Wonkette

Bob Dole, the kindly old gent who once ran for president and brought the nation the gift of erectile dysfunction, told Rush Limbaugh yesterday to quit bagging on John McCain. The 110-year-old former Senator took up quill and parchment and penned a stern rebuke. “I have not seen you in a long time but I do hear you frequently,” Dole’s letter begins. MORE »

No, he actually is! He’s dedicating his entire show today towards John McCain being a gay liberal, who’s only good for the gay nomination in the Gay Party, because he votes for gay… spending… reform… things of that nature. Hey, he’d be a perfect fit for the Republican nomination!

Either way, we must praise Rush Limbaugh today, and only today: VOTE FOR MITTENS. TOMORROW. FOR THE THING. Please? [The Page]

*LEARNING TO DEAL:* America’s most important Republican, Rush Limbaugh, delivered a “non-concession” speech to John McCain today. He admits WALNUTS! looks solid for the nomination, and then he whines: “All the candidates on our side, for various reasons, are uninspiring or worse and so just as I predicted the base has fractured.” In other words, the party avoided my advice, but I’m not irrelevant because I predicted they would avoid my advice. Shamnesty? Remember, guys? [Latest Politics]

• Muzlums are taking over the Pentagon. [Hot Air]
• There is nothing more appropriate for a soldier’s death in combat than a track from the Team America soundtrack. [IMAO]
• Hey, turns out nobody’s dying in Iraq! [Redstate]
• Huckabee to Limbaugh: I’m as crazy as you are. [WorldNet Daily]
• An oatmeal salesman will now try to sell people something else they don’t want: John McCain. [Swamp Politics]
• Populism, another name for terrorism, Muslimism and Mexicanism, will destroy America. [Think Progress]
• Don’t vote for Obama until you know exactly what he’s going to do in his first 100 days ok??? [Reality-Based Community]

• Guess what happens when your insurance company won’t pay for a liver transplant? You die! [Raw Story]
• It’s tough to make money for your legal defense on the college lecture circuit when you’re hated on every single college campus in the world. [Think Progress]
• Judas! [Michelle Malkin]
• Sounds like someone doesn’t really take criticism very well. [Hot Air]
• This holiday season give your favorite candidates the gift that will surely be on their minds anyway. [Political Wire]
• If by “withdrawal” from Iraq you mean keeping everything the way it is right now, then, yes, that’s what we’re doing. [Swamp Politics]
• Global Warming rejected by hundreds. [WorldNet Daily]

Matt Drudge apparently cut off the flirtacious looks of the Clinton campaign by posting this (admittedly not great) photo of Hillary yesterday and today and set off a bit of an firestorm. So, this morning I looked it up and found out that Hillary is the same age as my mom (60) and, I think, for a 60 year-old woman freezing her ass off and probably tired, she didn’t look so fabulously awful as people have implied. It’s not a flattering photo by any means (but that was the point, right, Matt?), but she looks like a cold, tired 60 year-old woman (who is possibly wearing the wrong sort of foundation/powder combo for her skin). Then fucking Limbaugh weighed in on the damn photo, wondering allowed if an “aged” Clinton could beat a hottie Romney, and I thought two could play at that game.

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Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™! So you know what the best, most exciting part of last week was? Waiting for Elizabeth Bumiller’s Condiography to finally come out on Tuesday! You know what the worst, most boring part of last week was? Reading it! OMG, so boring! It was a pretty uneventful Condiweek, though, so I’ll be filling up space in this column with some alternative marketing strategies for Ms. Bumiller’s opus. I mean, just because the inside’s boring, it doesn’t mean the outside has to be! Plus! Condoleezza Rice gingerbread cookies fresh from the oven of the Washington Post! All that and Rush Limbaugh, too, after the jump!

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Rush Limbaugh, the old scourge, today put on eBay an Oct. 2 protest letter from 41 Democratic senators to Clear Channel, which syndicates Rush’s show. He did this because he’s a shithead and thought it would hurt the Dems’ feelings or something. He did promise, however, to donate the winning bid to the Marine Corps-Law Enforcement Foundation, which gives scholarships and stuff to people whose families die in the line of duty. Hey now… that last part is…. That’s kind of nice, right? Donating money from the sale of a letter to charity — who doesn’t like that? This is pretty much what Harry Reid took the floor of the Senate to announce this afternoon: Smart idea, Fatty Arbuckle. Hugz. MORE »