Tag Archives: rupert murdoch

 

Donald Trump: Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump. TRUMP!

He's got his eye on you now, NYP
Fact: Donald Trump gave the very bestest speech at the Iowa Freedom Summit over the weekend. How do we know that’s true? Because Donald Trump says so, duh, even though the New York Post is spreading vicious lies, which we know are vicious lies because Donald Trump said so about that too: Read more on Donald Trump: Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump. TRUMP!…
 

Parents Let Kids Walk Around Neighborhood Unsupervised, Are Terrible Parents Obviously

But where are the parents?!?
There are terrible parents who do terrible things to their children, and they probably shouldn’t be parents and should not have children. Like parents who beat the ever-lovin’ crap out of their kids (yes, even if they are sportsball stars). Or make baby pose with a gun because LOL, it’s not loaded, what could go wrong? And they deserve to have jackbooted thugs take their children away from them. And then there is idiotic stuff like this: Read more on Parents Let Kids Walk Around Neighborhood Unsupervised, Are Terrible Parents Obviously…
 

Mean Harry Reid Might Make Senators Do Some Work In December

Sooooooooo mean!
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is one mean grinch. Because the Senate, as well as the House of Representatives, has been so busy not working all year, Reid’s threatening to murder Christmas vacation, which for most Americans is maybe a day or two, but for the lazy sacks of lazy in Congress is usually about three weeks. Read more on Mean Harry Reid Might Make Senators Do Some Work In December…
 

British-Flavored Idiots Think They’ll Get Muslim On Them If They Eat Terrifying ‘Halal’ Meat

Sometimes we forget, because Brits are so proper, that their papers are about a million times more scuzzy than American papers at times, particularly those that are owned by aging monster Rupert Murdoch. Murdoch’s Sun had a BIG HUGE EXPOSE about how Britons might secretly be eating halal meat like filthy Muslins do. THE HORROR. Except for that part where it isn’t actually a secret. Bloggers and news outlets were quick to jump on the story, pointing out the “secret” of Pizza Express’ halal meat policy was perhaps not so secret after all… It’s explained in the FAQ section of the company’s website, has been tweeted about by Pizza Express, and mentioned in previous news reports. Read more on British-Flavored Idiots Think They’ll Get Muslim On Them If They Eat Terrifying ‘Halal’ Meat…
 

‘All In With Chris Hayes’ Tries To Interpret The Gnomist Twitter Feed Of Rupert Murdoch

We haven’t been much on the “All In With Chris Hayes” tip for our clipbait, but yesterday Hayes unpacked the delightfully terrifying and terrifyingly delightful Twitter feed of one Rupert Murdoch. Truly, we do not think anyone else is running Murdoch’s feed, because the tweets have the same level of unfiltered lunacy of Donald Trump’s feed. Read more on ‘All In With Chris Hayes’ Tries To Interpret The Gnomist Twitter Feed Of Rupert Murdoch…
 

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Thomas Friedman Almost Writes A Tolerable Column Edition

You know without having us here to explain the New York Times at you that today’s edition is pretty much wall-to-wall where is the missing plane and the seething slow menace that is Russia’s machinations in Ukraine, complete with some old-school Stalinist hoping and gloating that could have been written 50 years ago. Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Thomas Friedman Almost Writes A Tolerable Column Edition…
 

Oh Yeah, Rupert Murdoch’s Wife Wendi Deng Was Absolutely Getting Porked By Tony Blair Gross

We’ve been consumed — CONSUMED — with the notion that Wendi Deng, the decades-younger ladywife of Freedom Hero Rupert Murdoch, was totally getting porked by British lapdog to the stars Tony Blair. But did we have the means to prove it? Fuck no. Thank God Vanity Fair is here to give this story the kind of in-depth shoeleather investigative reporting it needed. Read more on Oh Yeah, Rupert Murdoch’s Wife Wendi Deng Was Absolutely Getting Porked By Tony Blair Gross…
 

The New York Times Wants To Get Rupert Murdoch’s Wizened Member Wet

New York Times reporter Brooks Barnes heard some ladies in their 50s — who, he would like you to know, have had plastic surgery — being terrible. We mean, obviously they are terrible. They are women. In their 50s. And they have had “work.” Also, they are the first people in the history of the world to complain that Christmas shopping can be a bit of a chore, so they are clearly entitled pieces of shit who are hateful and should die. Anyhoo, after these dumb bitches stopped bitching about their bitch life of bitch shopping, they noted that Rupert Murdoch, that dashing fox, was “back on the market.” Read more on The New York Times Wants To Get Rupert Murdoch’s Wizened Member Wet…
 

On Her Majesty’s Secret Snack Bowl: Police Were Ordered To Leave Elizabeth’s Nuts Untouched

