Tag Archives: rush limbaugh

  wonkette world o' books

A Review Of The Free Amazon Preview Of Katie Pavlich’s New ‘Book’

Today is D-Day for one of the most anticipated events of the year around yr Wonkette’s newsroom, for it marks the release of Katie Pavlich’s book-like substance, Assault and Flattery: The Truth About the Left and Their War on Women.We’re so excited! Not excited enough to actually spend $25 on the goddamn thing and help Katie’s book-like-substance sales, or make the trek to the library, or download a copy to our Kindle. Then we might find ourselves feeling obligated to read the entire thing and risk falling into an abyss of self-loathing and despair over our career choices. But we can read the free preview on Amazon and review that, which is about as much attention as this thing deserves. We know we’re in for some good reading just looking at the list of chapter titles: Lynching the GOP; Barack Obama: The Most Anti-Woman President Ever (this is the same Barack Obama who signed the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act and put coverage of contraceptives for women in his massive health-insurance reform bill, right?); The NRA: America’s Real Pro-Women’s Group… Good thing we’re not reading the book, because the material could not possibly be funnier than these titles. Katie, you’ve already peaked! But let’s read the rest of this free preview anyway. Read more on A Review Of The Free Amazon Preview Of Katie Pavlich’s New ‘Book’…
  smells like teen spiritual decline

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Books That Avoid Irrational Exuberence

Put on a plaid flannel shirt and break out your Nirvana CDs, kids, because our rightwing Christian textbooks are looking at the ’90s: Bill Clinton is the president, and America is in deep moral decline, because didn’t you just read the name of the president? Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Books That Avoid Irrational Exuberence…
  b-b-b-benny and the derps

Ben Carson Civilly Disagrees With You About Your Filthy Sinning Gross Gay Marriage

Good Christ but 2016 seems relentlessly far away when we realize that we will have so much more of Bobby Jindal lurching to the right. No, righter. Keep going. We will have endless exegeses of the meaning of Hillary’s pantsuits. And worst of all we will have to continue to pretend that Ben Carson is both a serious contender and a serious individual instead of a laughable clown. Fresh off his amazing leap in illogic where he explained that government assistance is bad for everyone except Ben Carson’s mom, we now have Ben Carson’s Grand Compromise about the gays, which is basically STFU about your stupid gay marriage, gays, and in return you get more STFU. Read more on Ben Carson Civilly Disagrees With You About Your Filthy Sinning Gross Gay Marriage…
  no justice no peace

Eric Holder Forces Dinesh D’Souza To Plead Guilty To Crime Of Loving Free Speech Too Much

Remember back in January how unstoppable tyrant Barack Obama and his evil minion Eric Holder threw filmmaker and pretend smart person Dinesh D’Souza in a gulag for the terrible crime of not loving Obama and for believing in free speech and being an all-around hero? And Dinesh was all like “trumped up charges blah blah blah did I mention I made a film I will fight this to the death”? Looks like some of Obama’s goons got to noble Dinesh, because today he pleaded guilty to one of the charges — a criminal count of making illegal contributions in the names of others. It looks like the plea allows him to skate on the other charge of making false statements. Read more on Eric Holder Forces Dinesh D’Souza To Plead Guilty To Crime Of Loving Free Speech Too Much…
  good times

Casey Kasem (Yay!), Donald Sterling (Boo!), and More In This Afternoon’s Links Roundup

Hummin’ comin’ at ‘cha with Happy Nice Time Links. Alien designer H.R. Giger passed away, so we let Dok Zoom do a lovely and nerd-filled remembrance. Casey Kasem is missing, basically kidnapped by his wife and kept from his children, and we’re indescribably sad about that. Read more on Casey Kasem (Yay!), Donald Sterling (Boo!), and More In This Afternoon’s Links Roundup…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Takes On The Twin Medieval Scourges Of Boko Haram And Rush Limbaugh (Video)

Jon Stewart managed to find a way to do serious comedy Monday with a segment on the kidnapping of Nigerian girls by Boko Haram, an act which even al Qaeda has condemned. “You know, there’s not a lot of times you’re going to get a Jewish guy to go, ‘I agree with al Qaeda.’ But wow … the group that never saw something full of civilians it didn’t want to blow up is saying ‘Take it down a notch.'” Read more on Jon Stewart Takes On The Twin Medieval Scourges Of Boko Haram And Rush Limbaugh (Video)…
  the conspiracy goes all the way to the top

