAK AMERICAN PAY MORE TAXES THAN G.E. And so do hopeless college students who earn negative $80,000 every year, because of Sallie Mae loan scams! Even if you haven’t paid your taxes yet — we haven’t! — you have still paid more taxes than G.E., since they received a tax benefit of $3.2 billion. Ha-ha, time for another visit to the liquor store. Read more on Illegal Aliens From Space (Mexico) Pay More Taxes Than G.E….
  it's morning in america

Obama Will Prosecute 9/11 Suspects In Kangaroo Court, For Freedom

Yielding to dozens of Surveymonkey petitions, Barack Obama has decided that allowing Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and his merry 9/11 pranksters to be tried in a “normal” court — you know, where torture-induced confessions are not considered “evidence” — would be inappropriate, and that a sensationalized military kangaroo tribunal with a swift verdict would be much better for his reelection efforts. Anyway, now “justice” will be served? Sure! This is why we need indefinite detention camps, rape prisons and military comedy courts — if we don’t suspend habeas corpus, the terrorists will steal all of our precious freedums. [AP] Read more on Obama Will Prosecute 9/11 Suspects In Kangaroo Court, For Freedom… Read more on Obama Will Prosecute 9/11 Suspects In Kangaroo Court, For Freedom…
  it's morning in america

Glenn Beck Plots Media Empire, Restores Honor

Glenn Beck’s contract with Fox News expires in December, and you know what that means: George Soros is a scheming Puppet Master and/or Jew. Wait, no! It means Glenn Beck’s teevee chalkboard lessons and Cash4Gold infomercials will probably be canceled, since only the cream of the crazy milk watches his show anymore. But people familiar with Glenn Beck’s darkest thoughts say that he is plotting his own teevee network — something resembling The History Channel, except more Nazi UFO documentaries. Beck already has a media company — Mercury Radio Arts, named after Orson Welles’ Mercury Theatre, geezus — but that’s only for radio and the Internets and his traveling circus shows. Here is how America’s leading “liberal” pay-per-view newspaper ends its muckraking piece of journalism: “Mr. Beck is ‘not Oprah yet.'” Haunting words. [NYT] Read more on Glenn Beck Plots Media Empire, Restores Honor… Read more on Glenn Beck Plots Media Empire, Restores Honor…
  our flourishing economy

Cost of Living Soars As Income, Assets & Government Services All Decline

Despite consistent claims of low inflation during this endless Great Recession, Americans are paying dramatically more for gasoline, electricity, heat and food — everybody notices the $4 gas, but the jump in food prices to a 36-year record is harder to see because it’s spread out across your grocery bills. And now the official inflation rate is rising, up half a percent for January and .06% in February, just as millions of American households are running out of emergency unemployment benefits and many millions more are surviving on stagnant or part-time wages. With federal, state and local governments slashing services at a furious clip while taxes most harmful to the poorest people are shooting higher — check out what you’re paying in sales tax this year! — the basic cost of existing in this teetering country has gotten completely out of hand. Read more on Cost of Living Soars As Income, Assets & Government Services All Decline…
  it's morning in america

Wisconsin Assembly Votes To End Collective Bargaining

After three straight days of debate, the Republican-controlled Wisconsin Assembly passed Scott Walker’s erotic union-busting fantasy earlier this morning, “before sleep-deprived Democrats realized what was happening.” The bill now heads to the Senate, where it will probably stay for quite some time, since Senate Democrats are still eloping in Illinois. Anyway, here is what happened, according to the Associated Press: “Debate had gone on for 60 hours and 15 Democrats were still waiting to speak when the vote started around 1 a.m. Friday. Speaker Pro Tem Bill Kramer, R-Waukesha, opened the roll and closed it within seconds. Democrats looked around, bewildered. Only 13 of the 38 Democratic members managed to vote in time. Republicans immediately marched out of the chamber in single file. The Democrats rushed at them, pumping their fists and shouting ‘Shame!’ and ‘Cowards!'” (Please consider donating to our friends at the Wisconsin-Madison Teaching Assistants’ Association, so that demonstrators can continue to “eat food” and enjoy other communist entitlements.) [AP] Read more on Wisconsin Assembly Votes To End Collective Bargaining… Read more on Wisconsin Assembly Votes To End Collective Bargaining…
  valentine's day massacre

