Tag: sadness

The Tragedy Of Jeb Bush: A Play In Three Acts, Starring Barbara And Trump

As Chekhov famously said, if you hang Donald Trump on the wall in Act One, he will shoot you in the face in Act Three. Does no one remember the classics? Act the First: Jeb Bush's Mama Sort Of Comes...
12. Years. Old.

New Video Shows Cops Compassionately Cuffing Tamir Rice’s Sister While He Was Dying

Let us catch you up on the latest twist in the Tamir Rice story, because who can keep all these killings of unarmed black people straight anyway? Tamir Rice was 12 when he was shot dead by Cleveland police officer...

Frank Luntz Is Really Sad About Partisan Corrupt Traitor Obama Dividing America

What a sad time it is to be wingnut muppet Frank Luntz. It seems that all these years of soaking in the corrosive environment of national politics have left the communications genius adrift in an existential midlife crisis. While...

Matt Drudge Has Melancholy Breakup With America, Tweets Sad Poetry

Matt Drudge, long known as the man behind the homepage of the Internet for people who still think it's 1998, has recently taken to posting on Twitter. Because he is basically just a crazy, hyperemotional shill, it turns out that...

Happiest Nations Have Social Services, Healthy Environment, Good Schools & Health Care (U.S. Not On List)

The happiest nations in the world are almost nothing like the United States, according to the business website 24/7 Wall Street. Does the average person have financial security, government-backed health care, quality education, a healthy natural environment and a...

Illegal Aliens From Space (Mexico) Pay More Taxes Than G.E.

Hi friends! Just checking in to let you know that undocumented immigrants paid an estimated $11.2 billion in local taxes last year -- that's $11.2 billion more than G.E. forked over, even though General Electric is a documented corporation...

Obama Will Prosecute 9/11 Suspects In Kangaroo Court, For Freedom

Yielding to dozens of Surveymonkey petitions, Barack Obama has decided that allowing Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and his merry 9/11 pranksters to be tried in a "normal" court -- you know, where torture-induced confessions are not considered "evidence" -- ...

Glenn Beck Plots Media Empire, Restores Honor

Glenn Beck's contract with Fox News expires in December, and you know what that means: George Soros is a scheming Puppet Master and/or Jew. Wait, no! It means Glenn Beck's teevee chalkboard lessons and Cash4Gold infomercials will probably be...

Cost of Living Soars As Income, Assets & Government Services All Decline

Despite consistent claims of low inflation during this endless Great Recession, Americans are paying dramatically more for gasoline, electricity, heat and food -- everybody notices the $4 gas, but the jump in food prices to a 36-year record is...

Wisconsin Assembly Votes To End Collective Bargaining

After three straight days of debate, the Republican-controlled Wisconsin Assembly passed Scott Walker's erotic union-busting fantasy earlier this morning, "before sleep-deprived Democrats realized what was happening." The bill now heads to the Senate, where it will probably stay for...

Kathryn Jean Lopez Asks Someone To Tell Her About Being Married

It's Valentine's Day, everybody -- otherwise known as "the saddest day at National Review Online." But NRO editor Kathryn Jean Lopez isn't one to hide behind her sadness and resignation and Jonah Goldberg screensaver (when he was young and...

Rush Limbaugh Laughs and Laughs At Hippie Journalists Detained In Egypt

Screaming radio lunatics agree: Egypt is the go-to place for "epic lolz" right now, what with all the protesters being shot dead in the streets and secret police vans plowing through crowds of unarmed civilians! And what about all...

Americans Admit Their Religion Is Fading Away

The empty Saturnalia of Christmas has come and gone again, so it's time for pollsters to ask depressed Americans if religion is still important. About half say, "I guess, to me, a little." But 70% admit that their sad...

Christmas Monsters Steal Thousands of Toys From Underprivileged Children

Massachusetts police are investigating the theft of approximately 1,500 "Toys for Tots" toys that were supposed to be delivered to needy children rather than thieved. This comes just days after a similar incident in Maine, in which a shrewd...

Journalists Risk Life and Limb To Bring You Latest Floating Reptile News

Wonkette operative Jon writes: "Journalism. This is it." C'mon, Jon. That is so insulting to the crackerjack reporters at the Wall Street Journal, who just released a fine piece of muckraking journalism with the earth-shattering headline, "So, Did Spam...

‘New Elite’ Doesn’t Even Watch Oprah, Hates America

Feast your eyes on this delectable comedy, penned by none other than "some guy at the American Enterprise Institute": With geographical clustering goes cultural clustering. Get into a conversation about television with members of the New Elite, and they...