Wonkette

MANY WORDS WRITTEN ABOUT RUSH LIMBAUGH: The NYT Magazine has posted Zev Chafets’ very long and still pretty interesting Sunday cover story on the AM talk-radio entertainer. Conclusion: Rush is a super-rich weirdo and clever broadcaster who annoys a lot of people and pleases a lot of other people, the end. [NYT Magazine]

Loser pill-head Rush Limbaugh has an AM radio show during the daytime. His audience of bitter old white retirees and home-appliance repairmen was instructed to go out en masse and vote for Hillary in open primaries, so that liberal Latino-American John McCain could at least have a small chance of winning in November. But it totally failed, so now Limbaugh is suddenly pretending he really wanted his listeners to vote for the black guy. MORE »

After all the talk about Rush Limbaugh tipping the Texas primaries in Hillary Clinton’s favor, it looks like Barack Obama may have been the candidate stealing Republican votes. New analysis reveals that Republicans favored Obama by 53-49 percent over Clinton. This proves that Obama cannot be the Democratic Presidential nominee because he is a sellout. [Trail Blazers Blog]

After months of careful edits, cooperation with the McCain campaign, professional insights of several world-class reporters and editors, the New York Times printed one of the worst, most inadvertently hilarious stories Thursday about John McCain: how he screws sexy lobbyist whores and then steals everyone’s corrupt money. This story was such crap — structurally, thematically, content-wise — that it made Rush Limbaugh defend John McCain and unite the right (the right!). Today, the Times is trying to save its few remaining subscriptions by taking questions online. Executive editor Bill Keller responded in length to the first one, and hopefully he will be fired soon. MORE »

This forbidden-lobbyist-love scandal is a stroke of good fortune for John McCain. Revelations that he may have landed a sizzling hot blonde half his age have brought a new aura of virility and sex appeal to the Spanish-American war hero’s ancient carcass. He is also being hailed by Christian conservatives for having the good taste to conduct a heterosexual extramarital affair. And now we learn the scandal has brought conservative talk radio’s most lovable personalities flocking to his bosom. According to Politico, “they have a common enemy” now. Meaning, of course, the terrorists. At the New York Times. MORE »

Now that Mitt Romney is … please, one second [editorial sobbing] … now that Mittens is out of the presidential race, Rush Limbaugh has to scrape together a new plan for life. Rather than just support John McCain, he intends to to raise cash for Hillary Clinton. Not because he likes her (please)! He wants her to get the nomination so that his party can find a cause to rally around. But that doesn’t mean he likes John McCain! He just wants the Republicans to win the election. But not John McCain! [Raw Story]

President Bob Dole’s letter to Rush Limbaugh has pissed off shiny robot Mitt Romney, and this morning he responded in typical Mittens fashion on Fox & Friends by making fun of Dole. John McCain demands an apology! Ha ha, these fucking people. MORE »

Bob Dole, the kindly old gent who once ran for president and brought the nation the gift of erectile dysfunction, told Rush Limbaugh yesterday to quit bagging on John McCain. The 110-year-old former Senator took up quill and parchment and penned a stern rebuke. “I have not seen you in a long time but I do hear you frequently,” Dole’s letter begins. MORE »

No, he actually is! He’s dedicating his entire show today towards John McCain being a gay liberal, who’s only good for the gay nomination in the Gay Party, because he votes for gay… spending… reform… things of that nature. Hey, he’d be a perfect fit for the Republican nomination!

Either way, we must praise Rush Limbaugh today, and only today: VOTE FOR MITTENS. TOMORROW. FOR THE THING. Please? [The Page]

*LEARNING TO DEAL:* America’s most important Republican, Rush Limbaugh, delivered a “non-concession” speech to John McCain today. He admits WALNUTS! looks solid for the nomination, and then he whines: “All the candidates on our side, for various reasons, are uninspiring or worse and so just as I predicted the base has fractured.” In other words, the party avoided my advice, but I’m not irrelevant because I predicted they would avoid my advice. Shamnesty? Remember, guys? [Latest Politics]