Kathryn Jean Lopez Asks Someone To Tell Her About Being Married

It’s Valentine’s Day, everybody — otherwise known as “the saddest day at National Review Online.” But NRO editor Kathryn Jean Lopez isn’t one to hide behind her sadness and resignation and Jonah Goldberg screensaver (when he was young and kind of cute). Instead, K-Lo asked a “marriage expert” to explain why she cannot seem to find the happiness Jesus Christ intended for her, in the form of wedded bliss to some tough guy, maybe Tony Soprano, so she wouldn’t have to live out her days as a spinster blogging in an apartment. Imagine the house she could have, in New Jersey! And children, just running around the way children probably run around, on the lawn or whatever. A lawn with a crucifix-picket fence, maybe. Some flowers or whatever, an herb garden. And this might be the night Tony comes home all ginned up and randy, with the sedan parked haphazardly on the lawn! Baby No. 3 could be created tonight. Read more on Kathryn Jean Lopez Asks Someone To Tell Her About Being Married…
  lolocaust

Rush Limbaugh Laughs and Laughs At Hippie Journalists Detained In Egypt

Screaming radio lunatics agree: Egypt is the go-to place for “epic lolz” right now, what with all the protesters being shot dead in the streets and secret police vans plowing through crowds of unarmed civilians! And what about all those foreign journalists being rounded up? This is also very hilarious, is it not? America’s favorite right-wing queef “Rush Limbaugh” has the funny details: “Two New York Times reporters were detained. Now, this is supposed to make us feel what, exactly? How we supposed to feel? Are we supposed to feel outrage over it? I don’t feel any outrage over it … Do we feel happy? Well — uh — do we feel kind of going like, ‘neh-neh-neh-neh’?” And then Rush Limbaugh salivated all over his quadruple-chin. But woah there, his tone changed dramatically for some reason, right after he found out that Fox News reporters were also roughed up! “MY BABIES!” he screamed, as he shoveled Oxycontin into his slimy gullet, to help relieve the unbearable pain of his hypocrisy. Read more on Rush Limbaugh Laughs and Laughs At Hippie Journalists Detained In Egypt…
  god help us all

Americans Admit Their Religion Is Fading Away

The empty Saturnalia of Christmas has come and gone again, so it’s time for pollsters to ask depressed Americans if religion is still important. About half say, “I guess, to me, a little.” But 70% admit that their sad devotion to that ancient religion doesn’t really matter, as the actual influence of traditional religion on America’s trash society of mouth tattoos and teen pregnancy and foreclosed homes full of prescription numbing agents and wide-screen pornography is all but finished. Read more on Americans Admit Their Religion Is Fading Away…
  it's morning in america

Christmas Monsters Steal Thousands of Toys From Underprivileged Children

Massachusetts police are investigating the theft of approximately 1,500 “Toys for Tots” toys that were supposed to be delivered to needy children rather than thieved. This comes just days after a similar incident in Maine, in which a shrewd entrepreneur silent-auctioned an entire Toys for Tots warehouse on eBay. C’MON AMERICA. Children are already the most underprivileged and neglected demographic — the child poverty rate is currently at an incomprehensible twenty percent — so is it possible maybe not to steal toys from needy children, since most of the poor tykes are literally starving? Or is that too much to ask? Geezus Christ. Hundreds of years from now, historians will look back and say, “When everyone started stealing Christmas toys from orphans — that was what made America exceptional. And thank goodness all those greedy fuckers died in a nuclear holocaust.” [Fox News] Read more on Christmas Monsters Steal Thousands of Toys From Underprivileged Children… Read more on Christmas Monsters Steal Thousands of Toys From Underprivileged Children…
  zeitgeist

Journalists Risk Life and Limb To Bring You Latest Floating Reptile News

Wonkette operative Jon writes: “Journalism. This is it.” C’mon, Jon. That is so insulting to the crackerjack reporters at the Wall Street Journal, who just released a fine piece of muckraking journalism with the earth-shattering headline, “So, Did Spam Ever Leave the Cans? A Meaty Mystery Is Making Waves — Cruise Line Says It Served None; Passengers Winced Over ‘Pink Chunks’.” See? Read more on Journalists Risk Life and Limb To Bring You Latest Floating Reptile News…
  they read about oprah in the new york times