Here’s a weird little tidbit that’s emerged from the phone hacking trial for executives from Rupert Murdoch’s News of the World tabloid: For reasons not made the least bit clear in this BBC story, on Thursday, the jury was read emails from an NoW editor about suspicious nut-related goings-on at Buckingham Palace. Specifically, Queen Elizabeth was “irritated” by police officers taking nuts from bowls left around the palace for the Queen to nibble on: According to an email sent by Clive Goodman, ex-royal editor at the News of the World, she was “upset” by it. The journalist added that a memo was sent to palace officers, telling them to “keep their sticky fingers out”. Does the BBC provide any context at all for this tale of royal nut-cadging? None at all! In fact, the news of the edict to lay off Her Majesty’s royal nuts is interspersed with information about one of the defendants being declared unfit to stand trial. Which in some ways makes it all the more mysterious and wonderful. Read more on On Her Majesty’s Secret Snack Bowl: Police Were Ordered To Leave Elizabeth’s Nuts Untouched…
 

Tony Blair Denies Putting His Danglybits In Wendi Deng Murdoch’s Vengeful Chasm

Sad news, friends, and that sad news is that a wonderful friendship, a bromance for the ages, is no more just because Rupert Murdoch thinks former prime minister and US buttboy Tony Blair was puttin’ it to his wife, Wendi Deng. Obviously, this is untrue, as no man can survive Wendi Deng’s ladygarden. But while we know it is untrue, because Science, why might Rupert Murdoch have believed it? Oh no reason, none at all, nothing to see here folks do move along! Read more on Tony Blair Denies Putting His Danglybits In Wendi Deng Murdoch’s Vengeful Chasm…
 

Hey Ladies! Scary Old Rupert Murdoch Is About To Be Single Again

The terms of News Corp’s CEO, chairman, and destroyer of all things good in media Rupert Murdoch’s divorce from his pie-jacking, badass, third wife Wendi Deng Murdoch are set to be finalized in front of a New York judge today. And other than the little matter of poor Rupert handing over what some people have guessed is between 1.2 and 2 billion divorce dollars, and the 44 million dollar apartment in NYC which she is totally keeping, Emperor Palpatine’s doppelganger and his erstwhile bride of almost 15 years have all the prenuptial and postnuptial (which we were not even rich enough to know existed) agreements that one of the top 100 richest, and number one most evilest, media men in the world could possibly need. So this thing here today should all be pretty quick and painless, as far as billion dollar divorces go. But there was still some rather insidery stuff reported on the Murdoch split, thanks to Michael Wolff’s fairly overwrought article in the USA Today from a week and a half ago, that we did not see until now. Michael Wolff is a guy who wrote a Murdoch biography The Man Who Owns the News, and was also on Keith Olbermann’s old show all the time, talking about how Rupert’s news companies hacking the phones of the entirety of Great Britain and probably the USA might actually take Rupert, his terrible kids, and even more terrible empire down. But of course it did not take anything down and we were stupid to think that it might. And now Michael Wolff says that not going to jail or even getting into trouble really for the hacking thing, and now getting this divorce, have made Rupert Murdoch happier than ever. And isn’t that the most important thing? That Rupert Murdoch is happy? Read more on Hey Ladies! Scary Old Rupert Murdoch Is About To Be Single Again…
 

Poors Pooling Their Hobo Beans To Buy Chicago Tribune And Los Angeles Times, Good Luck Poors!

Are you looking for the latest can’t-miss investing opportunity? Well sir, you can forget your whale oil and your arsenic hats and your unicycles, because King Newspaper is the hottest ticket in town! Not convinced? Then tell us, why else would literally several people be trying to raise $660 million via a “crowd-funding” site to purchase Tribune Co., the company that owns the Los Angeles Times, the Chicago Tribune, the Baltimore Sun, and other venerable news organs? Read more on Poors Pooling Their Hobo Beans To Buy Chicago Tribune And Los Angeles Times, Good Luck Poors!…
 

Rupert Murdoch’s New York Post Furious U.S. President Sometimes Visits U.S. Cities

Rupert Murdoch’s New York Post has done some heavy digging, you guys, and it has discovered that the President of the United States of America sometimes go to the biggest city in the nation! Like, he was there just last week, “talking” at “the United Nations” as if that is somehow an important thing that the “president” is supposed to do. Did you know that it costs money for the city to host him? And New Yorkers are stuck picking up the bill (the Post says $2 million so far) when the Prez wants to fly his big fancy plane into JFK? What a dick! Read more on Rupert Murdoch’s New York Post Furious U.S. President Sometimes Visits U.S. Cities…
 

Tom Friedman Bravely Calls For ‘Conservative’ Party To Basically Do Everything Obama’s Done

Show of hands: who is sick of Tom Friedman using his column to call for a moderate third party whose purpose is primarily oriented around catering to wealthy people who are exactly like Tom Friedman or alternatively, doing exactly what Obama already does? Well good, because you’re in luck, since his most recent column is calling for a conservative party wherein Jeb Bush is in charge of education policy and deficit reduction is headed up by Tom Coburn. Also, let’s see what Rupert Murdoch has to say about immigration! We have one great issue facing America, he says, and it is made up of three subparts, and we also have four challenges that are really important, and if only we had real conservatives in charge of the GOP platform, then maybe the next four years can really amount to something! (Yes, this is a pretty accurate summary of his entire column.) Read more on Tom Friedman Bravely Calls For ‘Conservative’ Party To Basically Do Everything Obama’s Done…
 

