• Erick Erickson insists upon a Great Purge to keep the GOP pure. Erick, you sick sick Stalinist bastard! [RedState]
• Sarah Palin is “ready” to be “president,” according to “Rush” “Limbaugh.” [Gateway Pundit]
• Who else is on the CIA payroll, besides Ahmed Wali Karzai and Luis Posada Carriles? The answer will not surprise you in the least. [The Plank]
• Oh, GREAT: The terrorists get free swine flu vaccines while pregnant women and stray children are encouraged to stock up on Emergen-C and hope for the best. This is health care reform? We want America back! [Ace of Spades]
• Remember when Bill Clinton parachuted into North Korea and whispered delicious lies into Kim Jong-il’s tender ear and then saved two lady-journalists from a decade of slave labor? Yeah well, that part about Kim Jong-il never actually happened — hot damn, it was Photoshopped! [Daily Intel]

The cold and calculating Barack Obama is acting like just another politician with some grand “political” plan of his, the local toilet paper roll POLITICO tells us. He takes the so-called “powerful opponents” of his agenda out there and tries to weaken them, so as to “pass his agenda.” He is Richard Nixon, minus all of the massive law-breaking. MORE »

• What is ‘Max Baucus’? We simply do not know. [Matt Yglesias]
• Today’s RedState lecture: “How Limbaugh’s embodiment of MLK’s dream changed my life.” Please take notes because you’ll be tested on this material at the end of the semester. [RedState]
• How will Jonah Goldberg survive the impending zombie apocalypse?! Hiding in a spider hole at the bottom of Lake Superior might work, but then again, Lake Superior freezes in the winter and zombies can definitely definitely walk on ice and oh no oh no oh no no NO zombies zombies ZOMBIES! [The Corner]
• There are many sappy, vomit-inducing political ads that come and go in these United States, but Gavin Newsom’s takes the vomit cake. [The Caucus]
• Barack Obama grinds with a devastating Latina and then abruptly flees the dance floor because honestly he’s a married man and this is just torture. [Swampland]

There’s a lot of meat on this bone, friends. Let’s just call it an early weekend and cease posting until Monday; you should have everything you’ll need here. (Ha ha ha but no, we’ll be typing tomorrow.) [RedState]

The greatest news for America last week was that unstable, obese radio junkie Rush Limbaugh had snuck his way into a group of investors fixing to purchase St. Louis’ NFL team, the Rams. What a straightforward way to piss off an entire major city! Upon hearing the news, black players in the league were like, “Ah, well, we look forward to never playing for that team or even visiting that city again in our lives.” The problem there is that black players tend to be the ones who are good at football. And so Rush’s investor “friends,” backed by a nervous NFL leadership, have dropped him from the bid. He is not expected to say gracious things about the NFL on his radio show, after this. [ESPN/AP]

• Introducing: Lip gloss that transforms into a secret date rape drug test kit! Hallelujah! Now you can let that Republican Senator buy you thousands of Flirtinis. Ah, peace of mind. [The Daily Dish]
• Rush Limbaugh can only tell the truth because his son wished it so, when he blew out his birthday candles. Wikiquotes, on the other hand … lies lies lies. [RedState]
• Will Matt Yglesias be able to use his Flux Capacitor to go back in time and prevent himself from reading Infinite Jest? No one knows. [Matt Yglesias]
• The RNC has found new footage that suggests Hitler spent his last days in the Führerbunker pouting about Nancy Pelosi and her shared vision of an Aryan public option. [TPM]
• What will the ’10s be like? Will it be a fun decade? Maybe roller skates will have a comeback? Or will we regress into anarchy and burn tires in the cobblestone streets and eat space ice cream for nourishment? [AMERICAblog]

• Scenario: Rush Limbaugh buys a football team, because that is what rich assholes do for entertainment. Discuss. [Think Progress]
• Do you know of any good Columbus-related literature that might interest Matt Yglesias? Matt is familiar with the works of Philip Roth, but that’s about it. [Matt Yglesias]
• If you live in New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine would like to meet you and shake your hand and explain his platform, which consists mostly of talking massive shit about his Republican opponent — who is a total lardbucket, by the way. [The Caucus]
• Liberals, immigrants, journalists, et all: Please take back your hate. It makes Michelle Malkin physically ill. [Michelle Malkin]
• Tea Baggers! Do you hear the trumpet call? — Yes, it Erick Erickson, farting trumpet noises from afar — listen closely! Put down your annotated copies of The Fountainhead, take off your Continental Army Lt. Colonel uniform … it’s time to water the Tree of Liberty with Ayn Rand’s urine and run for political office! [RedState]

• BAD NEWS FOR ST. LOUIS SPORTS ENTHUSIASTS: A certain man wants to buy your awful football team, the Rams, and he’s known for being disagreeable! It is fat weird person Rush Limbaugh, from the radio. As you may recall, Rush was briefly involved in professional football before. ESPN hired him in 2003 to join its weekly pregame show panel. He did this for a full one (1) episode, during which he just said a bunch of racist stuff before quitting. [NBC Sports]

• Matt Yglesias wants to sex machen with German Mädchen, big time. [Matt Yglesias]
• Rush Limbaugh was curled up on his La-Z-boy. He had just finished reading Du Bois’ The Souls of White Folk and was feeling particularly vulnerable. Opiates helped relieve the pain, but it’s hard being white in a black man’s world. Rush cut up a few lines of Oxycontin with his Price Chopper Chopper Shopper Card. I will start the white civil rights movement he thought to himself. And then he celebrated with some Oxycontin up his nose. [Think Progress]
• For the man who has everything except a Michele Bachmann action figure. [TPM]
• The brave Americans who defended Alaska from the Japanese during the Battle of Midway will receive a pension of Zero Yen if Barack Obama has his way — and he always has his way! Meanwhile, Barack is busy eating ice cream cones. Despicable. [RedState]
• Onward, Christian soldiers! [True/Slant: Laurie Essig]

When Rush Limbaugh saw that sexy Barney Frank video last night, the rough outline of a joke came to him instantly, as if from God. After 574 pages of scrapped drafts, two pots of coffee, and nine amber bottles of hydrocodone, he finally reached an iteration suitable for his radio program this afternoon: “But the killer for me was, here’s Barney Frank saying, ‘What planet do you live on?’ to this woman. Isn’t it an established fact that Barney Frank himself spends of his time living around Uranus?” HEY-O! Get it? Because he’s a Jew? [TPM]

Rush Limbaugh, grr! The other day he brought up on his radio show the oft-cited observation that your dog’s penicillin costs 25 cents while your own penicillin costs 25 dollars, which sucks for you, or something to that effect, and blah blah blah free markets and healthcare. WHATEVER. The point is his girlfriend has a very charming Old English Sheepdog that bears a startling resemblance to Bo Obama. However, this sheepdog will grow up to be a huge badass herding wookie, while Bo will just sort of look like a fucked-up Poodle, so Rush Limbaugh’s girlfriend clearly wins this round. (Also: Rush Limbaugh has a girlfriend?) [The Rush Limbaugh Show]