Here’s where we are: If you have any trace amount of “metal” on your person, or in your luggage, or anywhere in your life, you are a terrorist and cannot board airplanes. Did you forget, Average American? You are never supposed to do that. Some lady did forget, however, and was forced to remove her nipple piercings with a pair of pliers at airport security. She is very upset, too! MORE »

In June 2006, Steven Howard — an environmental consultant with high morals but little sense — decided it would be a great idea to sort of maybe kinda shove Darth Cheney to get his attention so that he could tell him what a shit he is about Iraq. To Darth’s credit, he didn’t immediately disembowel Steve because of the children present, but Steve did get picked up by the Secret Service and had to sit in a county jail cell for three hours.

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