Of Course Hillary Clinton Paid Someone Off To Throw Shoe At Her, Says Some Dumb Idiot

Man, we hadn’t thought of Bernard Goldberg in AGES because he doesn’t seem to have published any new screedbooks to pimp at CPAC about the lamestream media, but apparently he has kept on truckin’ over at his mighty fine looking blog where he and his bloggers — probably nine of them, full-time — are just kicking around the idea that maybe Hillz Clinton summoned the ghost of poor murdered Vince Foster to blackmail that lady into throwing a shoe at her head. Take it away, some guy at Bernard Goldberg’s blog: There is a political axiom, I believe first posed by Euclid or Archimedes, that when Hillary does something, or when something happens to her, she has carefully calculated it beforehand. This is almost always true, the one trivial exception being the nomination and election of Barack Obama in 2008. So it would not be stretching logic to suppose that Hillary arranged to have the shoe thrown at her. Remembering the Bush incident, she may have calculated that this would make her seem presidential. This would explain why Ms. Ernst was not pounded to a pulp by Hillary’s bodyguards, and why she seems on the verge of getting off scot free. Don’t be too surprised, the next time you visit Phoenix, if you see her sitting at a table in a downtown Hillary for President store front, stuffing and sealing envelopes. Read more on Of Course Hillary Clinton Paid Someone Off To Throw Shoe At Her, Says Some Dumb Idiot…
  couldn't happen to a nicer guy

A Children’s Treasury Of Reactions To CBS Declaring Stephen Colbert Pope Of Late Night

It looks like almost everyone on Twitter is congratulating Stephen Colbert on his being chosen to take over David Letterman’s Late Show, except for a few people who are surprised-not-surprised that the job went to a middle-aged white guy, and a few conservatives who are now going to boycott The Late Show because they had somehow forgotten to boycott it a few years ago when everyone in the Wingnuttosphere deliberately twisted a joke Letterman made. But for the most part people are happy, although some have a sad because it also means that the “Stephen Colbert” character will be leaving Comedy Central. Then again, that is just a character played by Stephen Colbert, so it’s possible that someone else could take over the role. How about Dick Sargent? Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Reactions To CBS Declaring Stephen Colbert Pope Of Late Night…
  yes you may have some more

Nice Time: Maine Lege Overrides Governor’s Veto, Will Feed Hungry Kids In Summer

Here’s a Nice Time change from our usual school lunch story — instead of a tale of heartless dickery leading to poor kids’ food being thrown away, this time around we have a tale where the good guys win and hungry kids get fed! Could this become a trend? Yes, we do need to pause for just a minute to note that it should not even be news that hungry kids will now be fed. In any case, paper hats and hairnets off to the Maine Legislature for voting to override Gov. Paul LePage’s veto of a bill expanding a summer school lunch program. See, state legislatures? That’s what you do when your governor is a jerk who says that children should not eat food. Why can’t more of you be like the good boys and girls in Maine? Read more on Nice Time: Maine Lege Overrides Governor’s Veto, Will Feed Hungry Kids In Summer…
  nice time!

Sandra Fluke To Slut Up Your Congress. Be Careful Out There, Congressmen.

Hey ladies. How you doing? With your uncontrolled libidos, we bet you are slutting it up all over the place, so thank the Spirit in the Sky that you can get free government slut pills so you can be as slutty as you wanna be! But maybe you whoring whoremonsters need some representation at the highest level of government, to make sure that your silly little “rights” are protected from Neanderthals who view modern women as ‘sluts’ and ‘prostitutes.’ Where, oh where, will we find a heroine who will be able to articulate the need for women’s equal access to healthcare, perhaps one who has already faced about as much criticism from the batshit crazy right as would be possible? Well, wonkeroos, open your legs wallets for Sandra Fluke, who has officially filed to run for Congress in California!  Read more on Sandra Fluke To Slut Up Your Congress. Be Careful Out There, Congressmen….
  fight! fight! fight!

