Hey Iraq — Bush isn’t mad, just disappointed with you guys right now. MORE »

This was the photo that popped up in a Google news search for the newly-announced iPhone earlier today. As you can see, it’s a classic image from the hilarious trial of Saddam Hussein. Apple quickly spun into damage control mode, inviting “singer” John Mayer onstage to assure the crowd of Apple’s patriotism and give the single douchiest quote of the year (so far): MORE »

Those wacky pranksters at Whitehouse.org are holding a contest — draw the Saddam Hussein hanging and win your very own executioner’s… ski mask. We gotta say, in an execution that was already kinda classless, the ski masks were pretty much the tackiest bit. Hangmen are supposed to wear simple-but-sophisticated black hoods made of silk or leather — they’re not supposed to look like snowmobilers or Dick Cheney visiting Auschwitz. MORE »

The Aryan Conspiracy against America’s first half-black president continues, as proven by this actual CNN screen capture. Also, we’re supposed to believe anybody at CNN cares about “Obama bin Laden” in 2007. Not even Bush pretends to act like Bin Laden is a big scary bogeyman these days! MORE »

* Former US President Gerald Ford is still dead. [WP, NYT]
* Kissinger: Still evil, sycophantic sonuvabitch. [NYT]
* The Democrats who now control congress argued among themselves briefly over whether they should let Republicans help draft legislation, then decided to bind and gag them instead. [WP]
* Boy, we had this great strategy for winning the war in Iraq, and then all this chaos started going down, it sucked. But seriously, it was a great plan. You woulda loved it. [NYT]
* Thousands of Iraqis are fleeing their country, we were gonna let 500 into the U.S. this year. [NYT]
* 3,000 dead in Iraq, and most of America doesn’t know one of those 3,000. [WP]
* The NRA has some crazy new pamphlet warning its members that the the new democrats will steal their guns, even though the new Democrats are pretty damn pro-gun. Also, someone forgot to credit Wonkette. [WP]
* Jeb Bush’s official Florida Gubernatorial portrait features a bible and a Blackberry, Bush family will never, ever, ever go away. Also, he uses emoticons. [NYT]
* Breaking: People aren’t very good at giving up bad habits. Doctors say, “change comes from the heart, not the head.” You should probably stop seeing any doctor who says that. [WP]
* Former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein is still dead. [USAT]

At 10 p.m. EST, we will finally win the Iraq War. Expect the troops home in time to enjoy one last cigarette in the Black Cat’s Red Room. Saddam Hussein will be executed no later than 10, unless he isn’t. MORE »

New York Times: MORE »

George W. lost the popular vote in 2000 and won by a slim 2% in 2004, but the least-loved president has finally achieved the overwhelming victory he always wanted — one in four Americans chose him as the No. 1 villain in the whole world! Bush totally beat also-ran villains such as Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden. MORE »

Happy Wednesday! One of your editors is stuck in airport layover hell, the other is presumed dead, or possibly in Reno. Thankfully, Gerald Ford died in time for us to cover it in a timely fashion, and nothing else will happen this week until Saddam Hussein is either publicly hung or stages an elaborate and daring escape. MORE »

As the drawling Joker-esque GOP op Ed Rogers made clear on Hardball, Barack Hussein Obama has a very sinister Muslim middle name that’s just one “Saddam” away from being “Saddam Hussein.” MORE »

• Saddam Hussein sentenced to death by hanging for crimes against humanity. [WP, NYT, LAT]

• Polls show affinity for hangings to boost Republican turnout. [NYT]
• Various self-appointed election monitoring groups will spend tomorrow addressing voting irregularities, trying to feel important. [WSJ]
• Even voters can’t save Dennis Hastert’s position as speaker, as he is “widely expected to exit the leadership stage.” [WP]
• Omnipotent swing-voters don’t like the situation in Iraq, do like the E Street Band. [WSJ]
• Candidates try to motivate their base of support, with President Bush in red states and former President Clinton in blue ones. [WP]
• Poll numbers move Republican’s way after start of vaunted voter turnout “blitz.” [WP]
• President Bush more willing to work with Democrats now than, well, ever. [NYT]
• The New York Times is shocked at the speed with which online games are produced to mock politicians, also finds Jay Leno to be outrageous. [NYT]

Saddam Hussein was sentenced to death in Baghdad today. But he won’t hang anytime soon, because first he has to be tried for many other crimes, and then he immediately goes to an appeals court, and all of this presumes that the current Iraqi “government” still exists by then, or that Baghdad even exists by then. MORE »

The latest October November Surprise isn’t getting much attention in the United States, but the Australians are all over it. MORE »