Posts Tagged ‘rumors on the internets’

Please Stop Asking Michele Bachmann Word Problems Involving MSNBC And Long Division

Tuesday, October 6th, 2009

Wolf Blitzer exposes SNL with his award-winning muckraking journalism. [Hot Air]
Hundreds of fake doctors (including Jeff Gannon) were forced to wear lab coats and say flattering things about socialized medicine. [Michelle Malkin]
Michele Bachmann does not know anything about MSNBC. She doesn’t know how to spell MSNBC and she doesn’t want to know. She doesn’t know what MSNBC stands for, or if it stands for anything at all. Maybe it’s Spanish. She just doesn’t know. [TPM]
Guess who wants to stick his public option in your pooper? You know who. [RedState]
Barack Obama is the the world’s most popular dictator. [Think Progress]

Tags: barack obama, health care, jeff gannon, michele bachmann, rumors on the internets, snl, Wolf Blitzer
Posted in Wonkette | 56 Comments »

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Glenn Beck Is Asked To Retract His Endorsement Of Mr. Pippin’s Fantastic Rectum Scratcher

Monday, October 5th, 2009

“To be clear, I root for America, therefore I root against Barack Obama.” Finally! The RedState dogma explained in one convenient sentence. [RedState]
Everything that Glenn Beck says hates him. [Think Progress]
Karl Rove acknowledges that he has reoccurring wet dreams about Marco Rubio, and that if he could, he would dip Marco in chocolate and then gobble him up. [TPM]
Here is a truly shocking video of Andrew Sullivan sipping Merlot and smelling tulips whilst lounging in his finest Brooks Brothers cashmere sport coat and blabbering on about how much he loves the Queen. And he accuses Barack Obama of being a Tory? Good heavens. [The Daily Dish]
It is true that Michelle Malkin is a bit of a “surfboard.” But now we have even more proof that Michelle is actually just Matt Taibbi in drag. [Michelle Malkin]

Tags: barack obama, glenn beck, henry paulson, karl rove, marco rubio, rumors on the internets
Posted in Wonkette | 36 Comments »

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Why Is Barack Obama Such A Shameless Reptile?

Thursday, October 1st, 2009

One hundred years from now, school children will marvel at how obtuse Americans in 2009 really were. “How could they not have known Barack Obama was a Reptilian Shapeshifter?” the children will ask. And then their civics teacher Mr. Floyd will chuckle and reply, “They were very stupid. Very very stupid.” [True/Slant: Harmon Leon]
Meanwhile, Michelle Obama goes on Sesame Street. But does she compose an awesome song about geometry, just like Philip Glass did? [The Caucus]
Glenn Beck is the loneliest man on the earth. [Think Progress]
Is it at all surprising that Creigh Deeds loves taxes more than he loves his children, but also hates Democracy with all his heart? No. No, it is not. [RedState]
There is serious money to be made disrespecting Republicans. Just ask Alan Grayson, who is now officially rich. [TPM]

Tags: alan grayson, creigh deeds, glenn beck, lindsey graham, michelle obama, rumors on the internets, reptiles
Posted in Wonkette | 54 Comments »

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

The Obama Administration Is Not A Registered Sex Offender, And That Makes RedState Very Frustrated

Tuesday, September 29th, 2009

Matthew Yglesias writes in earnest about McDonald’s policy. [Matt Yglesias]
The Obama Administration loves to have sex with minors. RedState knows this is true, because Whoopee Goldberg said something on teevee and also isn’t it obvious? Q.E.D., Amen. [RedState]
Delicious Mustache Ride John Bolton admits that some people are normal and straight like him, and other people are weird and kinda gay, and if they don’t feel bad about not being normal and straight, that’s okay, he guesses. [Think Progress]
Andrew Sullivan will protect your children from the Obama Administration. Bless him. [The Daily Dish]
Barack Obama guest stars in a new (?) comic book, with a big-boobed anime jet rocket robot stripper lady villain. [Weekly Standard]

