Wonkette

• Barry and Hills are tied in Texas, which means this primary could feasibly end sometime before we’re all dead of old age or election fatigue. [Real Clear Politics]
• Every time some region goes and decides it wants to be independent from some other country after a war and 10 years of international administration, people can’t just relax and let it happen. What’s the big deal, guys? [Washington Note]
• Hillary Clinton: democracy’s candidate. [Naked Politics]
• And it’s starting to occur to the Hillary people that maybe Bill hasn’t really helped out that much. [Wizbang Politics]
• Those goddamn homo penguins are ruining the chances for a gay marriage ban. [AMERICAblog]
• “Slippage” is always a problem for the ladies, now spreading into the area of superdelegates. [Ben Smith]

• Hills isn’t that far ahead of Barry in the Lone Star State, a place that apparently isn’t as racist as we thought. [Real Clear Politics]
• Blowing up satellites is way more fun than fixing them. [Washington Note]
• James Wolcott can’t seem to say a single thing we agree with. [Wolcott's Blog]
• Clinton Country isn’t quite what it used to be. [Gothamist]
• Hey, tornado victims! Now that you’ve moved into your brand new FEMA trailers we have more good news — they’re toxic! [AMERICAblog]
• Some Democratic Leader Dan Gelber says that Democrats should solve their nomination problems in one mail-in super primary. And how would the superdelegates weild their influence then, smart guy? [Naked Politics]
• And hey, you know all your superdelegate counting? It’s totally screwed. [Ben Smith]

• WALNUTS! and Mittens Unite! is a year-long, nationwide comedy tour, call your local ticketing agent to book. [The Swamp]
• Immunity week continues. Up next: Iraq contractors. [Think Progress]
• Hey everybody, look at the New York Times and their silly, dying medium! What’s wrong reporters, don’t have a high-power blogging job? Us neither. [Daily Intelligencer]
• Dear Abby is a filthy, Satan-worshiping whore, study finds. [Newsbusters]
• Hillary will debate her way to the White House, even if she’s only debating herself. [Real Clear Politics]
• There’s a Tennessee state senator who knows rape when he sees it, and this just is not rape. [Politico]
• Hillary takes a page from the Nixon playbook, because what an effective strategy that was. [Hot Air]

* John McCain enjoys being the candidate of oldness. [Jonathan Martin]
* Giuliani back to asking for $100k speaking fees, even though his campaign proved 9/11 never happened. [Crooks and Liars]
* Final Senate surveillance package offers telecom amnesty after all. If you see Glenn Greenwald on the street in the next few days, he might hurt you. [Glenn Greenwald]
* Is John Edwards going to endorse Clinton as a partnership-in-losing type thing? [ABC News]
* Rebate checks are in the mail! You know, the long-term mail that is delivered in May. [CNN]
* If John McCain and Ms. South Carolina run together, they’ll still have no idea about Iraq and the economy, but together. [The Plank]

• Turns out the campaign manager Clinton fired kind of needed to be fired a long time ago. [Real Clear Politics]
• The new Nuremburg trials are going to be way way better than the old ones. [Washington Note]
• Everybody knows what an Obama blowout is good thing for HIllary. Or something. [Wizbang Politics]
• The FISA bill is so ridiculous even Diane Feinstein is voting against it. What’s the exscuse for the rest of you? [AMERICAblog]
• Well, at lest Mississippi and Virgina are next to each other. [Politico]
• One Paultard won’t let the rules of the road come between him and his presidential candidate. [Reason]
• Obama is winning races held today AND in the future. [Political Wire]
• The left dominates the internet because we all have so much free time. [The Carpetbagger Report]
• Huckles is unstoppable even though it’s not at all clear who’s voting for him. [Daily Dish]

• John McCain and Barack Obama have massive leads in our triple-Siamese primary. When you attach DC to Maryland and Virginia, our dumb little city almost matters! Almost. [Real Clear Politics]
• The thing to remember about Democrats is that none of them can win unless they are named Clinton. Then all they do is win. So don’t vote for Obama. Then the Clintons won’t win. [James Wolcott]
• There might not be enough Bushes to endear WALNUTS! to the GOP base, but they’re giving it all they’ve got. [Naked Politics]
• For Huck, a distant, distant second place is just like winning. [Wizbang Politics]
• Paul Krugman wishes Barry Obama would go away so Hillary wouldn’t have to say such mean things to beat him. You’re destroying the party, Barry. [Carpetbagger Report]
• They might be able to grow a jawbone from your gut, but Andy already has way more jawbone than the world needs. [Baldilocks]
• How do you win the vote of a 21-year-old superdelegate? Send your daughter to his place with a six pack of Bud and a phone call from Dad to wish him well. [The Plank]