‘New Elite’ Doesn’t Even Watch Oprah, Hates America

Feast your eyes on this delectable comedy, penned by none other than “some guy at the American Enterprise Institute”: With geographical clustering goes cultural clustering. Get into a conversation about television with members of the New Elite, and they can probably talk about a few trendy shows — “Mad Men” now, “The Sopranos” a few years ago. But they haven’t any idea who replaced Bob Barker on “The Price Is Right.” They know who Oprah is, but they’ve never watched one of her shows from beginning to end. Read more on ‘New Elite’ Doesn’t Even Watch Oprah, Hates America…
  you'll have to settle with a civil union

NRO Gay-Marries New ‘Pledge to America’

Erick Erickson might be an anti-Pledge butter fascist, but the NRO is the exact opposite of that: Thursday morning, Republican congressmen are responding to that pressure by making a “Pledge to America.” The inevitable question will be: Is the pledge as bold as the Contract? Read more on NRO Gay-Marries New ‘Pledge to America’…
  international burn a memoir day

Do Not Read Donald Rumsfeld’s New Memoir

Donald Rumsfeld’s memoir will be published in January. Don’t read it: “Known and Unknown,” being published by Sentinel (an imprint of Penguin), refers to Rumsfeld’s explanation in 2002 for the lack of evidence that Iraq was supplying terrorists with weapons of mass destruction. Read more on Do Not Read Donald Rumsfeld’s New Memoir…
  highly decorated failures

Tony Blair Wins Liberty Medal, Obviously

Who came in First Place, as far as “liberty” is concerned? Tony Blair, that’s who: Former British Prime Minister Tony Blair will receive the Liberty Medal on Monday for his global human rights work, even as his new autobiography has reignited debate over his political leadership. Read more on Tony Blair Wins Liberty Medal, Obviously…
  uhhhh

Terrifying Homeless Camp Filled With Palin Drones

Laugh all you want, but once the remaining people skinny enough to get on an airplane finally escape the doomed land of America, these slobs will actually have the whole place to themselves. Sarah Palin will be their “Mrs. Everyday President” or something and she’ll promise them dinner at Red Lobster once a year, but the rest of the time they have to stay in their tents, in the endless acid rain, for Jesus. [Plunderbund] Read more on Terrifying Homeless Camp Filled With Palin Drones…
  bummer

Thanks For Ruining Steven Chu’s Facebook Experience

Oh great, now you cretins have ruined the Facebook experience of a Nobel-prize-winning physicist who is saving America from Energy Problems, when he’s not cooking or trying to learn golf. Read more on Thanks For Ruining Steven Chu’s Facebook Experience…
  all capital gains tax cuts all the time

John McCain Prepares Massive Economic Plan… Does He Know That He Lost?

We’ll admit, we have some sympathy for the former Republican leadership and George W. Bush with regards to the “John McCain situation.” It was kind of fun for us communists to see John McCain (occasionally, arbitrarily) challenge the Bush administration on a handful of issues over the years, but now that he’s doing the same thing to Obama, and after his election behavior… the guy’s just annoying, right? All he likes to do is annoy everyone. Hovering. It’s creepy. And CURSE the person who ever introduced him to Twitter, jesus… so what unnecessary stand is he taking now for the sole purpose of annoying everyone? Sam Stein with the scoop: “Sen. John McCain is putting together a major economic plan that will be structured, in some ways, off of Newt Gingrich’s famous Contract With America.” Eh, needs more Reagan. Read more on John McCain Prepares Massive Economic Plan… Does He Know That He Lost?…
 

Americans Selling All Their Possessions On Craigslist

That 0.6% bit of economic growth in the first quarter of 2008 was just the pathetic result of $3.50-a-gallon gasoline, but there is one sector of the U.S. economy that’s truly booming: Desperate Americans are selling off their last possessions on Craigslist and other online flea-market sites, just so they can buy a little food and gas. Read more on Americans Selling All Their Possessions On Craigslist…