Tags: barack obama, comic books, john bolton, mcdonald's, rumors on the internets
Posted in Wonkette | 13 Comments »

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Rush Limbaugh Rallies For White Civil Rights, i.e. ‘Segregation’

Monday, September 28th, 2009

Matt Yglesias wants to sex machen with German Mädchen, big time. [Matt Yglesias]
Rush Limbaugh was curled up on his La-Z-boy. He had just finished reading Du Bois’ The Souls of White Folk and was feeling particularly vulnerable. Opiates helped relieve the pain, but it’s hard being white in a black man’s world. Rush cut up a few lines of Oxycontin with his Price Chopper Chopper Shopper Card. I will start the white civil rights movement he thought to himself. And then he celebrated with some Oxycontin up his nose. [Think Progress]
For the man who has everything except a Michele Bachmann action figure. [TPM]
The brave Americans who defended Alaska from the Japanese during the Battle of Midway will receive a pension of Zero Yen if Barack Obama has his way — and he always has his way! Meanwhile, Barack is busy eating ice cream cones. Despicable. [RedState]
Onward, Christian soldiers! [True/Slant: Laurie Essig]

Tags: alaska, barack obama, germany, michele bachmann, rumors on the internets, religious fanatics, rush limbaugh
Posted in Wonkette | 39 Comments »

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

The Democrats Now Have The Bomb, Thanks To Arlen Specter’s Treasonous Ways

Thursday, September 24th, 2009

Heavens to Betsy! Illegal immigrants are trying to steal Lou Dobbs’s job! [True/Slant: Marcelo Ballve]
HE DID IT. He did it. Matt finished Infinite Jest, the novel. He read all of it. And he did not care for it. [Matt Yglesias]
Barack Obama will create a special death panel for your beer. [TPM]
Web 2.0 is here! And Jesus Christ, it sounds hella boring. [The Caucus]
Arlen Specter is a rotten traitor! Where to begin? Okay, first of all: he switched sides with Benedict Arnold during the Revolutionary War. And then he helped the Russians build Sputnik. And then he attacked the USS Cole. And then he defected to the Democrats. Enough is enough. Boo Arlen! Yay Toomey! [RedState]

Tags: arlen specter, beer, infinite jest, karl rove, rumors on the internets
Posted in Wonkette | 29 Comments »

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Afghanistan Asks: Et Tu, McChrystal?

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009

Matt Yglesias needs some hot German tracks that he can sing in the shower. We recommend: Kraftwerk, Sammy Deluxe, and uh, Trio. [Matt Yglesias]
Before there was AdultFriendFinder.com, men of questionable character had to solicit sex over VHS. [The Daily Dish]
Michele Bachmann reveals the secrets of the universe. [Think Progress]
The 111th Congress class picture was ripe with the usual ass-grabs and suggestive hand gestures. [The Caucus]
Who murdered the War in Afghanistan? Was it McChrystal, in the ballroom, with classified documents on a CD-RW? Or was it blabbermouth Admiral Mullen, in the harem, gossiping with a teenage hooker? Or was it a jealous White House staffer who framed McChrystal because McChrystal is so handsome and it’s just not fair? Or? [Weekly Standard]
The Wise Latina thinks she can play baseball better than a white male. Composure, Lindsey Graham. Composure. [Swampland]

Tags: 111th congress, afghanistan, mcchrystal, michele bachmann, rumors on the internets, sotomayor
Posted in Wonkette | 35 Comments »

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

The Internet Says Hurtful Things About Donald Rumsfeld, Especially ‘Wiki-wakka’