Rush Limbaugh And Ben Shapiro Catch Bieber Fever

Are you tired of thinking of Justin Bieber? Too bad, because now we’ve had some derpy weigh-ins from Rush Limbaugh AND Ben Shapiro, and even better, they do not agree with each other about the social meta-significance of Justin Bieber, so you just know we’re going to talk about it some more. Read more on Rush Limbaugh And Ben Shapiro Catch Bieber Fever…
  D-I-V-O-R-C-E

Obamas Totally Getting Secret Divorce Because Of Secret Sexytime Or Maybe Just To Make Rush Limbaugh Happy

From the same not-newspaper of not-record that first broke the story of son-of-a-mill-worker (TRUE STORY! in case you hadn’t heard) John Edwards impregnating himself with the double super secret love child of professional attention whore Rielle Hunter comes this Pulitzer-worthy doozy, which we TOTALLY believe: WITH a White House cheating scan­dal set to explode, President BARACK OBAMA and his wife MICHELLE are hiding a divorce shocker from America! […] The two locked horns in a series of ugly fights during their recent Hawaiian getaway, but sources say the death blow came when Michelle learned that the Secret Service has covered up Obama’s cheating – twice. After a “mole” exposed the presi­dent’s betrayal, a furious Michelle ripped into him during a bitter blow-out and raged: “I want out!” Obviously, this story must be true, because it is sexy and fun and so much more interesting than any of the actual scandals the lamestream media insists on covering right now. Congratulations, flaccid-bag-of-gas Rush Limbaugh. Looks like you get your pony! Why can’t we have Obama running around on Michelle or something? … Wouldn’t that be a much better scandal than Christie and bridge lane closures, for crying out loud? Why yes, it surely would! Read more on Obamas Totally Getting Secret Divorce Because Of Secret Sexytime Or Maybe Just To Make Rush Limbaugh Happy…
  toking the high ground

Florida Welfare Recipients Now Welcome To Get High On Life, Other Substances

Well, here is some happy news for 2014. The GOP is losing another battle in one of it’s ongoing wars. Are we talking about the war on women? No. How about the war on health care? Nope. War on Christmas? No, not that war either (we know — so many wars to keep track of). In fact, we are talking about a 2-for-1 blow to wars on drugs and poors! According to ThinkProgress, U.S. District Judge Mary S. Scriven struck down a provision that mandated drug testing for all applicants seeking welfare in the state of Florida. There are unconfirmed reports that residents of Colorado are sending celebratory brownies to all the poors in Florida.  Read more on Florida Welfare Recipients Now Welcome To Get High On Life, Other Substances…
  Today's secret word is booooooooobies

Please Stop Raping Rush Limbaugh With Your Gazongas

Well, kids, we’ve cracked the code on today’s Republican talking point: boobie-staring freedoms and how the liberals are trying to take even that away from us. First, the Daily Caller reported that progressives are trying to “take away our activities” of staring at boobies, which is a “freedom” right there in the Constitution (written in invisible ink, apparently) gifted to us by James Madison and Thomas Jefferson. And now Rush Limbaugh is here to also vomit words about boobie-staring freedoms, but he has a modest proposal for how to fight back against the scourge of freedom-killing liberals: So let me offer a first suggestion, the first way to deal with this that came into my mind. You find yourself staring, looking at, casually glancing at a woman, but you know that it’s now socially taboo. You shouldn’t be doing it. And you think everybody is noticing you doing it and condemning you in their minds. You shouldn’t — so you walk up to the woman and say, “Will you please ask your breasts to stop staring at my eyes?” Try that. Might help. And you don’t know ’til you try it. It is merely “human nature,” Rush explained, which liberals “just despise … and try to alter it and change it and create it.” Everyone knows the only acceptable way to alter human nature is to pop some illegally obtained Viagra to make your naturally limp dick, which God saw fit to give you since everything comes from him obviously, more turgid. Ahem. Read more on Please Stop Raping Rush Limbaugh With Your Gazongas…
  ugly vile little snark mob

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Why You Gotta Be So Mean To Movie That Lovingly Bashes Evil Atheist Schools?

