Tag Archives: rush limbaugh

  And What About All Those Red Indians?

No, Mr. Limbaugh, Thanksgiving Has Never Been A Celebration Of The Pilgrims’ Triumph Over Socialism

The Platonic Ideal Of Cheesy Thanksgiving Photos
It’s Thanksgiving Day, so as we gather together with (or hide from) our families, however functional or dysfunctional they may be, let us remember the true meaning of any American holiday: It’s an opportunity to pound home a political lesson about why We Are Good and They Are Bad. It’s a revered grim tradition: You serve Susan Stamberg’s socialist NPR cranberry relish, and your Teabagger brother-in-law recites how the settlers of Plymouth Plantation nearly starved because they had socialism forced upon them, but finally prospered after they became capitalists. Here’s a fairly typical version of the story that was emailed to our Wonkette tip line in 2012; the story was also a favorite of Rep. Todd “Shut that down” Akin, and in 2013, Rush Limbaugh wrote a best-selling children’s book promoting the same fantasy. Read more on No, Mr. Limbaugh, Thanksgiving Has Never Been A Celebration Of The Pilgrims’ Triumph Over Socialism…
  never thought we'd say 'poor rush'

There Is No Escaping This Recipe From Rush Limbaugh With Jello, Stuffed Olives, And Miracle Whip In It

HERE IS SOME SEX ADVICE, YOU GUYS.
The Ghost of Recipes Past has scanned our archives and found this thing, which had previously run in July 2012. It is more Jell-O, for people who find Mamie Eisenhower a tad intimidating. Read more on There Is No Escaping This Recipe From Rush Limbaugh With Jello, Stuffed Olives, And Miracle Whip In It…
 

CNN’s Don Lemon: If Bill Cosby Rapes You, Just Bite His Dick

Rape prevention tips
NOTE: Just so you know, we’re going to talk about dick-biting. This is not by choice; it was forced upon us by CNN’s Don Lemon. So if you have a problem with dick-biting, you should lay back and think about the weather, because it turns out that dick-biting is also an excellent way for women to prevent rape. So really, this is a Public Service Announcement, and if you are someone who would like to not be raped, you need to keep reading. It’s for your own good. Read more on CNN’s Don Lemon: If Bill Cosby Rapes You, Just Bite His Dick…
  Maybe Those Ladies Said 'No' The Way That Means 'Yes'

Rush Limbaugh: Stop Being Mean To Bill Cosby Just Because He Maybe Raped All Those Ladies

It's all about context man
Rush Limbaugh — the greatest defender of black men and also the guy who is single-handedly trying to change the rape culture to reprogram boys to not do that — has some thoughts on Bill Cosby, who is black, and on rape, which is wrong. Read more on Rush Limbaugh: Stop Being Mean To Bill Cosby Just Because He Maybe Raped All Those Ladies…
  Rush Limbaugh Vs. Context

Rush Limbaugh Mouthpiece Lawsplains What Is ‘Malice’

HERE IS SOME SEX ADVICE, YOU GUYS.
Rush Limbaugh’s legal team is taking its completely serious defamation case against the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee to the most important court in wingnut alternate reality: Fox News. On Hannity Monday, attorney Patty Glaser explained why quoting Rush Limbaugh verbatim is actually defamatory, because he also said some other stuff — sarcastically, but he said it. So shame on those uncivil Democrats! Read more on Rush Limbaugh Mouthpiece Lawsplains What Is ‘Malice’…
  Time for tort reform

Rush Limbaugh Will Sue All The Democrats For Repeating The Words He Said Verbatim

His weather is just fine, thanks
Serial libido killer Rush Limbaugh is making angry noises about maybe suing the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee because it quoted him accurately. He claims the DCCC defamed him and made him look bad and is trying to hurt his business — and his feelings — by accurately quoting a portion of his Sept. 15 radio broadcast, but out of context in a way that might suggest that Rush misses the good old days when you were free to rape any lady you wanted, without any dumb consent laws in the way. Read more on Rush Limbaugh Will Sue All The Democrats For Repeating The Words He Said Verbatim…
  Nuke The Healthcare Workers From Orbit. It's The Only Way To Be Sure