Monday, September 21st, 2009

A religious pilgrimage to the sacred “stone dildos” of Freiberg. Starring Matt Yglesias. Rated E for Everyone. [Matt Yglesias]
Donald Rumsfeld does not care for the ‘Wiki-wakka.’ [Think Progress]
First Obama was a member of the secretive Muslin Templar. Then he converted to Socialism. Then Ernst Röhm invited him to join the Sturmabteilung. And now Barack Obama is the Burger King. How does Obama find time for so many extra-curricular activities? [RedState]
Barack Obama Stole My Golf Ball. Obama fan fiction, by Roy Blunt. [Huffington Post]
Jonah Goldberg made a mixtape, just for you. [The Corner]

Tags: barack obama, burger king, freiberg, jonah goldberg, rumors on the internets, roy blunt
Posted in Wonkette | 26 Comments »

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Barack Obama Will Force Every College Student To Listen To His Crappy A Capella

Thursday, September 17th, 2009

Some sort of Truther claims Barack Obama isn’t muslin? Someone has been watching too much Zeitgeist! [True/Slant: Ali Eteraz]
Nancy Pelosi needs a hug. [The Caucus]
Time for a feel-good story about the selfless charity of a very special health insurance company. Gather the kids ’round the computer screen. Do you have your cup of coco ready? And enough marshmallows? [Think Progress]
Why would the Democrats want to keep young Americans from attending college? Everyone knows Harry Reid is a huge Dave Matthews fan, and that Barbara Boxer is captain of her ultimate Frisbee team. Democrats love college. [RedState]
Some racist Obama pics for your spankbank. [AMERICAblog]

Tags: assurant health, barack obama, higher ed, muslims, nancy pelosi, rumors on the internets, racists
Posted in Wonkette | 22 Comments »

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Birther Hip-Hop Artist Wins Prestigious Birther Music Video Award

Tuesday, September 15th, 2009

Why is Matt Yglesias such a self-loathing Jew? [Matt Yglesias]
“Here was this guy Michael Savage screaming and ranting and raving about illegal immigration Islamofascism and you know it all started to click and make sense.” The End. [Think Progress]
We love Erick Erickson and his enchanting stories about how Jesus denied illegal immigrant lepers health care. But what’s this, Erick? Five links, accompanied by five little commentaries? Fishy! What should RedState call their Rumors on the Internets? Our vote: “Reagan’s Daily Bidding.” [RedState]
Joe Lieberman. Technically, not a Republican. And not a Democrat, either. But how can he call himself an Independent if he is still breastfed by Harry Reid and John Boehner (they alternate teets)? We will compromise and call him a Poopoocrat. [TPM]
Barack Obama and Bill Clinton went on their first big date, and shared an apple pie milkshake and talked about health care reform, blowjobs, and other White House pastimes. [The Caucus]

Tags: barack obama, erick erickson, israel, joe lieberman, rumors on the internets
Posted in Wonkette | 28 Comments »

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Politico Gets All Nostalgic About the Deadly Aluminum Tubing Saddam Hussein Ordered From SkyMall

Monday, September 14th, 2009

Would you people please subscribe to Atlantic Monthly so the editors don’t regret putting that year-old Andrew Sullivan email to George W. Bush on the cover? [Daily Dish]
Just like the DC Madame, Christoper Kelly weighed his options. Should he cooperate with the authorities and maybe serve a little jail time? Or should he park his car in a lumber yard, and kill himself? Life is fun and stuff but honestly, knowing possibly incriminating things about Rod Blagojevich was just a burden too heavy to bare. [Huffington Post]
Support the Fightin’ Four! (Don’t.) [RedState]
Politico, keeping with its blatant “Flat Earth Society” bias, continues to proudly peddle multifarious Cheneyisms, including the classic, “Al-Qaeda and Saddam Hussein were members of the same World of Warcraft guild”. [Matt Yglesias]
If Noah hadn’t made his fancy Ark and saved humanity, Darwin and his silly theory would have never come to pass. Oh the cruel irony! [The Daily Dish]

Tags: bill kristol, Blagojevich, christopher kelly, darwin", joe wilson, politico, rumors on the internets
Posted in Wonkette | 23 Comments »