Oh, man, we dun goofed. We have upset a nice Christian lady with our meanspirited mockery of a beautiful Erik Estrada movie, and we should feel bad, says would-be commenter “Nanadeg1″: Why do people have to bash someone who is trying to do something wonderful, bringing the word of Jesus to the younger generation. I am proud to say I will be attending the premier of this movie and have been waiting anxiously for it since they started filming back in July. My niece is the female lead and I am very proud of the young Christian woman she is and that she is part of this wonderful film. God Bless all of you and perhaps you should see the film before you pass judgement on it. We are genuinely glad that you are proud of your niece Nanadeg1! It’s exactly how a good aunt should feel. We’ll have to admit we have some doubts about the wonderfulness of a film that paints public schools and teachers as an oppressive atheist-run machine that is trying to destroy Jesus, and which appears (from the trailer at least) to lie about separation of church and state. But we promise to see it and write a full review when it is released in January. Heaven knows it’s sure to show on multiple screens in Boise. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Why You Gotta Be So Mean To Movie That Lovingly Bashes Evil Atheist Schools?…
  And What About All Those Red Indians?

Sorry, Mr. Limbaugh, Thanksgiving Has Never Been A Celebration Of The Pilgrims’ Triumph Over Socialism

It’s Thanksgiving Day, so as we gather together with (or hide from) our families, however functional or dysfunctional they may be, let us remember the true meaning of any American holiday: It’s an opportunity to pound home a political lesson about why We Are Good and They Are Bad. It’s a revered grim tradition: You serve Susan Stamberg’s socialist NPR cranberry relish, and your Teabagger brother-in-law recites how the settlers of Plymouth Plantation nearly starved because they had socialism forced upon them, but finally prospered after they became capitalists. Here’s a fairly typical version of the story that was emailed to our Wonkette tip line last year; the story was also a favorite of Rep. Todd “Shut that down” Akin, and now Rush Limbaugh has a best-selling children’s book promoting the same fantasy. Happily, there are a couple of good debunkings of this idiocy, although they probably won’t carry much weight with teahadis, since they come from the radical communist New York Times and the Marxist-Trotskyist-Muslim-Gangnam-Style Right Wing Watch. Should culture war break out around the dinner table, you may just want to say you got your rebuttals from Paul Harvey. Then when they go to look it up on their smartphone, you can spill gravy on it. Be sure to apologize. (We got that tactic from Saul Alinsky.) Read more on Sorry, Mr. Limbaugh, Thanksgiving Has Never Been A Celebration Of The Pilgrims’ Triumph Over Socialism…
  clearly you didn't do the reading

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Ross Douthat Thinks Big Lazy Thoughts Edition

Look, we all know you’re not coming here to read this to get up-to-date details on the Iran nuclear talks deal, even if that is the kind of hard-hitting news we usually specialize in. You’re also not yet coming here to mock Republicans have a temper tantrum about the deal (coughJohnCornyncough) because we’ll probably need a whole post for that. No, you’re coming for us to encourage you to eat the rich, basically, and we’re OK with fomenting class warfare. Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Ross Douthat Thinks Big Lazy Thoughts Edition…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sleaze

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, our weekly collection of cranky crap that wasn’t worth a full post, but was too incandescently stoopid to ignore altogether. First up, Bryan Fischer told all his followers on Twitter today to go read this shocking billion-word exposé of what Teh Ghey is really all about, as explained by Ronald G. Lee, a Catholic gay guy who discovered that for all the talk of gay marriage, and for that matter, of “gay culture,” the only thing really going on among gay people is constant promiscuous sex and porn. He has even discovered the perfect metaphor to explain this indisputable science fact: When he was a grad student in Austin, he went to Lobo’s, a “gay” bookstore that had “gay” fiction and poetry, “gay” memoirs, and books about the “gay rights” movement in the front of the store (happily, he mostly gives up the scare quotes after the first couple paragraphs), but the back of the store, in “a section not visible from the street” was where the real money got made, because that’s where all the porn was. And all that stuff in the front was just a façade, but a vital façade (metaphor time here!): Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sleaze…
  on the rag probably also too

Rush Limbaugh Doesn’t Think You Are A Human Come Sock; That Guy Over There Thinks You Are

