Wonkette

Each week, The Comics Curmudgeon helps explain Today’s Cartoons. Most political discourse is a bunch of blah blah blah talky talky jaw jaw crappy crap. Political cartoons have the unique ability to short-circuit all that, with their purely visual representation of important world and national events (assuming they don’t get out of control with labeling everything). But what if political cartoonists used the power of visual images … for evil? MORE »

Those crazy Kosovars! Their little declaration of independence has caused quite the shitstorm — not just among the great powers who are wrangling over whether to recognize them or not, but among the world’s other pissant quasi-countries, who are mad that they didn’t get to do it first. Palestinian presidential aide Yasser Abed Rabbo whinily declared that “Kosovo is not better than us. We deserve independence even before Kosovo!” — and it’s probably more true for his blighted semi-occupied wasteland than most. This week, The Foreigns will take you on a tour of the world’s saddest unrecognized not-countries. MORE »

Hillary Clinton was trying to prove she was a tough guy up in New Hampshire last month, so she mocked George W. Bush’s dumb line about looking into Vlad Putin’s sweet sweet soul. “He doesn’t have a soul,” she said of the beloved ex-KGB agent.

But Putin’s even colder and meaner than Hillary herself. Asked about her dumb line, Putin said, “At a minimum, a head of state should have a head,” Putin said. What exactly does this mean? We are pretty sure this is one of those misogynist Russian “ha ha the woman lacks a penis” jokes. [Politico]

As Washington and Moscow trade threats about nuking each other from space or whatever, there is another Cold War brewing aboard the doomed International Space Station. The Russian “cosmo”-nauts all have handguns up there! MORE »

Famous foreign policy candidate John McCain knows very little about foreign policy. At a speech today, he said, “I was in a conference in Germany over the weekend and President Putin of Germany gave one of the old Cold War style speeches.” This may have been a slip-up, or it may have been a swipe at Putin for beating American Gen. David Petraeus for Time’s Person of the Year. Probably, however, WALNUTS! is very drunk because he’s old. [WJNO]

HOW WOULD YOU KNOW? Hillary says Vladimir Putin “doesn’t have a soul.” [The Australian]

Greetings, fellow Americans! Here in America, we have finally reached the point where candidates begin running for president even before the fucking mid-term elections, so we basically have political campaigns going on all the time. The one saving grace, of course, is that the public face of these campaigns is run by America’s graphic designers, video editors, and advertising copywriters, whose skills are unparalleled. America may not grow or make and assemble or process or understand anything anymore, but if you want shit — or shitty people — sold to you, the US of A has still got it. But what of The Foreigns? When they run for president or chancellor or king or whatever, who designs their posters? The answer, sadly, is: more Foreigns! They’re often not as good, though as you’ll see after the jump, there are certain flashes of brilliance. MORE »

Today, Russia’s first shipment of uranium left for Iran. Reportedly, Russia had been holding up the shipments (and construction of the power plant for which the uranium is supposedly destined) to try to make Iran more compliant with the IAEA or something, but I guess they needed the rubles in time for the Orthodox Christmas/make-believe transition of power. Bush is reportedly cool with the whole arrangement if Russia takes the used-up uranium back, and not at all because it’ll be easier to claim the Iranians have nukes if we help them get them. [Yahoo News]

So, you’re like the new kid on the country-running block. Must be kinda scary, though I guess it’s cool that your mentor is going to stay on in a limited, minor role to help you out. Loyalty is really important in a man, I mean, world leader, wouldn’t you say? In any case, good luck with running Russia, and I look forward to hearing from you soon. [NY Times, Washington Post]

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™! Last week was totally topsy-turvy in Condiland, but not really in a fun way. There was that NIE thingy which made a lot of people uptight, an absolutely awful trip to Africa, which experts tell us is the land of her ancestors, and then on to Brussels, where half the people wouldn’t shut up about Iran, and the other half nagged her about the possibly fictional land of Kosovo. But first! Gay rumors! Relive the memories of photo-ops past after the jump!

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If this whole POTUS run thing doesn’t work out for Dennis Kucinich, he could always run for office in UFO-friendly Russia. According to some weird website, which is most probably a propaganda holdover from the Cold War, Russia’s Kishertsky district is planning a “UFO sanctuary” near the Moleba Village. We even fond this bizarre video of Russian UFO hovering and leaving light trails in mesmerizing psychedelic swirls. Either that, or the Starbucks hippie dosed my coffee. UFO Sanctuary To Be Created in Russia [Russian IC.com]

A cult of rogue Christians in the former Soviet Union (”Russia”) is hiding in a cave. Forever! Well, at least until the world ends, which according to our calculations happened during last night’s Democratic debate. MORE »

So, that tension between Bush and Putin? It’s over chicken. Putin’s pissed off because Bush only sends him bad chicken. Frank Purdue Bush is not. MORE »