Wonkette

• Alec Baldwin handsome, clever, good blogger: “Mel Gibson…the Opus Dei buzz-kill.” [HuffPo]
• Rush Limbaugh and Osama bin Laden in agreement that because we “directly install” our government, we are responsible for the “crimes the American government has committed.” [The Angry Fag]
• Brooklyn Public Library not stocking “potentially incendiary” books like Londonistan. [Powerline]
• Backers of Rick Santorum donated nearly $60,000 to Green Party candidate Carl J. Romanelli. [Hotline On Call]
• FOX News pays $225,000 to settle a sex discrimination suit. [Feministing]
• Seems as good a time as any to remember what Bill O’Reilly allegedly said to Andrea Mackris.
  

  You would basically be in the shower and then I would come in and I’d join you and you would have your back to me and I would take that little loofa thing and kinda soap up your back… rub it all over you, get you to relax, hot water… and um… you know, you’d feel the tension drain out of you and uh you still would be with your back to me then I would kinda put my arm — it’s one of those mitts, those loofa mitts you know, so I got my hands in it… and I would put it around front, kinda rub your tummy a little bit with it, and then with my other hand I would start to massage your boobs, get your nipples really hard… ‘cuz I like that and you have really spectacular boobs…

  So anyway I’d be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda kissing your neck from behind… and then I would take the other hand with the falafel thing and I’d put it on your pussy but you’d have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business.

• Lou Dobbs doesn’t know shit about the Middle East, but neither do you. [CNN]

• Potential government jurisdiction clusterfuck over Bush’s s-bomb drop. [Fishbowl DC]
• Apparently, firing a missile at someone isn’t smack talk enough, as “your mamma” jokes now getting written on Lebanon bound rockets. [AP]
• A picture of Putin as a small boy just yearning for some tummy-kissing-man-love. [Iran Defense]
• Rush Limbaugh’s “Viagra-fueled boners” convince him to cite a lady blogger whose statistics seem to come from, “out of her anal cavity.” [James Wolcott]

* More discussion of “Rush Limbaugh’s penis” and the Dominican hookers he’s been sticking it in. [The Republic of T] MORE »

Getting busted for painkiller abuse: sad/funny.
Getting busted for unprescribed Viagra: HYSTERICAL. MORE »

• Polling shows an increase in support for President Bush, as well as a sharp divide in public opinion over setting a deadline for Iraq withdrawal. [WP]

• Bush condemns the media’s disclosure of the Administration’s secret bank-records surveillance program, calling it “disgraceful.” [WP; NYT]
• A deeply divided Supreme Court strikes down Vermont’s restrictions on campaign contributions and campaign spending by candidates. [NYT; LAT; WP]
• Condoleezza Rice defends Afghan President Hamid Karzai, denying reports that his foreign and Afghan support is eroding. [WP]
• Rush Limbaugh is detained for over three hours at a Florida airport, after being found in possession of a bottle of Viagra without a prescription. [AP]

* Newly crowned Miss Virginia lives in Arlington. Judges praised her “full set of teeth,” putting her far ahead of the other contestants. [Metroblogging DC] MORE »

Bored with work? Still despondent over our nation’s shaming by Ghana? Your choices for free entertainment today include: MORE »

• Democrats are now more trusted than Republicans to handle every key issue, according to new WP-ABC News poll; 69% believe the nation is “off track” and 56% want Democrats to win control of Congress yet 52% say Democrats “have not offered a sharp contrast to Bush and the Republicans.” [WP]
• House Republicans hold back the Senate’s advancement of immigration proposals. House Majority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio): “I understand what the president’s position is. I have made it pretty clear that I have supported the House position.” Cheney, meanwhile, reassures Rush Limbaugh: “[W]here appropriate, fences or security barriers make good sense.” [WP, NYT, USAT]
• White House pledges to brief more lawmakers about anti-terrorism efforts. [WP]
• Verizon denies that it provided phone logs to the NSA. [NYT, USAT]

MORE »

* Nationwide boycott and simultaneous rallies are planned for today by pro-immigrant groups; Senate leaders are near a compromise, “but the White House may be underestimating the degree of opposition from within his party.” [USAT, WP]
* Thousands rally on the mall to call for action on Darfur. Sen. Obama: “Paralysis in the face of genocide is wrong.” [WP, NYT, USAT]
* Conservatives inundated with complaints about plan to rebate $100 to taxpayers for high gas prices. Rush Limbaugh: “What kind of insult is this? Instead of buying us off and treating us like we’re a bunch of whores, just solve the problem.” [NYT]
* Official report admits “shortfalls and deficiencies” in Iraq reconstruction as well as “substantial progress.” [WP]
* Josh Bolten, making his television debut on Fox News, says the West Wing is trying “to get our mojo back.” [WP]
* Bringing impersonator to Correspondents’ Dinner was Bush’s idea, officials say. [NYT]
* Democrats want to use minimum wage as a “wedge issue.” [W$J]
* Alito will likely cast the deciding vote in three upcoming cases. [WP]

* Reliable Source: Rep. Cynthia McKinney reportedly “stabbed” Capitol Hill officer with her cellphone; her new haircut may have caused the confusion. . . Final Four lawmakers put hometown bets on the NCAA game. [WP]
* Under the Dome: DSCC jumps on Sen. George Allen for saying the Senate is “too slow for me.” [The Hill]
* Inside the Beltway: Twenty-two House Republicans seek a review of federally funded sex-ed programs. [WT]
* Page Six: Rush Limbaugh gives “private pointers” to Monica Crowley. . . “Good Morning America” producer who knocked Bush in a leaked email also wrote of Madeleine Albright’s “Jew shame.” [NYP]
* Ben Widdicombe’s Gatecrasher: Rupert Murdoch and his New York Post are “cozying ever closer” to Hillary. [NYDN]

From a Time magazine interview with golf prodigy Michelle Wie, the 16-year-old high school student who’s the No. 2 woman golfer in the world: MORE »

* Rush Limbaugh on Hillary Clinton: “She sounds like a screeching ex-wife.” Heh, he should know. [Media Matters] MORE »

* Names & Faces: Rush Limbaugh wrongly identifies a politician as black. [WP]
* Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Rush Limbaugh and Daryn Kagan are said to be “kaput.”. . . Chelsea Clinton is keeping her new boyfriend, Marc Mezvinsky, to herself. [NYDN]
* Page Six: Gerald Ford would reportedly blame Secret Service agents for his flatulence. [NYP]