Fox News Worries About Extinction (Its Own)

As Rupert Murdoch’s News International (UK subsidiary of American company News Corp) saga continues in Blimeyland, Americans may not give two faggots about it. But there’s an eentsy beentsy spider of a chance that if Murdoch’s media ship sinks, Fox News might eventually be the last ones on deck singing Nearer My God To Thee. So, listen up while we drop some knowledge. Read more on Fox News Worries About Extinction (Its Own)…
 

Indigenous Australian Heroes Nearly Capture Australian Prime Minster

In a bold strike of the kind we hope to see in a lot of nations this year, a protesting group of indigenous people mobbed Australian prime minster Julia Gillard and opposition leader Tony Abbott from a fancy 1% restaurant in the capital of Canberra — Gillard and Abbott were about to be torn apart, but their security teams managed to drag the politicians to safety. Why all the excitement? Because right-winger Tony Abbott suggested tearing down the aboriginal “tent embassy” erected 40 years ago in protest of two centuries of brutal oppression by the colonizing Europeans. Things are very weird in Australia! It’s sort of like if America went straight from the Old West/Plantation Era directly to the Earth Day hippie Beatles world circa 1970, with nothing in the middle. Read more on Indigenous Australian Heroes Nearly Capture Australian Prime Minster…
 

Rupert Murdoch Discovers Fun New Venue For Unrepentant Evil: Twitter

What does a bored kleptocrat billionaire who has already lived past his expiration date do to pass the time while he is on vacation in the Caribbean? If it’s Rupert Murdoch, he takes a webcam picture of his moldy white raisin mug, tacks it to his brand-new Twitter account and sets about mocking the working slobs of Great Britain for trying to act like rich folk and have their own vacations, TEE-HEE. Read more on Rupert Murdoch Discovers Fun New Venue For Unrepentant Evil: Twitter…
 

NY Post Blames Peaceful Ocupados For (Fake?) Rise In Gun Violence

The wheezy little shadow humans hovering around in the dank caves over at Rupert Murdoch’s terror pamphlet the New York Post sure are devoting an awful lot of comical reporting to the fabrication of elaborate Jesusween bedtime stories about the Occupy Wall Street protesters. It’s like they’re kind of (very) worried or something! The latest strenuous fiction plucked at random — there are several to choose from on any given day — has a variety of anonymous numbers and sources claiming that shootings across the city have risen two billion percent since the protests started on account of the NYPD having too much fun beating up on peaceful protesters to go beating up on actual criminals with guns anymore. That would be sort of embarrassing for the cops, if it were actually true! Read more on NY Post Blames Peaceful Ocupados For (Fake?) Rise In Gun Violence…
 

Muppet-Wielding Protesters Occupy Rupert Murdoch’s Speech

This is going to be what’s it’s like for the Rupert Murdochs of the world, from now on. We hope, anyway! Just full-on harassment and outbursts until these kleptocrats are scared to leave their penthouses, which will then be burnt down, by dragons. Read more on Muppet-Wielding Protesters Occupy Rupert Murdoch’s Speech…
 

Wall Street Journal Caught Padding European Circulation By Nearly Half

Shrunken cliche Rupert Murdoch’s empire of shit continues to stink, with his “rogue corporation” caught in yet another amoral activity — this time, managers of his Wall Street Journal have been caught inflating the paper’s European circulation by 41%. So the big corporations paying top dollar to reach the coveted 1% who supposedly read the WSJ while shopping in Paris or whatever were instead paying to have 31,000 daily copies bought for a nickel apiece and dumped. Worse, the paper printed a bunch of bogus endorsements and features on the shell companies involved in the criminal scheme. Read more on Wall Street Journal Caught Padding European Circulation By Nearly Half…
 

NYPost: Confused Jewish GOP Donors Think Michele Bachmann Is A Jew

Corrupt goon Rupert Murdoch’s Florida retirement community gossip rag The New York Post has some hottt new rumor skull-hacked from the brains of a mysterious gaggle of senile Jewish GOP donors claiming that these sorely confused purse holders are mistakenly sending fat checks to Michele Bachmann’s campaign under the impression that she is “the Jewish candidate.” Wait till Michele’s Jesus hears about this!? We are guessing these donors spotted Michele’s mangled attempt at the word “chutzpah” on the retirement home’s 24-hour Fox News Channel beam, otherwise there is no possible explanation besides “this is made up.” Sure, the article cites one anonymous crabby Mitt Romney fundraiser as the source of the rumor, but who can trust Mitt Romney’s people? Oh, uh, apparently because this fundraiser believes the Jewish GOP dollars rightfully belong to mystery-religion Mittens. Read more on NYPost: Confused Jewish GOP Donors Think Michele Bachmann Is A Jew…