Daily Kos is doing what Daily Kos does best, and that is getting all worked up about some little thing that hardly shouldn’t matter at all, and we for one cannot see why anyone would get their maxi pad in a twist about it: single mothers are looking for help from big daddies like Terry McAuliffe because we are “owed something,” and what did Terry McAuliffe say? Rush Limbaugh thinks Terry McAuliffe said “If you want to be a receptacle for male semen and not pay a price, I’m your guy.” But what if we want to be a receptacle for FEMALE semen, Terry McAuliffe? HMMMM? WHAT THEN? Read more on Rush Limbaugh Doesn’t Think You Are A Human Come Sock; That Guy Over There Thinks You Are…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Cache Of Crazy

Happy Saturday, Wonkaroonies, and welcome to another installment of Derp Roundup, where we stomp on a bunch of stories that were too stoopid to ignore altogether, but not quite enough to do a full post on, to squeeze out whatever funny may still be in them. If the mixture tastes a little off, add booze. (This almost exactly how they make “Sunny Delight.”) Item Numero Uno is not strictly Political Derp, but we do Media Derp, too. Plus it is from Yr Dok Zoom’s own hometown of Boise, Idaho. On Thursday, KIVI teevee sportsball guy Paul Gerke did his entire four-minute segment in costume and character as Ron Burgundy, which we understand was a character played by the great comedic actor “Kevin Nealon.” It’s just about the most press that our fair city has gotten since the Broncos won the Siesta Bowl sportsball tournament a few years ago, so we are obliged to write about it. Thanks for the national attention, Deadspin! Nice for Idaho to get some attention that involves neither neo-nazis nor Senator Widestance. Video after the jump, for those of you who are into celebrity impressions that add a Minnesota accent to a character that didn’t originally have one. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Cache Of Crazy…
  talkin 'bout miscegenation

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Why No Sympathy For Suffering Of White Slaves, Who Had It The Worstest?

It has been a quiet week in our woebegone comments queue. Obviously, we’re not being outrageous enough; we’ll work on that. Fortunately, an older post attracted the attention of a reader who wanted to let us know that our understanding of the Old South is seriously skewed. In response to a piece we did back in July when Rush Limbaugh said that white people have never gotten sufficient credit for the awesome job they did of ending slavery, would-be commenter “sonyammmsavoy” added that Limbaugh has only scratched the surface, because the biggest victims of slavery were actually the whites (all spelling and punctuation guaranteed verbatim — nothing added, nothing corrected): Whites pick cotton side by side with the blacks and blacks were treated better then the whites the slave master good afford to kill us because whites slaves were cheaper so they didn’t mind beating whites and were were made to sleep outside and the blacks got the slave quarters . We didn’t know half of that stuff, possibly because we have never read the seminal work American History As Pulled Out of This One Guy’s Ass. And if you think that was something, check out sonyammmsavoy’s astonishing truths about the ugly history of rape and slavery (spoiler alert: whites become the victims). Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Why No Sympathy For Suffering Of White Slaves, Who Had It The Worstest?…
  You Keep Using That Word I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means

Values Voter Summit Speaker Dr. Ben Carson Calls Obamacare Slavery, Because Of Course He Does

This whole government shutdown slash Obamacare thing sure has given the GOPers a lot to talk outloud about lately. Ted Cruz gathered “thousands” of vets for a “million” vet march to make speeches about the government shutdown Ted Cruz caused. Louie Gohmert threatened to impeach the president for any potential debt default that Louie Gohmert will cause. Tea Party black guy doctor hero conservative Ben Carson also gave a little speech at the Values Voter Summit this past weekend, and played that master of all race cards, comparing Obamacare to slavery: Dr. Ben Carson, an African-American neurosurgeon and Fox News contributor, literally called Obamacare ‘the worst thing that has happened in this nation since slavery.’ Recognizing how odd these words must have sounded coming from a person of color, he doubled down: And it is slavery, it is, in a way, slavery, because it is making all of us subservient. Obamacare is making all of us subservient? Even the ones of us, like neurosurgeon Ben Carson, who do not need or want to sign up for this kind of healthcare? Or is it only making slaves of the people who have no way to see neurosurgeons like Ben Carson without some kind of insurance coverage? Is this like one of those “gay marriage is ruining the sanctity of straight marriage” things? Like, Obamacare is ruining the sanctity of all other healthcare forever, by giving currently uninsured people some sort of access? Read more on Values Voter Summit Speaker Dr. Ben Carson Calls Obamacare Slavery, Because Of Course He Does…