sadness

What a sad time it is to be wingnut muppet Frank Luntz. It seems that all these years of soaking in the corrosive environment of national politics have left the communications genius adrift in an existential midlife crisis. While most of us would deal with such a crisis by crying to our therapists or getting […]

Matt Drudge, long known as the man behind the homepage of the Internet for people who still think it’s 1998, has recently taken to posting on Twitter. Because he is basically just a crazy, hyperemotional shill, it turns out that what goes on under the hat is a continual teenage-lesbian-poetry breakup with America. Cold rain in DC, […]

The happiest nations in the world are almost nothing like the United States, according to the business website 24/7 Wall Street. Does the average person have financial security, government-backed health care, quality education, a healthy natural environment and a sane work-life balance? Those are the world’s happy people, and you’ll find them in economically stable […]

Hi friends! Just checking in to let you know that undocumented immigrants paid an estimated $11.2 billion in local taxes last year — that’s $11.2 billion more than G.E. forked over, even though General Electric is a documented corporation that makes billions and billions of dollars! (Gawd it must be so sexy being a gelatinous […]

Yielding to dozens of Surveymonkey petitions, Barack Obama has decided that allowing Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and his merry 9/11 pranksters to be tried in a “normal” court — you know, where torture-induced confessions are not considered “evidence” — would be inappropriate, and that a sensationalized military kangaroo tribunal with a swift verdict would be much […]

Glenn Beck’s contract with Fox News expires in December, and you know what that means: George Soros is a scheming Puppet Master and/or Jew. Wait, no! It means Glenn Beck’s teevee chalkboard lessons and Cash4Gold infomercials will probably be canceled, since only the cream of the crazy milk watches his show anymore. But people familiar […]

Despite consistent claims of low inflation during this endless Great Recession, Americans are paying dramatically more for gasoline, electricity, heat and food — everybody notices the $4 gas, but the jump in food prices to a 36-year record is harder to see because it’s spread out across your grocery bills. And now the official inflation […]

After three straight days of debate, the Republican-controlled Wisconsin Assembly passed Scott Walker’s erotic union-busting fantasy earlier this morning, “before sleep-deprived Democrats realized what was happening.” The bill now heads to the Senate, where it will probably stay for quite some time, since Senate Democrats are still eloping in Illinois. Anyway, here is what happened, […]

It’s Valentine’s Day, everybody — otherwise known as “the saddest day at National Review Online.” But NRO editor Kathryn Jean Lopez isn’t one to hide behind her sadness and resignation and Jonah Goldberg screensaver (when he was young and kind of cute). Instead, K-Lo asked a “marriage expert” to explain why she cannot seem to […]

Screaming radio lunatics agree: Egypt is the go-to place for “epic lolz” right now, what with all the protesters being shot dead in the streets and secret police vans plowing through crowds of unarmed civilians! And what about all those foreign journalists being rounded up? This is also very hilarious, is it not? America’s favorite […]

The empty Saturnalia of Christmas has come and gone again, so it’s time for pollsters to ask depressed Americans if religion is still important. About half say, “I guess, to me, a little.” But 70% admit that their sad devotion to that ancient religion doesn’t really matter, as the actual influence of traditional religion on […]

Massachusetts police are investigating the theft of approximately 1,500 “Toys for Tots” toys that were supposed to be delivered to needy children rather than thieved. This comes just days after a similar incident in Maine, in which a shrewd entrepreneur silent-auctioned an entire Toys for Tots warehouse on eBay. C’MON AMERICA. Children are already the […]

Wonkette operative Jon writes: “Journalism. This is it.” C’mon, Jon. That is so insulting to the crackerjack reporters at the Wall Street Journal, who just released a fine piece of muckraking journalism with the earth-shattering headline, “So, Did Spam Ever Leave the Cans? A Meaty Mystery Is Making Waves — Cruise Line Says It Served […]

Feast your eyes on this delectable comedy, penned by none other than “some guy at the American Enterprise Institute”: With geographical clustering goes cultural clustering. Get into a conversation about television with members of the New Elite, and they can probably talk about a few trendy shows — “Mad Men” now, “The Sopranos” a few […]

Erick Erickson might be an anti-Pledge butter fascist, but the NRO is the exact opposite of that: Thursday morning, Republican congressmen are responding to that pressure by making a “Pledge to America.” The inevitable question will be: Is the pledge as bold as the Contract? The answer is: The pledge is bolder. The Contract with […]