• Everyone in America will die if Democrats are elected president. But, you know. That’s always been true. [Washington Note]
• Bill Clinton doesn’t want to be the story, but he’s probably going to do it anyway. [The Hill Blog]
• At CPAC, just ping those sweet spots and a candidate will never go home alone. [Balloon Juice]
• The power of two batshit old men makes a ticket much more alluring than just one. [IMAO]
• Virginia is all of a sudden the bluest place on Earth. [Political Wire]
• We wish that money would pour in for us when we tell the world we’re broke. [The Swamp]

• Barry Hussein will have a good week this week — his horoscope says so. [Wizbang Politics]
• Hey, remember the Iraq war? Remember those benchmarks? Well, you’re pretty much the only one. [AMERICAblog]
• Lou Dobbs won’t just hire anybody. [Fresh Intelligence]
• Reagan lovers will soon realize that McCain is the batshit old man they’ve been waiting for all this time. [Redstate]
• Less thinking and maybe more winning? Just a suggestion. [Firedoglake]
• Ron Paul wants you to know that John McCain sometimes hangs out with Democrats. Ron Paul defends the Constitution by hanging out with no one at all. [The Swamp]
• The GOP’s biggest loser was also its best shot at winning, apparently. [The RBC]

• Remember the surplus? Us neither! [Naked Politics]
• Oh yeah, we vaugely remember living through some kind of political crisis for the past eight fucking years. Way to miss the boat, dude. [The Hill]
• Hillary’s totally imaginary health care plan is the best because Barry’s completely hypothetical plan insures 2 million fewer pretend Americans. [AMERICAblog]
• Hillary has trouble in the caucuses. They say it helps if you’re a “people person.” [Ben Smith]
• There hasn’t been a “brokered convention” in so long we don’t even know what that means. No, seriously. They didn’t cover it in class. [Firedoglake]
• Some group calls for Congressional oversight of the White House. Isn’t that cute? They think it’s still 1999. [Think Progress]
• If Hill doesn’t seal the deal tomorrow, then Barry does automatically! [Election Central]

• Barry Obama tricked the Clintons into attacking him because he knew what it would do for him in South Carolina. Right? [AMERICAblog]
• Is Mittens going to throw in the towel after his riveting performance in the Air Force One debate last night? Is he, is he? [Balloon Juice]
• Barry has so much money he can’t even fit any more in his pockets. [Ben Smith]
• And maybe that has soemthing to do with the fact he’s the most liberal liberal in all of the universe. [National Journal]
• Even so, he still has a little bit of a paranoia problem. [Whitehouse.com]
• Conservatives: McCain is best suited to carry on our protracted, national nightmare. [Redstate]

• Barry buys ad time in New York. How dare he! [Advertising Age]
• ALSO HE IS KENNEDY. He just is. [Ben Smith]
• Bush and Pelosi’s plan is a stimulus for a whole bunch of ballsack. [Balloon Juice]
• Huck or Giuliani: WHO WILL WIN THIRD PLACE? [Right Wing News]
• The gold reserves that central banks used to keep to make people feel better about their meaningless money may be gone now, too. [WorldNet Daily]
• The Bloomberg presidential tease is more like the Bloomberg staffers’ presidential tease. [Political Wire]
• Maybe Florida’s early voters will make Rudy’s otherwise lubeless ass-fuck in Florida feel a little more like voters used a bit of KY. [Talking Points Memo]
• Wait, liveblog of what? [Firedoglake]

• America to Bush: go home, please. [Carpetbagger Report]
• It took Mittens a long time to get around to saying it, but today he pointed out that WALNUTS! is a closet Democrat. [AMERICAblog]
• Oh, look. Barry and Hillary went to work. [Captain's Quarters]
• Jessica Yellin shares what it’s like to have to be on the teevee from the campaign trail every day and it sounds awesome. [Daily Intelligencer]
• Hey look, some wingnuts found a Hillary “Dean Scream.” [Hot Air]
• Some writers note that Bush wasn’t so great with the economy, either. [MoJo]