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Posts Tagged ‘rumors’

ROLL CALL

‘Roll Call’ Quashes Scurrilous Rumors Spread On Wonkette

Monday, January 5th, 2009

Not dead yet.Remember last week, when we posted some cartoonist’s Twitter about how the august Capitol Hill publication Roll Call was doomed? Well that was all a bunch of bunkum, and that’s the last time we’ll rely on some artist’s 160-character “blurps” or whatever they’re called for all our insidery publishing news. After the jump: Roll Call publisher Peter Cherukuri puts the rumors to rest. MORE »


MEET THE RUMOR-MONGERING PRESS

Blago Refuses To Quit Feeding Ravenous Media Maw

Monday, December 15th, 2008

Sad, rat-faced crookIt has been nearly a week and still the Illinois goofball Blagojevich forces his hapless toady, spokesman Lucio Guerrero, to say silly things to reporters like, “He has no plans of resigning today or tomorrow. He still signs bills as governor, and he wants to see details.” Ha ha ha everybody knows that the governor of Illinois does not “sign bills” or “see details,” because he is too busy holding billion-dollar auctions for Jesse Jackson Jr.’s Senate seat. And every time Guerrero says one of these foolish things, it just gives dumb bloggers more posts to write. MORE »


LATEST CLINTON MEDIA FRENZIES

Hillary Clinton/Secretary Of State Rumors Flying Every Which Way

Friday, November 14th, 2008

Last night we began hearing that Hillary Clinton was under serious consideration to be Barack Obama’s Secretary of State, and that she flew to Chicago to meet with him about possibilities. This being Hillary Clinton, we of course are now engulfed in a wave of rumors, leaks, trial balloons, anonymous sources… Drama. It is how the Clintons, or any stories remotely involving them, tend to roll out. Let’s see what the latest gossip’s telling us about old Hillary. It ranges anywhere from Ronald Reagan retroactively appointing her to be assistant manager at a Baskin Robbins in Utah to her going on food stamps to her having sex with Monica Lewinsky and Vince Foster on a pile of moon rocks, for Obama. MORE »


INTERNET PRANKSTERS

Fake McCain Supporter Again Revealed As Fake

Thursday, November 13th, 2008

Fool me twice ... you won't get fooled againOH THIS GUY. “Martin Eisenstadt” is a comic invention who surfaces every 8-10 weeks to release satirical videos about Rudy Giuliani and spread fake rumors about the McCain campaign. Your Wonkette has seriously fallen for this trick once, when Eisenstadt reported that Paris Hilton’s family was FURIOUS about using their beloved blonde dingbat in McCain’s celebrity video. It seemed true! And funny. MORE »


TEASES

Rahm Emanuel Is Very Coy

Thursday, November 6th, 2008

Possible next White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel is being terribly cruel to his fan base by reminding them that he is already married, with children. “I do know something about the White House and I have children now. I have a family,” he told WLS-TV in Chicago. These “children” of his might require more of his time or something, more time than a Chief of Staff could really afford, so he might have to stick with his day job of being a huge dick to all his colleagues in the House of Representatives. Why is he playing so hard to get? MORE »


WHAT ECONOMY?

Sarah Palin Even Lies About Lipstick! (Maybe)

Wednesday, September 10th, 2008

Whatever you are thinking is offensive and sexist.Oh dudes here is a SCURRILOUS RUMOR we just received, possibly from somebody in America’s Meth/Tattoo Capital of Wasilla, Alaska. The email is, uh, difficult to follow. But the central claim is this: Sarah Palin doesn’t even put that lipstick on her mouth, because it’s a TATTOO. Oh jesus christ, she is so gross, especially if this is true. MORE »


ANNALS OF BIRTHING

Definitive Sarah Palin Pregnancy Timeline From Publication Of Record

Monday, September 8th, 2008

Might as well jumpWell here you have it, the final word on Sarah Palin’s pregnancy and birthing from renowned obstetrics journal the New York Times. The biggest shocker: Trig Paxon Van Palin really was given that name because it sounded like “Van Halen.” THAT IS NOT EVEN A JOKE, THAT IS AN ACTUAL FACT IN THIS JOURNALISTIC ARTICLE. How can America trust Sarah Palin to be a heartbeat away from the presidency when she names her youngest child after an 80s hard rock band? MORE »


QUAINT SCANDALS

Wonkette Official Statement On Palin Pregnancy Rumors

Sunday, August 31st, 2008

Oh who the fuck cares.Wonkette Pregnancy Expert Sara K. Smith decrees that these whispers about Sarah Palin not being that baby’s mama are absurd, because everybody knows John Edwards is the mother of that baby. This supposed cover-up is also terrifically quaint compared to the actual crimes that Alaskan politicians commit every day: bribery, servant monkey commerce, more bribery, and of course the rape of our sacred English language. Plus didn’t everybody see The 40 Year Old Virgin? Hot grandmas are in. P.S. GODDAMMIT YOU ILLITERATE CRETINS IT IS “DOWN” SYNDROME, NOT “DOWN’S” SYNDROME. [Daily Kos]


HOT DISH

Alaska GILF Is Maybe Veep After All?!

Friday, August 29th, 2008

Hot baked AlaskaHell, we don’t know: “A Republican source confirms that John McCain has chosen Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to be his running mate. Campaign officials, however, remain mum this morning.” One plane-tracking Wonkette reader notes that the plane that may have flown Palin into Ohio last night was classified as type “GLF.” HMMMMMMMM. UPDATE: CNN confirms that it’s Palin. [Chicago Tribune, FlightAware]


DEBATABLE

Main Stream Media Ignores Scurrilous Rumors, But Picks Up Completely Insane Ones

Friday, August 15th, 2008

Everyone should thank CNN today for thoroughly debunking the “rumor” that Barack Obama is the Antichrist (seriously, this is somehow classified as a “rumor,” that Obama may have magical powers). The big headline, “OBAMA THE ANTICHRIST?” along with the subhed claiming that this is a real “debate” online and thousands of other images of ANTICHRIST ANTICHRIST EVIL SATAN were very necessary for the viewers watching said debunking. Raw Story has the video. Oh and let’s thank CNN for covering this same thing yesterday, too. [Raw Story]


SCANDALS

Did Jesse Helms Die On the Unpatriotic THIRD of July?

Monday, July 7th, 2008

The Devil Will See You Now.As we all know, racist old colostomy bag Jesse Helms bravely died on the patriotic anti-gay July 4 day of American Independence … or did he? Our sources in North Carolina say there’s an insane nursing-home cover-up engineered by the Jesse Helms Center’s goons to make gullible racist Americans believe Helms died and went to Hell in the early hours of July 4, when his rancid body actually expired on the night of July 3! MORE »