Chris Christie Wants To Play Doctor With Nurse Lady, Mostly By Yelling At Her

Thank goodness you can't get Ebola from spittle
With no teachers immediately available to yell at, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie has taken up yelling at nurses, we guess. In the latest twist on Chris Christie’s War On Health Care Workers Who Volunteer To Fight Deadly Diseases, the New Jersey Department of Health announced this morning that Kaci Hickox, a still-healthy nurse who returned to the U.S. and was clapped in irons for her own good Friday night, would be allowed to return home to Maine: Read more on Chris Christie Wants To Play Doctor With Nurse Lady, Mostly By Yelling At Her…
  Let's All Sing The Doom Song!

Obama To Declare Martial Law, Kill Us All With Ebola Because Slavery

Stay calm, OK?
We bet you never would have guessed that the diagnosis of one (1) human being with Ebola virus would lead to a whole bunch of daft conspiracy theories, did you? Don’t be ridonkulous, you would say to yourself. We live in a highly developed modern technological society with terrific special effects in our movies, telephones with more computing capacity than was needed to go to the moon, and medical care that is second to none, if you can afford it at least. We are so advanced that we aren’t even impressed by digital watches anymore, that is how far we have come from the primitive ape descendants we used to be. Read more on Obama To Declare Martial Law, Kill Us All With Ebola Because Slavery…
  Freakoutbreak

Obama Declares War On Ebola. Wingnuts Discover Ebola Just Misunderstood.

You can always find a scary Obama image, no matter the topic
The U.S. government will be sending 3,000 troops to West Africa to help build treatment centers and coordinate services in the fight against the Ebola outbreak. President Obama announced the initiative during a visit to the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta Tuesday. The deployment will be done in coordination with the World Health Organization and will be centered in Liberia, where the virus has hit the hardest. The U.S. effort will build 17 treatment centers in that country and will eventually be training 500 healthcare workers a week in patient care and in sanitary procedures to prevent the spread of the virus. America will also be distributing sanitation kits to affected families and, sad part, distributing over 5000 body bags to municipal health authorities. Still, good on us! Read more on Obama Declares War On Ebola. Wingnuts Discover Ebola Just Misunderstood….
  It's Just a Cigar

Rush Limbaugh: Men See, They Conquer, They Come

UNSEE, UNSEE!
Prepare to push your twin beds together, Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Public, because Rush Limbaugh is here to give you some completely unsolicited sexxx tips on how to be sexxxy! Rush (and presumably the three former Mrs. Limbaughs) knows a thing or two about sexual disappointment, so his remarks about consent should be considered in the proper context. That context, according to Media Matters, is that Rush Limbaugh was talking about Ohio State’s new consent policy that “takes all the romance out of everything,” which is unfortunate because “seduction used to be an art. Now of course it’s prudish and it’s predatory and it’s bad.” And oops, we have just vomited all over our keyboard. Read more on Rush Limbaugh: Men See, They Conquer, They Come…
  It's a man's game. For men.

Rush Limbaugh Can’t Believe Sportsball Players Aren’t Even Allowed To Beat Their Wives, Unfair!

Not a real man obviously
Have you heard the about the latest NFL outrage? Nah, bro, not that the Minnesota Vikings will allow admitted baby-beater Adrian Peterson to return to the game because reasons. And not the other outrage about how the NFL finally got around to firing lady-beater Baltimore Raven Ray Rice — because it just wasn’t obvious to the NFL that this was actually a bad thing, until it saw that video it hadn’t seen that it had totally seen. Dude, that is so last week. Read more on Rush Limbaugh Can’t Believe Sportsball Players Aren’t Even Allowed To Beat Their Wives, Unfair!…
  Or Maybe Hillary Did It

Rush Limbaugh Diagnoses Robin Williams: ‘Political Leftist’ Values Made Him Kill Himself

