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Poor Dumb Oklahoma Humiliates Itself Again, Sets It In Stone

Good news for Rage Against the Machine fans – another Republican loves your favorite band! Apparently Paul Ryan isn’t the only one who enjoys loosening his tie for a little “the power” fighting. Mike Ritze, current head of the Department of Forced Religion for the ruling Oklahoma Military Junta (and state lawmaker in his spare time) has finally unveiled his controversial Ten Commandments monument at the state capital, and it turns out the monument has little to do with honoring God and morals and country and blah blah blah. Ritze has pulled a fast one on his anti-secular GOP buddies with a secret plan to undermine and ridicule the prominent role religion plays in his state, and he’s executing it from the inside, man. Ritze’s plan? Create a three year national controversy by fighting to install a religious monument at a government capital, because all those Oklahoma Communists running around need to be reminded of that glorious day 225 years ago when our founding fathers drafted and signed those Ten Commandments into law at the bottom of that flaming hill. Once everyone is good and mad at each other over whether or not some shitty stone slab will grace the capital complex of America’s least favorite state, secretly meet with the company erecting the monument and convince them to misspell MAYBE THE MOST IMPORTANT WORD IN JUDEO-CHRISTIANITY!!!!! (AND METAL!!!!!) Ladies and gentlemen, Mike Ritze wants you to remember the SABBETH, a new American holiday where families everywhere gather to burn state flags and urinate on the Our Lady of Guadalupe window clings that infest nearly every house on the block, WHICH YOU’VE JUST NOW NOTICED HAS STARTED TO REALLY GO DOWN HILL I MEAN HAVE YOU SEEN ALL THESE OUR LADY OF GUADALUPE WINDOW CLINGS???? Read more on Poor Dumb Oklahoma Humiliates Itself Again, Sets It In Stone…