Tag: rush limbaugh

Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore Suspended For ‘Bad At Law.’ Here Is A Sexxx Song About Him!

Judy Rogers is your new favorite contemporary Christian artist. Also, Roy Moore got suspended for telling the Supreme Court it's not the boss of him. (It is.)

Treasury Putting Black People And Women All Over Our Money, America Fails To Freak Out

The forces of Political Correctness continue to roll all over our U.S. American money! In addition to making abolitionist, spy, and all-around badass Harriet Tubman the new face of the $20 bill, the Treasury Department has announced a whole...

Finally, A Man Willing To Tell Hillary Why She’s So Lady-Bad At Everything!

Have you heard about this United States presidential election we are having right now? Well! To catch you up, there are a bunch of men running for president. We'll call them the "normal" candidates. Then there is a lady...
This election is going better than 2008, we think.

Fox News Pretty Sure Hillary Should Fry For Obama’s SCOTUS Pick

You know that Cards Against Humanity card that says "Pooping back and forth forever?" It's from a movie, but it might as well be about Fox News and other assorted wingnut pundits. We saw it this week on Fox when...

Wingnuts Will Never Forgive Michelle Obama For Outlawing Bacon Sundaes In Schools

Michelle Obama, Queen First Lady of our hearts, has long cared deeply about America's obesity crisis, particularly among kids. How have right-wingers been dicks to her about it over the years? Let us count the ways. First, some quick backstory....
The drugs are hidden SOMEWHERE, Tennessee Republicans just KNOWS it.

Tennessee Poors Refuse To Be Drug-Addicted Welfare Queens, Unfair!

If you are a Republican lawmaker in these US-es of America, you are absolutely certain that somewhere, a bunch of people are lazying around on their fat asses using their free Obamaphones to order 'spensive lobster from Amazon Prime, and then...
The pope's new record, probably.

Pope Francis Drops Dope New Record On Black Friday, Like A Common Adele

Know that thing when you are sporting around in your new Lexus, gettin' in a little "Dad Time" while you take your privileged white children to soccer practice by forcing them to listen to Rush? (The band, not the...
The Platonic Ideal Of Cheesy Thanksgiving Photos

No, Mr. Limbaugh, Thanksgiving Is Not A Celebration Of Pilgrims’ Triumph Over Socialism

It's Thanksgiving Day, so as we gather together with (or hide from) our families, however functional or dysfunctional they may be, let us remember the true meaning of any American holiday: It's an opportunity to pound home a political...
HERE IS SOME SEX ADVICE, YOU GUYS.

Rush Limbaugh Outraged Republicans Won’t Beat Up Hillary Clinton Just Cuz She’s A Girl

Limp-dicked criming-while-white sack of farts Rush Limbaugh is mad about a thing, and that thing is how Republicans are so nice and gentle to Hillary Clinton because of her "cervix." No, we are not making this up. The all-but-obsolete radio screecher complained recently...

We Are All Junkie Heroin Dope Fiend Smackheads Now, Thanks Obama

Resting rage face Gov. Chris Christie -- who is not going to be president; hell, he'll be lucky if he makes the cut for the next debate -- has a new ad. And yes, it is mildly amusing in its near-but-not-quite completeness of...
There might be some racist implications to this term. But only pussies care about racism

Wingnuts Invent Fun New Way To Slur Each Other, Hooray!

Heya Wonkers! We would like to have words with you. Or rather, a word with you. And that word is "cuckservative," which is the hot new catchphrase of Summer 2015. Expect to start seeing it everywhere soon, and also...
HERE IS SOME SEX ADVICE, YOU GUYS.

Rush Limbaugh Mad Teenage Boys Don’t Put Out Like They Used To

Yesterday, Grandma Kaili told you Wonkers about a new CDC study that says Kids These Days are real fuckin' boring, in that they don't go under the bleachers at school and play sex games on each other, and they...

A Story About Mexican Drug Violence Donald Trump Is Too Weak To Tell

Donald Trump has become persona non grata among decent people these days, because he said Mexican immigrants are "bringing drugs, they’re bringing crime, they’re rapists.” Sure, he allowed that some Mexicans are just the sweetest, except for the rape. Thursday, former...
This is an accurate offensive stereotype

Confederates Mourn As Flags Quietly Secede From Poles, License Plates

The Confederate flag just keeps slithering off flagpoles and license plates and out of retail stores lately, and the losses have been piling up like bodies in a Matthew Brady daguerreotype. Now I Hope Neil Young Will Remember The most recent...
Eat my Lycra bike shorts...which I have the sense not to wear near a photographer

Politico: Look At That Stuck-Up Elitist John Kerry With His Fancy Bicycle!

As you may have heard, Secretary of State John Kerry broke his right femur in a bicycle accident Sunday, and had to stay in a hospital overnight. Ah, but that accident happened in the snotty French country of France, while...
Maybe we can blame gay marriage.

Who Caused That Amtrak Crash? Oh, Just The Gays

Here's a moment that's more than a little iconic of what's gone wrong with politics in your 2015 America: Within a few hours of the Amtrak crash in Philadelphia, House Republicans voted to cut Amtrak's budget by about 20...