Actual quote.
Dr. Rush Limbaugh, noted pharmaceuticals expert, had some thoughts on the death of Robin Williams today, and he figured out that it had less to do with depression than with Hollywood’s politics. You see, Williams, like all other liberals, was just a really sad person who hated America, unlike happy jolly conservatives such as the joy-filled Ben Shapiro or the ever-mirthful Limbaugh himself. Read more on Rush Limbaugh Diagnoses Robin Williams: ‘Political Leftist’ Values Made Him Kill Himself…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: KKK And James Woods Gonna Clean Up The Border

But how did she end up with Twilight Sparkle's panties on her head?
Welcome to another Derp Roundup, the feature where we collect all the stupidest stories that we couldn’t find a spot for and dump them in a junk drawer for you to sort through. You may want to wash your brain afterward! Read more on Derp Roundup: KKK And James Woods Gonna Clean Up The Border…
  a league of their own

Rush Limbaugh Takes Opportunity To Remind Us Both He And Ray Rice Are Terrible

The ugly awfulness of abusive sportsball player Ray Rice’s existence has really caused a problem with maxing out our rage-expending abilities. We had to spend a whole lot of energy being mad at Ray Rice for being a woman-beating piece of shit. Then we really had to up our game and go light years beyond being pissed at the NFL because they handed out a whopping two-game suspension for the fiancee-beating. And then there was ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith explaining how maybe if ladies could just stop making men hit them, everything would be great. Read more on Rush Limbaugh Takes Opportunity To Remind Us Both He And Ray Rice Are Terrible…
  I Am Mad About A Thing

I Take Birth Control Because I’m A Slutty Slut Who Sluts So Hard. You?

Okay, so, birth control. It’s this, like, medication-type thing, right? Like Advil for your aches and pains. Or aspirin so you don’t stroke out or have a heart attack. Or Flintstones vitamins so you grow up big and strong enough to turn a dinosaur into a car. Or Viagra so when you and your bros jet off to the Dominican Republic to bang some prostitutes, your floppy flaccid dick actually gets hard, but of course you have the prescription filled in someone else’s name because HELLO, when it comes to sex pills, you are all, like, I want “to PROTECT MY PRIVACY, given the potential embarrassing nature of Viagra.” Understandable, of course, because when you’re popping sex pills, it’s sort of no one’s business, right, RUSH LIMBAUGH? (Yes, that was an actual quote from the actual Rush Limbaugh. Feel free to mock that FOREVER.) Anyway, birth control is pretty much like that. It is a medication type thing that some women (basically all women, like 99 percent of them) use in a medication type way for medical type reasons, such as, for example, endometriosis, which is extremely painful and can be treated with birth control. Such as also for example not wanting to grow a baby inside your body, which can be avoided with birth control. Such as also too for example you are getting married and then going on a fabulous two-week honeymoon to a five-star hotel on the beach, and you do NOT want to be a crampy, bloody, bloated bridezilla, so you’d like to skip it altogether please, which is possible with birth control. Stuff like that. How. EVER. Read more on I Take Birth Control Because I’m A Slutty Slut Who Sluts So Hard. You?…
  doctor heal thyself

Area Woman Still Can’t Stop Thinking About Sandra Fluke’s ‘Totalitarian’ Vagina

You probably remember Sandra Fluke. She’s the nice young lady who testified to Congress about how birth control is sometimes used by people to regulate their polycystic ovary syndrome or whatever, and so Rush Limbaugh went fucking nuts, calling her a slut (for a week) and saying if he was going to pay for her birth control (we guess Rush Limbaugh does not really understand how insurance works?), she had a duty to produce a spank tape for him. It was not Rush Limbaugh’s finest hour. Well, now there is a lady, and she is a licensed clinical psychologist, although — oddly! — her website does not list any of her training or her schooling or her specialties except that she will psychologize your kids, which you should probably hop on, and can testify about forensic clinical psychologist stuff in four states, and those four states really might want to look into that, because this lady, well, she is a treat! She thinks Gloria Steinem is making Illuminati hand signs everywhere, and that Nancy Pelosi is here to murder all the grandbabies (that one is just obvious), and oh, so many thoughts about Sandra Fluke’s “All-American, Totalitarian” vagina. Still. Read more on Area Woman Still Can’t Stop Thinking About Sandra Fluke’s ‘Totalitarian’ Vagina…